He looks at me as if I'm a treasure, listens as if I'm the only one in the world. Every time I begun to speak of my days in Somalia, I cried and Tony was there to hold me, telling me I could cry.
He was my rock in the storm of recall; never judging me despite how it looked at NCIS. It was a show, so no one knew how weak I truly was.
I noticed how he stood right behind me most times as we looked at the plasma screen. Since coming back from near death, all death bothers me and that is why Tony stands behind me. He places a hand on my back and rubs it, no one notices, not even Gibbs.
The touch he gives me helps, I am calm when he is with me; Tony is my lifeline in this cruel world. I know, after so long and after so much, without him beside me, I am truly lost.
Finally, after two months of being back and a week after becoming an official NCIS agent, I spoke and told of Somalia.
I told him my awful secret and instead of going into a rage of pain and anger, Tony held me. He whispered into my ear of our future together. He placed a hand over my stomach where the child of a monster grew inside me. He told me the child would be ours, not the monster's that created it.
I know Tony intended to stay beside me but I couldn't understand why he would want to call this child his own. I asked and he told me it was created from hatred and evil but it was innocent and had part of me in it, he said that made it good and precious.
I know now that he wants this child because it is mine and now I know that it is not just my child but it had become ours.
I remember when Tony first told me 'Ani ohev otakh,' the Jewish saying that translates to 'I love you.' We made love and laid talking of our future together. I knew then that I had to tell him and I did. After that wonderful time, I spoke about the baby.
Now, six months afterward, I lay in Bethesda's Maternity ward. I'm nearing the birth of my child and Tony is beside me, holding my hand and coaching me despite that I have accidently broken two of his fingers already.
We decided not to know whether our child would be a boy or girl, however Tony has chosen beautiful names for them. If it is a boy, we will name him Samuel Jethro DiNozzo, after Tony's cousin and after Gibbs. If it turns out to be a girl, her name will be Davidah Rachel DiNozzo, after me and my mother. Gibbs was asked by Tony to be godfather, despite the fact we will raise our children Jewish.
Even as I lay pushing this once hated child into the world, I know now that it is coming into the world loved by me and Tony and its family. It will be loved and cherished for it will be our firstborn child.
As Tony holds our daughter, he is tender and gentle with her, loving her as much as he loves me. It was a known fact that our daughter has him wrapped around her finger already.
As I lay, after fourteen hours of labor, I spy Davidah with her father; I wonder how I could have ever hated him. Yes, he did kill Michael but Tony killed him to protect me. As I look on, I see him holding this child, who is not his biological child, and loving her as if she had been his own blood.
Tony proposed to me a week before I went into labor, I said yes and asked Gibbs to give me away. I also asked if he would be grandfather to my child, as Tony's father hated him and my father was someone I never wanted around my child; Gibbs said he would think about it.
Yet, here he is, holding Davidah in his arms. Upon holding her the first time, Gibbs told her that he was her grandfather. He promised she would never be harmed or he'd kill whoever hurt her, after I got finished with whoever it was.
I know after a life of killing and death, I am now full of life and happiness. Tony is with me and with him I am safe and loved, he is my rock and my home.
After crossing continents to rescue me, even as he thought all he'd get to do was get vengeance for my death before dying himself, Tony says he cannot live without me. He is mistaken, for it is I who cannot live without him.
I however know the future is full of promise and family; I am no longer a soulless killer, I am a mother and soon-to-be wife.
My days of Mossad and being an assassin is over, I am an NCIS agent and an investigator.
I am no longer Ziva David, I am Ziva DiNozzo, even if not legally.
Every tender touch Tony gives reassures me I am no longer weak but strong, I am no longer alone but I have family.
I am who I am and I am a mother, a lover, daughter and friend.
I am simple Ziva…
