DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto or anyone else in this fanfic.

I've attempted to write this thousands of times. So, I'm finally doing it... And posting it.

Like the summary said, This story has NO plot whatsoever. It's a collection of- literatly, MINDLESS DRABBLES that have almost NO connection with eachother. Some might be dramatic. Some might be flashbacks. But most are retarded, pointless, and most of all..... Mindless.... Everything is humorful, EVERYTHING..... Oh, and like I said.... Yaoi tendancys..... CAUSE DAMMIT ONE OF THEM HAS TO BE GAY!

Okay, Now, I'm putting up these little Mini-Bio's... But long story short, My Mary-Sue OC went into the Naruto world sometime after Kazekage kidnapping arc and before Hidan and Kakuzu arc.... Screwed it all up...... And everybodys HAPPY and NORMAL and CRAZY!

This all will be explained in the story. But basicly the Akatsuki are on a parole like thing. They have to listen to Konoha but have been mainly reduced to doing Genin-level odd jobs.... Or just sitting around in the living room.... They also have a vacation home, but we'll get to that later. Right now they live in a cave that's buried deep in the Fire Villages woods..... Mini-Bios start now

PAIN: Pain is so crazy I almost HAVE to make him OOC. In this story he mainly trys to keep everyone from killing eacother. Makeing orders and leading everything. He has a very unhealthy obsession with Konan, and is very protective of her. He might have cool points. But, mainly he's just there cause he has to be.

KONAN: I seem to have a problem with Konan, I often make her with almost split-personalitys. Usually she's the motherly sweet and kind girl she was when she was little. Other times she's stotic and doesn't say anything like when she was with Akatsuki. But she also has a wild, playful, and slightly slutty side. Why? I dunno, but she's the only girl in a house full of hot guys, so she's GOING TO BE A LITTLE WEIRD.... I love Konan,

TOBI: Tobi is actually supposed to be the second personality of Madara. The playful and sweet side that we all love, Madara caught this from the trauma of losing his brother. And Tobi's personality is like a rencarnation of him. Tobi is Tobi basicly, you can't make him OOC. And finally, Tobi has conversations with Madara (who talks to him via head) and Madara often warns him of danger or explains something to him that no one else understands, and somtimes Madara even manages to have a little influence on Tobi, making him play a innocent prank or controlling his head completely and having him threaten or torture someone. (Usually Hidan or Deidara)

ITACHI: Itachi holds his pre-killing family personality, he's the sweet older brother who finds a silver lineing in a tornado. Often picking or teaseing his extended family. And often talks about his beloved little brother Sasuke(And his 'boyfriend' Naruto). Itachi rarely shows a cold or serious side, almost being childish with all the good things and always smileing. A dramatic moment with him would probably be something about his sight, he is nearly blind but uses his senses to get around, but usually has a escort none the less.

KISAME: Poor Kisame is so under-mentioned in the series, he is of course a little self-consious (comicly, like in the Omake's). He usually will just follow Itachi around and coo at baby Sasuke pictures with him. Also, He has a (once again, comical) grudge agenst Zabuza.... Look, see? I barely even have anything to say about him!

SASORI: Our adorable little Sasori is often blank, not talking, except to throw a insult at Deidara or to state something that was to him obvious. Now I love Sasori, he'll always get his moment in a story even if it's a un-needed yaoi-esque moment with Deidara. But he is often degraded to tending to Chiyo. But he can often have a dramatic moment with his whole 'lack of feelings' and all. But he will also be comicly vain,

DEIDARA: Deidara's the baby of the Akatsuki, and very talkative, so he is often the main character of chapters. But I love to keep his demented personality. He'll sometimes act like a brother/mother to Tobi, (when he's not yelling at him) and often picks on Sasori (if it's not yaoi, most SasoDei moments are like Sasuke was with Itachi, trieing to get his attention) But don't be surprised if Deidara is in every scene, he's a big(and loved by both fans and characters) member. And I could pull thousands jokes out of her.....I mean him.

HIDAN: Hidan is the main reason this story is rated M. I couldn't LIVE with making him out-of-character.(Censored Hidan just broke my heart) But he will have nice points. (I think he's like, second or third youngest right?) He's close with a couple members, expecially Deidara and Kisame. But lets not forget that Hidan's stupid sometimes. Just imagine him in your mind, and he'll have the stupid-but-hot-jock effect on you. Also, he's complains as much as Shikamaru, and is a pervert.

KAKUZU: This poor guy is only remembered because all the fangirls that don't like SasoDei are obsessed with KakHid. These two won't have NEAR as much yaoi moments as I'll be able to throw at Sasori and Deidara (or even Itachi and Kisame) but Hidan keeps this guy alive. Kakuzu's money obsession will often be used as comic relief. And his temper to keep a situation moving. A serious moment with Kuzy is close to impossible for me. But I will try. Just don't be surprised if you find him and Pain standing silent in the background.

ZETSU: Zet&Su. First let me make it clear that Zet the Whiteside speaks in italic and Su the black side speaks in bold. Zetsu is often outside the cave or far away keeping watch. So he'll rarely apper. But it's easy to keep him in character.... Because he doesn't do anything.

OROCHIMARU: You didn't think I'd forget Orochi-Kun would ya? Of course he's going to be in here! Sometimes him and the sound will just apper randomly. But that's okay. I keep Orochimaru in-character, but nice (you know, like a soccor dad is nice, he's on parole too, he can barely do anything.). I'll have his sadisim cut down to a comical level, He knows what people think of him, he likes to bug.

TEAM HAWK: Them too! Sasuke acts like he does before Sasuke Retreival arc. And is constantly with Naruto, (getting countless teases from Itachi) Sasuke's mood can range from pissed-off-emo-cute-boy-of-all-maturity to how he was acting when they were trieing to get Kakashi's mask off..... yeah. Anyway, Suigetsu is totally in-character because I love him, he's perfect, and is exactly like me. Jugo will rarely say anthing, but keep a nice personality because Kimimaro's alive(don't ask). Karin will be slightly bashed, but not too bad... It's just that she'll be in-character. Flirting with Sasuke and argueing with Suigetsu, I might give her that dramatic moment where you start to hate her a little less, but the next chapter she will be the skank she is in the series.

THERE I just said EVERY MAIN CHARACTER in this story for you.... Except Naruto who will get lots of parts because- well, he's the main character. I LOVE him, he's the strongest out of EVERYBODY and will be in here as often as Sasuke..... The end.

Now you can read. Have fun, this is just the intro.

I was listening to GLAMOROUS by Fergie when I wrote this... imagine it playing at the begining

---------------------------Introduceing- THE AKATSUKI!!!!

High in the skys of Yagu Airport a bright white and huge plane neared the teminals as it landed, the bright blue skys were barely plotted with clouds. The landway was empty because of the guests nearing the place were important and no confusion would be tolerated. out of the people looking out from the windows inside the airport most of them held grim faces because if they bothered to go to the airport ment they were leaveing the Shinobi villages to go somewhere else. Faces of people returning or comeing were filled with wonder and tears.

As the long white plane landed and soon came to a stop, the people exited via stairs. The door opened and a young girl jumped out covored with punk rock gear and hair gel. "Hello my loves! I know you love me! kiss kiss! kiss kiss!" She cooed skipping down the steps. A blonde boy hurridly followed after with a pink-haired and raven head in tow.

"OHMYGOSH Sasukethatwassoawsomewasntitsakura OHMYGOSH weneedtodothatmoreoften OHMYGOSH Ithinkimhaveingaorgasim OHMYGOSH WOOOOOO!" He screamed and talked non-stop as Sasuke Uchiha looked about to throw up. Sakura tiredly stumbled down the stairs. Sasuke too ran down after his teammates when their fellow flyers emerged.

"Ah, yes, Shinobi ground, not so good times but it's okay," His slithery voice mumbled having just woke up, "Kabuto, milkshake." He snapped his fingers at Kabuto Yakushi whose face looked positively disgusted.

"Yes, Orochimaru-Sama," He growled, lifting a silver tray handing him a pink milkshake.

More people emerged (rest of the sound basicly) and one jumped clear off the steps to the bottom, landing on Sasuke who was waiting for Naruto to stop stareing at the undecarrage of the plane, "OHMYGOSH Sasukewasthatnot AWSOME?!" The boy grunted a reply before Naruto pushed Suigetsu off of him and the two started wrestleing.

Sakura looked around as she tried to make it look as though she wasn't with Naruto. "Hey, wasn't there another plane landing right after us?"

"The Akatsuki plane?" Sasuke perked up looking around, "They were close behind, wern't they?" The two searched the skys, they then saw the streak of black smoke coming down,

------Inside the 'Akatsuki' Plane

"OHMYGOD!" A voice yelled. it might of been three people at once or one member just found a unused set of vocal cords.

"KAKUZU WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU GOTTEN US INTO?!" Pain yelled.

"What have I gotten you into? What did I do?!"

"YOU BOOKED A SHITTY ASS PLANE!" Hidan yelled clutching a pole.

"IT IS NOT SHITTY!" He retorted

"THE FUCKING PILOT O.!" Hidan through back pointing to the foaming-at-the-mouth pilot that the frantic Konan was useing medical jutsu on.

"THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

Meanwhile, back in the seats, while most of the team was infront argueing about the nose-diveing plane. Itachi was calmly reading the paper as Kisame sat next to him rocking back and forth.

"Deidara DO something you fucking IDIOT!" Sasori yelled leaning agenst the wall to keep from rolling around on the floor like a empty crate

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?" He yelled trieing to handle the controls, "I drive a BIRD with CHAKRA not a damn PLANE!" The plane started going down farther as Konan screamed now clutching Pain,

"K-Konan," He muttered,

"What?!"

"I-I-I uh, have something I should probably say now,"

"NOW'S NOT THE TIME YOU PIN-CUSHION BUFFOON! DO SOMETHING!"

"I spent all my chakra sneaking our bags onto the first-class flight!- Because SOMEBODY didn't want his PUPPETS SCRATCHED!" He finished yelling at Sasori,

"Hey, the look of my puppets are more important then your stupid LIVES,"

"SASORI SHUT YOUR DAMN ASS UP AND HELP ME!" Deidara screeched.

"How?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" The plane was getting closer to going head-first into the ground untill Itachi walked up front and pushed the wheel up making the whole thing jerk up into the sky as someone else screamed (coughdeidaracough). They missed hitting the ground but now they were over the sea.

"Now how are we going to get back?!" Pain yelled,

"I dunno," Itachi mumbled,

Pain smacked his face before turning to Konan again, "Konan, this is really important,"

"What!?" She screamed, Pain's face got red and he tried to stutter out a response,

"W-w-well it's kinda- well since- you know we were like nine- or ma-maybe ten, uhh, well okay since we first MET really. I uh- well it's just tiny- I've had a little bit- Okay it's not little it's not little AT ALL but, well, I-I-I k-kinda, It's just that- I uh, I really d-"

"I HAVE A IDEA!"

"Oh thankyou GOD!" Konan and Pain yelled for two very diffrent reasons, Deidara pulled the wheel up as far as it would go. The plane started pulling back and going higher, it did a backward flip and Deidara got it to roll back into a straight position in the opposite direction. The crowd on the lanes looking up at them had their mouths gapeing open as Orochimaru took another sip of his milkshake.

The plane got closer down to the ground, but of course the driver didn't think of the landing wheels and the metal hit the concrete and started skidding dangerously fast with sparks flying up everywhere.

The bomb artist blew open a hole on the roof and out of it jumped out Sasori, Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu. Hidan and Kisame slapped their sythe and sword into the ground to try and stop it as Sasori tried connecting his chakra strings to the ground. Kakuzu lashed out his thread to grab every sturdy-looking rock the others pulled out to use it as a anchor. Finally, Pain who summoned every ounce of energy he knew he didn't have used Almighty Push at the front of the plane. That weakened blow and the others attempts made the plane slow to a stop a couple feet from the ledge leading into the ocean on the other side of the landing path they started on.

The planes pink emergency slide popped out with irony. The chakra-exausted members on top on the plane jumped down and most of them collapsed. Others tiredly dragged themselfs out of the plane. Tobi, who had been listening to music the whole time slid down the slide in his swim trunks with a glee and then finished with a victory dance at the bottom.

------------Later-Inside the Airport

"I swear to-" The tired Pain cut himself off panting with his arms in the air- "...Myself," He finished. Pointing at Kakuzu, "That is the LAST time we let you book the flight!"

"I picked the cheapest flight, as I should have," He replied very politically.

"WELL THEN NEXT TIME PICK THE SECOND-TO-CHEAPEST FLIGHT!" He yells before panting some more and collapseing at Konan's feet. The girl lifted her comatose partner and dragged him to the waiting sofas.

Over at the sofas, Naruto now sat on his knees between Itachi and Sasuke, "OHMYGOSH thatwassocoolitachiyoursoawsomealmostasawsomeasme WEEE!" The hyper boy pounced up and down and fell back playfully onto his tired teammate Sasuke who just looked down at him like he was a pile of dog crap.

Next to Itachi was Kisame, who was next to the exausted Deidara whom was stretched out across the sofa and two leg rests. The fully re-charged Sasori read out-dated magazines predicting the end of the world (three months ago) as he used Deidara's stomache as his own leg rest. Tobi jumped hyperly up and down singing Mandy Moore songs. Konan through Pain's near-lifeless body next to the unmoving Sasori and plobbed herself between the two artists. Sasori mumbled after about three minutes of Tobi singing the same chorus over and over. "...Well at least we know to ask Itachi next time we need to land a plane,"

The near-asleep Deidara jumped up startleing Konan and Kisame, "Uchiha got us MORE LOST! Where as I LANDED THE PLANE!" This was followed up with Deidara's speech impediment that he kicked himself for cause it made his voice squeek. Sasori didn't reply but Tobi switched to a diffrent Mandy Moore song,

"OOOOOOOOOOONLY SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!" He screeched as his friends noticed just how annoying he was.

Kakuzu walked up with only half of their luggage- having noticed something after picking up a particular blood-soaked white suitcase covored with Jashin symbols, "Where the fuck is Hidan?" Everyones eyes got wide as Konan squeeked and Sasori put down his paper realizeing where they left him.

----------------Outside

"Hee-hee, this is so awsome,"

"Poke his eyes out!" Karin urged Suigetsu as he poked bloody organs with a stick he found. Suigetsu poked the heart and it squrted blood over their hawian style clothes (That everyone from the first plane had been wearing diffrent colors of) Suigetsu giggled some more and Karin looked about to crack up,

"Hey! you fucking tards I need those!" Hidan's severed head yelled at them from under a fragment of dirty gray metal. At this Suigetsu poked extra hard at Hidan's ripped lungs.

"Karin!"

"I told him to stop!" Karin lied straightening up as she twirled and rushed over to Orochimaru whom Konan Kakuzu and Sasori had brought since while they were missing Hidan, last seen on top of the plane but never getting down from it. Orochimaru was missing his most mischivous boy and most sadistic girl.

The five got up to where Suigetsu smiled proudly infront of Hidan's ripped apart body that had fell under the plane just before it stopped.

"Suigetsu, what is that?" Kisame asked his former student with forced authority.

"A stick," He said still smileing

"And what were you doing with the stick?" Orochimaru finished.

"Pokeing Hidan's ass with it."

"GET THAT FUCKING CRAZY ASS SHIT FUCK KID AWAY FROM ME!" Hidan's ripped-up head head gurgled as Kakuzu tried to pull it out.

"Now what's the point of these kids yelling swears that don't go together?"

"I have no idea. Kids these days are bloody idiots," Sasori replied to Orochimaru (Them both being the oldest in this gathering next to the currently occupied Kakuzu) Konan tried to help gather and put Hidan's body and organs in the right places and Karin stayed still in the good-girl spot just slightly behind Orochimaru who kept talking to Sasori about the good-old-days that they'd actually destroyed.

----------Inside-Luggage

Deidara stood still tired infront of the luggage roller as Tobi blabbered on about something concerning tacos and squerrels. Sasuke and Naruto still wandered around following Itachi who had gotten all of his luggage seconds after getting there. Along with Sasuke. So the two Uchiha's watched their blonde friends look for that suitcase covored with bumper stickers and the one shaped like a frog.

As this scene played out, we shall go back and see exactly why it was that they were at the airport. Tsunade needed all the paroled cons (Akatsuki and the Sound) to go to the non-Shinobi lands, because the Five great ninja nations were running out of cows. And they were in desperate need of milk. So they were escorted by the most powerful ninja cell (Naruto's) to hawaii. And as their flight got cancelled because everybody (except them and a pack of Kangaroos) had passed out and saw the future at the same time. In which they ran around acting like idiots for two minutes and seventeen seconds.

They then stayed a extra week, and when time came to leave they were all going to get on the first-class plane Sasuke had got with daddys inheritance. But since everybody would have to pay five dollars for a seat (which they had) Kakuzu insisted they go on the cheaper, twenty-five cent flight nobody wanted to go on.

So all of the Sound rode in the first-class plane (And Kabuto, for sixteen beautifal hours, was not the one serveing Orochimaru-Sama. God bless that poor scarred attendant) As the Akatsuki got to go in the rickety plane where only half the seats had seatbelts and the only bathroom was full of vomit. Which of course ended in the ex-con pilot that didn't have a license to even drive a car, passing out from drug-overdose and they were forced to land the plane.

(Hidan and Kakuzu are still outside dodgeing landing planes as Kakuzu searches for the last of his organs so he can finish re-sewing Hidan's torso.)

Also, Deidara and Naruto quietly cried as everybody around them were getting their luggage and they themselfs wern't.

"And so THAT'S why I think Obama needs to stop advertiseing on the internet." Tobi finished. "... Oh, HI SASORI!" Deidara's head tiredly turned to the direction Tobi yelled, the 153-centimters tall puppet man walked up to them, stood there for two point three seconds, and picked up his luggage that right on que came out.

"Having trouble?" Sasori asked,

"Hng hmm hrn," Deidara grunted, Naruto did a little whine that sounded like two birds in mid-song crashing head-first into eachother.

Sakura, who had been makeing sure the Sound five-and-three wern't getting into trouble. Walked up and picked up her pink-and-green suitcase that passed right as she stopped. Naruto made a louder noise as he slumped to the ground. "Um, Naruto?" Sakura pointed to the giant green thing passing on the belt.

Naruto snatched up the bag and opened it, "Yay! now I can have my ramen!"

"How are you going to cook it? dobe," Sasuke asked still sitting next to his brother on their luggage.

"Well, it was a sixteen hour flight right? well, I got all my ramen cups and filled them, so they would all be done by the time we got here!" He tooted like he was the worlds greatest genius. But in putting his hand back into the bag he found all the ramen spilled on the rest of his stuff and the noodles disintegrated into mush. And another whine popped out his mouth.

"Your such a idiot Naruto," Sakura scolded,

"Loser," Was Sasuke's obvious finish.

The three got up and Sasuke waved goodbye to his smileing brother as they left, their escort mission being done. Naruto continued rummageing in his bag mumbleing, "Ohh, Gama-Chan's all rameny and mushy and-" A kangaroo pops out. "- Hello,"

Deidara still stood waiting for his luggage

Back at the sofas. Pain was barely coming too on Konan's lap,

"Are you an angel?" He dizzily asked,

"Sure." She giggled patting his head. Kakuzu walked up holding a bloody laundry bag and Hidan's head in one hand and a messily put together torso in the other. Hidan was of course screaming profanitys and every woman, child (and some men) screamed at the horror house scene and trail of blood being left.

"KUZU YOU DAMNED FUCKING IDIOT I SWEAR TO JASHIN I'LL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND DRAG YOU AROUND ONCE YOU FUCKING SEW MY BLOODY ARMS BACK ON YOU SELFISH BASTARD!" Was one of the sentances Hidan rambled off.

"I think we should be getting back now, Orochimaru's long gone and Hidan's getting anzty"

"ANZTY MY DAMNED ASS YOU JACKASS SHIT-FACED MOTHER FUCKER!"

"Yeah I think so too," Konan said, "Deidara! have you gotten your bags yet?" She yelled past them.

"Noooo, hng," Deidara whined, Kisame walked up and grabbed his blue shark bags that were there on que, he then helped Itachi up and the two walked to the sofas.

Deidara started wondering where Sasori wandered off to, anything to keep from thinking about his anger (he was this close to going all-out terrorist on the airport) Sasori had walked off to somewhere after getting his bags.... And Deidara had nothing else to think about.

Finally, he just got up on the belt and stomped through the little door, he glared at what he probably should have suspected, "You goddamn fucking bastard. Hng,"

"Hello Deidara," Sasori said, not looking up from playing with Hiruko's weapons as he sat on Deidara's luggage he had moved to the floor,

"I have half a mind to throw you in a fire, hm" He growled quietly,

"Half a mind is right,"

"YOU BLOODY BASTARD I'M GOING TO BLOW YOU TO BITS!"

"Your lucky we're not in Amarica still,"

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" He jumped off the belt. Sasori stood up and avoided Deidara's wrath. Outside Konan could hear the excitement and knew exactly what was going on. And she knew that if she didn't want to get thrown out of a public place (again) She'd have to resort to-

She ripped open her shirt and started running down towards the exit, "FIRST ONE TO CATCH EM' GETS EM' BABY!" This then causes a stampede of business men and the newly resurrected Pain.

--------Later

Eventually, everyone managed to get back to the Akatsuki Cave. After Deidara managed to char a bit of Sasori's hair, Sasori managed to char bit of Deidara. (Torso and up to be exact) Itachi volenteered to help un-pack everything with Kisame. Pain was also pouting because Tobi had popped up and reached Konan before he was even able to by-pass the businessmen.

Kakuzu had sewn together Hidan's torso and limbs and was now sewing those together. Zetsu, who had stayed behind to watch the cave. Watched his fellow members' condition.

"What the hell happend to you?" Su asked.

"Don't ask," Kakuzu mumbled, finishing up Hidan's second leg. Hidan himself had gotten tired from yelling and ditzy from losing just about every ounce of blood in his body.

"Tsk tsk, you all look horrible." The Zet side mumbled. "Just look over there at-" He turned to gesture to Deidara, and saw that Sasori was apparently not finished and was hitting Deidara comicly over the head with a puppet arm he apparently lost the rest of. "-......Deidara,"

"Who cares about him? he was only let into the organization to be the Akatsuki bitch."

"Who said something as horrible as that?"

"The fans,"

"Deidara is a valued member of this family, he was in no way accepted into it to be a 'bitch', he was accepted because of his su-"

"Blah, blah, blah, blah,"

"Ugh,"

"Would you please shut the living hell up?" Kakuzu growled.

Zetsu glared down at him and then 'humf'ed' away and dug into the ground.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Konan put their rewards of milk into the near-empty fridge, before slamming it shut and slumping down next Pain on the couch.

".....Pain?"

"Yes," He grumbled,

"What was it you were going to tell me on the plane?"

"Sasori stop hitting Deidara with that!" He jumped up and left the room. Konan brushed it off and flipped on the all-yaoi channel she hadn't told Kakuzu they were still paying for.

--------------------------------------------------

Stupid? it's supposed to be,

Some chapters (might) be better. But yeah.

This is the basis of the whole thing..... But there will be some chapters ever-so-slightly cooler/funnier/sadder/awsomer.

....LoveGunner, over and out,