Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. Yet.
Welcome to FULLMETAL HORCRUX! I have been working on this for a while, on and off. Whenever I can't write a scene in one of my other two tics and get frustrated, this is what I write. Since I have no standards while writing this, it grows quickly. Basically, this should get more updates than any of my other works, so if you like my words and don't care about a carefully crafted plot, this is for you!
Chapter 1: Shopping
Edward was not having a very pleasant evening. He and Mustang were playing a game of poker and after Mustang had incinerated the hidden cards up his sleeve, he was loosing badly. And the stakes...well...
"All right Fullmetal, how about this. You lose and you've got to transfigure Hawkeye's clothes into a miniskirt. WHILE I am present."
"Whaaaaaaaat?" Ed's jaw dropped. There was no way he would ever do that, sly bastard colonel probably was slipping his own cards up his sleeves to be that confident. "No way, colonel pervert, I am not doing that!" Mustang just smiled over his hand.
"Oh that's too bad then, I guess you'll be going back to school then?" sweat beaded on Ed's forehead. Roy could be bluffing, but he really didn't want to chance it. Still going back to school wouldn't let him accomplish anything. Then again he thought of what the Hawk might do to him and he shuddered.
"All I ever asked was that you let me and Al have a bit of time off! Whatever happened to Equivelent Exchange?" Mustang glared and Ed broke.
"All right dammit, you win." Ed muttered as he revealed two aces. The colonel started laughing and showed him a hand of a two and a four.
"I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MILK, YOU KNOW THAT?"
Harry was awed by the wonders of Diagon Alley. Kids crowded around broomstick stores, there were strange instruments he failed to recognize and a wand store. However the best part of the wizarding world was, as soon as he brushed his hair out of his eyes someone had cried out.
"Is that Harry Potter?" Harry naturally had been startled at first, he usually got no attention. The exception to that was when he was let out of his room to serve the Dursely's at which point they paid the utmost attention to his failings. The man that approached him was rather well groomed, but didn't stand out among the other wizards and witches.
"Yes, I'm Harry Potter." He wondered what the man was so shocked about.
"My goodness it really is you! The boy who lived!" The man exclaimed shaking his hand.
"How do you know me again?" The man reeled back in shock
"You mean you don't know? Well I suppose it did happen at a rather young age, but wouldn't your parents have told you?" Just then McGonagall stepped in between the two. She turned to the man with a glare in her eyes.
"I am afraid young master Potter has materials to collect for school. If you would run along now, he must be prepared for his first year!" she berated the man. But when she turned back for Harry, he had disappeared.
The first thing that had caught Harry's attention was Gringott's Bank. He loved banks, the chained pens were his favorite part! He'd only been to a bank once. Somehow Dudley had managed to actually steal one. Harry tried to tell Petunia, but she told him to 'sod off'. Dudley subsequently smashed his face into the bottom of one of those fake potted plants and Harry argued that it wasn't really dirt, but his cousin continued.
He was disappointed to learn that this particular bank didn't actually have any pens at all. Just lots of feathers held by grumpy, wrinkly things. Hagrid had taken him here earlier, but he didn't remember much about the place except that he had mountains of gold in his vault. Harry wondered if he could buy himself a golden-chained pen. Or better yet a chained golden-pen. Or a golden-chained golden-pen that wrote in gold and came with gold paper and gold envelopes and gold stamps, which when you mailed them were taken away by a golden owl! He wondered if there was a spell for such a thing.
Naturally being the famous HP himself, although he wasn't quite sure why exactly he was famous, he remembered his vault number. He began to wander around down stairways trying to find his vault, all the while singing a little ditty worse than a cruciatous curse.
Oh Vault 618!
I'm a gonna sweep you clean!
Gold in my hand,
Famous cross the land!
Name's HP and I'm the man!
His voice bounced through the caverns, replied by the tortured howls of beasts on the lower level. Harry continued to whistle as he approached his vault. He didn't really remember how it opened so he just shouted Open Sesame. It just so happened that the Potter Vault had just been retrofitted with Magicsoft OS, which says something about how the goblins felt about Harry's first visit. Stuffing his pockets with loot, he headed back up.
Ed was flabbergasted at the sights he was seeing. Magic? Where was the equivalent exchange? He didn't understand a bit of it, but he wouldn't have The Colonel be calling him out for the rest of his life. Still it wasn't so bad, there were a lot of things he could learn but the exchange rate between cenz and galleons was awful. Still the military did pay him well. He looked down at the top of the list. Robes. Hmmmm... he puzzled. He wished Alphonse hadn't been busy with the cat orphanage to attend. Ed was absolutely awful at transmuting any clothing other than his patented red duster. Looking up and down the street a sign caught his eye, Mother Malkin's Robes for all Occasions. That sounded promising.
"Anybody home?" He called as he walked in the door. Not waiting for anyone to come to his aid he immediately pulled three robes down that were about his size and yanked a pair of gloves off of a rack.
"Excuse me, may I help you? Madam Malkin is off elsewhere right now..." As the girl approached him she looked at what he was carrying. "Hmm, those robes look like they may be a bit too large for you. How about something smaller."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ATOMIC SHRIMP SO MICROSCOPIC THAT EVEN FLEAS CRACK ON ABOUT MY HEIGHT?" the poor lass crumpled backwards. "ARE YOU CALLING ME SO TINY THAT IT SHOULD BE PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXIST?"
"By what magick has such a commotion been created?" A young boy with far too blond hair, a dapper derby, a cool cravat and a posh pocketwatch stepped into the room. He was taken aback at the poor retail worker on the floor. "I do say my good sir, behave like a gentlemen or I shall challenge you to a duel for accosting this poor lady."
"And who are you?" Ed shouted back
"My name is Draco, son of Lucius and Narcissa. I am the heir to the House of Malfoy." The boy gave a quick bow, placing his derby across his chest. He then stood up and stared Ed right into the eyes. "I suggest you leave this place at once." It didn't help that Draco was a good deal taller than he was. He gathered up the clothes and decided to move on, muttering. He hated shopping, things always went wrong. Like that time Al had been arrested for running a brothel.
Stuffing the robes into his new ugly hat, at least he got the stuff for free. Next on his list were the magic books. So where could he find those?
"Hey you! You know where I can get the books for going to Hogwarts?" He'd grabbed a girl with bushy brown hair and stacks of books in her arms.
"Excuse me?"
"Books, y'know those things your carrying? Going to Hogwarts and I need em." Stupid girl couldn't communicate. She stammered for quite a while as Ed looked expectantly. Eventually she pointed back where he'd come from.
"Down the road at Flourish and Botts."
"Thanks. Buy yourself a hairpin or whatever it is girls do." He flipped her a sickle. Otherwise known as 29 knuts. Or 1/17 of a galleon. What raving imbecile came up with the exchange rate? All right down the street and there it was, just next to Malkin's Robes. As he entered the bookstore he took a deep breath in, until his nose registered the scent and he proceeded to hack out his lungs. What was that stench? Bookstores should smell like parchment and old books and new books, not like bat droppings. He sighed brow furrowing. Usually he would enjoy such a trip and have spent time reading all the books he could reach, but wizarding bookstores were worse than the gaming stores he took Al to. At least most of the geeks there understood not to wallow in pickled tongues and eyes of newt, even if they did occasionally forgo showering in favor of a 48-hour gaming session.
Fleeing the bookstore with all eight books in a stack under his arm he figured it would be best to transmute a cart of some sort. He slipped into a back alley and stole the metal from the piping of the building. At first he waited for the pedestrians to clear way for him, but grew tired of waiting and pushed them aside. Barreling down the street he arrived at Ollivander's Wands. He shuddered, sounded like Armstrong's sister, thankfully that was not the case.
"Hey old man! I need a wand for Hogwarts! What can you get me?"
"You should mind your elders, child. Are you sure you're old enough to be entering Hogwarts?" Old man Olly looked disdainfully upon him.
"WHO'S THE SIZE OF A 5 YEAR OLD SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE THINK THE MY AGE IS GOING DOWN INSTEAD OF UP YOU BASTARD?" Ed leaped up onto the counter, he had good legs. He snatched the coolest looking wand out from the glass cabinet. "I am taking this one and getting out of here you old coot!" He pelted the man with the price tags allotted amount and bolted.
To say Harry was having the time of his life was an understatement. So many people recognized him, or at least his scar. They all wanted to shake his hand, he was famous. And being famous was fantastic! He shook hands with every person, shocking them when he vigorously pumped their arms up and down, nearly ripping arms from sockets. He adored all the attention, he was given treats and gold and strangers gave him all sorts of advice. They all praised him about killing some He-Isn't-A-Name fellow, even though he didn't remember anything of the sort. Ah, well, they all hailed him as a hero and rightfully so!
After much praising, Harry managed to collect an entourage of other future students to carry all his new supplies. He tipped his porters generously, signing two or three of their books apiece. He was so famous they could become millionaires just by selling them. Not that they would of course, people simply could never have enough of his signature and they would be treasured like the divine inscriptions they were. Still it was not enough, but it seemed to be all he would get for now.
"How can I become a great wizard?" he asked his Grand Vizier, a boy by the name of Corey Niodus. He was Hogwarts-bound as well with brown hair slicked back and a handsome face, though not as handsome as his own. Corey wore a cloak and walked with confidence and was tall in stature, compared to Harry at least. They were both still 11.
"Well Potter-Baka, there is something that may interest you. It is known as the Philosopher's Stone, it is rumored to grant immortality and enhanced magical ability. Should you be able to locate this mythic artefact, you will doubtless become even greater than you are now." This was why Harry had picked Corey as his Grand Vizier. He was well read on the magical world Harry had been locked away from for so long. He was also wise in worldly and foreign manners, Corey informed him that "Baka" was a sundrix added to those of high status in Japan. Harry didn't know what a sundrix was, but Potter-Baka sounded too cool to pass up.
"Excellent idea Corey! Where do we start?"
"I'm afraid our best course of action is to wait. Hogwarts has one of the largest libraries on the continent, it will be our best bet to search the archives there." Corey paused for a moment raising a hand for the entourage to stop. A trio he sent out earlier returned heaving back the cauldron, telescope, vials and scales. Corey lifted an eyebrow.
"Those look like the standard model for scales. Potter-Baka requested the GottsX06."
"The GottsX06?" he whispered, he certainly didn't remember asking for such a thing.
"Special model, it will make you better at potions." Corey indeed served faithfully! Without even requesting his Grand Vizier searched for the best equipment. When he found the Philosophers Stone perhaps he should share it. Just a little, only Harry deserved to live forever, but it would be nice to have Corey last longer than normal. Speaking of which, his Grand Vizier put on quite the show, berating the offenders for grabbing the wrong equipment. He sent them packing to go back and collect the scales with a literal kick in the ass to prod them on.
Unfortunately Harry's good luck could not last forever. The old witch McGonagall noticed all the attention and headed towards his crowd. It was miraculous he'd been able to escape her notice this whole time, but such were the wonders one could work as Harry Potter.
"Potter, just what are you doing?"
"Just getting all of my supplies like you said." he retorted. The whole reason they'd gone to Diagon Ally was to get supplies. Harry was just enough of a prodigy to do it on his own.
"And what then is this retinue you have surrounded yourself with. It hardly seems necessary." Her voice was commanding and the children shook with fear, save Harry and Corey. Corey saw the intimidation as a challenge and stepped up to bat for his Lord.
"You are Minerva, am I correct?" It was intimidating, despite the fact he'd yet to undergo puberty and his voice was not able to shake the ground like an earthquake. It could be forgiven though. They were both still 11. "Head of house to Gryffindor and teacher of transfiguration."
"You are to address me as Professor McGonagall, boy. Give me your name, so that I can be sure to deduct points as soon as you are placed into Slytherin. You should be careful not to be expelled before your first day."
"And you should be careful not to treat Harry Potter with disrespect, he is the Boy-Who-Lived after all. I am Corey Niodus, aide to the Potter family." Harry could have sworn the wind picked up at that moment for the sole purpose of having his Vizier's cloak billow in the wind, its gold trim catching the sun. If there were enchanted capes that did such things, Harry wanted one. If he could get his glasses to glare ominously in the darkness that would be good too. He should look into it.
"I am his guardian at this moment in time. You are to let him come with me. If you do not I shall be sure to have you expelled from Hogwarts." Corey contemplated this for a moment, before whispering to Harry.
"If we are expelled we will be unable to research the Philosopher's Stone. I would gladly be expelled for your sake, but I feel as though I could be more help at Hogwarts." Harry needed more people like this! Everyone should be ready to sacrifice themselves for him, just as Corey was. It was what a great wizard like Harry deserved. However, now that he had his supplies there was no reason to not go.
"That's enough for now. You have served your purpose." With that, Harry collected the things that were his and departed, waving farewell to his fans. Not even McGonagall would dampen his greatness.
