-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain at all times to make sure I am where I told her I'd be.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain being nosy.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain getting me to do what she wants.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain but she STILL can't learn to put the toilet seat down before she sits.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to tell me ALL about her day

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain... but not in the kitchen.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to gossip.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain watching soap operas.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain NOT cleaning house.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and STILL forgets to take her birth control pills.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to read Fifty Shades of Grey.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain anticipating the new Fifty Shades of Grey movie.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to accuse me of flirting with other girls.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and is jealous of any other girl who uses 100% of THEIR brain.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain trying to decide whether she should get a boob job or not.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and still can't tell if her purse matches her shoes.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and still believes me when I tell her that, no, she doesn't look fat in that.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain yet can't seem to find the weight-room.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain not understanding when I say I'm not thinking about anything, it means I'm not thinking about anything.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain, but tears are still her greatest defense.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to get what she wants.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain talking... and talking... and talking...

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and all she thinks about is getting married.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain thinking of reasons to hate my family.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain... but still can't lose those last five pounds.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain. She knows how to bring a pot of water to a boil using her mind, but doesn't know how to do it using the stove.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to explain why I can no longer hang out with my friends.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain, so why does she always have to be throwing it in the face of my last girlfriend?

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain being all up into everybody's business.

My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain being all that and a bag of chips.

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain, so why's it MY job to clean the toilets?

-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.