For Cassie: Recovery

The aftermath of Cassie's death still have some residual effects on Nick and the team. One year later, what has changed? But what happens when something threatens his sobriety? We are only as sick as our secrets.


Purgatory

It had been just about a year later. It had felt like time both flew past and went painfully slow depending on your point of view. It was strange. Strange to think that it had been almost a year since her death. Since his life spiraled out of control and was reeled back together. He had been back at the lab for four months. While to his coworkers it may have seemed as if Nick had his life back together, he still felt uneasy.

Nick had completed his anger management, and he was still participating in AA. He was kicked out of the two first Alcoholics Anonymous group for not sharing before finally landing in this group. Nick was still not sharing as much as the Father Thomas, the group leader, would prefer. What the problem centered at was why Nick started drinking in the first place. Nick refused to tell, saying it was not important because it is not what brought him here, and when pestered he would shut down. Nick still denied the fact that he was an alcoholic but he remained sober. 10 months sober, but he still struggled. He carried a brave face but he still grieved. He tried everything to get rid of the pit in his chest, and the sadness he still felt. He went and saw a psychiatrist but it was short lived, after she diagnosed him with anxiety, depression, possibly OCD, PTSD and anything else one would find a mental health bowl of alphabet soup. Not only, did he now feel crazy but the pharmacy load of medicine made him feel like a zombie, so that too was short lived. Nick had good intentions, he wanted to feel better. He knew he had people to talk too, between his family at the lab to Doc Robbins' wife Judy, his sponsor. He did not need someone new to talk too, he needed someone to fix him, he thought.

Nick was not sure initially if he wanted to come back. He did not think he could come back. Nick was arrested, even though his record was expunged, everyone still knew. His coworkers, and the public. However the public spoke and made their thoughts known. They supported the Son of Las Vegas. There were Facebook, and twitter pages, all supporting him. The public and the department forced Ecklie's hand to give Nick his job back. It made Nick feel uneasy. He felt resentment towards his job, but he couldn't help but feel safety and security with his place at the lab.

Lab life for Nick had not changed, much. He fell back into the groove of things so smoothly it was like he never left. His smile, leadership, and witty input was something that was missed, and valued. He had bad days, where he was miserable, lethargic, and aggressive, but he thought he was still adjusting back to lab life. Everyone else may have disagreed but they would never tell Nick. Words of how Nick felt about how the team treated him after his abduction still stung. The team was determined not to let history repeat itself. They all made sure to keep a watchful eye on him, especially now with Cassie's anniversary nearing. DB more so, because he was not sure how the team handled Nick before and given that the Robbins were going to be out of town for th anniversary.

Nick on his way to the observation room to look at some overalls from the double homicide that he and DB were working. Sara was in there working her own case.

"Even with all the technology we have, I still prefer to use the old elmo." Nick said pulling out the old school projector.

"It belongs in a crime museum." Sara teased.

"It works... Unless the bulb is blown." Nick said disappointed seeing the burnt bulb inside. He put the machine back and sat on a nearby stool as he got a text message from DB. Sara looked up from her photo seeing Nick staring off, lost in thought.

"You alright?" Sara asked leaning on the table.

"Yeah..." Nick said rubbing his face.

"Are you sure?" She asked. Nick smiled as he sat back down shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm okay." He smiled before looking down at his hands. He picked at his nails as Sara just watched. "Listen, I know her anniversary is coming up..." He said lifting his head to meet her gaze. Sara freezes as she was caught off guard.

"I know. How do you feel?"

"Like everyone is watching me. DB is following me, checking up on me. I know everyone is watching me, waiting to see what I'm going... Waiting for me to mess up... Again." Nick said honestly.

"Nick, you know that, that's not true." Sara said but Nick just shrugged his shoulders. His phone chirped again with another text from DB.

"I gotta go. Our car is ready. See ya." Nick said smirking as he left.

After shift everyone gathered in the break room as they finished the last remnants of paperwork before calling out of service. Nick and Greg were busting each other's stones about the recent Ronda Rhousey fight.

"She is a beast. 34 seconds. Crazy." Nick said admiringly as he signed his paper.

"She could knock you out." Greg said.

"Greggo, she could do more than knock me out." Nick smirked.

"Easy boys." Morgan chuckled.

"Who has to go to trial for the Brunson murders?" Finn asked reading her subpoena. She looked up to see everyone with their hands raised. "Why'd we all get called it was Greg's case?"

"That's how Lyker is. Smug shark attorney. He's just gonna try to attack the evidence." Sara said punching out.

"Wanna go to Frank's for breakfast and go over the case? My case, my treat." Greg said everyone smiled. The team agreed but Nick remained silent. They all started to head out.

"Nick, you coming?" Sara asked noticing that Nick had fallen silent.

"No, I gotta go... I gotta be somewhere. Next time, rain check?" He said smiling. Sara nodded.

Nick sat mindlessly at AA. His thoughts bounced between what groceries he needed to pick up, and the upcoming football season. He got a sudden craving of Mac and cheese but he was certain he didn't have any milk at his house and if he did he was sure it was spoiled. Maybe Sam needs food? No, he just bought some.

"How are you, Nick? You've been quite." Father Thomas said removing his glasses.

"I'm fine." Nick said shrugging his shoulders.

"Isn't the anniversary of your friend's death in a week or two?" Father Thomas said, Nick stiffened right up.

"It's next week..." Nick said quietly.

"What are you feeling?" Thomas said but Nick shrugged his shoulder not saying anything. "Really? Isn't that what what led you to having to come here?"

"I guess... I don't know..."

"Well, how does that make you feel?" Thomas asked but Nick did not respond. Nick's mind was very complicated. In order to get to the root of the problem required finesse with questions, be ballsy enough to call him out, a gentle shoulder to cry on, and understanding of his complicated mind.

Nick returns to his absent mind thinking, but he can not think straight. The meeting ends and he makes quick work of his chair hoping to leave the meeting quickly. Just as he made it to the door he heard the Father call his name.

"Nick, come here." He immediately hung his head and walks over as if a child going to the principal's office. Nick followed the father into his office.

"What?" Nick said unable to hide his annoyance.

"I don't think the group sessions are working. You sit in silence. You barely share. I question your intentions, why do you come to these meetings if you don't want to participate?" Father asked Nick groans.

"Are you kicking me out?" Nick asked.

"No, I think you're a confused young man... But I think you wanna get better not matter how hesitant you are. However, with that being said I don't think group session are best for you. We should set one one one sessions. I think it would be a good time given the fact that your sponsor is going to going out of town." Father Thomas says studying Nick's face. Nick had no poker face as he showed his displeasure.

"I... Umm..." Nick said unsure of what to say.

"You've been coming for a couple months now. You aren't as far as I would like you to be even if you've been sober for almost a year. I think we need to get to the root of why you started drinking."

"Why? Who cares why I started drinking?! I'm sober now! Isn't that the point of all of this. I'm here because I have a shitty coping mechanism not because I'm a drunk. I lost someone important and I didn't handle it well..." Nick said rubbing his face trying to get his bearing back, he didn't want to lose his temper on the old man. "I'm sorry, Father."

"How are those anger management classes going?" The father said unphased by Nick's outburst.

"Fine... You're right, I wanna feel better... We can schedule a session."


Please Review! Sorry, this took so long. I hope you like it. Let me know!