Rubix Cube Brain

There's a boy here, a boy here sitting right next to me. The teacher is talking, the teacher is lecturing rather, the boy doesn't hear, or is not listening would be the better way to say it. I catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye, or should I say I began to stare at him in such a way? I'm not sure.

He's destracted, or maybe he's not, he could easily be-no-intentionally be ignoring the teacher, or professor if you'd prefer. Is he a professor? No one calls him that, maybe-no- probably not. Ah! I got off track again didn't I? I'm writing in you, or rather this journal for anyone reading, because that lady who helps... What is she? She helps me, well she helps lots of kids here. A Psychiatrist, Councelor, a Doctor? I don't know I forget. Anyway the Helper-Lady, whatever she is, told me my thoughts are out there, or jummbled up rather, incoherent maybe? She says i'm really intelligent but she guesses-no-surmises that the tragedy I went through has caused my mind to ruin, expire, fall apart, decompose? Whatever, my minds in shambles and I can no longer keep a proper train of thought. Tragedy? She said I went through a tragedy, an ordeal, a series of unfortunate events, I don't remember, or rather I do not recall. What tragedy? Should I ask? No I don't want the Helper-Lady to think I'm stupid... Though I suspect thats the case already.

Ah! I got off track again! I was writing about the boy, the boy sitting right next to me. He's an odd one this guy, strange, weird, unstable. He came here last week, he sits next to me everyday-or at least I think he does. He doesn't speak to me, I don't speak to him. He seems... Whats the word? Unthreatening? Not a threat... Like he wont hurt me... Harmless! Yes thats the word! He seems rather harmless, docile, calm. But I don't know. Something about him gives me chills, the willies, goose-pimply-bumps! He's off! Odd! Strange!

I don't know his name, he introduced himself before... What was his name? It was a bland name, boring, dull, colorless, kind of like him! He's all white, his skin, hair, even his shirt! The only colored part of him are his eyes, which are red-no-carmine would be the right color to describe them. His name? Suzoyu? no... Suzayo? Sozuya? I can't remember! Should I ask? I catch another glimpse of him, he's still looking out the window detached from everything else. Nope. Too scary-frightening, rather.

Oh no! I just realized! I didn't start this journal the way the Doctor/Counselor/Psychiatrist/Helper-lady said to! I'm so tired of having my thoughts so jumbled up! I feel like a messed up thingy! A square puzzle thing! Not a square... A cube! Yeah! A Rubix cube! I feel like a jumbled up mess of colors and thoughts that don't know where they belong! I hate it! It makes me dizzy!

Darn it! I did it again! I keep getting off track! Well no better place to start off right then now.

My name is...

...My name is...

...

...

Sachi! My name is Sachi Yomoko! The Helper-Lady say's i'm fourteen but i'm not so sure, I feel more like ten, then again just a while ago I felt more like twenty, maybe- probably the lady's right.

I've been writing all throughout this class, oh? Should I have been listening? I wasn't... Oh well no one's said anything about it, maybe the information wasn't important. But it doesn't matter if it's important, unimportant, useless, worthless, senseless, undermined, unintelligent, unimportant... Wait what? Unimportant... But I already wrote that...

I'll pass the class even if I don't listen, I get all day to take tests, because my minds so messy-no-scattered. And I always pass! I guess I am smart!

I just felt a tap on my shoulder, I turn to the boy next to me he's looking at me-or has turned his attention to me rather. My pencil never leaves the page, not even when I look away from it, the Helper-Lady said to write everything down.

The boy isn't saying anything, just staring at me, he blinks once, twice, inhales, exhales, inhales, exhales, blinks once more, his lips move... no... they move up... what is that called? A smile! Yeah thats it! The kid smiles, looks to my journal and says.

"You're still writing in that thing? You never stop!"

I stare at him, making a face, my eybrows are... their together, not completely... Kneaded my eyebrows are kneaded together and i'm frowning too. Should I talk to him? What will happen if I do? Will he hurt me? Could he hurt me? He's harmless, docile, calm. But what if he attacks me anyway? Can I be wrong? What if- what if he takes a sharp thingy and- and- and- oh whats the word for it?

"Whats the matter with you?" He asks, I must be making a strange face. Whats that word? "Class ended a couple of minutes ago, ya know." Can't he stop talking long enough for me to- he laughs, "You look funny." What was I- "Why're you still here after everyone left?" That word what was- "you're a funny girl!"

"Too fast!" I cry, he jumps at my voice, my pencil never leaves the page. "Deaccelerate!"

"Huh?"

"Break peddle! Yellow light! Slow down! Can't think! WHATS THIS WORD?!"

Stupid boy, stupid, stupid, stupid boy, talking so fast! Talking too much! Too rushed! Whats the-

"What word?" He's more calm than the other people who talk to me, I can't talk-or hold a conversation rather- with anyone because my mind won't let me! IT'S TOO MESSY!

Most get scared or mad and leave when they talk to me.

This boy is strange, odd, silly, weird.

"Sharp thingy, goes into someones flesh!" I cry as I write.

"Huh?"

I make the motion I've forgotten the word for by taking my pencil away from the page and nearly putting it through the desk.

"Oh! You mean stabbing!"

"Stabbing! Ding ding! On the nose! Correct!" I cry, as he laughs I finish my earlier thought.

-What if he takes a sharp thingy and stabs me? Sharp thingy? Thats not right.

"You're funny!" He said that before, why say it again?

"Sharp thingy!"

"Come again?" He's grinning ear to ear.

"Sharp thingy for stabbing!"

"You mean a knife?"

"Knife? Incorrect! No! Wrong!"

"What is it then?"

I draw out the shape of what I mean on the desk surface.

"An axe?"

"Axe! Thats it! An axe!"

"But axes arent used for stabbing." He's still smiling, I tilt my head to one side, he comments on how worried I look. "Axes are for butchering."

"Butchering. Ah! So then they were butchered!" I exclaim.

Who am I talking about again? Who was butchered? Axe? Knife? Stab? Butch? Dead? Slaughtered? Teeth? Red? Carmine? Kagune? Devour? The boy's been talking I've not been listening.

"...Dizzy..." I say.

"You're dizzy? and people have been butchered?" He laughs, a strange boy this, is he crazy? Mad? Off his rocker? "What do you write all day?" I straighten quickly-no immediatley.

"What you mean to say is: what have you written throughout the day." My voice seemed different when I spoke this time.

Why did I say that? How did I say that? I corrected someone? I never correct anyone. How- he laughs again- he does that a lot. Is that normal I wonder?

"Okay then, what have you written thoughout the day?" He repeated what I said earlier! He let me correct him why? I don't understand. I feel something hovering over me now, its the boy, looking over my shoulder at my journal. "Huh? Huh? This is everything that just happened! You're even writting what i'm saying now?!" He's not upset but seems... I can't find the word.

"The Helper-Lady said to write everything."

"Why? I don't think she meant this obsessively!"

"My thoughts are..." I stop writing so I can flip back a few pages to remember the words. "A Rubix cube! I feel like a jumbled up mess of colors and thoughts that don't know where they belong! I hate it! It makes me dizzy!" I repeat my written words then point to my head while writing, "it's all messy in here! I can't stand it! I can't talk-no-conversate with anyone because of it!" The boy laughs again.

"I know how you feel, I get that way sometimes. But you're clearly a reck from it!" He giggles, was that a joke? I can't tell. It kind of hurt my feelings. "I wouldn't say you can't 'conversate' with anyone, you're talking with me arent you?" I pause.

"...I... I guess I am!" Happy! No... Thats part of it but it's something different...

"Excitment?" He offers, still looking over my shoulder.

Excitement. Yes! Excitment Indeed.

The boy's name is Suzuya! Rei Suzuya! He helps me- assists me- in finding the right, proper, correct- a hand stops my own from writing.

"Sachi-chan you're doing it again." Rei says.

-Assists me in finding the... Words I forget, and stops me from rambling, going on, no punctuations, run-on sentence-

"Sachi-chan!"

I do it a lot... Often, frequently- he took my pencil away from me just then because I've been rambling all day and he's getting annoyed.

"Don't forget you're supposed to write about your state of mind, last time the Counselor said your wrote too much about other stuff."

"But she said so! She said to me exactly: Sachi-chan you must write everything you can in this journal, don't forget. It will help to expand your mind, organize your thoughts, emotions and to become more social. Thats exactly what she said!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know you told me that already!" He grins happily, "i'm gonna get pudding." He leaves.

I've been hanging around with Suzuya for a whole- no- I mean an entire week and my minds much more clear than before! The Helper-Lady said: 'It's because Suzuya-kun is a non-stop, quick draw, chatter box that your mind is clearing, he's challenging your brain to heal itself!' She was excited-exstatic rather.

She also told me that the reason my mind is in such a state is because I have an idenic memory, which means I can remember everything I've ever seen with perfect detail, well I should be able to, I can't now. She said the tragedy I experianced, whatever it was, was too painful for my brain to keep and so I've repressed it. Because of the repressed tragedy my perfect memory went in to chaos because it didn't know how to react to not remembering something.

Long story short, I'm getting better and it's all thanks to-

"I'm back!" Rei plops down next to me on the silly feeling grass, "have you rambled since I left?" He looks to my paper, "hmm, only a little I guess. You should finish that sentence where you were going to say 'its all thanks to Rei'!"

"No! You interrupted me! It didn't happen like that! I'm leaving it! You didn't get me pudding?!"

"You didn't ask me to~"

"I'll remember this Suzuya-kun!"

"If you're lucky!"

"Lucky?"

"Umm... If you have good fortune and stuff, ya know? Lucky."

"Oh... I thought it was a dogs name..."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Suzuya-kun! What do you mean?"

"Yes."

"Suzuya-kun I can't make sense of-I-I- don't know what-"

"Yep!"

"Yep?! I didn't ask a question! What do you mean?! What do you want?!" He laughs.

"Whenever I say 'yes' to something thats not a yes or no question you freak out, you're like a malfunctioning computer! It's funny!"

"Suzuya-kun! Don't do that to me! It makes me dizzy!"

"Everything makes you dizzy!"

"No! Only you make me-" He shoves a spoon full of chocolate pudding into my open mouth.

"Shut up and write~"

This boy, this boy sitting here, the one whose sitting right here next to me, stuffing his goofy-face with pudding is mean sometimes. But he's nice other times.

I feel a pressure on my shoulder, it's Rei Suzuya, leaning his head on my shoulder he's been doing this a lot lately, everyday I think, but only when we're outside in the silly feeling grass.

He will use me as a pillow until the sun goes- I mean until sunset, and I'll let him sleep here until the Helper-Lady comes to shoo us back to our rooms-dorms?

Suzuya Rei, a strange, silly, goofy, mean, nice, violent, harmless, docile, fool of a boy, is helping rebuild my mind, and is becoming more and more important to me as we stay side-by-side.