[Richard McGuiness] "Hello and welcome to the Carnival of Carnage, the longest running, highest rated and most downright fucked up shit that you will ever find on the ECHO waves today! My name is Richard McGuiness and I'm joined by Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale. Isn't it perfect weather out here Scott?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Abso-fucking-lutely Rich! All around me I hear the sounds of nature, the sounds of thousands of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid fast! I don't really understand why we're here at the moment, considering how we don't have any new content to show you, but I am still escatic as ever!

[Richard McGuiness] "Now that you say that, that is a really good question."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "I guess this is what you'd call a teaser trailer.

[Richard McGuiness] "Heh, heh, like your ex."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Oh shut up!"

[Richard McGuiness] "It was all in good fun man! You hate the bitch too!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Completely accurate! Anyway, this year's addition to the Carnival has been pledged to be one of the greatest, as assured by the company we've had hired for the last decade to provide the sickening, grimace-inducing entertainment that we so crave here!"

[Richard McGuiness] "Speak fucking English Scott."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "It's gonna be kinda cool."

[Richard McGuiness] "Oh, that's easy to remember."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] *sigh* "Dumb fuck. Anyway, this year we have some of the toughest cast of motherfuckers ready for line-up against any shithead who happens to drop his unfortunate ass onto this host planet! Some of these guys you'll recognize Rich, I'm sure."

[Richard McGuiness] "Oh fuck me, they brought HIM back?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Yes Rich, yes they did."

[Richard McGuiness] "Well ain't I glad I'm not within a mile of that crazy gunslinging douchenozzle. You know what he did to me? He…"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Rich, we can't spoil it for the others. Remember, we do commentary for the most popular contestants, not overall coverage. Usually. It depends on what the producer wants."

[Richard McGuiness] "Producer? We still nipping the heels of that assmonger?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Yes we are Rich. Yes we are."

[Richard McGuiness] "Fuck! Okay, whatever, kinda glad he doesn't care what we say. The audience likes us enough to keep us around. At least, I really fucking hoping so or I'm out of a job."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Unlike you Rich, I have a plan for when I am unemployed."

[Richard McGuiness] "Of course. I see you at the street corner every other Sunday when I'm taking my walks."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Oh, with that new dress I bought? Oh it makes all the boys go wild! You have no idea!"

[Richard McGuiness] "I really don't. You know sometimes I just really want to strangle you with my fucking tie."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "I can sympathize, but I hate ties so I never wear one. I have four in my pocket though. You can guess why."

[Richard McGuiness] "I already guessed."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Ties are hard to pull loose…"

[Richard McGuiness] "I already figured that shit out!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Sorry! Anyway, let's give our new audience some basic info."

[Richard McGuiness] "What sorry sack of loser hasn't seen Carnival of Carnage?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "People who prefer to read, the educated, most of the people with senses of taste still intact."

[Richard McGuiness] "Well fuck all of those people! I can barely read myself!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Then how are you reading the prompt?"

[Richard McGuiness] "What prompt? This is all improv baby. I'm a natural."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Really? Go on…"

[Richard McGuiness] "Get away from me Scott or I'll staple that flappy gay shirt to your chest."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Ow, that would hurt. I like that…"

[Richard McGuiness] "Scott, I'm grabbing my staple gun."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Okay, I can't afford any more rape charges on misunderstandings. Or rape charges in general now that I think about it, I got plenty of those."

[Richard McGuiness] "I told you not to go to that school on career day."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "There were cheerleaders!"

[Richard McGuiness] "They were in middle school!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Shut your trap!"

[Richard McGuiness] *Laughter* "I guess I'll continue, since Scott is nearly choking on his own spit from rage. Listen, to you virgin viewers, Carnival of Carnage is simple. We load up this entire fucking planet with gun-happy trigger humpers and invite a ton of people to come shoot them. We have the top eight combatants as the big targets, usually leaders of the other idiots running around this craphole. When you defeat all eight, you win a prize!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Has anyone actually won the prize Rich?"

[Richard McGuiness] "Well I sure as shit didn't. Got a fuckton of injuries too."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Ha!"

[Richard McGuiness] "Oh go die!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "I just might now. I have very low self-confidence actually."

[Richard McGuiness] "Those rape charges don't speak in your favor."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Fuck YOU!"

[Richard McGuiness] "Well we can argue all day long Scott, but that's not what the audience wants, probably anyway. So let's get going to the Carnival of Carnage!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Well there be chicks? And dudes?"

[Richard McGuiness] "A whole lot of both, you bisexual frisky fuck."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "It's more pansexual then anything."

[Richard McGuiness] "SHUT your trap and let's cut to a commercial."


What's up my fans? Yeah, I know, it hasn't really been a while since I ended Vault Hunters Wanted, but I'm not one to lounge about after all. This is the first unlicensed DLC for Vault Hunters Wanted, and I can guarantee it will kick ass. Due to the live commentary present in this story, I will be hosting author comments at the bottom of the chapters to make it less confusing for you all. Just give me a few days to get the first few chapters on paper, and drop a comment on what you think so far or thoughts on the future. Good luck in all your future efforts.