A/N: This will be a rather short story.
Rating: M : male x male relations, language
Warnings: Yaoi
Pairings: Byakuya x Ichigo, Shuuhei x Ichigo
Beta: DaisukeUchiha
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
In Love's Chokehold
Chapter 1: Desire's clutch
His hunger, I feel it more than usual today.
My chest tightens as his hand glides down my waist. The long, slender fingers trace my waist line tentatively; the glide leaving behind a trail of sensuous shivers and fickle goosebumps.
I continue to bite down on my lower lip as his warm tongue traces my shoulder lining. I feel his other hand begin to caress the innermost of my thigh and can't bite back the small moan that exudes my lips. He takes full notice and bites down on my shoulder; the force controlled and restrained much like everything else about him.
Even in bed. This man…
My hands clench on the bed sheets, my head digging itself into the lush pillow and replacing my gnawing teeth from my now-pricked lips to the large cushion.
I suck in a breath as his body presses itself tighter against mine, his ever present erection rubbing against a too provocative area of my body. His tantalizing lips pressing chaste kisses across my neck.
Oh how I want him. I want all of him, but I have to control myself. If there's one thing he hates is neediness.
He's so cruel.
How can he expect I have him this close, doing such things to me, and remain in control?
How can he look at me and expect me not be needy. How can he look at himself and expect me not be.
Every inch of my body craves for him. My hunger for him is boundless and insatiable. It's never enough. I want more, more of him, more of his touch, more of his breath, his lips, his heart, I want it all, but it's never enough. My body, my soul, it isn't satisfied.
It's never enough.
Every bit of this man, I want for myself, but he doesn't belong to me and he never will.
But I allow myself, as selfish as it may seem, to dwell in the knowing fact that in this moment in time, he is mine, mine and only mine.
"Turn around…" He whispers.
That velvet voice sinks into the deepest part of me and sends my body into spiral of utter self-enthrallment. I love that voice. I love that man.
"I want to look at you."
His cruelty is almost mocking.
If he knew what his words did to me, he'd prevent from uttering them. Every word that exudes those marvelous silken lips, they should be considered a sin.
Before I am able to give a second thought my body is delicately maneuvered to face upwards, my legs spread and bare body exposed to clear sight, his sight. But I want it. I want him to look at me. Like that I can pretend he can truly see me. I can allow my mind to fill to the brim with illusive joy and bliss and pretend that those marvelous eyes can see me. Me, not only my body, but my insides, maybe then he'll see how much this heart beats for him. But I'm being selfish again aren't I?
The pearl-like grey eyes connect with my own. I remain fixed on them, the mesmerizing pools of grey, deep, unreadable, beautiful.
"Byak-"
I begin but feel my breath catch in my throat when his face closes in on my own. The contours of his alluring and pronounced features stand out starkly against the shoddy lighting emitted from the single turned-on lamp atop the drawer, the rest obscured in the shadows.
His hand brushes my cheek delicately, his eyes still glued on my own. I suck in a breath when his lips close in against mine. My thirst for him instantly drives me to part my lips to allow the familiar tongue to delve inside. I let his taste drown my senses. The taste of dulcet honey and meek vanilla bean, it seems meshed with him. His taste. The taste I love. The taste whose suffocating greeting is welcomed, it's stagnating swindling of my breath is desired rather than opposed. Air equals life, but if his taste removes my air, I'd die a million times for it.
I raise my hand over his back, allowing it to fall in its lower region. My finger deliberately twirls itself along its indented crevasse. I know he enjoys this, and my proof is provided in the hard suck given to my lower lip and low feral growl he releases.
Can she make you feel like this? Tell me, Byakuya, can she?
I continue on my ministrations as his tongue swerves through every nook and cranny inside my mouth, my tongue imitating shortly after and melding seamlessly with his own.
How can those lips not be mine?
Can you not see how perfectly we coincide?
I know it's not the same with her.
It can't be.
She can't satisfy you like I do, if she could, then why would you be here?
It's a stupid question. And I know its answer. But it pains me and it's not the one I want, so I'll lock it away and leave it there in a distant place that even I hold little knowledge of. I'll leave it there to rot, because I don't want it. But this is just wishful thinking. It'll come out to haunt me like it does on every godforsaken day of my life.
A small hiss escapes my mouth when he once more nips on the rims of my lips. I clamp my legs around his waist.
It's unbearable, this heat.
I want him. I want him so.
Subconsciously my legs buck upwards towards his growing erection, allowing my own to make contact and providing for some much desired friction. I rub against his throbbing member, relishing in its marvelous heat and subtle moisture. I want it inside of me, that wonderful heat that only he can provide, his length driving into me, each time with more force than the last, his wonderful thickness stretching me, owning me. I feel my entrance twitch at the thought and ground my hips harder against him.
"Calm yourself," He says simply, pulling away from the kiss. His hands clutch my legs and unclamp them from his waist. I can't help the whine that escapes my lips.
How can he be so controlled? Even in this situation?
"Relax." He half utters, half demands as his hands once more begin coasting up my inner thigh and gliding in circular motions around the thin, supple flesh.
I can't help but think he does this to torture me. He must know how much I hate foreplay. Sure it's enjoyable… but with him, I don't want it. I want him in me. I want our bodies to become one, for that small amount of time we get; I want to simply feel him inside of me.
My thought is cut short, however, when I feel my already perked nipple get taken into his wet mouth. I gasp at the suddenness but quickly rebound to my usual incoherent slurs and moans of pleasures when his teeth prick the nub of my nipple before he begins sucking on it feverishly.
"Ah!" I moan when his tongue alternates between flicking the sensitive area to sucking it dry.
My hands dig themselves inside the flowing raven hair, entwining my fingers with the satiny locks of ebony. I drive my fingers through it as he continues to suck on my newly sore nipple. After a few more avid sucks, his lips detach themselves and move onto my other neglected nub, the feeling once more overflowing my body with boundless ecstasy.
His hands have yet to ease up on their caress over my thigh, but soon begin to slither up towards my torso as his mouth finally unclamps from my swollen nipple.
His lips trail down my abdomen, his tongue still out and leaving behind its own trail of moisture along the middle ridge of my abs before landing on my navel and twirling around inside it, the action driving my stimulation to incomprehensible degrees.
I feel the coiling in my lower regions becoming intolerable.
"Byakuya…please…" I can't help but whine, though my words escape as a strange squeak. "Please put it in…"
I see his perfectly angled brow arch upwards and his beautifully lined lips crease deeper before he releases a small sigh and finishes lifting his head away from my stomach.
"You need to learn to be more patient," he asserts. His hands clamp onto my thighs and tear them wider apart, allowing for a larger amount of room for his own body. "I want to enjoy this."
I watch as his hand takes hold of the small bottle that had been lying beside me, and watch him squirt a small amount of the substance on his fingers, then drives the newly soaked fingers towards me.
"Mnnn," I hum as his finger skims along my entrance and circles it lazily; the cool touch feels marvelous against my heated flesh. His eyes are still glued on me, observing me in what seems like intrigue as his finger continues to teasingly run around my entrance with little attempt to drive itself inside.
Unable to bear it, my hand glides down towards Byakuya's own teasing hand and positions itself alongside it. I push past the fondling hand and press my index finger against my puckered entrance, hissing between my teeth when I manage to drive it partially inside. I feel my insides further coil as my finger squeezes through my tight muscles. Before I am able to relish in the wonderful feeling, my hand is being pried out of the area and tossed to the side like slab of meat.
I feel the urge to whine but quickly cease in my desire to protest upon catching glimpse of the less than please expression that has managed to crawl onto Byakuya's face.
"If you are interested in doing it yourself, then I see no point in me being here." He states coarsely, his voice cold and somber, clearly upset for my 'unthinkable' action.
My eyes widen when I watch him begin to veer away from me and I quickly clamp my hands on his arms.
"I-I'm sorry," I quickly sputter, my heart already beating brutally against my chest. My neediness…it'll drive him away at some point, but not now…not today… I won't let it. I just can't help it. I love him so much it hurts. Is it a crime to want him so much? "Please don't leave…"
Don't leave me…
"I-I just-" I babble stupidly and feel my face burn brighter when his eyes bore into me. Those eyes, their scrutiny is still unbearable, and though it is, I want it, all of it. "I just…I-I wan- Ah!" I scream out, my head flinging backwards when I feel two of his fingers forcefully shove inside me with little warning.
"You just wanted what?" He muses and I clench my jaws when he pulls them apart slightly. "Just wanted this?"
"Ahh!" I bang my head against the large pillow beneath me as his fingers shove into me with enough force to make my insides stir wildly. His fingers pound into me with little mercy, not that any is needed, with every word he utters.
This pain…no…it's not pain, it's never been pain, this feeling drives me wild, more so because it's him. He's the one giving me this pleasure; it's his hand, his touch. It's not the same when I do it myself. The countless times I've done it and thought of him, it was never the same.
His touch is the only one I want.
"This is what you like isn't it?" He purrs, his silvery voice making my crotch twitch. His fingers continue to dig into the deepest part of me and I arch into them, wanting more, more of that incredible feeling.
His fingers thrust inside me quickly, before parting open and beginning to scissor me. I feel my muscles begin to loosen with each heavy thrust of his fingers and mewl in the uttermost ecstasy, because they're his fingers, his eyes glued on me, his lust. But it's not enough. I want more, more of him, all of him.
"B-Byakuya…more…" I whisper breathlessly and watch his head cock to one side.
"More?" He repeats, his brows folding inwardly though I know he is not the slightest bit confused. "More of what?"
"Hnnn!" I burst out unrelenting, my back further arching. I bite down on my lip forcefully as his fingers fondle something inside of me that makes my body twitch in pleasure.
He's leaning into me once more, a slight curl to his lips indicating his clear enjoyment of my jerking state, his fingers never failing to continue hitting that one spot in me that has my vision slightly blurred. "Tell me what it is you want." He breathes against my face, the sweet sugary smell of it knocking my own breath out of me.
I want you, you idiot. All of you. But you'll never see me as more than this. It's degrading for me, but I'm fine with it. It's better to have you as this, than not have you at all. I'll be your sex toy, until you grow tired of me, I'll be it.
"You…" I whimper softly, opening my legs wider apart. "…inside."
His lips, no longer interested in showing restraint, now fully showcase his grin, still light and hardly noticeable, almost non-existent one might even think. That is, if you did not know him. That small almost non-visible grin is clear to me who have grown used to watching his usual apathy filled features.
"Very well." He states in acquiescence and I can't bite back the smile that rips out of me at the pure joy coursing through every one of my veins.
My breath hitches when he yanks his fingers out of me abruptly and his hands both take grip of my thighs pushing them apart to such an extent I begin to feel slightly uncomfortable, but I push back the unease.
I watch as he takes hold of his heavily dripping length and further lathers it in the cool lubricant, eyes still glued on me, smirk as present as ever.
He gives a few teasing strokes to his shaft and I watch as the sticky liquid draws out and glides down it before he properly positions himself between my legs and in a second manages to have his erection pressed tightly against my entrance.
I feel my breath catch in my throat as he begins to slowly prod into me. I grit my teeth and allow my hands to clasp his own arms tightly as he slowly penetrates me, his length driving itself past my twitching and tightening ring of muscles.
"Ngh…" I mewl as he finishes closing in the distance and fully enters me.
The last time he was in me was quite some time ago. I had become so used to dealing with my own needs, I had forgotten for a slight second how delicious it felt to have his thickness inside of me. My fingers, they don't compare to him.
He pauses momentarily while inside me and allows our lips to once more come in contact. My tongue immediately seeks refuge inside his warm cavern, in search for his intoxicating taste. Upon allowing me entrance, his tongue quickly comes out to play, in a prompt instance dwindling my own into its chew toy.
My legs once more re-clamp around his midsection and I allow myself to move subtly, enough to let my desires be known. I don't want him to wait. I want him to move. I want him to make me his.
He catches on quickly and in what feels like a mere second pulls almost fully out of me before stealthily thrusting back inside whilst his teeth gently nibble on my lips. "Nnnha!" I cry into his mouth and am greeted with a sharp bite to my tongue.
His hips begin to piston in and out of me, driving his throbbing erection with it and pushing past my scorching clamping insides. With each thrust he allows himself to almost fully exit me before reentering me with a still-restrained amount of force.
"Hnnn….Byakuya…." I moan into his lips and tug at his hair, allowing his lips to part for a fraction of a second before he once more caves in on my mouth to ravage every bit of it. The kiss is short this time, as he once more separates himself from me but this time places his lips directly below my jaw.
Every thrust allows a plethora of shivers to arise from my spine.
The sound of my haggard breathes and strangled moans of pleasures are interrupted only by our thrashing bodies slapping skins.
"aaahh…Byakuya…" I dig my face into his shoulder, my pulsating muscles clamping around his heated, wet length with each delicious thrust and grip onto him for dear life.
Love…this feeling, only you can cause it.
His movements, much to my aggravation, stop again and before I am able to protest I feel his hands clamp down on my pelvic bone, his fingers digging into my flesh and his hard breathes beat against my skin.
"Byakuya?"
His response is given in the form of a harsh bite taken to the underlying skin beneath my chin. "This is what you want isn't it?" He questions and for some reason I feel my stomach clench at the underlying tone behind it. I can't put my finger on it, nor do I wish to. "More…"
His hands iron-like grip on my pelvis has grown tenfold and I wince at the discomfort of having my skin penetrated by his fingers.
In a matter of a second my eyes are once more screw open and my lips purse outwards relinquishing a much needed wail as Byakuya drives his throbbing length inside me to the hilt with such force my eyes blank out for a few seconds.
"Ah! Fu- Ahh!" I scream out and writhe beneath him as he rams into my twitching heat with such unexpected force. His ferocity seems inhuman and I find myself whimpering like a hurt puppy.
His teeth clench on my jaw line with another forceful bite and I feel a warmness begin to glide down my neck.
Removing my hand from his hair I quickly replace it with the disheveled linen beneath me and clench my eyes shut. I inhale sharply as he provides another vicious ramming into my searing entrance, apparently no longer interested in showcasing any of his much prided self-restraint and I can't help but continue to groan in agony as my head fills to the brim with fog.
"Ghh!"
I knew I felt his hunger was much more than usual today.
"W-wai- ahhh! B-Byakuy...hah!" I stammer, unable to get a full word out, the pain controlling my lower region is almost paralyzing.
"You want more don't you?" He grunts into my ear before his teeth are gnawing at my earlobe, and his engorged member continues to pound into me mercilessly.
"W-what… are you…?" I stutter behind broken breaths as he refuses to ease up on his unconcerned actions.
"You feel so good…" He moans into my ear, his teeth unclenching and freeing my punctured neck. "…So warm…"
His speed once more lowers but he continues driving into me, this time at a steady slightly more bearable pace. His hand's grip on my hips falters. The same hands begin to dig themselves beneath my back and wrap themselves around me.
"You feel good, too, don't you?" He whispers lovingly. The change in his tone is evident and painful as hell.
My eyes widen and my insides feel like they've begun to rot upon realizing what is happening.
I should've known. It never fails from occurring. These movements…this voice…these words…they aren't for me. I don't know why I thought it'd fail from happening today, just wishful thinking I suppose, because this is the reason for why I'm here isn't it?
But I can't help but plead…
Please don't…
Please…
"Hisana…" He breathes into my neck and I feel my eyes begin to burn viciously.
My insides throb in disgust. The superfluous amount of pleasure that had previously overtaken my body seems to have dissipated instantly and is replaced with an overbearing venom-like acid arising from my throat.
I don't have to turn my head to face him to know his eyes are closed. It's always like this.
But of course they would be. They always are. Why wouldn't they? Then he wouldn't be able to picture her, now would he?
It hurts.
I flip my head further away from him, attempting to evade his face which is still digging itself into my neck…no…into her's and curse myself when I feel a warm liquid cloud my vision.
Why am I so upset over this? My stupidity never ceases to amaze me.
It's always like this. It's always been like this, so I can't cry. If I do I'll surely be securing my place in his life. I'll no longer be anything.
I swallow down the knot that has begun to form in my throat and feel it go down like a clot of jabbing needles.
His grip tightens on my waist and his lips begin lining my neck in tender kisses.
"Why have you stopped?" He whispers into my skin and every bit of me feels as though it is breaking.
Why do I do this to myself?
"…Stopped…what…?" I mumble almost completely inaudibly. I realize his movements have stopped again.
"Screaming for me. Are you not enjoying yourself?"
It depends…
Are you speaking to me?
"Hm?" He questions softly, his hand detaches itself from my waist and begins to graze my cheek gently.
Slowly his movements return, and I feel his length begin to once more thrust in and out of me. His heavy breathes return and his lips place another kiss atop my neck.
"My love…"
I feel my stomach clench again.
"Cry for me…"
It hurts so much…but I continue doing this to myself. I seem to enjoy this.
"Mmm…" I force my lips to deliver a convincing sound and he apparently buys it because his speed increases and for a second I actually want to provide sincere moans…but I refuse to provide my true moans anymore. No. Not anymore.
Because though he is inside me, he's not. He's inside her. And though I know this, I want him. I want his body against mine, even though he's no longer with me.
But this is my fault. I got him used to this.
Was this what I wanted?
True, I wanted him, but not this. This isn't what I want. But I've become too stagnant. Though this is not what I want, this is what I've always had. Did I think anything would change? This is what I've caused.
No.
We both did this. We are both to blame, but why the hell do I feel like I got stuck with the short end of the stick? Maybe because I did.
His movements are becoming more erratic by the second, his breathing steeper, heavier. I feel his hands grip tighten on my waist and draw in a breath as he bites down on my lip.
Though it pains me, I can't help but wrap my arms around his midsection. My hands clasp onto his sweat-slicked back and I allow my eyes to connect with the discerning grey orbs. Though those magnificent eyes are staring straight at me, I know they don't see me. I know they see her.
I know he's nearing, his movements are a clear indication, and though with every thrust he is managing to plunge into that marvelous spot that would otherwise have me going wild, every part of me feels numb.
When did I become like this?
I was perfectly content with the simple fact that he was with me, even if he called out to her, I was happy. But now…I can no longer control this seeping ache. It's been growing with each passing day, expanding from its root and entangling my heart in a mess of thorny vines. And though with each passing day, its grip on me tightens and though I feel my heart will give out at any given minute, I can't help it.
I love this man, I always have, and if this is the only way I can have him, then I'm fine.
I am.
I'll push back this pain and swallow every bit of it, because though he is her's, in the deepest reserves of my mind, he will continue to be mine and this body will continue to be his; Here for his bidding until he no longer needs it.
