Disclaimer: Not mine, no copyright intended

A/N: I thought it would be interesting to explore a little of what I think is the backstory for Abby... so this is set the day before series 1 begins.

Warning: Rated M for adult content and mentions of sexual abuse. If that sort of thing offends, don't read.


Abby Maitland was woken by the early morning sunlight streaming in through the crack in the curtain. For a moment, she wasn't sure where she was – and then she remembered. She had that all too familiar queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach and in her head that told her two things had happened. Firstly; she'd had too much to drink, and secondly; she'd slept with some random guy she'd picked up at the club. This was becoming a regular occurrence now, and she always regretted it. But she also needed it, and didn't know how to break the habit.

She slid herself out from under the duvet so as not to disturb her sleeping lover; the last thing she wanted was some awkward conversation with a guy whose name she couldn't remember. At least this one looked relatively OK; some weekends she'd woken up next to a face only a mother could love and on a couple of occasions she'd spotted a wedding ring. Not this time, thankfully. Her clothes were scattered around the room, and she crept around trying to locate every piece, then left the bedroom so that she could get dressed without waking the man in the bed.

-o-

Why did she keep doing this to herself? Abby sat at the bus stop with her head in her hands. Being a Sunday, she wasn't entirely sure whether there would be a bus into town this early, but she didn't have enough money for a taxi on her. The fresh air had made her feel a little better, but her head felt like 50 construction workers were all using their hammers and drills at the same time inside her.

She leaned back against the plastic wall of the bus shelter. This had to stop before she turned into her mother; sleeping with any man that showed the slightest bit of interest because she needed to feel loved. She'd yelled at her mum; called her a whore and tried to make her see that "sex" wasn't "love", but here she was; falling into the same trappings.

She hadn't done much socialising as a teenager having had to spend most of her time looking after Jack. Their mother had lost interest in both of them after their father walked out on them just before Abby's 13th birthday and she found herself having to grow up very quickly. Things had improved slightly when Scott came on the scene, but he was a drunk; and a violent one too. He was the reason she had learnt to defend herself – it was either that or end up as Scott's punchbag every evening.

Then came that fateful evening that forced Abby into one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Scott had come home drunk, and when he found that her mother wasn't there, he turned to Abby instead. She tried to fight him off, but he was strong and determined and once he had her pinned down on the sofa there was little she could do. It was the only time she was thankful he was drunk; he lasted only seconds. But what hurt more than him taking her innocence without permission was the fact that her mother refused to believe her. She shouldn't have worn that short skirt; she was asking for it.

Abby ran away from home and fortunately found someone who did believe her, and Scott was prosecuted. Her mother disowned her for bringing shame on the family, and when Abby tried to contact her father for support, he simply sent her a cheque. She ripped it up, and decided that she no longer had parents. The people who were supposed to love her and protect her had failed.

A lot of other girls would have gone completely off the rails and wound up getting into trouble with the police, but Abby became determined to achieve her goal of getting to University and working with lizards. She did it of course, because when Abby Maitland sets her mind on something, she gets it...

University was a scary step though. Away from the security of her Foster home and on her own, she felt like a fish out of water. She envied the other girls arriving at the halls with their proud parents in tow and car loads full of possessions. Abby had just one box of personal items and a suitcase of clothes. That was when it all started.

She'd been naïve enough to think that the cute guy at the student union bar was interested in her, and for one night she felt amazing! Loved, wanted, needed... all the things she had craved for so long. When he practically threw her out of bed the next morning with a look of disgust on his face, she sobbed for three hours. That should have been a warning to her, but she longed for that feeling again, and she soon earned herself a reputation. The other girls on her course hated her and called her a slag; the guys were only interested in one thing. The lonelier she got, the more desperate she became and the vicious circle became seemingly unbreakable.

Even after she'd dropped out of University to take the job at the zoo, she couldn't help herself. Occasionally, a guy would ask for her phone number, or he'd say "I'd like to see you again." but that sent Abby running for the hills. People who got close to her ended up being a disappointment; those who claimed to love her just hurt her, so it was easier to have that quick fix and then walk away – be the one in control and be the one doing the hurting.

-o-

The bus driver gave Abby a disgusted look as she paid her fare and made her way up the narrow aisle towards an empty seat. A couple of other people looked at her too, until she glared at them menacingly. She knew she must look a pretty horrendous sight – still in her clothes that she'd gone out in and not even had a wash. She probably stank of stale beer and cigarette smoke too. She was used to it; "the walk of shame" Everyone would know she'd not been home after a night out. She used to wear it like a badge of honour, but now she just felt dirty.

Finally home, she headed straight for the bathroom to rid herself of the night before. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and realised the reason for the disgusted looks. Her mascara was smeared around her eyes, her hair a complete mess and the purple love bite on her neck stuck out a mile. She would have to wear a scarf for the next few days to hide it.

"Abigail Sarah Maitland, you are a mess!" She said angrily into the mirror. In that instant, she made a decision. It was time she got a bit of self respect. She deserved better than this. This was the last time she would fall into bed with a guy just because he had a cute smile or a charming chat up line.

Shedding her clothes felt like shedding a skin, and then as the hot water of the shower washed away the grime, she felt renewed. From this moment on, Abby Maitland was a girl who didn't need anyone else to validate who she was or to make her feel good. Only she could do that.

For the first time since she couldn't remember when, Abby felt positive. She had to focus on things that really mattered, like her job. She pulled on a loose t-shirt and leggings, made herself a strong coffee and grabbed a book from the shelf. The afternoon was going to be spent reading up on iguana's in the hope she could work out why "Brad" and "Angelina" weren't mating.

…..


Comments and reviews always appreciated. I have a similar story for Connor in the pipeline if anyone is interested