Something Better
Summary: Jacob reflects on how his love life played out. Drabble-ish.
"It couldn't have been SO hard for you," Bella insists.
"How so?" I reply, trying to hide the reawakened pain that always comes hand in hand with any mention of the past.
"You had family and friends by your side," She says as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean, sure you wanted me, but you ended up with something better."
-:-
Something better, she says. I can't help thinking how ridiculous that statement is. My life is not better now than it was before Renesemee. I may be happy with her, but I would never say that she is better. I have to be with her. I know it, she knows it, Bella and Edward know it, and the pack knows it. She's my imprint, and there's no way around it. I have to see her and be with her, and when I am, I'm happy. But to see her, I must also see her mother with her father. Every day, I have to see my past and the future that I might have had if I had made different decisions, if Bella had, if Edward had. Every day, I see the woman I loved – still love, 'cause I can't fuckin help it – the mother of my imprint, with Edward. And, regardless of my feelings for Renesemee, I still have feelings for Bella. Maybe Renesemee is better for me, but my life hasn't improved. I'm living in concurrence with all I had fought against. I'm reminded of my failures at happiness even as I have the chance to be happy.
-:-
"Jacob? Don't you think?" Bella says.
I look up. "Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. I was just a kid then. I didn't know how good I really had it. I was dumb to look at my life through my heartache when I had so much going for me. Now, I know that I was dumb, and you're right. I guess that seeing this has made me realize that my misery was my own fault and that I really do have something better now."
-:-
Not.
