Not just friends.
Castiel always was a soldier but being a soldier of heaven and a soldier of Dean Winchester are two very different things, both aim to protect and to save but Cas definitely knew witch one he liked doing more. Dean was his to protect and love, it s fair to say Cas was more than a little lost when he fell to earth with a crash but so was dean. However dean was lost in a different way, Cas was physically lost but dean was lost inside himself, he had become a Russian doll, so many layers of himself shielding him from the outside world. He was so many versions of himself that he didn t know who he was anymore but Cas even from the first moments knew him, he could see past the casing. He could see the real dean and well that didn t always go down well.
Castiel had spent the last two weeks avoiding dean after there was an 'incident' between the two. Dean never knew how badly these silences killed Cas but on the other hand cas never knew how badly dean would need him but still neither would say a word. Even though Cas was keeping his distance he never failed to protect dean whether it was stopping cars when dean would randomly walk out in the road or even rolling him over when he passed out from drinking to much to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit. Dean never knew but this is what Cas always did, Sam knew of course and he let Cas do it, he knew that this is all Cas could do to protect dean with out dean knowing that he was in fact protecting him. One time dean did find out that Cas was sorting the little things out for him and he went insane about it but inside he was pleased that someone cared for him.
"I'm not a child cas ! I can look after myself!
"I know you re not a child dean but I very much doubt you can look after yourself. Who in their right mind crosses the street without looking!?"
"Well I have never been hit have I" dean replied whining like a child. Knowing full well what would follow
"You're welcome by the way" Cas said as the irritation grew inside him but a grin remained on his face because even though they were fighting he was still there with dean and that s what mattered. Dean dramatically rolled his eyes and just like that cas was gone. The two didn't speak for about a week after that and Sam continued to make comments about how they were like an old married couple then laugh when dean would blush. That's the thing about dean and cas they always secretly looked out for each other but god forbid they ever tell each other that they care. Dean would make sure cas wouldn't feel intimidated or out of place when ever the three of them went out and cas would make sure that dean didn't get him self accidentally killed. The perfect system right ? Well it was until 'the incident'.
Dean and cas were arguing again because dean over heard cas talking to sam about him drinking to much.
"Cas for the last time. I Do Not Care ! I can and will drink as much as I like and I would sure appreciate it if you would stop being all... Sam about it."
"You may not care dean but I do ! And I'm not being all 'Sam' about it thank you. Can a friend not try and help. I was unaware that was against the law."
"Less of the sarcasm cas I really doesn't suit you" Dean sighed. Cas scowled at him and dean squirmed under cas's glare. Dean hated this look, the look of disappointment mixed with worry but that wasn't it, there was something else in the way Cas looked at him, something hidden in his mesmerising blue eyes, they were kind of blue that could make the sky look dul. For the first time dean looked, really looked at cas as if he was seeing him for the first time. His piercing blue eyes that held that look that dean couldn't quite put his finger on, his soft kind face and the way he was either completely confused or giving off this cute dorky smile and there was no inbetween. That's what got to dean most. That fact that when cas smiled it made him smile. Even if he was in the worse mood ever and felt as if the world was collapsing in on him if cas was there it all seemed a little brighter. Dean knew that if Cas was there by his side he could do anything.
"I do care for you Dean. Really I do." Cas softly whispered placing his hand on deans shoulder as he sat next to him on the bed. Dean shrugged cas's hand away and turned his face so as not to be looking directly at him.
"Why? Why do you care cas ?" Deans voice cracked "why does anyone care about me. What I do what I say. Why does anything matter?" Cas looked down at dean horrified as he saw deans shoulders drop and his walls begin to fall down.
"Why do we care !?" Dean could sense an air of irritation in the way cas spoke. "We- I care because its you ! Do i need anything else !?" Cas's voice remained calm and comforting despite the irritation.
"I'm nothing special cas. Why can't you see that. I'm nothing. Where ever I go i always hurt people. I leave a trail destruction. So you wonder why I drink so much ?" Dean paused and looked up at cas but failed to hold his gaze and turned back to look at the floor. "I drink to forget. I drink to block out all the horrors even if it means blocking out what ever good I have left around me its worth it. I can't live with all that crap man. It's not fair. Why me,why sammy. He's a good kid cas,he could have done grate things but he couldn't and all because of me. All because I was not strong enough to go find dad my self. Everything bad that happens to that kid, it's on me. All of it." Dean buried his head in his hands in a vain attempt to block the tears that were now stinging his eyes. Cas sat next to him wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close placing his chin into deans hair. Cas breathed in deeply the smell of Dean clouding his senses and making his heart flutter. Dean noticed cas smelling him but said nothing,just smiled to him self. For the first time he felt safe, wrapped in cas's arms. He felt as if he could stay here for ever.
I really must be drunk. Dean thought to him self as he moved closer into cas.
"You're special to me dean" cas whispered into deans hair. Dean relaxed into cas's arms and sifted his head up to look at him. Cas looked deep into deans green eyes, the same eyes that had always captivated him. The two stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Slowly they found them selfs moving closer. Deans eyes darted to cas's lips then back to his eyes. Their lips touched,awkwardly at first then more relaxed as dean sat up straight and placed his hands on cas's cheeks pulling him into the space that was not there. Dean could feel Cas's soft lips pressing ever so gently against his own and he found him self melting into cas's arms. Cas kissed him back lovingly as if he had been with out him for a million years feeling deans stubble brush against his chin as the two moved in synchronised motion. But just as soon as it had happened it was over and dean had darted to the other side of the room running his hands though his hair in distress as the fact that he was just making out with his best friend and liked it hit him like a train and his heterosexuality hung in the balance.
"Cas...umm-i-i think you should go... Look I'm sorry just... Just go..." Dean looked at cas like a scared child not quite knowing if he wanted cas to go or not. Dean desperately wished to be back in cas's arms kissing him again. If only he hadn't got scared, if only he knew how badly they needed each other.
"Okay... I'll go... If that's what you want?" Cas said as he looked hopefully at dean but he got no signal that dean wanted him to stay so he reluctantly left. He slowly walked towards the door silently pleading for dean to make him stay, wishing to be back in that moment with dean in his arms. Everything was diffent now he knew his feelings for dean were not just an angel looking after a human they were of someone looking after a loved one and he knew dean felt the same.
The weeks with out dean didn't fly by like they should have. They seemed to go on for ever until finally cas heard him. The voice in his head that he had been missing. At first cas heard deans voice but not what he was saying then it hit him. Dean was begging,begging for his life.
"Cas..." Deans once strong confident voice now reduced to a choking whine. For some reason cas couldn't get to dean all he could do was hear him beg as life slowly trickled out of him. Cas froze as his head filled with sadness and his eyes filled with tears as he listened to dean beg him once again.. "Cas please. If you can hear me please" deans voice cracked so that cas could almost hear the tears that rolled down his freckled cheeks. He wished so badly to be there and wipe them away with his thumb as he traced the lines on deans face.
Cas flew to just put side of where dean was and before he knew it he had kicked down the frail blue painted door to reveal dean lead half dead ,Sam was no where to be found, cas ran quickly and knelt before dean cradling his head in his lap Hearing his laboured breathing as deans blood covered his hands.
"Cas?" Dean was loosing blood fast but somehow his eyes looked fresh as if all of the world's beauty and purity had been poured into them. Cas raised his hand to heal him but was stoped. He looked down at deans hand that was now holding his.
"Dean let me heal you please" cas now had a steady flow of tears rolling down his face as he watched the life slowly faid from dean and his grasp on cas's hand loosen. Cas placed two fingers on deans forehead and hugged him tight as dean jerked back to life. Dean stayed once again in the safety of Castile's arms,he was beginning to make this a habit, Both cas and dean breathed heavily as what just happend finally hit them. Dean sat up on his knees so that he was facing cas. "Thank you. Again. You didn't have to do that" dean forced a smile. A sad kind of smile. The smile you make when you have missed someone so badly but you don't want them to know it.
"For you Dean there is nothing I wouldn't do" cas looked once again into deans eyes and studied them for any sign of anything. Dean blushed slightly as he stood up and extended a hand to help cas to his feet. Cas stood up a little close to dean but neither one of them moved. Dean began chewing the inside of his lip as he looked at cas's. Before he knew what he was doing cas had grabbed deans waist and pulled him against him. Cas kissed him hard but this time there was no awkwardness just the need for each other. Dean backed cas up against the wall and continued to kiss him stopping every now and again to look at him and smile.
"I missed you" cas managed to say between kisses. Dean stepped back and smiled again his hair was everywhere and his lips were now red and slightly puffy. Cas suddenly felt a flush of embarrassment sweep across him and he looked at his feet once again. Dean stepped back over to cas and placed his hand under cas's chin forcing him to look at him.
"I missed you too" dean said as he planted a kiss on cas's forehead. "But I don't have to miss you anymore. Your mine ?"
"I'm yours" cas said with a smile that went from ear to ear. Finally cas and dean could have the security of each other. Yes they would fight and argue but neither one would give up because you can't give up a love like that,that is what you fight for and it is more than worth it. Because in the end all we have is each other.
