She was fair and pale, her hair blew in the small breeze and I knew then that I loved her. It had taken me so long; it seemed that I had been blind to her loveliness. The small round pond lined with stones was mirror- smooth, and it seemed that she was gazing down into a looking glass.

I wanted to run to her and throw my arms around her, and kiss her and love her and.... But I knew I couldn't. She's a princess after all, and I am but a knight. A knight of the heavens, but that is not enough stature to request her hand. She is far too good and wonderful for someone like me.

I can see the lights of the city below, and they seem to surround her in a halo of light. It only makes me love her more. I take a step forward unthinkingly, and I catch myself before I can go further and do something that I will regret forever.

She's looking at me over her shoulder, I suppose she heard me. She must have, the stone clicked loudly under my heel. I must not have realized it. She makes me forget all about everything else and I can only see her.

She's turned and is walking towards me. I have to run, and yet I want to stay. My mind battles with my heart as she comes closer. She trips, and falls right into my chest. I wonder for a moment if she planned this, then all other thoughts fly out of my head as she looks up at me into my eyes.

She has such beautiful blue eyes. Her golden hair seems almost silvery in the moonlight. Marlene. She leans against me, and I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes. She's trapped me, and I never had a chance to escape. And I'd never want to.

~*~*~*~*~

"Lady Marlene is dead." Who ever would have thought that four words could hurt me so much as this. I hang my head and hold back my tears. She died a few years after childbirth. She was pregnant before she left for Freid. And I knew.

"Sir Allen. She is dead. You need to move on." I look up, the tears I've held back making everything look slightly blurry. Silvery golden straight hair, sad blue eyes watching me, hands reaching out to comfort. I want that comfort, I need it.

"Sir Allen. Allen. Please?" I've seen the way Lady Eries watches me. I don't blame her for wanting to use me in my time of grief, but I won't give in. I won't hurt another woman because I wouldn't go after her.

"I can't, Princess." I can't hurt you too. I don't want this to go any farther. "If you'll excuse me please." She looks sad, sadder then usual. But I shouldn't be surprised. I turn and leave to go to my quarters and start on my request form to be transferred to one of the remote outposts.

I have to leave; I can't go back and face all of the other people who will be mourning for her. None of them ever knew her like I did. No one now but the King of the Duchy of Freid and I will know her like that, and I cannot go to him for council. I will go on alone, and try to keep myself from anything as foolish as love ever again.

Has my heart been broken beyond repair? I've heard of it in stories, but this ripping pain I never felt when listening to the stories. A ripping tearing pulling pain that tells me that no matter how much I want this to be a dream, it isn't. It's real, and Marlene is dead.

People say that with time the pain will lessen. If that's true, then I will die before this pain recedes.