Melee School Boys: Battle of the Bands

-One-

Marth, Roy, and Link were sitting in a classroom filled with students none of them recognized, save for Stephenie and Nicholas and Gary Stu, who sat all the way in the back. They were there for one reason today: to take a test, which was actually more of an exam than anything else. A test for what, you might ask? Well, it was for Mewtwo-sensei's Japanese class. Marth and Roy smirked due to the fact that they knew everything there was to know about the language simply because they paid attention in class. They secretly felt sorry for Link, who they were sure was failing the class. And how hard was the exam? Well, that was up to their teacher, Mewtwo, who didn't really like anyone in the classroom.

Roy slouched in his seat, his uniform jacket unbuttoned, his shirt untucked, and his tie loosened due to the fact that it was simply boiling in Mewtwo's room. He tapped his pen against his desk, occasionally twirling it between his index and middle fingers, awaiting the teacher's arrival. Marth sat up straight, his hands folded in front of him. The pen he loved so much (it was his lucky pen with his name on it) was at the top of his desk. He cleared his throat, clearly nervous, though he really had no reason to be - but Mewtwo was somewhat insane, so maybe there was some just cause. Link was just sitting there, leaning comfortably back in his chair, his hands behind his head, supporting it. A little nap wouldn't hurt anyone...

The door suddenly flew open. Roy nearly flung his pen at Marth's face, who was seated to his left. Marth nearly choked on his own spit and was almost hit with a pen, but Marth half-fell out of his seat anyway. Link nearly fell out of his chair, for he was leaning back on the back legs too far, and would have been in Stephenie's lap and that wasn't a good thing at all. Mewtwo floated over to his podium, grabbed the grade book with his mind powers, and opened it to the appropriate page - period one.

"Stand up and bow down, mortals."

All of the students stood up and bowed.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, sensei," they all said in unison. Mewtwo turned to face the whiteboard and wrote something on it with a purple dry-erase marker - his favourite colour. Everyone took their seats while he did this.

"As you puny people know, you are being tested. Let's start with The Lecture."

"The Lecture? What lecture? No one mentioned a lecture..." Stephenie said, her hand raised. Mewtwo ignored her.

"The Lecture should be easy, considering it's about what you studied." Or didn't study, Mewtwo added mentally.

I'm going to fail, Roy thought, realising he wasn't good at lectures. Hey, maybe I can cheat off of Marth.

Link screamed like Nobuyuki Hiyama being smacked in the face.

Crap. I hope it was about sharks. Link was up all night watching the Shark Special on the Discovery Channel.

'Piece of the proverbial cake,' Marth thought and did a perfect imitation of Japanese!Heero Yuy. Mewtwo looked at him oddly.

"Yes, today's lecture is about...COWS."

"WHAT?" Marth screamed, jumping out of his desk, almost knocking it over and sending itflying.

"Why're you freaking out, Hikaru-chan?" Roy asked.

"Because I st—did you just call me 'Hikaru-chan'?"

Roy snickered. "...You look like someone from Ouran Host Club, that's all." Upon seeing Marth's confused face, Roy said, "It was a joke, Marth."

"Oh. Well in that case, it wasn't very funny."

After screaming when he remembered the Cow Lecture, he ran to the back of the room to the sink, where he splashed his face with cold water several times. Marth didn't like lectures about meat-products.

"Don't mind Marth. He just likes chickens," Roy said, bored, and tried to balance his pen on his nose.

"That's Link who likes chickens," Marth yelled. "I'm a vegetarian - I don't like meat products."

"Alright, let's skip the lecture because it's a waste of time and clearly none of you studied. Don't lie. I can read minds," Mewtwo said at last, looking at his class indifferently.

Marth calmed down enough to sit back at his desk and be quiet.

"Answer all of the questions I have written on the board. It can give me an idea of how well you know your fellow Smashers. And classmates," Mewtwo said, adding the last bit in as an afterthought.

Roy looked at the board and then at his notebook.

"'What country does Marth come from?' Uh...," Roy said to himself, chewing on his pen cap. "Wait, the country or the...the continent?"

Mewtwo stared at Roy.

"I'm sorry, it's almost nine in the morning, I'm not a morning person, and my brain is still sleeping right now."

"The country," Mewtwo clarified, and Roy scribbled his answer down.

Marth absentmindedly twirled a section of his hair around his finger.

"'What is a cuckoo?' ... Link's favourite animal in the whole wide world," he scribbled, smirking.

Link stared blankly at the board. "'Who is Eliwood?' ...Good question," he wrote.

Roy tapped his pen against the page. "'How far is Hyrule from here?' ...You expect me to know?" he wrote, albeit very messy and not very legible.

Marth wrote, "Four miles."

Link wrote that he "didn't want to be here" on the margin of his paper and hoped Mewtwo was too stupid to figure out what it said. However, Mewtwo, who could read minds, knew exactly what it said, and would give Link an "F" for e"f"fort.

"'What is Marth's favourite colour and song?'" Roy pondered the answer for all of two point five seconds before he wrote "blue".

Link turned around and whispered, "Hey, Roy; what's the answer to the last question?"

Roy looked at the last question: What is Marth's shoe size?

"...Who the hell knows Marth's shoe size?" Glancing at Mewtwo, Roy whispered to Link, "I think Mewtwo's trying to tell us something, there. You know what they say about a guy's shoe size."

Link shook his head. "No, I don't."

Roy would have headdesked, but he didn't really want a concussion.

Marth hastily scribbled on his paper, and when Link was about to ask Marth for his shoe size, he got up from his desk (once again, nearly knocking it over) and put it on Mewtwo's podium.

"Ah, Mister Lowell--" Marth cleared his throat and glared at him. "--...deal with it. Your title means nothing here."

Marth scowled.

"You do realize you're the only one finished, right?"

Marth nodded.

"Then sit your human butt back down in your seat and do something productive for once while your weak classmates finish up."

Marth sat down in his seat but then shrieked like Hikaru Midorikawa when he realized something.

"I don't think I put my name on the paper."

Mewtwo smirked and glanced down at Marth's test paper.

"You did your name on it, but you only put 'Marth Lowell' on it. Oh well. It's your name that matters, not your title."

Marth pouted and slid lower in his seat to sulk and grumble about Mewtwo.

Roy got fed up with the last question and put "WHO CARES?" and "IT'S FUN TO SMOKE MARIJUANA" and jumped out of his seat exclaiming, "I'm done!"

Mewtwo yawned. "Give me your test then, weakling."

Roy nearly stumbled over Link's book bag and handed in his test.

"...Well, at least you put your name on it, even though your brain is half working," Mewtwo said. Roy muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Stupid good-for-nothing Pokie-man," and sat back down at his desk.

Link nearly put a hole in his paper when he wrote his answer to the first question and folded his test up into a paper airplane, throwing it over to Mewtwo's podium where it missed and went into his coffee.

Mewtwo was not amused, and Link hurriedly began to write his will on another sheet of paper, because Mewtwo was a germophobe and he didn't like anything extra in his coffee. Using his mind powers, Mewtwo took the test out of his "Please donate to the LMOA disease foundation" mug and dried it off.

"Just 'Link', hmm? Oh well. Time is up, weaklings. I need a mocha latte."

Mewtwo looked through the tests once he got them all and shook his head.

"This is pathetic. The only ones who got most, if not all, of the questions right was Mr. Lowell and Mr. Pherae. Link, you fail at life."

The two aforementioned boys blushed. Marth sneezed.

"As punishment for being so stupid, Link, you must kiss Marth. On the mouth. French. Now."

Link screamed like Nobuyuki Hiyama and knocked himself out by banging his head against the back of his chair.

"I'll do it!" Roy volunteered, a bit more cheerful than Mewtwo expected.

"OBJECTION!" Marth shouted, holding up his left hand and pointed to his ring finger. "Sheeda would not like this. At all."

"Oh come on, Marth, it's just a kiss, and it's for Link."

Marth sighed. "Fine. But if Sheeda gives me grief for it, it's on your conscience."

And so Roy brushed his lips against Marth's, his hand clutching onto Marth's blazer.

Mewtwo thought the kiss lasted longer than it really should have.

-x-

Author's Note: So I'm revising this story. I decided that it needs more detail, and the continuity really isn't...that stable. Besides, I'll probably make it more amusing, as well. Heh.

So feedback is welcome and appreciated!