(Disclaimer: The following is a parody of CinemaSin's "Everything Wrong With" series. If you are unfamiliar with their humor, I suggest you go watch their content first. The intent of this Fanfic is for comedy and entertainment purposes only. With this in mind, you should know that the feelings of the creator of this fanfic, towards the web series in question (Camp Camp), will not be accurately reflected here. That being said, the creator has no intention of offending anyone involved with the shows creation (RoosterTeeth), its franchise, the show itself, or the people who like the show.)
(A/N: Hey everyone! Just letting you all know that I am still working on my RWBY fics, I just need to cut my teeth on something a little easier first and, after this, I'll be working on my Warhammer fanfic: The Bloody Path Walked. I'd also like to give some credit to user lknmjh, whose Everything Wrong With: Star vs the Forces of Evil fics inspired me to make this. Anyway, without further ado, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy.)
Everything Wrong With: Camp Camp
Season 1, Episode 1: Escape from Camp Campbell.
Spoilers
(Duh)
(Scene fades in to a woodland road scenery leading to Camp Campbell, where a rabbit is hopping along, until an eagle suddenly swoops down and snatches it away)
That's the first joke? I was hope for a stronger start from you, RoosterTeeth. (ding)
David: Can you believe it, Max? We're getting not one, not three, but two new campers!
As a RWBY fan, I can't help but hear a little bit of Jaune's voice every time David talks. I know they're done by the same voice actor, but it's still a bit distracting. (ding)
Max: Yep. It's really, truly horrifying.
As a RWBY fan, I can't help but hear Sun's voice every time Max talks. And it's even more distracting this time as Max just sounds like a grumpy, angsty Sun. (ding)
Max: Well, it's definitely not because the bus only comes in from the city to drop off and pick up campers and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp. Definitely not that.
David: Heeeeyy... language.
Max: Suck a dick-
Y'know, I only recently got into watching this show because, for the longest time, I thought this would too childish for me. I thought it would be more 'RWBY Chibi meets Dora the Explorer'. That oughtta teach me not to judge a book by its cover. It should also teach any little kids that decided to watch this show under the same assumptions a few new words to use. (ding)
Max: I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exsist.
I'm with Max. David is waaaaaaaay too happy for his own good. It's kinda creepy in its own way. (ding)
David: (runs up to the approaching bus) Hello! Welcome to Camp- (gets hit by the approaching bus) *screaming*
If he ain't dead then he shouldn't be getting up anytime soon. (ding)
Nikki: *heavily inhaling* Oh yeah, smell that nature! Oh that's the stuff.
As a RWBY fan, I can't help but hear Nora's voice every time- wait... that's Winter's Voice actress? Winter Schnee's voice actress also plays Nikki?! Wow. Kudos to her, she's got range. (reverse ding)
David: (gets up and shakes away the pain)
Hey! I said he shouldn't be getting up anytime soon! He got hit by a bloody bus! (ding)
David: My name is David, your camp-
Nikki: (bites his hand)
David: *screaming in pain* (trying to shake her off)
Guess she doesn't know that that's gonna be the hand that feeds her for the next few months. (ding)
Neil: Um, excuse me? Is this Science Camp?
I've never been to a Science Camp before, but I doubt it would be in a place like this. (ding)
David: Well, you two will be happy to know that Camp Campbell is both of th- (gets hit by the bus again) *screaming*
Seriously, how has he not broken anything yet? (ding)
Quartermaster: You're on your own, now. (changes his hook-hand into a hand hold a bottle of what I can only assume is poison) Going on break, be back for the bus at noon.
I'm already getting some bad vibes off this guy... (ding)
David: The first stop on any good tour is the flagpole! (salutes) I can't help but give it the official Camp Campbell salute every time I see it. (salute down) Beside the flagpole is our mess hall, which- (salutes again) Oh! Sorry, saw the flag again.
David is such a god damn tool. (ding)
David: Tell 'em just how much you love it, Max!
Max: (Nikki & Neil looking at him) See, that's the sad thing. He still thinks that I love it.
Overly happy, a tool and delusional? How do you function, David? (ding)
David: Gooood morning, Gwen!
Gwen: Motherfucker!
(absolute chaos in the mess hall)
Well, that's one way introduce a chara- wait a minute. He says good morning like it's the first time he's seen her that day. Was David just standing out in the driveway all morning waiting for the bus? No wonder she's like this, she has to deal with 7 (8 if she had to deal with Max as well, and she probably had to) crazy kids on her own! Pick up the slack, David! (ding)
Gwen: (throwing cutlery at Space Kid who, somehow, tapped himself to the ceiling fan and is spinning around on it)
Ok, how is throwing knives and forks at the problem going to solve it? (ding)
Space Kid: (spinning right round, baby, right round) Crank it to high, I can take the G's!
Had to double check it, but Space Kid and Ruby share the same voice actress. Again, props to some good voice differentiation. (reverse ding)
Max: I'm telling you, if we leave now, I can hot wire that bus.
How? You're 10. Is hot wiring vehicles just a class they teach in the US now? (ding)
Space Kid: (falls to the ground when the fan stops) I'm okay.
You shouldn't be. Even with the helmet on, that should have hurt. (ding)
And why didn't anyone try to catch him? (ding)
David: What the gosh darn heck happened?
You left Gwen to look after the kids, alone, while you were out bus watching. (ding)
Also 'gosh darn heck'. (ding)
Gwen: Okay, let's... show them the video.
David: Actually, (slowly pulls out an acoustic guitar from nowhere behind him) I was thinking I could play them that song I've been-
Gwen: (stops him) I'm gonna stop you, right there. No.
Yeah, no. (ding)
Gwen: I'll get the laser disc.
Laser disc? What, did their beta-max player break down or something? (ding)
Nikki: What about that astronaut kid?
Neil: Astronauts, the wannabe jocks of the scientific community? Please.
That's... Astronaut-ist? Is that even a word? Well, it is now. (ding)
Camron Campbell: (climbs down a ladder in his underwear while David is still talking)
David: (hasn't notice Campbell at all) A savvy businessman, extraordinary philanthropist, and one heck of an adventurer if I do say so myself.
Is David just that dense, or does her just not have any observation skills whatsoever? (ding)
Campbell: *laughing* Well I'm certainly not hiding from any authorities if that's what you're thinking.
David: What?
Campbell: (slaps him on the back) Haha, come on, Davey!
Yeah, he's just that dense. (ding)
Gwen: You have for years, sir.
Campbell: (draws her in for a tight hug) Haha, oh Grace, you slay me!
How long have they been working for this guy? and how has he not learnt her name by now? (ding)
Neil: So far every attempt to answer our questions just raise more questions
Neil would be great at Cinema Sins. (ding)
(A car screeches to a halt outside and two agents step out)
Campbell: In fact, we should go on that tour right now, all of us, away from this spot. (hurries the kids and councilors outside)
Well, that's not suspicious at all. (ding)
Gwen: There's Extreme Sports Camp,
Ered: (skateboards down one ramp and goes straight through another)
Health and safety code? What's that? (ding)
Gwen: Art Camp,
Dolph: *speaks in a German accent* It's a dog!
... no comment. (ding)
Nerris: Lightning bolt!
Barbra Dunkleman is not punning in this scene. (ding)
David: Well I'm glad you asked, because I have a little song that I can sing-
Gwen: No.
David: When Gwen's not around.
Again, no. (ding)
Max: (running without looking) If I can just get to that bus before it heads back! (runs into David's legs and falls down)
Can David teleport? Is he secretly Slenderman? I'mma say he's secretly Slenderman. (ding)
Max: You are the bane of my exsistance.
Perching to the choir, Max. (ding)
Neil: Excuse me, what the hell is this? (he gestures towards 'SciENcE!' Camp, with its melted Bunsen burner, its magnifying glass micro-scope, and its beakers made out of wood)
So much to sin and so little time. I'll just give it one and be done with it. (ding)
Neil: I just wanted Science Camp, not Science Camp and more! I don't want more!
Campbell: Well that's why you read the fine print, sport! (uses the magnifying glass micro-scope to show 'and more...' in the fine print on the brochure) See, right there. And more. Now you can't sue us!
Campbell you sleazy git... (ding)
Nikki: So, what? It's just some sort of Camp Camp?
Roll credits. (ding)
Max: Woah, check out the balls on new kid.
Nikki: (looks down at herself) Where?
Nikki temporarily forgets what gender she is. (ding)
Gwen: Look, kid, I know it's not-
Campbell: (interrupts her) Stand down, Gretchen. I'll speak to the children.
How hard is it to learn someones name when they told you it MINUTES ago! (ding)
Campbell: (is being shot at by agents, uses Space Kid as a shield, the bullets deflect off of his helmet)
What the hell is that fish bowl made of? (ding)
Campbell: (talks into his 'watch') Code black, code black!
(an off-scene helicoptor drops a ladder in front of Campbell)
Was there just a 'chopper waiting in a pocket dimension for the command to pop back into real-space to rescue hiss sorry ass?! I am so confused right now! (ding)
(David, Max, Nikki and Neil just stand where Campbell was while the agents are still shooting)
Two sins here. First for these idiots just standing their while PEOPLE ARE SHOOTING IN THEIR DIRECTION! (ding)
And the second for the agents themselves. What's with these guys? I've seen Stormtroopers with better aim. (ding)
Nikki: ...Well, he seems nice.
Oh, you poor naive girl. (ding)
Gwen: Oh god, it's coming back! The crippling depression and anxiety!
I'd recomend that she seek professional help, but if she works at this place then chances are she can't even afford amature help. (ding)
Gwen: (in the fetal possision) Why did study for a liberal arts degree?
Well, that explains the depression. (ding)
Nikki: Hey David! Why don't you sing us that song you won't shut up about?
Nikki, why?! (ding)
David: (strums guitar) Ooooooooooooh!~ (David begins singing)
This song is too damn upbeat and catchy for my liking, but I'll just give it one sin since it was cut mercifully short and I'll never hear it again after this. It'd be real annoying to hear it every friggin' episode. (ding)
Gwen: The kids are gone.
And you're letting them get away, why? (ding)
(In place of Max, Nikki and Neil are knitted dolls of themselves. Max's fulls over with a 'THUD')
Okay, the Max dummy I get, it was established earlier and he had at least a week or two to make, but how were they able to whip up a Nikki dummy and a Neil dummy so damn quickly? (ding)
Nikki: (throws her 1st Day Camper badge at David. It hits him in the face and he falls down, which also trips Gwen over when she tries running past)
DOUBLE KILL! (ding)
Max: Remember this face, David, cause you'll never see it again!
(The bus drives off with Max laughing)
(Cuts to the next scene with the bus crashed with the main cast and an agent standing near the wreckage with the Sleepy Peak Sheriff writing up a ticket)
'Character says one thing, but the contrary thing happens in the next scene off screen' cilche. (ding)
Sheriff: I'm getting real tired of having to come up here, David.
David: I know, Sal.
David and the Sheriff are on first name terms? Just how many times have things gotten out of hand at this shit whole of a camp? (ding)
Neil: Well, I mean in hindsight none of us really know how to drive.
Gwen: Yeah, honestly Max, how far did you expect to make it?
That... is actually a good question. (ding)
Nikki: I'll be honest, I just always wanted to drive a bus.
Grand Theft Nikki. (ding)
Max: Let's go, guys. I'll take you to our tent.
Are the tents in this camp co-ed? Even so, isn't it the counselors decision to- ah forget it, Max seems to do whatever he wants around here. (ding)
Gwen: This is gonna be aweful.
It's just the first episode, Gwen. Don't judge it too harshly just yet… despite the fact that that's what I've been doing this whole time… sin! (ding)
David: Oh, come on Gwen! (punches Gwen in the arm harder then he should have)
Dude, you hit a girl! Not cool, man. Not cool. (ding)
Gwen: (beats David with his own guitar)
David: *screams in Terror and Pain*
Okay, that was funny. Taking off a sin. (reverse ding)
(outro music plays)
As much as I like this song, it sounds like a carbon copy of 'X gonna give it to ya'. (ding)
Total Sin Count: 56
Sentence: Death by Bus. (*David screaming in pain*)
(Ah, that was fun. Let me know if I missed any Sins or if there are any in Episode 2 you wanna point out. Until then, Follow/Favorite/Comment, and I'll see you next time!)
