I have been... no, not on hiatus. More like dead. Sorry, sorry. No one probably cares, anyway. But hey, look at that, my favourite book ressurected me. Now all I have to do is push that huge bouler away from the cave entrance.
And that's metaphor speak for getting rid of writer's block.
Review. Please. Critique to your heart's content. But please, don't bash my opinions, like the fact that I love Jacob and I like Renesmee's name and I think they're perfect together. Not. Your. Problem. Go be a little spoiled kid somewhere else.
Hot Chocolate
Let it never be said that Jacob Black was a bad babysitter. No, on the contrary, he was great – he never got tired, he always had something new to show, he was protective, he was warm… in more ways than one. But the fact that I got tired of him sometimes remained. After all, who could blame me? I liked to spend a bit of time with my daughter, too. As it was, he was monopolizing her all day – every day. And sometimes at night, too, because he was like a walking, talking heater.
So today when I had come back from a particularly long hunting trip with Alice and practically ran into the house expecting my Renesmee to be waiting for me, I had a good reason to be disappointed. Because she wasn't there. That is, she wasn't in the living room, prepared to greet me. Her fluttering heart was located in the kitchen, right next to a bigger, rhythmic one. Right next to Jacob. Again.
"Bella, do dry your hair before you commit murder. The carpet…" Alice began, but then gave up as I disappeared without bothering to listen. Wet hair was a consequence of rain, and rain was nature. There was nothing I could do about that. But my love for Renesmee was nature, too, so why was I being denied that now?
They were there of course, sitting together all cozy-like at our polished wooden kitchen table. The one tenth of a second that I stood there before they noticed me was all it took to quickly comprehend the situation. She was sitting on his lap, staring at a white mug that her skinny fingers were wrapped around. It was giving off miniature clouds of steam and a particularly chocolate-like smell. Jacob was telling her something quietly, and she was communicating back to him – her back was pressed up against his chest. It seemed like a completely tranquil – and normal – day, but for me, it was just annoying because of its constant reoccurrence.
"Momma!" her voice chimed suddenly, temporarily making me forget my frustration. She launched herself into my arms gracefully and I caught her and spun her around, pressing her warm body up against my chest. Her arms hung loosely around my neck and I noted that she'd grown a bit again. The difference was miniscule – but there. And to think that I'd only been gone three days…
My thoughts were interrupted by a torrent of my daughter's: she was showing me the major events of my absence. She'd beaten Jacob at chess with Daddy's help – he wasn't a very good player. Rosalie and she had taken a trip to the mall in Seattle and everyone had stared at them like they were angels. She hunted with Jacob and they'd met a grizzly bear and took him down together. Emmett was jealous. I smiled at her and she returned the favor, stunning me with her beauty yet again.
Someone shuffled closer to me, interrupting our moment. I knew immediately, so I didn't bother to look away from Renesmee, choosing to study her curls instead of giving in to the temptation of glaring at Jake.
"Hey, Bella." He said cheerily. I sighed inwardly and glanced up at him, making sure to compose my face into something less than vexation.
"Hi Jake. Having fun?" I asked. I sounded a bit bitter.
He didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, I got her some hot chocolate since it was raining. You know, since it's like a comfort food."
I looked back at Renesmee. "Do you like it?" I inquired, hoping she didn't. She touched my cheek briefly, explaining: It was interesting, and not as gross as some other things, but she still preferred blood. I smiled triumphantly. "That's good." I said.
Jacob smiled, too, misunderstanding the exchange – as he was meant to.
"Momma, you're all wet." Renesmee said, reaching for my dripping strands of hair. I watched her, not really caring. Then again, Alice might be slightly mad at me if she found out that I got one of her little outfits soaked. Even if my daughter did have millions of them.
"Guess I better go change." I grinned, and walked out, taking Renesmee with me. Jacob trailed behind, not really eager to leave us alone. I tried to ignore him to the best of my abilities as I walked up the stairs. My child put her chin on my shoulder, watching him, no doubt. It didn't improve my mood any. We ventured into mine and Edward's room and I found myself wondering where he was – I still hadn't seen him. I did know that he was due to hunt soon, too, but I'd assumed that he would try to plan it before I'd come home. Perhaps he was at our house when I came – but he should have come here by now. Lost in these thoughts, I set Renesmee down onto the bed and went to the closet to try to find some regular clothes. Jacob hovered in the doorway. Too tired to put on my poker face, I sent him a small glare of exasperation.
"Girls only, Jake."
"Sorry, sorry." He mumbled, stepping out and shutting the door behind him. He didn't leave, though, and I felt the urge to tell him to go do something less annoying. Suppressing it, I dug through the neat piles of shirts until I found a blouse I'd left here some time ago. Then, I happily cast aside the colorful, expensive top I'd worn to Mexico. Alice could have it back – I really didn't feel the need to wear it anymore, especially here. Not unless I was afraid of being mistakenly shot by a hunter and needed one of those neon-orange vests.
Light footsteps danced down the hallway toward my room and my door burst open. I was already buttoning up my normal top, hoping that Alice wouldn't throw too much of a fit over it. Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice. Her dark eyes were trained on Renesmee.
"Nessie, your clothes are all wet!" she exclaimed in a mixture of horror and euphoria. The latter was probably due to her newly-discovered excuse to dress her up again. I rolled my eyes and then noticed Jacob peeking into the room through the open door. My lips pulled back, revealing my teeth. Couldn't anyone give me a little time alone with my Renesmee?
My sister turned to look at me, her expression thoughtful. "Oh, by the way, Bella, Edward should be here soon... well, now. He was kidnapped by Jasper and Emmett this morning."
It was as if a gust of wind had passed by, blowing away all of my previous symptoms of chagrin. My mind fluttered happily at the thought of seeing my husband again. After all, I'd have plenty of time to steal Renesmee back from Jacob and Alice later. Forgetting my plans of grabbing a towel from the bathroom to dry my hair, I quickly jumped to Nessie to plant a kiss on her forehead, and then flew out the door and down the stairs.
He was there, waiting for me like a personal angel. His smile was priceless and drew me in like a magnet. I didn't bother with the last five steps down the stairs – I launched myself into his arms immediately, without hesitation. There was still a little part of me that was smug when I felt his balance falter at the collision.
"Hello, love." He laughed, nuzzling my ear. I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and smiled, indulging in the same thing myself. He smelled wonderful – like always. We clung to each other for only a second, but it was long enough. I wanted to see his face too much to keep still.
"I heard you were kidnapped." I told him, smiling. His eyes, as I noticed, were butterscotch again. Light and cheerful. So he did hunt. "Did you fight them off bravely?"
"No, I ran." He admitted. "There is a problem with fighting when a certain someone is busy making you feel very mellow." He scowled briefly, but then replaced it with a grin again.
"That's fine." I said, pulling myself closer to him to touch our lips together. "As long as you escaped in time."
"Not exactly, from what I gather. I wasn't here to meet you, and I hear that Jacob thinks you were slightly mad at having Renesmee taken away again." He frowned. "I am sorry about that. But you know I can't just shove him out the door."
"No, I wouldn't want you to." I sighed. No matter how annoying Jake might have been getting, he was still nice to have around. As long as he didn't cling to Nessie all the time. Which tended to happen. "But how long has he been here? Doesn't he have a pack to lead back at La Push? He can't have forgotten."
"He hasn't, and he does leave, but only when he has to. Mostly when she's sleeping or playing with someone else." Edward pursed his lips, a mix of amusement and frustration on his perfect face. "It's very hard to convince him to do something for himself when he so sincerely loves her and wants her to be happy. There's no reasoning with him. She's his only logic now."
I didn't have an answer to that so I settled for simply staring off into the nearest window. It was stained with raindrops, glistening beautifully in the half-light of the gloom. I'd gotten to like rain very much. I liked it even more now, when it was relaxing and allowed me to simply stare at it while Edward's arms were still comfortably on my waist. This was where I wanted to be.
But peace didn't last long in a household with a special girl and an imprinted werewolf.
"Heads up." Edward told me quietly, almost like he was talking to himself. I cocked my head, listening to the footsteps on the second floor.
A few moments later, Jacob blew past us, Renesmee on his shoulders. I arched my eyebrows but he didn't stop to explain – just ran back into the kitchen. I turned to my husband for an explanation.
"He's 'rescuing' her from Alice." He chuckled, taking my hand. "C'mon, let's go rescue her from him."
I was all too happy to comply. It was only minutes ago that I'd gotten back to my family, and I was already back in the natural flow of things. It seemed right, too. Even if I did like peace, sometimes chaos was fun. Of course, Jacob provided that part, too. Another reason to keep him around. As if the other dozen weren't enough.
We only had time to see Jacob and Renesmee hiding under the table – a silly game, considering whom she was playing with. But she was having fun, and that was what was important. Even Alice seemed to understand that, because when she danced in right after us, she narrowed her eyes theatrically and surveyed the perimeter of the room.
"Renesmee," she sang cheerfully, "Wouldn't you rather try on the new channel boots I got for you? Remember the ones from the catalog?"
If the family ties in the Cullen had been – haha – by blood, I would have simply blamed Nessie's liking for fashion on genetics. As it was, I could only assume that Alice and Rose had brainwashed her. Because that sentence had her peeking out from under her safe haven, even as Jacob desperately tried to pull her back.
"There you are!" Alice exclaimed, eyes sparkling. "Now let's go see how they'll look with your new European coat…"
"Traitor!" Jacob whined.
Nessie giggled. I laughed, too, not being able to resist, and within seconds, everyone else had joined in.
This was my family. The way it was supposed to be. The way I wanted it. The way it was. Nothing in the world could ruin that, I thought. Especially not with the upcoming happy event. One of the best moments of my life, human and vampire.
"It's your birthday in two days." Edward told her quietly. She rolled over from her side onto her back, staring up at him with her chocolate eyes. Her mouth turned up into an expectant smile.
"I remember." She told him. He laughed quietly, stroking the soft curls around her face. The rest of her hair was pulled together into a braid for the night.
"Did you want anything special?" he asked. "I know you'll get lots of gifts, but you can tell me what you really want and I'll get it for you."
I knew he would. In a way, Edward was nearly as smitten with her as Jacob was. He was a great father, of course, but I sometimes worried that he'd spoil her. She always got what she wanted when she asked Daddy. He practically melted when she looked at him in that cute way of hers. I couldn't blame her, of course, she was his daughter. She had a claim on him, too.
I heard her huff thoughtfully. There was the quietest rustle of blankets – she was probably reaching up to touch his face. I hoped that he was say it aloud, at least for my sake.
He did. "A motorcycle?!"
My mouth dropped open but I quickly shut it again, trying to contain my shock.
"Like my Jacob has." She explained. I wanted to bang my head against the wall all of a sudden. But holes were not good decorations, so I resisted.
Edward gave a nervous laugh. "That's interesting, but I think your mother wouldn't approve of that."
You coward, I thought, wishing he could hear me. You don't approve, either.
"But it looks like fun." She insisted.
"We'll figure something out." He promised, probably wanted to finish the conversation so that he could flee. "Good night."
"Good night, Daddy."
He turned off her bedside lamp and walked out into the hallway where I was waiting, leaning against one of the bookshelves. I gave him a cynical look and he immediately responded with a guilty one. We couldn't talk now – Renesmee's hearing was as good as ours. We waited until we were back in our room – and Edward immediately took my hands in his, probably trying to soften me up. It worked.
"I'm sorry. But we will figure something out." This time, he said it for me. But it meant something completely different. I rolled my eyes.
"You're too soft with her." I told him. I knew it was unfair – everyone was. Even me. But at least I could have said 'no'. "What if she thinks she's getting one now? I'm blaming Jake. And you, too."
He laughed a bit, more confident. "I said I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you?" he leaned in, his forehead touching mine. Our eyes met and I felt my resent melting away.
"I see you've been taking lessons from our daughter." I commented. "Or maybe she inherited it from you. I don't even know anymore."
"You haven't answered my other question." He prodded. I gave a small smile.
"Maybe. If you try really hard." I teased.
That was all the confirmation he needed. Things took their natural course from there – as they did almost every night for us, still. I doubted I'd ever get tired of it. It seemed impossible.
This night, though, it turned out to be our curse. We were so focused on each other, so distracted… I wonder now how it's possible that we could have missed it. Could love actually make you blind? But for that night, it did. That's why we probably missed it. We missed what'd happened in the other room. We missed her dream, we missed her decision.
And suddenly, we were missing her.
No fluttering heartbeat. No steady breathing of our little girl asleep. Nothing.
I wish I didn't remember running into the room. I wish I'd forgotten, from the shock, the impact that empty bed had on me.
She was gone. Gone, gone, gone.
I didn't remember screaming her name. Edward later told me he thought for a brief second I was actually in physical pain. And in a way, I was.
She was missing.
