(Season 6 – 'The Killer in the Crosshairs')
This idea came to me while listening to the song 'I Hope You Dance'. This is not a song fic.
I really don't own Bones.
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She had known Booth for a long time and during that time, she had seen him happy, ecstatic, angry, upset, sad and conceitedly smug, but she could not recall a time when he appeared to be apathetic. Booth usually took a bad turn in his life in either an outraged state or an unhappy state, but to appear defeated wasn't something she was used to.
At first, her partner had been angry when Hannah had rejected his marriage proposal and that she had understood. Booth wore his heart on his sleeve and unless he was interviewing a suspect he rarely hid how he felt about anything, but this time his anger had lasted all of two weeks then apathy had seemed to take over. Though he claimed to be angry, Brennan didn't really think that was true. She was afraid he wasn't feeling anything at all.
Her partner was the type of man who moved on quickly when he suffered a setback. He'd told her often enough that he didn't live in the past, but only in the present. Most of the time he didn't even seem to be interested in the future, just what was happening at that moment. She supposed it was a survival mechanism he had learned as a child growing up in an abusive situation. The fact that he was unable to get past another heartbreak concerned her. She was his friend and she wanted to help him, if he would let her.
Brennan had been through her own trials in the last year and after her world had turned upside down for three days, she had had an epiphany. For too long, she had shut down the emotional side of her life and all it had caused her was loneliness and a crushed heart. Now she was determined to examine her emotions and understand why she was reacting in a certain way instead of denying that she was feeling anything at all.
She also danced.
As an anthropologist she had studied many cultures that used dance for various ceremonies and over the years she had learned that dancing was cathartic, at least for her. After she had been nearly killed during her obsessive behavior during the Lauren Eames case and she had admitted that she did indeed love Booth she had realized that she had to dance. Alone in her apartment, her heart broken, she stood in her apartment and slowly started to sway. No music played for this dance. This was a dance of recovery and hope. She now knew she was able to love someone and though that someone was living with someone else, she rejoiced in the fact that she could feel love for someone.
Since her childhood, she had thought that love was a myth, a cruel joke. After her family had abandoned her to be raised by strangers, she had come to the conclusion that love was just chemicals and once those chemicals in the body wore off then loved died with it.
She now knew that wasn't true. Love did exist and she had found it though it appeared to be too late to do anything about it. Slowly dancing in her living room, she smiled at Brainy Smurf and Jasper the Pig sitting on the bookshelf near her bedroom door and she knew that Booth had been right all along. She only had to open her heart and see that there was someone there for her. The fact that she had rejected his love and he now had someone else in his life didn't negate the fact that she had at last found love.
Her body started to sway faster, her arms moved up and balanced her body and she moved around her living room. She thought of the friendship that still existed between her and Booth and she knew that she may have lost his willingness to have a relationship with her, but she hadn't lost his friendship. He loved her as a friend and she loved him too. She had never had a friend like Booth and she hoped she continued to keep that friendship.
Angela was a dear friend to her and she loved her too, but Booth was the only friend she had ever had that accepted her the way she was and didn't try to push her to change. He accepted who and what she was and she found that to be a special part of their friendship. Their love was special. They had gone through many trials and tribulations together and apart and yet their friendship remained strong.
Her body started to move faster and she moved her arms further up in the air. She started to lift her feet to a rhythm only she could hear. Her heart started to beat faster, her pulse increased as she started to move in circles about the room. She felt the adrenaline move through her as her pace quickened. Her gaze once more on the figurines that Booth had given her, she bounced over to the bookshelf and swooped them off the shelf.
Holding them up in the air, she felt tears escape her eyelashes as she danced faster. "I am not alone. I am not alone." Jumping about the room, her head thrown back as she cried happy tears she felt emotions she had thought she would never feel. She had always been alone or so she had thought, but during the Lauren Eames case she had been forced to look at her own life and she realized that she had many friends who cared about her just like she cared about them.
Suddenly she stopped, held up the figurines and smiled at the simple gifts. No one had ever given her a gift before just because they had wanted to make her feel better. Though she couldn't have Booth the way she wanted to, that didn't matter right now. He was still in her life and he made her life interesting. It also made her both sad and happy, an odd emotional mix, but it was what she felt.
Carefully placing the figurines back on the shelf, she felt better for her dance. She was still sad about her situation, but that sadness wasn't as strong as it had been before. She might seek out someone to have a personal relationship with or she might not. She now knew that she was not alone and it wasn't necessary to seek out sexual gratification to feel anything. She felt many things now and love was the most important one. She had at last found love and was willing to admit it. She wasn't alone. She hadn't been for quite a while. It had just taken her a while to see it and appreciate it.
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They were sitting in the Diner, a place they enjoyed together. It was a simple setting, the food was good and the coffee was hot. As she poured a little sugar in to her coffee cup, Brennan watched Booth as he cut into a slice of apple pie. He appeared to still be in a quiet mood, a pensive mood and she wished she could help him to move on. "I think you should dance."
Not sure what she was talking about, Booth placed his fork down and frowned at his friend. "What do you mean?"
"Most cultures have ceremonies to celebrate milestones in a man's life. There are three important elements in moving on past an old relationship. First there is admission. You accept that your relationship is over. Then cleansing and then celebration. You were quite angry and that anger cleansed any feelings you had for Hannah from your system. Now you must dance to celebrate your separation and your new independence. It will help you move on."
Booth was used to Brennan's lectures, but somehow this one seemed a bit too strange. "I'm supposed to dance because I was dumped."
"No, you are supposed to dance because your life has changed and you are now on a new path." Brennan saw that he was skeptical, but he was listening and that was all she could hope for. "Dancing will help you celebrate a new phase you're now starting to enter. You have told me many times that you don't believe in living in the past, you live in the present. Dancing would help you to let go of the past and to move forward."
He'd said it many times and he really didn't believe in living in the past, but dancing to celebrate being dumped was too weird. "Yeah, I'm moving forward just fine." Pausing, Booth noticed that Brennan seemed to have changed over the last few weeks. He didn't know what had happened, but she seemed to be happy or at least happier than she had been since she had come back from Maluku. In a way, he was happy for her. At least one of them wasn't being crushed by life. "I'm moving on, Bones. Don't worry about it."
She was disappointed that he didn't want to take her advice, but she knew he had to navigate his own future. "Alright. I won't." And yet she knew she would worry about him. That was what it meant to love someone. She accepted that now.
Ooooooooooooooooooooo
Alone in his apartment, Booth rested on his couch with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other. Aimlessly flipping channels, he couldn't seem to settle on anything. Even his beloved Philadelphia Flyers were playing a game, but he couldn't work up any enthusiasm for it. "Where's the anger?" He had been so angry the night Hannah had crushed his heart, but two weeks later he didn't seem able to work up any emotions at all. The only emotions he had been able to whip up lately was the fear that Brennan thought he was like Jacob Brodsky. He wanted her to understand he wasn't, but how was he supposed to explain it to her when from the outside they appeared to be the same?
Restless, he turned off the television and threw the remote on the coffee table. After he finished the beer, he stood up and stared at the empty bottle. Did he really want to be that guy? Sitting in his apartment, feeling sorry for himself and drinking more than was good for him? "I'm not my father. I refuse to be my father."
For some reason, he would never really understand, he pushed his couch closer to the wall, then moved the coffee table closer to the couch. With some free space now available, he stood still and thought about what he was supposed to do. Brennan had told him to dance, but he wasn't sure how that was supposed to work. Unused to dancing by himself, he walked over to the couch and picked up a pillow. Moving back into the cleared space he hugged the pillow against his chest and continued to stand still.
"Okay, it's not like anyone can see me. It's just me and my pillow."
Slowly he started to move his feet as if he was dancing a slow waltz. It was odd not to have a dance partner, but he guessed that was the point. He was free to dance the way he wanted to. There was no one there to criticize him or make fun of him. As he moved, he found the situation to be interesting and changed his dance to a faster waltz. As he moved around the living room, his pulse quickened and he could feel his heart beat a little faster. His eyes on his surroundings to make sure he didn't hit anything, he spied the phone that Hannah had given him. He'd never considered getting rid of it once his former girlfriend was gone. He had known that Brennan had told Hannah about the phone, so wasn't it really a gift from his partner?
His feet moved faster and he held the pillow out away from his body, both to help maintain his balance and to pretend that he had a dancing partner. He smiled at the thought of dancing with Brennan. He knew that she loved to dance and though she wasn't very good at it, her enthusiasm more than made up for any faults in her technique. "I think you had a good idea, Bones." He continued to dance and as he did he felt some of the weight that he had felt pushing him down, leaving his body.
The phone rang and he stopped. A little winded, Booth realized he had been dancing with maniacal speed and he hadn't noticed. Throwing the pillow on the couch, he moved over to the dining room table and picked up his phone. "Booth."
We're you working out? I can call back.
"No . . . I mean yeah I was, but I'm done." He would never admit that he had been dancing by himself, but he didn't want to lie about it either. "What's up?"
I'm just calling to see if you wanted to have breakfast with me tomorrow morning. If you have plans that's fine.
"Sure, I'll meet you at the diner." Booth moved over to his recliner and sat down. "Thanks for the invitation. I've missed having breakfast with you."
I've missed having breakfast with you too.
He wasn't sure what else to say. He wanted things to be back the way they were before his mistake outside the Hoover, before his brain tumor when his world had turned upside down. It had taken him a long time, but somehow his world was righting itself and he knew it was because Brennan was still his friend and his partner. He loved her friendship and he loved her. "Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. Night."
Good night. She ended the call and wondered about the change in her partner. Something had happened since she had last seen him, but she knew that whatever had happened made him appear to be less distant and somehow closer to being the partner and friend she used to have before they had left for distant shores. Whatever it was that changed, she was grateful for it. "Perhaps we are moving down the right path together. Only time will tell."
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This is not the end of my story. Let me know what you think of it so far. Thank you.
