Disclaimed.
Unlike most of my other fics, this story is focused on Malec AND the people around it. I'm working on characterization with this and lessening the angst that I usually go for. This fic is a bit light hearted while it still brings up some real life problems.
NOTE! Tech is the technical departments of theatre, such as run crew, construction, costuming and lights, ect. It is an important part of this story.
Lights Chapter 1: Puppies or Kittens?
"Hey Alec, puppies or kittens?"
The teen in question sighs, looking up from the half-assembled door frame he's working on. As usual, he's not sure how to answer the question; he likes cats more, as he has one, but he hasn't ever had a dog he can compare the situation with. Moreso, his preference between actual living cats and dogs isn't even what the posed question is about. So he shrugs, like always, deeming it the best course of action, and returns his focus to screwing platform to the door frame. It's none of anyone's business, really, and besides, they need to get their work done, same as him. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's tech week starts on Monday next week, and there are still a few unfinished props and set pieces that need to be finished. The door, the actual door, is still being painted a blood red.
"So you're asexual?"
Alec sighs once again, looking up at the curious face of Jesus. Well, of the Jesus look-a-like whose real name is Zack. His head is slightly tilted, his hand positioned as if to stroke his short beard and his eyebrows are scrunched together. He has flakes of dandruff in his chest length dark brown hair and his beard helps him hide blotches and pimples, and Alec recons if he shaved, cleared his skin and got a haircut he could look good. He's a nice person, though often looks homeless, watching over the group of idiots that the freshmen have turned into, but Alec doesn't much care for the question Zach's asked him more than a couple times, though the times are often only once a quarter.
"Does it matter?" Alec asks, locking their eyes.
Zach shrugs. "Not really, no. Just curious."
Nodding, Alec sets his mind back to working on finishing the door, a slight frown settling on his face. Zach holds the support to the platform for stability while Alec goes for it with the screwdriver, but otherwise doesn't speak again. He's got a set to finish, and not enough time.
Alec frowns as his phone bings, alerting him that Jace is done with football practice. Sighing, he gets his backpack, saying a quiet goodbye to the techies that helped today. Some nod toward him, Zach gives him a contemplative look and about three of the half dozen present squeeze him a paint-covered hug. He's glad he never wastes his time with wearing uncomfortable and expensive, stain-unwelcoming Abercrombie or American Eagle apparel his siblings fuss about. He wouldn't last a day in tech if he did.
Alec exits the warm school building to the chilling October air, pulling his sweater tighter as he makes his way to his car. They don't let students park in the lot, for fear of butchered cars (a rule that Alec can agree with after helping his sister learn to drive), but it's hardly a hike to the worn out car Alec can see his adopted brother next to. The football player is leaning against the (undoubtedly freezing) metal passenger side door, his body nearly radiating heat from the exercise. His golden hair is damp, his damp skin unevenly dried, and his eyes look a bit tired under their light brown, nearly gold tint.
He's beautiful, something he won't let Alec forget. His pronounced jaw, not-too-thin eyebrows and the sheer amount of confidence he walks around with draws Alec in like a moth to a flame. Not that Jace would ever know, not when Alec burried his feelings under friendship and brotherhood. Silly disguises Alec could hardly live without.
"How was your theatre thing? Get any lines?" Jace asked as Alec neared, waiting for the car door to be unlocked.
"You know I'm never on stage, Jace," Alec rolled his eyes, shoving his beaten up silver key into the lock and slipping into the car. He reached across the big seat the covered a majority of the front, pulling up on the lock to let his adopted brother in.
"Mmm," Jace hummed, throwing his bag into the back seat while Alec did the same. "I have a game tomorrow."
"It's a Friday. I'm not surprised." Alec turned the key in the ignition, sighing and trying again when it didn't work.
"It's the last game of the season." Jace rolls his eyes at his brother's lack of knowledge. But then, it wasn't unusual. The school, Garfield, was more focused on its very successful theatre program than sports. The only sport anyone cared about was cross country skiing, because nearly everyone did it.
"Do you want me to go?" Alec asks, looking both ways then rolling through the stop sign.
"Clary's going. I don't want her to not have anyone to go with."
"Won't she go with her friend, Simon, or whatever his name is?" Alec asks absentmindedly, not really caring about Jace's girlfriend. Maybe he would, if she wasn't the bitch who makes his brother restless when Alec can only dream of similar feats.
"I don't trust him with her. Just you wait, he's going to pull something."
Alec rolls his eyes. Not everyone is trying to steal Clary away from Jace, contrary to his opinion. She's not that cute, just a short red-head Jace supposedly feels something for. It's probably his hormones acting up or something. Like most high school relationships, it'll never last. Not that Jace would listen to him say that without a word of defense or protest.
"So will you go?"
"Fine," Jace smirked as Alec gave in. "But not to guard over your girlfriend."
They spend the rest of the trip in silence, listening to the radio Alec's annoyance at his adopted brother had generated. As much as Alec loved Jace, he still annoyed the fuck out of the older boy sometimes. However, Alec knew he would be upset if he murdered the resident golden boy. It wasn't worth the time he'd spend in jail for it.
Alec pulls over in front of a mid sized greyish brown house that he can still remember being white in the spinning memories of his childhood. He can remember when, before his siblings, flowers used to grow and his parents got on well. He can remember when they didn't fight, he can faintly even remember when they were home more often than not. He can remember so much more than he wants to. He can still remember people dancing through the halls, smiles and laughter filling the frame that's now a phantom.
The lights are on but the hallways are empty when Alec opens the door to the porch, where he and Jace pull off their shoes. Izzy always turns the lights on and forgets to turn them off when she leaves the room, causing the house to always give the false impression of being warm and maybe even inviting to anyone looking in. The light that fills the house makes you look past the lack of family photos, the slightly lighter rectangle on the wall where a frame used to be, empty magnets on the fridge that might once have hosted drawings or been a miniature shrine to the residents' lives and accomplishments. The light makes you look past the chill that sometimes runs through the house, it instead sends a pleasant and slow feeling through one's lazy veins, vanilla air fresheners giving off the impression of a niceness that only exists in locked away corners and secret compartments to the desolate place that five people and a cat (another lie, as it's evil to anyone but Alec, he honestly doubts it wants to be there) wish to call home.
No matter how much the siblings, all three of them, love each other, there's still a void somewhere. It doesn't get named, though. They all ignore it, because it's mostly irrelevant, only pressing into their chests when they're alone and scared. When it's been a bad day, or it's the bad day.
Isabelle is nowhere to be seen as Alec and Jace enter the kitchen, Jace going straight for the off-white refrigerator that freezes anything you put in the middle of the top shelf. The golden boy grabs an apple and turns to his brother.
"What are we having for dinner?" He asks, chewing on the meat of the fruit.
"How should I know?" Alec asks irritably, dropping his school bag on the cement island they use as a dinner table when their parents aren't around (most of the time).
Jace shrugs, leaning up against one of the tiled counters that's actually still white. "Either you or Izzy are going to cook, and you tend to be head chef. Thank the angels in the sky."
Alec rolls his eyes, walking over to the pantry. "Put the pot on," he calls to Jace, reading off all the different names on the red and white boxes. "We're having Rigatoni."
"Yes!" Jace says, his voice laced with sarcasm. "More pasta!"
Alec shrugs as he brings the box to the table. "If you want something exciting, make it yourself."
"Cooking doesn't look good on me," Jace smirks, putting the pot of water on the stove stove.
"Not from where I'm standing," Alec jokes with a smile, before he drops it as he realizes the implications of what he said.
Jace puts his hand over his chest, a false apologetic look gracing his features. "I know I'm beautiful, but I'm taken."
That hurts more than it should to hear from his brother.
Alec sighs, looking over the stacks of paper he's spread out on the actual dining room, a nice dark wood thing that hosts one of his main stresses as of late. College and scholarship applications, homework and a headache lay in full effect in front of him, and he's glad he's only just putting on the finishing touches, not just starting them. What a nightmare that was. He's going to send them all out soon, get it over and done with. See if anyone wants him, and as far as he's concerned, the farther away, the better. He wouldn't mind moving across the country , away from bad memories. He'd worry about his siblings, but they can probably take care of themselves. Okay, so maybe moving so far away isn't a good idea.
Sighing, Alec looks over his papers, debating going through them and sorting out the colleges that are too far away to go to. It would be a lot of work, and getting away doesn't sound that bad. He'd just have to call a lot, and wouldn't be able to visit often because of airfare...
"Hey."
Alec jumps slightly, turning to the soft voice he recognizes as his sister's. He nods to her, keeping his gaze from the monsters sitting dauntingly in front of him. What if they're not good enough? Did he misspell something, are his reasons for wanting to attend each college wrong?
"I have this friend..." Isabelle mentions, grabbing Alec's attention as his big brother alert starts to scream.
"Yes?" He's stiff in his seat, waiting for the inevitable to come.
"He's really nice. He likes music like you do and he's interested in theatre."
Alec nods, waiting for his sister to go on about this crush he really doesn't want to hear about. She's already had a few boyfriends, which was more than Alec was ready to deal with. He doesn't know what he's going to do with another.
"I was wondering if you'd meet him for coffee or something sometime."
Wait. Little sister said what? It wasn't about her?
"Isabelle!" Alec hisses, looking around for signs of life.
"Don't worry, Jace is taking a shower. Is that a yes, then?" Her eyes are wide and pleading, but a fear (a guilt) shoving its way up his throat gives her the answer she is undoubtedly expecting.
"No." No hesitation, straight for it.
"But Alec," Isabelle pleads.
"I said no," There it is, that parental tone of finality he can sometimes pull off. You spend long enough with a Stage Manager and your understanding of how to control unruly actors increases a tenfold. Of course, and unfortunately, this only half applies to siblings.
"You should come out, at least."
"No," Alec shakes his head. "It's not going to happen."
"Alec... No one at school will care. It's not like we aren't thickly populated by homosexuals and transgendered."
It's true, too. Just this week at lunch, Alec saw two girls sitting with their hands intertwined and foreheads pressed together, sharing secret words and not out of place kisses. They looked just like any other couple, just two girls, something the school was not unaccustomed to. Guys might get a bit worse, an odd comment or question but none of that was what Alec was really terrified of. He was much more afraid of the people behind the scenes, the ones who could be home one day and silently watch Alec's life like they had a remote and he was their personal TV.
"Izzy, no."
"Why not?" Isabelle isn't joking, the harshness in her eyes and suppressed warmth in her voice suggesting more than play.
Alec's back is straight and stiff, his shoulders taking on his stress and becoming stony while his fists clench. "I can't. I don't want to talk about it, either."
Isabelle sighs, wishing this conversation would go well for once. "Please, Alec, I just-"
"This isn't about you, Isabelle, and I don't want to talk about it so please. Leave it."
"Sorry," Isabelle whispers. "Will you at least come to the GLBTQA meeting on Monday?"
"GLBTQA?" Alec asks, a bit surprised that Isabelle's come up with new material for this argument.
"Yeah. Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Queer. The A either stands for Ally or Asexual. I've heard both." Isabelle shrugs, but her eyes are pleading.
"Tech week starts on Monday. I'll be busy after school, I'm designing the lighting for Jekyll and Hyde."
"It's during school. Third hour this week, I think. It rotates between second, third and fourth." Isabelle offers up.
"I'll miss class." He doesn't want to have any unexcused absences. They call the house if he is, and then he'll have to explain that no, his parents aren't home, and no, he's not completely sure when they will be.
"You get excused. You write your ID number on a paper they pass around, and it's excused. No one knows where you go except the people in that room. Or if you tell them. They've got a secrecy thing. What happens in GLBTQA stays in GLBTQA."
"The people in the room will know I was there. They'll think I'm gay," Alec protests.
"Or an Ally," Isabelle adds. "I go every meeting but no one thinks I'm gay."
"Yeah, but... You've dated lots of guys. Nobody doubts what you're attracted to." Alec's not really comfortable with this. Talking about his sister's preferences or his own.
"Alec... just go to one meeting. Nobody's going to ask you if you're gay. The people in there tend to have a bit of respect for privacy, as a lot of them aren't out to anyone but the group."
Alec sighs. "Will you get off of my back about coming out if I go?"
Isabelle jumps a little, clapping her hands together and smiling. "Yes!"
It's the first step towards getting him comfortable with coming out.
"Now go away, I need to finish these applications up so I can mail them out tomorrow."
"Sure thing, college boy," Isabelle's smiling when she leaves to her precariously painted room.
