Quistis' Thoughts

Retribution.

That is all I wanted.

It is a jealous need, if not a flat out desire. I've always craved to strive forward. To be everything that everyone expects me to be. But I never met up with HIS expectations.

He was difficult to be obviously sure. There could be no other way to describe it. Every time I tried to do something that would guarantee a word or two of SOME form of reply it would come to me as "...Whatever," or a cold shoulder and even colder resolve.

And when the faculty told me I had failed as an instructor. That took the cake. I consider myself an intellectual. I mean, for god's sakes I have a fan club. But when they told me that... I thought I had failed more than myself, I thought I had failed him.

But in the end, he didn't care one way or another.

I tried to crack his shell. But other than getting told to talk to a walk, the most of THAT nut I was able to crack came of in shards of ice. And those shards cut deep.

So I just observed from afar. Feeling pitiful for my failings and trying to keep up in the new tides of expectancies. No wonder I've yet to find a mate. I'm so layered down with everyone else's wishes in me that I rarely have time to be myself.

And then that... woman... and I use that term loosely comes along.

Now I really have nothing against her, its just my resentment of her getting closer to him faster than I ever could, and I've known him just as long.

I'll fight for SeeD like any of my friends or colleagues would. But she just showed up and turned us all upside down. I've heard from Zell and Selphie her form of a strategy meeting. I'm not afraid to admit I laughed openly about it. But it caught their attention. Why could I never do that? Why could I never grab their attention in a way that wouldn't piss every off or put them to sleep?

So now I let my feelings go. Away onto the winds of time they do fall as I fall into the abyss of my own despair. I feel like a bad poet. Maybe I've had too much to drink...

So...That is my need of retribution. That is my need of companionship. Sure people tell me I am attractive, but when you have been through a battered life such as mine, you get used to people just saying absolutely anything to get your hard earned work. Or in your pants (I.E. Irvine).

Let's just forget we had this little discussion at all, okay? I trust you a hell of a lot more than I'm willing to admit. I forgot what it's like to be friend by keeping up this appearance that what he does to me doesn't hurt.

Here's to you Squall. My need for love.

Goodnight.

All characters belong to Square-Enix.