I actually wrote this on my own birthday, while recalling my own emo life without her...
All of these were true... So I hope you don't blame me for posting some emo shit on Haruka's birthday.
Happy birthday Tennou Haruka =)
27th of January 2011.
I waited…
There were many other people who wished me but I waited for yours.
Because even if yours is just another ordinary birthday wish, you won't know how much it means to me…
I remember how close we used to be a few years back; when you still remembered my birthday…
"What would you do if a girl says she likes you? o.o"
I remember this text message I sent to you. Each and every word of it would stay in my mind forever no matter how hard I try to forget them.
"Huh? You're acting weird…=P"
"I'm asking you, whether you would like a girl…"
I waited eagerly for your reply. But I didn't know that what I get would hurt me so much. I was so stupid to ask you that question. Of course you won't like a girl. You're freaking straight. Those countless times you spazz about guys to me, I should have known.
27th of January 2009, was one of my most special days in life. Mainly because you were there, smiling to me every once in a while during class... You were so shy that when I look at you, you would pretend to be listening to what the teacher was blabbering about.
Do you still remember?
After school, you gave me a long, beautifully wrapped box. I asked you what it is, but you just said "Go home and open it, happy birthday~ I have to go now." You looked so shy when you gave me the present and it was as if you were rushing off so I won't have to see you blush.
I went home and the first thing I did was unwrapped the present. I smiled. There was a tiny card in it…
TO: Ruka
You were the only one who called me by that nickname and I felt special; you made me feel special.
You don't know how much I love your cute handwritings, and not to mention the way you phrased every sentence in it.
Ruka~
I've known you for half a year~ And I still don't know what to buy for you~ But at last I chose this tiny present~
Hope that you will like it~ Think of me when you see it glowing in the dark~XD
Thank you~ For always helping the stupid and noob me~ =)"
I don't think you know that the mini glow-in-the-dark bear figures are still on my bedside, even when they have all lost their glows. I'm looking at them right now, and they bring back memories… Good… And bad memories…
In that particular year, anyone would go "Oh both of you look like a couple." I was so happy to hear that, and even happier to that fact that you smile at it instead of fighting back. It really did give me a glimpse of hope… Of us being together.
27th of January 2010, my birthday fell on a holiday. You were out on a family trip. But you waited; you waited till it was 12am to be the first to wish me, even when your mom forced you to bed. You sent me a simple wish, but I smiled, more than ever. I replied, but you fell asleep. I can still imagine you sleeping, oh how cute…
We were still somewhat as close as we were in 2009, but she came back to you. Even so, you didn't forget about me.
Do you remember there was this one time, we were watching a random movie for our assignment the teacher gave us. You were sitting in the middle of she and I. Both of you started talking, and I yelled at you 2 for making so much noise. In actually fact, I was irritated and jealous. Your fingers then intertwined with mine, as if you know what I was feeling. We played and teased each other, but all was within that one hand… We did it discreetly so that no one could see it, not even her. That was one of the happiest moments in my life.
This year, I expected something from you too… Maybe it's just me asking too much, or taking things for granted. But you're my friend aren't you? At least a simple birthday wish would do? It's not like we don't talk to each other anymore…
27th of January 2011.
I was waiting…
From the second my birthday started, till it ended…
Have you forgotten about me?
Did those 2 years we spend together mean nothing to you?
What has become of our friendship?
Most importantly…
What am I to you?
Those memories still flows into my mind, and it often bring tears to my eyes.
When can I see you again?
When will you explain all these to me?
A month from now?
A year?
Or…
Never?
