Tori's POV
I decided to get Beck and read to him the poem I wrote. So I went to His RV and I took my poem book with me. "Hey Tori" , Beck says with a huge smile on his face. "Just shut up, sit down, and listen"I say. OK I'm sitting down and listening", says Beck. I really want to get this of my chest. This is my poem book it's where I write down the shit that happens in my life.
When I chose to cut
I am now permanently stuck in a rut
Chose the path of self harm
By scarring my arm
But, one day cut too deep from my arm the blood will seep
Makes me feel in control
Fills my heart and soul
Feeling the pain, makes me who I am
But this leaves me in a jam
Both ashamed and embarrassed
Then with my parents
I honestly can not explain
A secret that will remain
Wish I could tell someone
My life to become undone
Can't tell anyone, they'll call me emo
All of that hemo*(Hemo means a lot of blood.)
It's all one big black-hole
Never feel complete or whole
Life's just full of hatred
Pureness seems so faded
Wishing for extinction
Seeing all the crimson
Put on the fake smile
Life is oh so very hostile
My life is an epic fail
One big tall tale
Life is one big downward spiral
Life a depressing trial
The people who say I love you, It's a joke to them
All they do is condemn
Wish I was a book, so easy to read
They can never truly know what I need
The feelings, the emotions, overpower me
The feeling uselessness, falling to my knees
Wish Could talk without being judged
All the black streaks of mascara, smudged
The pillow wet from tears as I fall asleep
The times when I breakdown and weep
To try and be strong all the time
Full of dirt and grime
My life's a turnstable
So unsteady, so unstable
Get shot down too many times to count
I wish life was just a stunt
So little and weak
I'm just an ugly streak
I mean nothing to this lousy world
Live alone and lonely in the underworld
Never means anything to anyone
The ugly monster I've become
Can't voice my opinion
Another mindless minion
Starving to be thin
Hating all the imperfections that are on my skin
A worthless, ugly self image
The ugly, stupid grimace
Why is it me who's falling apart
Word for word, tearing out my heart
Writing down my thoughts as if anybody's listening
The tears in my eyes, glistening
Wish I could be young, wild, and free
But it's just not meant to be
Bound to continue this crappy life
But I can never put down the knife
The stupid evil shadow
Sneaks up from behind, grasping me like an invisible lasso
The odds are all stacked
Not one to interact
Contrary to the fact
Not one giant suicide pact
Ugly, worthless, stupid, and mean those words are everywhere
Usually one to say whatever
These things go unnoticed by others
No support from my brother or mother
Can't tell anyone
Trusting no one
Life has shut it's doors
It doesn't want me anymore
