"Where are you taking him, Rick?"
Fuck. There's his voice again. He must know what it does to me. He must see that every time he talks to me, my body visibly steels from head to toe trying to beat down the urge to throw him against the glass walls and show him exactly what it does to me.
That's what's happening right now - not the demonstrating, sadly – I'm tensing up.
"He popped positive Horatio," I manage to get out.
"I'm sure there's an explanation,"
I can almost feel his blue eyes boring into the back of my skull. I feel the need to turn round and see those eyes. Every time I see them I have to fight off a gasp at the sheer depth of blue, threatening to shatter my defences.
This time is no different. But I manage to keep myself under control and ask him for said explanation.
Of course I know Delko is clean. I'm not stupid; I know that the Ryan boy has it in for his colleague. It's just that this is the only way to get Horatio's attention, and if it's an angry reaction I get? I'll take it. Because I've learned to accept that that's all it will ever be between us. Business and bitterness.
Bitterness on his part over Yelina and I. Bitterness on my part over him getting Lieutenant, him being the hero everyone loves, who will always have space in his heart for hundreds more. Except me.
This must be the first time we've ever discussed it, this tension over the promotion - we'll probably never cross the line and talk about the other kind of tension between us.
"And everybody hates IAB." I tell him, and I know he's caught on that I mean him because he's telling me to leave his lab alone – this is between me and him.
"This is a dangerous game," his voice lower now.
He thinks this is a fucking game?! Thinks it doesn't kill me to play the "I'm jealous you got the job and I didn't" card? Every fucking time?!
"It's one I intend to win," I inform him, because fine - I'll play his damn game and I'll make sure I win it. I'll make sure it ends the way I want it to end.
"I'll see you." And I'll make sure that I do see him. then I'm going to make him actually see me for once and not be blinded by all this fucking bitterness, because I've seen his eyes when he looks at his loved ones, and I know that if I see them directed at me, I won't gasp.
They'll take my breath away entirely.
