me: IF I RULED TWILIGHT
jasper: dont even start you wont get that far
me (tear) fine i own nuthin
emmett: you own the plot
me: that makes me feel better TO THE VAMPS
E pov
I walked into the house. I had come home early. I left my wife with my brothers Emmet and jasper and their new friends Alexis and Mike err rather our old friend newest family member. It was very quiet even for a house full of vampires "bella, jasper Emmet, mike? I said
" How dare he not call my name" I heard in some ones thoughts.
"Alexis?" I said chuckling I felt something hit me on the back of the head I turned around to pick the small object off the ground it was… a red skittle
"What in the-"
"TASTE THE RAINBOW"
"O god"
Prougle (a year earlier)
B pov
Jasper and me Emmet were sitting on the couch. The rest of the family had gone hunting and Jacob and nessie were in Reo (lol breaking dawn). We were sitting at home because we were expecting one of jakes friends to stop by her name was Alex or Alexis one of the two.
"Im bored." Emmet said
"What do you want us to do about that?" jasper asked
"I don't –OH EM GEEEEE." Emmett squealed like a girl
"What?" I asked
"Lets make cookies," he said hopping up and down
"Ummm Emmett you do know that we cant eat cookies right?" jasper said sounding concerned for his brothers sanity
" I KNO THAT im not dumb I meant we could make some cookies for jakes human friend coming by later." I shivered recalling an old human memory where Emmett made me cookies. He decided to add a little something that humans like including: monster, red bull, vodka and a couple other unmentionables. I was still thinking about when I heard the door bell ring
" BELLA SWAN err I MEAN BELLA CULLEN COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" a voice yelled from my front door I threw a glance at my bros jasper looked confused Emmett looked curious.
"What did you do?" he asked
" I don't know," I answered
" WHAT FER?" emmet yelled I shook my head he was at least 90 years old and he couldn't even speak right.
" FOR MOVING, GETTING MARRIED, HAVING A BABY, TRUNING INTO A VAMPIRE the door opened then AND NOT TELLING HER BEST FRIEND A THING ABOUT IT!" the girl screeched the end part trying to sound angry but the giant smile on her face gave her away. I was dazed for a second this girl looked so familiar it took a half a second before I screamed out
"ALEXIS!!!!" I ran at her and she ran at me we were both screaming. I couldn't believe it was her I haven't seen her since I moved to forks so long ago. I took a step back
"Omg" I gasped from the lack of breathe, " when did you become a vampire?"
"Maybe a year after you moved away." she had a face that told me she was gonna start her story " when you moved out a sexy slice of southern wonderful moved in," she cast a glance at jasper then back to me I glanced at him to the look on his face was amusing it was like shock mixed with smug lol I looked back to alexis
" I could tell what he was the moment he walked in to the school. I didn't let him know at first im not dumb all I need was to die at 16"
" Girl please," I interrupted " you were more klutzy than me you didn't need any help"
"Shut it swan" she giggled
" Clumsier than bella I would love to see that!" Emmett laughed
Alexis looked at him " do you want me to finish or what?" she asked we didn't respond
"That's what I thought anyway he had a thing about him he expected me to do everything for him. Like carry his books buy his lunch you know things like that. I did for the first two days. I wanted to be nice he was kinda quiet but he was so fru fru I guess. He had the arrogance of a leader a major in the army one might say." she glanced at jasper again but was still talking
"I kinda felt like a slave" she glanced at jasper again "I freaked on him the third day and he screwed up he, screamed out
" Don't yell at me I fought and died for the right to push your kind around"
" That's when I broke down I was upset I started to cry he felt really bad about it he apologized for the comment and said that he need to stop acting like were in the 1860's. That's how we got together I told him about my life and my OBBESSION with vampires. And he told me about his days in the civil war he was lead by major jasper Whitlock" she said " his best friend"
" HOLA MES AMIGOS!" I heard a mans voice boom
"MIKE!" jasper and Emmett yelled going to hug him
" I haven't seen you since 1990!"
"THAT'S WHEN I WAS BORN!!" Alexis and me yelled
" Was that like an introduction or something?" jasper asked
"Well," alexis said looking sheepish " yes that and we wanted to ask you guys something."
" Go ahead anything" jasper said
" Me an mike was wondering if we could you know… join… your coven."
" I already asked Carlisle," mike jumped in " he said it was fine but we wanted it to be okay with everybody
"ARE YOU KIDDING," we all screamed
" We'd love to have you here with us." Emmet boomed his voice echoing through out the house
"Alexis?" jasper asked, " Why do you feel so nervous"
" Well Edward mentioned something about a video camera embarrassment and-"
"CULLEN TRUTH OR DARE!!" we all screamed I had the biggest smile on my face we all had to go through it, it was terrible mean crazy and incredible fun.
"Sigh." Alexis said
"Lol who says sigh." Emmet asked
" Who says lol?" she countered
"Touché."
" Well we might as well start." jasper said walking toward the front door"
"Were are we going." Alexis asked
" Wal-Mart of course." Emmett said Alexis looked at me but I just shrugged I was to happy to object with Emmett's dumb ideas I was just so happy
(Insert trip to walmart here where Alexis learns about them and vice versa)
We were outside of walmart when something amazing happened
Al pov
I was totally jazzed. I mean I get a whole new family along with my totally awesome vampire lover I was totally happy. I knew because I kept saying totally I hate that word. I was so happy I didn't notice the crack in the pavement. So as I was doing my little totally rap in my head my body decided to test the gravity and guess what it still works… even if you're a vampire. I closed my eyes preparing for impact when mike caught me and pulled me into a standing position. I didn't want to open my eyes I could hear every one giggling but I opened them anyway.
" Were you trying to get acquainted with the floor?" Emmet asked in-between giggles.
" No actually I was testing gravity," I said with a straight face " it still works" I started to walk in the doors leaving my laughing family outside. When they sobered up they followed me inside some of them still giggling.
" Well since you tripped on your way inside you get to go first," Emmett said
" Fine dare" I said then regretted it as soon as the words came out of my mouth
" I dare you to go over to those emo kids," he pointed to a group of kids dressed in black " and go all crazy god loving nun on them"
" Fine I don't like emo posers anyway" I walked away but I still heard jasper mutter
" Always gotta mess with the emo's"
I giggled as I went to get a bible from the book section I went over to the group of posers. I mean emo's and just stood there staring at them.
"Ummm is there a problem?" one girl asked
" Jesus save them" I whispered
" Excuse me?" she asked
"JESUS SAVE THEM!!" I screamed I pulled a bottle of water and put my thumb over it so all the water didn't run out and started throwing it at them
" What the HELL you FREAK my dads a COP!!" the girl screamed bad move.
"THE BLOOD OF JESUS AGAINST YOU!!" I screamed gaining the attention of everyone in hearing distance. The kids started to run I chased them screaming things like "GODS HATE POSERS!!" and "GOD FEARS NO COPPERS!!" and my favorite I said this as they ran out the door " NO GODS WATER BOTTEL NEVER RUNS OUT!!!!!!" they were out of the store I skipped back to my family they were currently on the floor laughing. After about 3 minutes they all were standing.
" Ummm Alexis?" Emmet asked
" Yes."
" Why do you have a water bottle?"
" I don't wanna get thirsty," I said as if were the most obvious thing in the world this started a whole new round of laughter
" Sweetie" bella said " you do know as a vampire you'll never get thirsty for water right?"
"Oh."
" HEY YOU CRAZY NUN" I turned around the emo girl was standing there with her dad… the cop " DOES GOD STILL FEAR NO COP" I turned around my fam was staring between the girl the cop and I
"Screw it" I said if im going to jail better go out with a bang I threw the half full water bottle at the cop and hit him square in the face
" NOPE" Emmett
" SUCK IT COPPER" me and jasper screamed then we ran like hell at human speed I started to sing
" I think im gonna like it here"
"PLEASE" Emmett said " JUST WAIT ITS ONLY CHRISTMAS WAIT TILL APRIL FOOLS DAY"
Crap
ok so my life has been unnaturally funny for some reason this is what i did today i made some new friends and they call themselves the magic skittkes were you have to have your own vampier alter ego year of change back drop story and all that ish to join them you have to play skittle truth or dare everything that happned lol please review
no review= death by lettus
review= fried chicken (lol b4 u ask yup me an alexis are black)
