Friday 13th
Have found Chamber of Secrets. Go me! After five long, torturous years… go me! Saw statue of Sexy Salazar Slytherin. Began snogging feet when found cute, cuddly, (rather ancient-fied) basilisk curled up. Practiced puppy-dog eyes on me, dammit! Am falling in love with bloody snake.
24th August
Holy Salazar! Basilisk suffering odd convulsions… suspect wraiths have got to her! Oh well, Basilisk far too hot to die. Did I just say that out loud?
30th August
Is Basilisk a she anyway?
14th September
Hope so.
16th September
Never mind. Does not matter.
21st September
Basilisk is sick of being nameless. Wants me to name it. So tedious.
26th September
Have decided to name Basilisk Sherissa. Dear, lovely little name for dear, lovely little basilisk.
28th September
WHY did Salazar put entrance in stupid girl's toilet? Bloody Myrtle has been spying on me the whole time!
3rd October
Suspect Myrtle likes me. Oh well. Sherissa will kill her if she tries anything.
23rd October
Suspect Dumbledore likes me. Oh well, cannot blame him, as face is so hot is turning even self on. Believe Sherissa is irritated. Attacked Second Year Hufflepuff two hours ago. So tedious. Cannot be irritated myself as already have everything I want- i.e. a butt like granite and gorgeous hair.
31st October
Myrtle hitting on me. Cannot cope. Have set Basilisk on her.
14th November
In hindsight, not good idea. Dumbledore perving on me. Found him outside the Prefect's baths.
17th November
Oh... shi-vers. Have lost razor.
19th November
HA! Go me! Brilliant idea! Since have LOST razor... Will begin stubble update! HA!
23rd November
Stubble update: Satisfactory.
24th November
Have abandoned stubble update. Looks silly.
25th November
But how will get rid of stupid bristles marring BEAUTIFUL face?
26th November
AHA! Go me! MAGIC!
27th November
I rule.
28th November
Was that Dumbledore perving at me when was getting in bath?
29th November
Maybe was Myrtle. DAMN. Setting basilisk on her did nothing, as silly bint is back as ghost- and even MORE annoying!
30th November
Dumbledore's not gay, is he? Pervy Slytherin fancier.
25th December
Is it illegal to like snakes?
31st December
Hope not. Will go fly a bit.
1st January
Whee!
3rd January
I like to fly!
5th January
Is broomstick gawking at me? Maybe am so hot even broomsticks swoon at sight!
17th January
Have decided to serenade to broomstick. Set Sherissa to sleep. Won't open her eyes for a while, that one.
21st February
Can broomsticks talk? Comet 260 has not responded to my caresses! V. tedious.
27th February
GAAAAAAH! Hate Daddy! Am starting to put on weight. Obviously this hate is bad for me...
11th March
Have killed Daddy. Good. Appear to be slimming down.
29th March
Halloween! When is Halloween? T O M M A R V O L O R I D D L E
… love anagrams… I am lord… hehe, like that… lord… VOLDEMORT! Go me!
Defeater of the Saxons, King of the Britons, Alexander the Great, Bridget Jones… am I in the right fic?
