The One with the Move
Scene opens in Ross's apartment. The next day, Rachel wakes up and nudges Ross awake as they both stand up.
Ross: Morning.
Rachel: Morning. Y'know, my dad is going to kill me for not taking that job in Paris.
Ross: Rachel, now that we're together again, do you reckon we should move into a bigger apartment.
Rachel: Oh my god, what about Chandler and Monica's old apartment, that's been our hangout for years!
Ross: You sure?
Rachel: Positive.
Ross: I'll go see Tregger.
Ross puts on a jumper and kisses deeply then Ross exits.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Joey's apartment. Joey is playing with Chick and Duck Jr.
Joey: And Chick Jr. wins. You lose duck, sorry.
There is a knock on the door. Ross enters.
Ross: Joey, me and Rachel are moving ne- Is that dog food in your birds feeding bowl?
Joey: It's dog food? Uh oh. And you're moving where?
Ross: Next door.
Joey: Yay, we can have campfires.
Joey runs into the kitchen quickly. Ross walks to his new apartment.
Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's new apartment. Rachel and Ross are laying they're furniture out.
Rachel: I'm sorry but how do you accidentally set fire to a bed.
Ross: Mind of a Tribbiani. By the way, I need to get furniture from pottery barn.
Phoebe and Mike enter.
Phoebe: Don't you dare shop at pottery barn! Or I will hurt you.
Mike: Phoebe, calm down please. It's their choice.
Phoebe: Yeah, ok. If only Joey burned pottery barn instead of his bed, which was NOT pottery barn.
Mike: Calm down, It's just pregnancy hormones.
Ross and Rachel look at Phoebe in shock.
Rachel: YOU'RE PREGNANT?
Phoebe: You promised you wouldn't tell!
Mike runs out the door. Phoebe goes after him.
Ross: Speaking of children, we left Emma at the old apartment.
Rachel: ROSS!
Ross runs out followed by Rachel.
Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are on the couch, Mike and Phoebe share the arm chair, Ross and Rachel are on the end chairs.
Ross: Emma's at my parent's house while we start settling into our new apartment.
Monica: Awh, I was going to set her on a play date with Jack and Erica.
Ross: Let me guess, you organised it.
Chandler: Ross, she probably organises for Santa Claus.
Monica: I should do.
Chandler: Why don't you organise money to bail Joey out of prison?
Phoebe: Well it serves him right for not burning pottery barn.
Mike: Phoebe, why don't you go and play smelly cat.
Phoebe: Ok.
Mike and Phoebe kiss briefly. Phoebe goes to the stage and picks her guitar up.
Phoebe: Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault...
They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favourite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And you're no friend to those with noses. I promise you when we're done
all the world will smell as one
Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault!
Everybody in the coffee house claps.
Rachel: Well I am going to bail Joey.
Rachel exits.
Chandler: You know you should all buy computers.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because Microsoft 2003 has just been released and Microsoft excel can really help you organise stuff. And Ross you can sort out your class scores out and Phoebe and Mike can organise music gigs and more. Need I say more?
Monica: At the computer shop, yes.
Scene ends and opens in the computer store where Ross, Chandler, Phoebe, Mike and Monica are looking at computers.
Chandler: I recommend this one for you Monica.
Monica: Do I look like a nerd?
Chandler: No, you look like a dork.
Monica slaps Chandler.
Phoebe: I want this one.
Mike: That is way too expensive.
Phoebe: I WANT IT!
Mike: Ok, if you can find the money you can get it.
Phoebe: I want it, I want it.
Phoebe starts to hit Mike.
Ross: How about this one for me?
Chandler: Wise choice, Ross.
Ross takes the box of the shelf.
Ross: You're the computer geek.
Chandler: Well I'm no Mark Zuckerberg.
Monica: Facebook, ugh. I told you that is for losers.
Ross: Oh so you're on it Monica?
Chandler: Oi Ross, I do sarcasm, you do not.
Ross: At least my sarcasm is good.
Chandler: At least I don't live in the Stone Age without computers.
Ross: Actually, The Stone Age was thousands of years ago.
Chandler: Oh what was that, I was too bored too listen to anoth-
Monica slaps them both round the head.
Monica: Husband, Brother, SHUT UP.
Chandler and Ross: Oww.
Rachel and Joey enter.
Mike: Joey, you're out!
Joey: Unfortunately, saw some girl in there and was literally like "Hey, how you doin'". Oh a computer for me Ross, Thanks.
Ross: Joey, I need to pay for that.
Joey: Oh ok.
Ross goes to pay. Joey follows him.
Checkout girl: Alright that will be $699
Ross: Okay.
She gives the box to Ross who gets taken off by Joey.
Ross: Joey!
Joey: Oh sorry, Thank you.
Scene ends and opens at Rachel and Ross's apartment. They're both sitting on the sofa.
Ross: What were mommy and daddy on?
Emma: A bweak.
Ross: That's right.
Rachel: I can hear you.
The power goes off. Joey enters.
Joey: Uh oh, help!
Ross and Rachel: JOEY!
Ross: Tregger is going to be mad at you.
Joey: Ross, a triggers not going to be mad at me.
Ross: IT'S TREGGER, NOT TRIGGER.
Joey: Chill your beans Ross.
The power turns back on.
Ross: Joey, come outside with me a minute.
Ross and Joey go in the corridor.
Ross: Joey, your stupidity is getting in the way off mine and Rachel's lives.
Joey: I'm getting in the way of your livers?
Ross: JOEY!
Joey: Right, sorry.
Ross: Listen Joey, if you can't live on your own then I'm going to have to ask Tregger to move you into someone else's apartment.
Joey: I'll move into Chandler's house.
Ross: No!
Joey: Why not? I have my own room there.
Ross: They have twin children who aren't even 6 months old yet.
Joey: So? I can look after children.
Ross: What about your birds? If you move into Chandler and Monica's house, there's no way they'll let Duck and Chic Jr. near Jack and Erica.
Joey: Why not?
Ross: You really wanna ask that?
Joey: Well where can I move?
Ross: Err.
Joey: Oh, how about Joey's apartment.
Ross: You are Joey!
Joey: Well, how about your apartment.
Ross: Er. Err. Errr. Ok! Get your stuff.
Joey: Yay!
Scene ends and opens in Rachel and Ross's apartment.
Ross: Joey's moving in.
Rachel: WHAT? HE CAN'T MOVE IN HERE.
Ross: Why not?
Rachel: He brings girls home. He'll encourage Emma to be a stripper.
Ross: You're the one who sings Baby got Back to her.
Rachel: You're the one who got her hooked on that!
Ross: Even?
Rachel: Even!
Joey enters and put the bird cages on the floor.
Duck Jr: Quack.
Joey: Awh, isn't he cute.
Ross: Totally.
Joey: I'm going to get my recliner and computer.
Ross: I'm going to note Tregger of this.
Rachel: No Ross, I'll go.
Rachel and Joey leave. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel and Ross are sitting on the sofa. Monica and Chandler are sharing the the arm chair and Joey is sitting on the end chair.
Monica: Where's Phoebe?
Rachel: Probably at the pregnancy clinic.
Monica: SHE'S PREGNANT? OH MY GOD!
Rachel: Uh oh.
Joey: Hey guys, we should give our apartment a name.
Ross: Like what?
Joey: Well I was thini-
Rachel: Not sex.
Joey: Well I was going to say Bird Apartment.
Rachel and Ross: No!
Ross: How about Dino Apartment.
Chandler: Sorry, Ross was so boring, I accidentally fell asleep.
Monica slaps Chandler.
Monica: In no offence Ross, you are boring. Anyway let Rachel put a suggestion in.
Rachel: Meh, it's probably going to end up being some sort of animal apartment, so Dino Apartment.
Joey: What about Bird Apartment?
Rachel: Seeming "Bird" is another term for girl, no. Anyway, Ross is my boyfriend.
Ross and Rachel kiss deeply.
Monica: So, how's your new computer?
Rachel: Haven't used it.
Ross: Alright.
Joey: You mean my new computer?
Ross: I bought it. You took it off me.
Rachel: And one of Joey's conditions of living with us is he lets us use the computer too.
Joey: Yeah whatever. Anyway I found an audition online.
Chandler: What's the part?
Joey: To play the 9th Doctor Who.
Chandler: Awesome! I used to watch that!
Ross: Same.
Monica: Well I think it's geeky.
Ross: WHY?
Monica: Because they have all got British accents. And they kept changing the main character.
Chandler: It's called regeneration.
Monica: Yeah, whatever.
Ross: So it's confirmed? Dino Apartment.
Joey: Unfortunately.
Rachel: Joey, isn't doctor who British.
Joey: Yeah, that is why I got us all tickets to go to Britain.
Chandler: When?
Joey: For next week.
Ross: London? Let's hope Monica don't go looking for Joey again. And hook up with the wrong guy.
Joey: Oh yeah, I forgot she was actually looking for me.
Monica: Ross! Anyway I'm glad Chandler was there. All Joey would've done is say "Hey, how you doin'".
Joey: Woah, I say more than that.
Phoebe and Mike enter.
Monica: Phoebe! How did it go?
Phoebe: Oh so Rachel told you?
Monica: Yes.
Mike: Well. There's a problem.
Ross: What is it?
Phoebe: They said it was positive:
Everyone: Congratulations!
Mike: And negative.
Everyone: What?!
Rachel: Oh my god, Pheebs, what happened?
Phoebe: Well they said I'm positive and negative.
Monica: Oh my god.
Mike: We're going to take more pregnancy tests and see what happens.
Chandler: Hey guys, look at my new mobile phone.
Ross: Wow cool.
Rachel: Also Joey, sorry but we're having Ben over tomorrow. If you can just stay in your room please.
Joey: Can I bring a girl over please.
Ross: Joey, our walls are not soundproof. I don't want Ben hearing you.
Rachel: And it's his first time with Emma.
Joey: I can look after Ben.
Ross: You once lost him on a bus.
Joey: Me and Chandler were on a break.
Ross: Very funny, Joey.
Joey: Anyway, he's like 15 now.
Ross: He's 10.
Joey: Oh.
Monica: Wait, you only have two rooms. How does Joey fit in?
Rachel: Me and Ross share a room. Joey will share a room with however many girls he picks up while he is living with is us.
Joey: How many do you think? I'm thinking fifty.
Ross: My IQ is decreasing the more I listen to Joey.
Chandler: Ross, I'm not sure you should be a teacher anymore.
Ross: Thank you for your kind opinion, Chandler.
Gunther walks over.
Gunther: Would anyone like a muffin.
Monica: I will.
Gunther: Would you like to attempt the Tribbiani challenge.
Joey: They have a challenge named after me?
Monica: What do you do in it?
Gunther: Try and eat a dozen muffins in 100 seconds.
Joey: I'll try!
Gunther: Please follow me.
Gunther and Joey exit. End credits roll.
Credits Scene.
Scene opens in Dino Apartment. Joey is lying on the sofa with Rachel and Ross trying to move him.
Ross: Twelve muffins in 97 seconds.
Rachel: How.
Joey: I think I'm full. Can you push the sofa to my room.
Rachel and Ross glare at Joey.
Joey: Anybody.
Ross and Rachel exit to their room.
Joey: ANYONE?!
