Harry Potter and the Innocent Rubber Ducky

Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. For one, his daddy was James the red engine (please don't ask me how that's possible). And yes, he loves homework. Problem, anyone? And because he sucks he's never gotten a birthday card ever. And Harry Potter's not even his real name! He's actually called James the red engine the second! (for lack of creativity)

But well, you see, when Harry/James was born, the was this psychopath called Light Yagami that was out to kill him. So his parents gave him a fake name. But they also ran/puffed (?) away. Yeah, and left him behind. Wow he has wonderful parents!

Well, anyway, Harry was then sent to live with his dysfunctional uncle and aunt. Umm, and his scar? Err, his scar's actually just a scar. He fell off a tree. Duh.

Oh and I guess I didn't mention the fact that he's a wizard. Because he isn't, duh! He's a lizard! Umm, I mean, he's a magician! (and works at a circus, oh yes)

Well, today is Harry's birthday. It passed. Harry still didn't get any cards. Maybe Dobby stole them, Well, the author doesn't care. Who needs cards, anyway?

The next day Harry was depressed because he didn't get any presents. He went down to cook breakfast for his family.

Interesting family, now that we mention it. Harry's uncle, Vermont Tyres, was an extremely rusty old car. Not that different from Mater from Pixar's Cars ™, actually. Just grumpier and weirder. Harry's aunt, Petunia Tyres was a flower and was therefore kept in a vase. Harry's cousin was Makka Pakka from In the Night Garden. As I said, interesting family.

"Roar roar beep beep" said uncle Vermont.

"WHAT?" growled Harry. That dude really needs anger management lessons. I guess it happens, when both of your parents are redheads.

"Aunt Meringue is coming over to stay."

"WHAT?" Harry was really freaked out! Aunt Meringue was a pink car with Hatsune Miku painted on her (just because the author saw one on Wikipedia yesterday). But it turns out, in doing so, she had violated Japanese copyrights ©. And, no, she is not descended from a certain Yao Wang. I mean, why would she be...?

Anyway, so whenever she came they had yandere police breaking down their doors. Yup. It's freaky! I mean, have you seen them "kol"-ing? And apparently they have katanas and overweight Pikachus and…

Wait, calm down Harry. You're a magician. You are not scared of overweight Pikachus.

But that's beside the point. The point is, Harry was scared, so he ran away. Yeah. It was night. I know, I don't get how one second Harry is making breakfast and next second it's night. But, I don't care either.

Then Harry saw something very spooky.

A scary looking rubber ducky was staring at him from in the bushes.

Harry screamed.

He tripped and was run over by a bus.

THE END

And yes, the rubber ducky was innocent.