Dear James-

There are a few things I haven't told you. I know you don't even like me now, heck, you never even look at me, but still, I feel I ought to tell you. It feels like a duty, something I have to 'Do Before I Die' kind of thing. Death, I feel draws closer to me now that Voldemort is becoming more powerful, more terrible with every heartbeat.

I'm not scared about telling you, I'm scared about what your reaction will be, if you care at all, and how I will deal with the inevitable rejection that will follow. I think you've heard enough of my self pity now, I could go on for hours, but there are people in the world far less fortunate than me, I know. I'm just lucky that I have the one perfect person in the world, even if he hates me now. But anyway, here's the list I mentioned.

I never threw out anything you gave me, no matter how much I implied I would. I treasured them, every single card, poem and message. Every teddy and bouquets of perfumed flowers.

My heart would beat erratically whenever you brushed against me in the hall, or even looked at me. I would tell myself off afterwards, but secretly I enjoyed it and lusted for more.

I loved the attention you showered upon me, like I was the only person that mattered in the world. I loved the fact you, who could have any girl in the school chose me.

I was never angry at you. Well, I was, but only because I couldn't understand why you made me feel this way. I didn't want to give in to you. It nearly killed me, because I so wanted to say yes.

I didn't hate you. Well, only in 1st year. But hate is too strong a word. Dislike is better to describe my feelings then. But after that, it's the worst word, the complete opposite to how I truly felt, looking back on it now.

I pretended to hate you, only because Sev despised you, and I didn't want to hurt him, he was my best friend for many years, and supported me so much…even if he did betray me in the end…

I never told anyone this. Except you, just now, I've tried to keep it from myself, all these years, and I've just become unbearably unhappy. Now, as I write these final words, I feel a great weight lifted off my shoulders, not all of it, but most. The truth is, I Love You. Always have, and always will.

Yours forever and always

Lily Evans.