Caroline Bingley's Very Secret Diary
I had to go to the wedding feast. There was no getting out of it. I had to put on the frilly dress and get my hair all up in twists only so I could see Darcy walk up with that common girl, smiling and waving as if they were the King and Queen. My insipid brother and his ridiculous bride were grinning like fools, proving that this wedding was the only culmination of their existence.
Well, I sat in my corner all night and drank port wine. Cannot say I was dissatisfied with the dishes; I tried all of them.
I was far too distraught to dance and I suppose it was noticeable since no one asked for my hand at a reel.
I've lost Darcy forever. I could admit defeat, but I know it was not a fair fight.
What does she have that I don't?
I suppose I am growing old and ugly. Yet I am no common, ignoramus, as she is.
But then again, who appreciates that anymore?
Before Elizabeth walked into his life, Darcy always paid me many attentions and was considerate about my well-being and general happiness. Now, if I threw myself in front of a chaise he wouldn't mind.
And now everybody is married.
Even that cheeky tart of a sister Elizabeth has.
I am sick and tired of this dreadful neighborhood. I shall pack up my belongings and go to London to my sister's house. She shall have greater entertainment (and at least I know her marriage is rickety).
I wrote a letter to Darcy telling him I am in London and if he (and unfortunately his wife) should ever come by he must immediately visit. I expected an answer right away but Charles only wrote to me that Mr. and Mrs. Darcy were gone to Bath.
My sister received me with great gaiety, complaining she was so afraid without her husband at home.
'He has only gone to Manchester.'
'Oh, how far that seems to me, poor lonely creature! My nights are growing weary without him.'
Oh, yes, indeed. She must miss his usual snoring during supper and his late card games he plays with himself while singing loud, obnoxious Irish songs.
I was there to comfort a sister and get a taste of the London life.
After a couple of days however, I wrote to Darcy again.
This time, I confessed a great deal of things and I am embarrassed to say I did not conceal much. I remember a passage.
…and you must know you are my greatest companion and without you I feel quite meaningless, Mr. Darcy. I know I am impudent to tell you all this but I am quite at a loss for the given words to express my esteem and care for you.
After many attempts at a decent letter (all of which failed) I finally sent him a missive to Bath, telling him I missed his gratifying presence.
I was afraid his new wife would not approve of him receiving letters from me (which is downright cruel, he is, after all, a dear friend).
I went to see plays at the new theatre every night and in every play I saw myself as a tragic heroine, cast in the midst of life with no one to hold onto. Now, I suppose it is a bit exaggerated but I was always prone to scheming great things.
I usually walked out into the alleys with my sister and our coach driver, muttering old songs we knew from the balls that took place when we were younger.
By and by, we saw wonderful shops and we bought many scarves for the cold weather to come, but I bought no ribbons. I had no reason to put them on.
Then, on a rainy Thursday I received a letter from Georgiana Darcy.
Dear Miss Bingley,
I am happily bestowed to invite you, on the part of my dear brother and his charming wife as well, to join me in Bath as my companion, for I miss your kind manner and wise advice. I hope you can….
It wasn't such an interesting missive. After all, I knew the little girl couldn't stand me and it was only at the beckoning of the newly weds that she agreed to invite me or spend at least an hour in my so called "kind" company without calling me a hag behind my back.
But it matters not. It means Darcy might have received my letter and thought of me.
I shall go to Bath!
I was preparing that night to leave for Bath, arranging all my gifts and clothes in bundles. I had bought many things for Darcy and Georgiana, but I had to spare something for Elizabeth.
I did search through all my trinkets and I found nothing I could give to her.
I decided to go at once and buy ribbons or something as silly as that. I wanted to look splendid, so that Darcy could see he had lost a veritable catch.
My sister got bored instantly (she was never such a bright person) and demanded we go eat some nice cake at some bakery. I refused pertinently and went on searching until the rays of dusk reddened the pavements.
I would find the perfect little gift to show Elizabeth I am above her.
When my eyes suddenly feasted on a beautiful set of china, I noticed another man was intent upon buying it. Yet it was the one superb gift I could get for the newly weds and I was not about to give up.
'Excuse me, Sir,' I began politely. 'I do hope you are not considering what I think you are, for that set is mine to have.'
He turned in a very abrupt manner and bowed respectfully.
'How queer you talk madam. The set is here for everyone to have.'
'Yes, but you see, I have decided to buy it.'
'So have I!'
'Yet it is not right for a lady to wait on a stranger who is a man!'
'Why ever not?'
'It is not proper. I must have the set.'
'Oh, that is not my interest,' he replied rudely.
'How can it not be? I am in agony and you prolong it, Sir! I am going to get this set for a dear friend of mine who has just wedded.'
'Fascinating as this may be, I need the set just as much.'
'How so?'
'I am also giving it as a gift to a dear friend who has just wedded.'
'Impossible!'
'So which of us is to have it?' he asked.
'Of course, I should!' I demanded. 'After all, I am the one in a terrible situation. I do not even want to give them anything.'
'And yet you are buying an expensive set,' he added.
'Well, there is no need to be cheap, even in sufferance,' I proclaimed ceremoniously and took the set in my tiny hands. 'Now if you'll excuse me…'
I managed to take the set for myself and as my sister would not help me at all I had to carry it all the way home because we had run out of money for a hansom.
The gentleman at the store offered to take us home, but I refused. He was terribly rude to refuse to give me the set in the first place! Men are growing worse with each day.
Except Mr. Darcy. He shall always remain a wonderful, generous model of a perfect gentleman.
