Down the Rabbit Hole Chapter 1 – Alice

A/N- Hello my darlings, I've been tossing this idea around in my head for a while now, and it is with nervous trepidation that I present to you Down the Rabbit Hole. It is the prequel to Loves Fool, in which we will follow Edd/Alice, Kevin and Rave on their journey to self discovery. Like Winged Cupid it will be set in the 90's at the start of the story and move forward to intersect with Loves Fool's modern setting, so with that said there will be no cell phones or internet until applicable, along with older nomenclature and ways of thinking. This is meant for authenticity purposes only, I apologize if any of the older ways of referring to people is offensive in anyway. These terms can be as simple as using LGB or GLBT instead of the acronym that we use today. R!Kevedd belongs to Asphyixon Rave belongs to KirKurryArt/Eyugho.

It was a temperate night in California on November eighteenth 1979 when Tina May Rockwell was wheeled into the hospital as another contraction started, they arrived at the hospital entrance around 9:12pm that evening, her water having broken some twenty minutes ago. As a nurse wheeled Mrs. Rockwell into her room, her husband, Jeffery Rockwell, was following behind her filling out the admittance paperwork, glancing up occasionally to make sure he wasn't running into anyone or that he had missed a turn. On the paperwork under current employer he puts down Trinity Broadcasting Network for him and his wife. The couple, which were in their early twenties, had moved to California a year ago to pitch a Saturday morning bible show aimed to teach children the word of God in an entertaining Mr. Rogers meets Moses kind of way. Getting the green light from the network for at least the first season their futures seemed bright, then came the joyous news that Tina May was pregnant. Incorporating this into their show once her pregnancy became noticable, teaching their young viewers of the glory of God's plan, be fruitful and multiply, and the miracle of bringing a new life into the world.

But now at 10:34pm Mrs. Tina May Rockwell was feeling anything but a miracle happening as her contractions became longer and closer together. Over the course of the next few hours she pushed, did her breathing they taught her in Lamaze class, squeezed the hell out of her husband's hand and at 12:32am on November 19 let a single tear fall down her cheek as she looked down at her baby boy who now lay in her arms. Eddward Marion Rockwell was the name she gave and is now on the birth certificate both parents have signed, eleven days later Pink Floyd released their rock opera The Wall. For the next several years the Rockwell's learned what they could while in the employ of TBN as Mr. Rockwell finished up seminary school. He eventually graduated into the big leagues by being invited to make an appearance on some televangelists TV shows to preach a sermon, he would take this experience and learn what he could from it, taking the next step in his career, his own televangelist show. The man had big dreams and lofty goals, but he felt that with his wife by his side and the lord guiding the way he was sure these dreams would become a reality.

While his parents sought to fulfill their dreams, Eddward spent a lonely childhood in the company of strangers. A new nanny was hired every few months because the last one wasn't doing a good enough job in Tina May's opinion, always finding something wrong with their performance. One wasn't insuring Edd's room was clean enough, another allowed the boy to get dirty while he was playing at the park, and yet another wasn't teaching him how to read fast enough. Her work and social life was already taking up all of her time, she didn't have any to spare to deal with such things as raising a child, so the tiniest of infractions was met with strict punishment, for the help and for Eddward. Copying bible verses on honoring your family and parents was not one of his favorite things to do at five years old, his mother on the other hand saw it as a perfect way to teach him discipline and how to read and write at the same time.

He was so excited now that he was starting school, kindergarten might only be a half day of learning, but it gave him the opportunity to get out of the house and hopefully make friends, and socialize with someone other than the hired help. At first it was very rough going, lacking the social skills needed to successfully interact with his peers due to his shut in lifestyle that had been imposed on him by his parents. But with experience comes learning and slowly he opens up and begins to make friends that he can laugh and play with and do what children do, get into trouble. Three months later, with no warning to little Eddward his parents up and move the family, a steady position upon a well known televangelist show had presented itself to the couple. Mr. Rockwell would be the right hand man to the star of the show, learning all that he could from the man about the business, proper way to prepare his speeches, ways to make people feel better about themselves and loosen their pocket books. Mrs. Rockwell paid close attention to the reverends wife, being a quick study she learned her role quickly to support her husband when his time in the spot light would arrive.

Edd on the other hand was still shuffled off into the care of strangers, coming home from school to a house devoid of parents, with a strict study schedule that left little time to be a kid. Chores were done, lessons learned, with a strict code of conduct enforced by the governess that came highly recommended to Mrs. Rockwell by way of the reverends wife. School was his liberation from the prison that had become his home life, birthdays were barely celebrated, Christmas's were held at the mega church where he felt more like a prop then their child, his consolation prize was the presents they were now able to buy him. But do material things make up for the absence of a loving mother and father that has now been replaced by the Hitler of a governess he is forced to endure? Me thinks not, on top of these emotions he had about his parents was this nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right about himself, something about his body didn't seem to fit, what it was he couldn't put his finger on just yet.

For four years Eddward had to endure this life before his parents moved again, finally achieving their goal of being offered their own Televangelism show that came with its own church for our Mr. Rockwell to start his own congregation with. It was decided to move their son to the small town of Peach Creek, which was just an hour away from the city of Summerville where their church was located, the small rural community would be the perfect place for him to grow up in. Far enough away from the vices of city life that could corrupt his impressionable mind, but close enough that they didn't have to travel far to commute to and from their work. It was during this time that Eddward had more freedoms to be a child, his new nanny a Ms. Kanker, was not nearly as strict as the governess was, she would occasionally bringing her daughter Marie around to play with the boy.

It was during this time that Eddward met two like minded and named boys, like minded because they all had a love for jawbreakers, and for finding ways in which to get them. Eddy fancied himself the brains of the operation, but in truth he was just good at talking the other Ed's into doing what he wanted them to do. Ed was a big old teddy bear with a penchant for B-grade horror movies and more strength then he knew what to do with. These years were the golden years for Eddward, though they got into more trouble than the jawbreakers were worth, he wouldn't have traded them for anything. His parents as usual spent more time away from home building their little empire than they did caring what their son was up to. As long as they came home at 9pm to a clean and still standing home, with all of his homework completed they really didn't act like they could care about the details of his day, and by this time that suited Eddward just fine, he had his friends now. He bottled up all the bitterness and anger at the way they have been treating him all these year, and put up a nice front that he didn't care that they weren't around.

However this feeling about himself just would not go away, something was off and he was still at a loss as to what it could be, medically he was sound of mind and body according to the definitions he could find. He was currently in the fifth grade and struggling to figure out what this feeling could be, he was also starting to notice that his desires on what to do and what to be didn't match the rules that society had laid down for him. When he was apart from the other Ed's he would occasionally play house with Sarah and Jimmy and this strong desire to be the care giver, the nurturer, the mommy of their game would settle within him. Giving this desire voice one time he was quickly corrected by the girl that she was the mommy, he was the daddy and Jimmy their son, he pushed that desire down into the bottle with the rest of his pent up anger. Marie on the other hand would gladly role reverse with him in private when they played in his room together, allowing him some modicum of joy away from prying and judgmental eyes.

Years pass and these feelings grow that his body didn't fit him, that he was "different" then he should be. As puberty hit he found that he was attracted to boys as well, and under social definition that meant he was gay, but that somehow didn't quit feel right to him, like the definition was somehow off for "him". In his seventh grade year the pieces started to slowly fit together for Edd, that this feeling that had be nagging him for years that something wasn't quite right about his body was the fact that he wasn't a boy, but a girl. She wasn't a gay boy but a straight girl who just happened to be in a boy's body. She struggled with this thought process for several months as she went through several phases of denial about this realization of herself, researching the subject as best she could at the local library finding very little in the way of helpful material, most of it being psychology books on the subject.

It was around this time in her life that her friendship with the other two Ed's had become strained, unable to discuss her current emotional state with anyone coupled with the emotional neglect of her parents was quickly bringing her to a breaking point. And that bottle that she had been stuffing all her anger and currently her regret into was broke wide open one day when Eddy told her to "Man up, Sockhead," as he explained his current scam to her. First off you don't tell a lady to "Man up," secondly that nickname of his had gotten old and in the wrong way, that and Double D.

In a moment of shear rage she decked him square in the jaw, and screamed, "Shut the fuck up Eddy." Storming off to her next class, not caring if she ever heard his voice ever again, as far as she was concerned she was done with that loud mouth arrogant two faced scammer.

Marie was a comfort and a joy at this time of loss, popping in The Cure's latest album Wish, she leans back on the bed having Edd lean back into her embrace. "You're better off without him babe, he was holding you back from being you."

Edd was angry that she had let her emotions get the better of herself, on the other hand the confrontation had lifted a burden that she was starting to accept herself for who she was. "You think so? If I'm honest with myself it was always about Eddy after all, we were just tools for him to use." A concern popped into her mind, "What about Ed?" The lovable giant would probably follow Eddy's lead on this and start ignoring her if the scammer told him to.

"If he chooses Eddy over you and can't see how manipulative he is, then it's probably for the best then." She didn't want to be blunt, but who could say whether Ed could be friends with Eddy and Edd at the same time and truly stay neutral if it came down to another fight between the two. Seeing the pained look in her friend's eyes at her words she makes him lean forward and starts to dig through her bag, "Here let me do something that will make you feel better." Scooting over on the bed so she is now sitting beside him she sets her tools down on the comforter, "Go like this," she demonstrates how she wants him to hold his mouth and uncaps the black lipstick and begins to apply it when he complies.

Once complete Edd looks into the mirror to admire her handy work, "Oh, my parents are going to kill me."

Turning Edd's head back around to face her she replies as she uncaps the eyeliner, "They probably won't even notice." Positioning the pencil like utensil by his eye, "Don't move," she whispered tensely. Thirty minutes later she has not only done up his eyes but his fingernails in black nail polish, she then allows Edd to look at himself in the mirror again, "Rockin," she exclaimed. "Now some new threads and the new you will be complete."

A bit of apprehension ran across Edd's face, "I don't know Marie." She had to admit that she liked the fact that she could wear make-up now and no one could really question it in the way she feared they would.

She places her arms across Edd's shoulders and rested her chin there as she looked into the mirror as well, "I think it's hot, just give it a try, if you don't like it you can always go back to being normal old regular Edd." A wicked little grin playing across her face because she knew Edd would keep the look, "Besides this will let you be your true you more then you are now."

The true you, Edd liked the sound of that, to think that the rules that she had been following all these years that society and her parents had put into place, might no longer apply was kind of liberating in a way. And she wanted to see where this rabbit hole might lead.

A/N- Ok about the pronouns, I will be using male pronouns for Edd when she is presenting herself as a male in public (like school and such). But I will use female pronouns when Edd is alone or with a trusted friend that has been told her truth.