I Do Believe

For Erica (ekinham . tumblr .com), happy 2nd part of the Castle gift exchange. I saw you reblog a post about this a few weeks ago and thought I could write you the fic (I promise I'm not a CRAZY stalker). Enjoy!

- apples-cherries105 (Liz)


Castle woke slowly, spurred to life by a quiet chill that had fallen over him in the early pre-dawn of December. He groped around on the other side of the bed grunting in frustration as he grabbed the goose-down comforter that had been hijacked by his bedmate. It took him longer to process that the comforter was also colder than it should have been. He blinked himself awake and twisted around to see that Kate wasn't in bed. He sat up, in his confusion, to give their bedroom a quick once over. The bathroom light was off, so she wasn't in there, and everything else looked like it wasn't disturbed. He cast his eyes to the small LED lights of the baby monitor on his side of the bed and saw the small fluctuations from Mason's light snores. So, if his littlest was still asleep then Kate must be in the kitchen or their daughter's room, and he knew where he was placing his bet.

With a light shiver on contact with the cold floor, Castle made his way out of their bedroom and out into the loft. The bright twinkle of the Christmas tree was the only illumination, and he made his way quietly up the stairs toward the bedroom of his youngest daughter. As he reached the beginning of the hallway he saw the light from his daughter's room cascading into the still darkness of the night and he could hear muffled voices talking in quiet whispers. He inched forward until he could see into the light green room that belonged to his little Joan. Her Lego castle set was in the corner, surrounded by her dinosaur figurines and Barbies thrown haphazardly across the battlements. They had been reenacting a defense strategy earlier in the afternoon and had decided to bring it to its epic conclusion after Christmas. He peaked around the door surreptitiously to see Kate and their daughter sitting on her bed, Joan in between Kate's legs crying. He could hear her little hiccups through her tears and he almost rushed into the room until her heard Kate's voice.

"Joanie, you can tell me, honey. What happened at the park today? Why are you crying on Christmas Eve, baby girl?" Kate's voice was dripping with concern as she slowly rocked their daughter between her arms as the young girl squeezed back in anguish. Castle could see the little frown on her face, so much like Kate's, and it broke his heart to see his six year old so distraught.

Her voice was weighed down with distress, "Carol Thompson said that Santa isn't real, and that Mommies and Daddies are the ones who put presents under the Christmas tree." Castle watched Kate's face as the sudden confession caught her off guard. He felt his stomach drop; he could clearly remember a conversation they had had almost a decade ago about Kate not believing in Santa and he hoped that she could sustain their daughter's belief for a bit longer.

Kate was silent while she turned Joan in her arms to face her. She slowly wiped the glistening tears off of her daughter's red cheeks and smoothed her hair while emitting a gentle hushing noise.

"Joanie, do you believe in magic?" she asked quietly, her face completely serious as her daughter looked up at her with her moist electric blue eyes. Castle caught his breath and quietly awaited his daughter's answer.

"W-what do you mean?" Joan asked as her bottom lip trembled and her eyes continued to gush a steady stream of tears.

"I mean, do you believe in- card tricks?" Kate paused and Joan shook her head yes.

"What about that one time that Daddy pulled a quarter from behind your ear? Was that magic?" Kate continued as she tickled Joan and made her giggle through her tears. Castle smiles and watches his girls burrow back into the bed as Kate continues to inquire into their daughter's beliefs.

"What else is magic, Mommy?" Joan asks as she snuggles into her mother's shirt. Kate twirls Joan's fine auburn hair and thinks before replying. Castle can see her mind racing as she devises a well-rounded return for their child, and as her lips part, he's holding his breath to her answer.

"Unicorns are magic. Ooh, can't forget dragons! Uhm, fairies, leprechauns, Santa; all of those things are magical, honey." Kate lists as her daughter and husband hang on every word. Joan shakes her head as if Kate's list was a scholarly dictation about magic and all it encompasses. Her eyes are heavy and her head is tilting into Kate's side as the crying ceases and it looks like their daughter is comfortable with that answer. Castle does a quick one-two punch of victory into the air at the sight. His wife did it! She nurtured their daughter, and preserved her innocence for a few more weeks at least.

And then Joan asks another question, awakening with a quick start.

"But, Mommy, does being magical make Santa real?" Well, Castle thought, it was good while it lasted.

Kate doesn't even miss a beat, and that's something that Castle will always remember; when he would have frozen and folded, Kate blossomed under their daughter's continued interrogation.

"Santa IS magic, honey," Joan turns to look at her mom and furrows her brow again in frustration. Kate smiles at her and tries to explain again from a different angle.

"There are things in life that just are magic, sweetie," Kate clarifies, hoping her daughter can grasp such intangible concepts. "Like when you wake up and all of the presents appear under the tree. Or, when the snow starts to melt and you see the first shoots of new grass. Or when I come home from a really terrible day at work and you have a beautiful picture that you drew for me." Joan and Castle are both mesmerized by Kate's explanation. Castle is blown away by how sincere she is and it finally hits him that she's believed in magic all along, and he's so blessed to see her admit it.

"So, since magic is real, Santa is real?" Joan asks, trying to keep up with her mother's overcomplicated confession.

Kate lets out a shallow chuckle and brings Joan in for a kiss to the forehead, "Yes, baby, exactly." Joan has a quick smile as her mother tries to snuggle her, but pushes away to look at her again.

"But, Santa can't be both a magical thing and a feeling, can he? That doesn't make sense." Castle almost laughed. His daughter was trying so hard to understand the complex ideas behind a nonexistent person, and his wife's best answer of 'because he's magical' didn't work. This entire situation was priceless.

"Yes, he can honey, because there's something else that is both a magical thing and a magical feeling, and that's love. And you have known and felt love, right?" Joan's eyes were wide, as if everything suddenly made so much sense, while her father's eyes were wide because that was the last thing he expected to come from his wife.

"So love is magical, too?" Joan asked, finally seeming content with her mother's answer.

"Oh yes, sweetie, the best kind of magic." Her response was almost a whisper and it caused Castle's heart to ache. She had no idea how right she was, and he wished in that moment that he was sitting with them and not stalking outside the bedroom door eavesdropping. He wanted to hold her and reassure her how truly correct she was, because she brought magic back into his life and he hoped that he had done the same for her.

"I don't think Carol Thompson believes in magic or Santa," Joan mutters as Kate maneuvers her to her pillow at the head of the bed.

"Well I hope she believes, because people who don't even believe in the possibility of magic will never ever find it, and life without that hope is a very sad one." Castle's breath catches, and his heart is hammering in his chest. Her words are a melodious encore to her superb parenting tonight, and he just wants to kiss her and hold her until she understands how much she means to him. His words from so long ago echoed through his head in her voice and he almost cried for the joy that welled up in his heart. Love IS magical if it can make a grown man cry at two in the morning on Christmas day.

Joan's eyes were closed and her small chest was rising and falling at a steady pace as his wife stood up from the bed and made her way to his hiding place at the door. When she eyed him she gave a small start and he threw up his hands in apology. Kate screwed up her eyebrows and was about to say something when Joan's small voice escaped with her last question before sleep took her.

"Do you believe in magic, Mommy?"

Kate looked from the sleeping girl tucked nicely into her star wars sheets with her long-sleeved Disney princess night dress to her ruggedly-handsome husband clad only in his Green Lantern boxer shorts and smiled. Castle felt a tug in his chest and a warmth blossom from his abdomen as Kate made her way to the door and held out her hands to him, rubbing her thumb along the back of his palm.

"Yes, honey, and I always will."


AAAAA! I hope you like it! Let me know in a quick review or tumblr ask whichever. Also, for those of you reading, I'm taking requests for one-shots. Hit me up!

Love, always,

Liz