A/N: Ah, so, for those who follow me on Tumblr, you may have realized I've gotten into Sekaiichi Hatsukoi and Junjou Romantica. In all honesty, I had thought of creating a story for Sekaiichi Hatsukoi but none of my ideas weren't getting me anywhere. This kind of just came out of nowhere, literally. It's also the first bl story I've ever written. I haven't been in this fandom for very long (I discovered Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, along with Junjou Romantica, around October 2018) but I really wanted to try and write a story for my favorite couple Takano and Onodera. (This is also to help me write my own bl story in the future I have on hold as of now). So, I hope you enjoy! And don't worry, I'm still working on my GoChi story "My Guardian Angel." I am determined to finish that story if it kills me.
The main story won't take place in first person, just the prologue and possibly the ending. I'm not a big fan of first person myself, but for the prologue it's necessary. And Nao is in this story, but he is a good friend and isn't overbearing.
I appreciate everyone who reads this, thank you! Please don't be afraid to give me feedback, critiques, criticism, or advice, I could really use it! This is also being posted on Archive of Our Own!
Word Count: 2,326
– Remember This: I Still Love You –
Prologue
Unrequited love is the worst type of love.
I'm sure there's a limit to how much unrequited love one can handle.
"How do you know my name?"
The act of confessing depends on if courage can overcome rationality. Once the cup is full, you confess your love. The moment came so suddenly that I don't know whether it was...shock...or excitement...that had all my emotions bumbling and overflowing.
Maybe it was a moment of insanity.
"I love you Senpai."
»»-¤-««
Reality is crueler than it seems. He was just toying with me, he didn't care about me.
"Senpai," I remember calling out all too clearly. "We are going out right?" I didn't know what I was saying. "Because you never say anything." Did he really love me?
"Huh?"
"Saga-senpai...Saga-senpai do you..." I shouldn't have asked the question, but I didn't want to keep feeling like it was unrequited love anymore. "...do you love me."
"...Heh"
"Huh?! He laughed at me?! What? Why?! Could it be that..." A million thoughts ran through my head after he laughed at me. I couldn't focus on one, then it hit me, "...he was playing with me?!"
After that, I never saw him again.
»»-¤-««
She wore a beautiful white kimono, it looked amazing on her. As we walked the path, I couldn't help but have my mind of someone else. It was horrible, and I'm sure it wasn't helping her either. Our parents arranged for us to be married when we were young. We were engaged at a young age. At the time I didn't understand what that meant, so I just nodded my head, knowing my parents knew what was best for me.
In reality, they didn't. It's not like I didn't like her, she was a beautiful young woman. Long, light brown wavy hair and light golden-brown eyes, with a smile that would make anyone fall in love. We've been friends since childhood. I didn't have many friends growing up, I mostly stayed inside reading books. But she always found a way to keep me company.
While we drank the ceremonial sake, I could help but wonder, why did I agree to this. She asked to be married to me as soon as we turned eighteen. Was it out of impulse? Am I trying to escape the reality I'm in right now? What's life going to be like in the future with us? By the time my thoughts caught up with me, the ceremony was over. We were officially husband and wife.
"We're married now," She said with glee.
"Yes, we are" was all I could muster. I must be a masochist, I hate myself already for what's going to happen in these future years together.
»»-¤-««
"Rittie" It had been a relatively quiet evening, I was going over some static's for my father's company. I was planning on being an editor there soon. Something I was excited about.
"What is it?"
"Do you regret being married to me?" Now, that wasn't something I was expecting her to say. We've been married a little over two months now. Our marriage has felt like it's gone back to being how our friendship was. Sure, we kissed and stuff, but it didn't exactly feel normal. I'm sure she picked up on it too. "Well, it's just that, we may be married but it feels like it just a glorified friendship, don't you think?"
"..." I didn't know what to say, she was right, it did feel like a "glorified friendship."
"You're still in love from that person from middle school?" I looked at her, a shocked expression rested on my face. There's no way. He broke my heart, I can't still possibly be in love with him, right?
Right?
"...Maybe so..." I whispered. I heard her sigh. She sat down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder.
"I want you to know that I do love you Rittie, even if we can't have a normal marriage, I still want to be with you." I don't know why someone would want to be with someone else if their love isn't going to be returned. But then again, that's how it was with Saga-senpai... "I know how hard unrequited love is."
"You do?"
"Of course, I love you Ritsu." I felt wetness on my shoulder and looked down at her, I could see some tears falling from her eyes. "Even if you can't love me the same way, I don't want to divorce you, I want to remain husband and wife."
"Are you sure you want to put yourself through that?"
"Yes, I already made that decision the night I asked for us to be married after I turned eighteen. I will always love you, no matter what."
How long will it last?
»»-¤-««
"Congratulations Onodera-san! You're pregnant!" Huh? What was that? Did I hear the nurse right?
"S-She pregnant?"
"Yes! Isn't it a wonderful thing? You and your wife are going to be parents!"
"How far along she?"
"Hmm...looks like about 5 weeks." She's been pregnant for over a month now? That would explain why she had been feeling sick and dizzy recently.
We left the hospital after making her appointments for check-ups with the baby. I wouldn't have imagined getting her pregnant or being a father for a matter of fact. Being a father...do I know how to be one? My father was always busy, so I can't really see myself knowing how to raise a child. Still... "isn't it a wonderful thing?" I hear the nurse's words echo in my head. Can I give this child the loving family it deserves?
"Rittie!" I jerked and looked over at my visibly agitated wife. "Welcome back, I've been calling you for a few minutes."
"Sorry." She chuckled.
"Some things never change huh?" I looked at her weirdly, what was that supposed to mean? "Were you thinking about the baby?"
"You always can read me like a book."
"Rittie, I hate to break it to you, but your kind of an open one." I snorted. She's right. I've been like that since as long as I can remember. But only she and someone else I rather not think about could read me like that with complete accuracy. It was scary. "Are you worried?"
"A little bit, I'm not sure whether I'll be a good father, let alone give the baby a proper, loving family. I mean, will I even like this child myself?"
"Don't say things like that" she brought my face towards her. "You don't know the future, for all you know, you could be a great father! I mean, you've been a good husband to me up to this point."
"Doesn't feel like it." Which is kind of true. We both are going through one-sided love. Mine being for someone I haven't seen in three years, her, he's right in front of her. Pining for someone for so long, it hurts, when will it become numb? "We've only been married 5 months now."
We married back in September of last year. It was late March by now, almost in time for my birthday. We were still eighteen, and now we're going to have a baby by the time we are both nineteen. I can't wrap my mind around that. My parents had me in their twenties, wasn't I supposed to follow suit? This is so confusing.
"That doesn't matter" she pulled me out of my thoughts. "For now, let's just focus on telling your family about the baby, I'm sure your mother will be happy."
"Okay."
I'm worried, so very worried.
»»-¤-««
"Push!" I heard her cries of agony. Her pregnancy hadn't been easy. She got sick often, having to stay in bed most of the time, not being able to do much. It was strange, she never really got sick. Did the baby affect her body somehow? To make matters worse, she went into premature labor, about three weeks of its due date. It was scary, she was just fine earlier today. On our way to my parent's house, she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, I decided to call the doctor. Not long after calling the hospital, she screamed that her water broke.
"Just a little more, the baby's head is almost out."
"Come on, just a little more" I tried to encourage my struggling, tired wife. She didn't look right. Her face, red but the rest of her, white as snow. Something was wrong, and I'm sure the doctor knew it too but wasn't telling me.
"She's out!" She? So, our baby's a little girl huh? One of the nurses waved me over. I could hear our babies cries for the first time, what a wonderful sound it was. The nurse handed me scissors and showed me how to properly cut her umbilical cord. Our baby, what a beautiful, fussy girl.
My wife was sleeping soundly in the hospital bed. After cutting our baby's cord, she was rushed to the NICU. It would be about a week before we could take her home, due to her being a preemie. It may have been a rough start, but our baby was finally here, what's going to happen next?
"What's on your mind?" I heard my wife say as she woke up.
"Oh" there wasn't really anything going through it now, well except for the shock of the baby being here, it just happened so fast. "Nothing really, well…we still haven't figured out a name." We wanted to wait on a name until our baby was here, we didn't even know the gender until today.
"We'll figure it out."
When she got feeling better, the nurse gave us a wheelchair, and we went to the NICU, to see our bundle of joy. Our baby had tubes and such through her, to make sure she would stay alive to develop the rest of her body. I can't imagine what she's going through, "hang in there" I silently prayed.
"Look at her" I saw my wife, her eyes twinkling, "she looks like you Rittie!"
"She definitely has your hair though."
"It'll be a pain in the future, wavy hair is hard to manage sometimes. I hope she has your eyes though."
"Why?"
"Because they're a beautiful shade of emerald green. That was the first thing I noticed about you when we were young, those green eyes of yours." For some reason, that pulled me back to middle school. I do remember the first thing I noticed about Saga-senpai were his eyes. They were a lovely shade of hazel and those eyelashes… "Ritsu!"
"Yes?" I snapped back to reality. Gosh, I wish I would stop that. Thinking of the past is only going to make things worse for the future.
"I was just saying what are we going to name her?"
"I don't know…" We stared at each other what seemed like forever. Your name, something that will stick with you forever. My name means versatile, and having an expressive nature, that seemed fair. Her name, apricot, in which apricots are sweet, just like her. I want her name to be a mixture of us. Someone who is good, respectable, virtuous, sweet but stubborn.
"Sakura."
»»-¤-««
The week went by quick as we were able to take Onodera Sakura from the hospital. It had been almost two months since Sakura has been with us and my wife wasn't getting any better. The doctor had explained to us that she suffered from postpartum hemorrhaging while giving birth to Sakura. They treated it and gave her some antibiotics to take. But she hadn't got any better. In fact, she was sicker than before being pregnant with Sakura. I was worried for her. But she kept telling me she was okay. No, I would argue, she'd dismiss it.
It didn't take long for me to rush to the hospital, Sakura in tow. We were just going to the store, while my wife was with my mother. We were only gone a few minutes. She collapsed, what had happened to her? The nurses rushed me to her room. She had an oxygen mask on, her heart rate being monitored, and IV drip in her arm. The doctor greeted me and told me the situation.
"She doesn't have much time left." Excuse me?
"W-What?" The doctor explained because of her postpartum hemorrhaging, she lost a lot of blood during Sakura's birth and her body wasn't replenishing it fast enough. They thought they had treated it and the antibiotics would take care of the rest. They proposed a blood transfusion, but there still may be a risk that her body wasn't going to replenish her blood in the future. She was dying. She only had a few hours left.
She held her baby for the last time. "Rittie" my eyes were red; her closing minutes were approaching fast. "hey, don't cry for me."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want my last memory here to be of you crying," she lightly stroked my hair. "I want to leave seeing you smiling and seeing Sakura sleeping." She handed me Sakura. I tried my best to put on a smile, but I could feel the tears coming again, my mouth starting to quiver.
"I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize," I heard a quiet laugh. "Ritsu, I want you to know that I'm so glad I got to know you. I'm glad we got married and had a baby. I wish we could've done more." She slowly closed her eyes, shaking her head. "Please, do one last thing for me."
"What is it?"
"Find love again, whether it be with your first or someone else, and don't do it half-heartedly." She grabbed my hand. "Take care of our daughter, I'll be rooting for you from the other side." Her eyes fluttering, "I love you Ritsu…" With that, her arm fell, a small smile on her face and her heart monitor flatlined. She was gone.
"…Goodbye An…"
