bilaterus: I wanted to write a fic, and the lovely Blythe suggested - from nowhere - a Phinbella story written by Doof. Now, admittedly, the idea took a couple of minutes to go from ludicrous to genius, but pretty soon we realised that the story writes itself!
Blythehasfreckles: bilaterus started out with an interesting idea for a Phinbella story, so we combined the two ideas and came up with something much better than we'd bargained for! We hope you have as much fun reading it as we did writing it!
bilaterus: Now, anything in bold is our comments, anything in regular text is Doofenshmirtz's typed words and author's notes, and anything in italics makes up his actual fic.
Blythehasfreckles: We hope you like our story! :)
Welcome, evil readers of the Tri-State Area! It is I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, with an evil story so dastardly that you will have no choice but to bend to my will as it plagues your minds with its evilness! If you aren't evil, you will tremble in fear at how evil this story will be. In fact, it would be better for you to look away now!
No wait, come back! I was kidding!
Anyway, you may be wondering, "Doof, why are you writing a story? That doesn't sound evil at all!" Well you see, after another encounter with my nemesis, Perry the Platypus, and another one of my Inators was completely ruined, I found that I had a sudden lack of ideas for evil schemes. So I decided to use my favourite source of inspiration: the internet!
By the way, you'd really be surprised what the search engine digs up when you type in "clever inator ideas." I got a bunch of site results for lawn mowers for some odd reason. In what way does an evil inator have anything to do with outdoor home improvement? I don't get it.
Back to the backstory!
After that I just typed in "Inators" and the web browser turned it into "imagination." I have no idea how the word "Inator" looks or sounds anything like "imagination," but it led me to this really interesting site called fan fiction dot net and soon enough I was hooked!
First, I began reading several fan fiction stories written about 'Pride and Prejudice' - love it! - when suddenly I stumbled across stories for this show called 'Phineas and Ferb' (which is strange, considering the two are under two totally opposite categories on the site). The show''s got three simultaneous storylines that interconnect. Genius, right? I was instantly captivated! I spent all of yesterday night reading stories people had written about it and it turns out there are a lot of people who write and read stories about this; hundreds of people - thousands, even! That's when I realised: if I wrote a really good story, I could gain enough popularity to take over the entire Tri-State Area!
I, er, can't tell my nemesis Perry the Platypus, or my daughter Vanessa, about this scheme though. What will they think? I don't want them judging me! If either of you two are reading about this, just, eh... there's absolutely nothing to see! Change the page and put it completely out of your mind! Actually, to be on the safe side, I had better make a brand new Inator as my scheme tomorrow (something I'd certainly remember building if I had already made one) to erase it from people's minds. Maybe a Forget About It-Inator, or an Amnesia-Inator, or maybe a Fanfic Forget-Inator!
Hmmm... since Perry the Platypus will probably thwart all of those, I'll just make sure that he and Vanessa don't accidentally read my story. I know, I'll put a password on it! I'll just type it in... there! They'd never guess my super-secret password!
Anyway, it turns out that the most popular kind of story are ones where two of the main characters, in particular one of the kids called Phineas and his neighbour Isabella, are 'shipped'. At first I thought, 'who has time to rent a boat, and where would you even ship them to? Besides, they're just characters in a story. It doesn't make sense!' But then I looked it up and realised that shipping is a term used to describe fan fictions that take previously created characters and put them in a relationship. Who knew?
So evil readers, that's how I'll be writing this story. I hope you think it's good, er, hang on, I don't want it to be a story about good. I hope you think it's bad! Yeah- wait, that's not right. Eh, it'll come to me. I'm going to start writing it now!
Okay, here we go...
It was a nice sunny day when Phineas and Ferb were sitting in their backyard under a big tree, like they did every day in the summer. Their pet platypus, Jerry, was also with them and he was lying down next to them.
I don't know why these fan fictions mention them having a pet platypus. Of all creatures to own as a pet, why a platypus? Why not a capybara, or a shetland sheepdog, or maybe a reptile of some sort? Eh, but I guess 'Platypus' does have a ring to it, you know? Plus, it's original! How many people do YOU know have pet platypuses? ...Platypi? ...Platypeople? What's the proper plural version of platypus? Does anybody actually know?
Okay, okay back to the story...
"So Ferb, what evil invention should we make today?" Phineas asked his brother. Actually, Ferb wasn't his real brother. Well, he was his brother, just not the blood-related type. You see, Phineas and Ferb were step-brothers, and they tried to do something evil every day.
I told you it would be an evil story!
Ok readers, if you want to be picky, technically, if you think hard enough about it... the boys are not really evil. But it's my story and I want them to be evil, so that's what they'll be!
"Oh, I know what we're going to do today!" the evil red-headed inventor continued. "Let's create a device which will make us invisible so we can do evil things... invisibly!"
Ferb gave him a thumbs up. Generally, Ferb didn't talk much. He was more of a man of action. Phineas was the one who did most of the talking. After the two of them decided what they would do every day, they could build anything. Together, they made a good evil team.
At that point, the newly elected Emperor of the Tri-State Area, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, walked past the backyard.
Check it out, I added myself into the story! Cool, right? By putting myself in the story, I can interact with the characters! I'm a genius!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz was not only an incredible handsome evil overlord, he was also brilliant and witty and all-powerful over the Tri-State Area. And he was also handsome.
"How are my evil subjects doing today?" Doofenshmirtz said to the boys evilly.
"Hello Emperor Doofenshmirtz," Phineas responded. "We're going to be building an evil device of invisibility so that we can scare people!"
"Oh my, that does sound evil!" Doofenshmirtz was impressed by the boys' evil ideas. "Keep it up and one day you can be like me! Stay evil!" With that, Doofenshmirtz walked off. Handsomely.
Phineas and Ferb then got to work on their Invisibility Device. Because they were so good at inventing, they had finished it in no time. It was a little disc-shaped device with a large green domed button on it, and pressing it activated the device and made the person holding it invisible.
Phineas activated it, and turned invisible. "Cool!" he said. His voice seemed to come from out of nowhere. "Just think of all the evil things we can do with this! I think Isabella's coming. I'll stay invisible and then spook her by deactivating the Invisibility Device when she least expects it!"
Ferb gave another thumbs up towards the invisible Phineas. Sure enough, Isabella then walked through the gate of the backyard. Isabella wore a pink dress and a pink bow in her hair, as she usually did. She was so cute, she was practically evil herself... but in a cute way.
"Hey Ferb," she said. "Where's Phineas?"
Ferb shrugged.
"Phineas isn't here, huh? Do you know where he is?"
Ferb shook his head.That was a lie, though! Phineas was in fact standing there in the backyard, but was still invisible.
"Oh, okay. So did you watch the evil telethon last night?" Isabella asked. Ferb nodded. "It was really good. I learnt so much about how to incorporate evil in all the little things in life!"
"Emperor Doofenshmirtz really knows his evil," Ferb agreed.
"Yeah, he's so talented and powerful. I hope he stays our evil overlord forever!" said Isabella, delighted. "Surrendering our free will to him has been the best decision we've ever made!"
"Indeed," agreed Ferb.
You know, I really like writing. It's a chance to escape into a world where I am supreme ruler, and there are no ex-wives or exploding Inators or agents thwarting my evil plans! It's quite therapeutic, actually.
As Isabella talked, Phineas came sneaking up from behind the tree, gradually getting nearer to her until he was only steps away. He tried hard not to laugh maniacally in anticipation as he got closer.
"It's a shame Phineas isn't around to talk about the telethon with us," remarked Isabella unhappily. "You know, I come over here every day just to watch him and help him while he makes those wonderful evil inventions..."
Ferb blinked in acknowledgement as Isabella let out a dreamy sigh. Phineas snuck closer and closer, ready to leap at her and scare her out of her wits, when all of a sudden...
"Oh Ferb, if only Phineas knew how much I truly love him!"
Phineas was shocked. He wasn't expecting that! Did Isabella really just say she loved him?
"After all these years, you'd think he would know by now! But he doesn't even know I exist," said Isabella. Now she was feeling especially sad! That is, sad like when your father ignores you as his boy and replaces you with a puppy he won, but not sad like after you've been to the dentist and they tell you that you can't have any sweets for a week, and it's almost Halloween!
I mean, really. What could be worse than that?
"Maybe one day he'll understand how much he means to me. And maybe he'll even love me in return," she said a little hopefully.
It was then that the invisible red-head began to reflect on his time with Isabella, who was his friend from across the street. He thought about all the times she came over to help him with all of his evil plans, all the times he'd ask her for help and she did whatever it took for him, all the times she'd ask him to go places with her and he never understood that all she wanted was to be with him alone. Had he been ignoring Isabella's feelings for all these years? And how did he feel back?
Wow, I'm getting the hang of this fan-fictioning thing, or whatever you call it! Look, I even asked some rhetorical questions! How do you like that?
Hah, that was another rhetorical question! I'm on a roll!
The girl smiled and turned to leave the backyard. "Well I should go home now. Emperor Doofenshmirtz is airing his telecast at noon sharp and I wouldn't want to miss it! After all, he's so much better than any other Tri-State totalitarian we could've asked for!"
She waved goodbye to Ferb and said, "say hello to Phineas for me whenever he comes back!"
Ferb nodded and then she was gone, closing the gate behind her. As soon as she was gone, Phineas reappeared. He didn't know what to make of what he'd just found out. Now he was really confused about his feelings towards Isabella! Was she just his friend... or did he love her?
Suddenly, something occurred to him and he quickly scanned the yard.
"Hey, where's Jerry?"
Hah! You'll never know whether Phineas likes her back or where Jerry is without reading the next chapter. Now you have no choice but to read on!
Cliffhangers are really among the most evil things in stories. I was considering designing a Cliffhanger-Inator for this very purpose, but then I realized that I could simply write a cliffhanger instead!
This whole 'fanfictioning' thing is really starting to grow on me. Pretty soon, I'll be a professional novelist, and then I can be a full time evil scientist and ALSO have a more impressive title to present to the Department of Revenue Services. They might even learn how to say my name! Wouldn't that be something?
Anyway, I should wrap this up. Where did I put my Wrapped up in a Nice Little Bow-Inator? Eh, I'll find it in the morning.
So until next time...
Stay evil!
Now where's the upload button? This website is a little trickier to figure out than YouTube - so many complicated options and pages! Why can't there just be an option right under the writing space that says, "click here to upload your evil story"?
...Wait, wait, can people see this? If you can, ignore it!
...Why am I still writing what I'm saying?
Oh, THERE's the upload butt-
