Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of its characters. I also do not own Windex, which is mentioned in this chapter.
Summary: They've always been ignored; shoved into the background. But now, it is time for their time in the spotlight. We bring you the secret lives of Hufflepuffs.
Chapter One: Good-byes
"Remember, don't go in the Forbidden Forest and get eaten by dragons or werewolves or unicorns or chipmunks," Mrs. Abbot said.
"There are dragons in the forest?" Hannah asked her mother. "Unicorns will eat me?!?! WAIT!!! Did you say chipmunks?!?! NOOOO!!! Not chipmunks. Please let me stay home Mummy."
"Hannah…" Mr. Abbot sighed. "I told you, chipmunks can't hurt you. Gretchen, you're not helping by encouraging this phobia."
"Oh, but you're wrong Daddy," Hannah explained. "They're evil monsters that will eat my flesh!" (Hannah shuddered) "NO! PLEASE, NOT THE CHIPMUNKS. NO LEAVE ME ALONE, I GAVE YOU THE NUTS YOU'RE AFTER! NO—"
"Hannah! They're perfectly gentle creatures. Gretchen, please back me up. Gretchen...?"
"PLEASE DON'T LET THEM EAT MY FLESH!" Gretchen Abbot screamed.
"Very well," Mr. Abbot sighed. "Hannah, here is a special chipmunk repellant to use in the event that a chipmunk tries to harm you." Mr. Abbot hastily pulled off a label that read Windex.
"Oh thank you Daddy!" Hannah squealed. "This is going to be the best year EVER!"
"Of course sweetheart," Mr. Abbot said. "But just remember, I expect you to make all A's."
"Sure. I can do that!" chirped Hannah.
"I know you can Hannah," said Gretchen. "I made tons of A's when I was at Hogwarts."
"WHAT?!?! This school gave you A's?"
"Of course," Gretchen replied.
"Well then Hannah's gonna end up valedictorian!"
"Awww Daddy," said Hannah, as she hugged her father.
"Well bye Mummy, bye Daddy. I'll miss you! I love you," Hannah said as she boarded the train.
"We love you too Hannah!" Mr. Abbot called back.
"Isn't our daughter growing up fast?" Gretchen exclaimed. "Umm, dear?"
"Yes Gretchen?"
"Would you happen to have any more of that chipmunk repellant?"
"Of course dear," Mr. Abbot said, giving in. "Only for you."
"That was SOOO neat!!!" yelled Justin. "I got to run through a brick wall. I bet you can run through all the walls at Hogwarts. I'm going to try as soon as I get there."
"Uhhh, sure Justin," replied a nervous Ms. Flinch-Fletchely. "You know, when you get to Hogwarts, memorize where the nurse's office is."
"Mum? Do you think that now that I'm a wizard, I can run through all walls without getting hurt?" asked Justin.
"NO JUSTIN!" Mrs. Flinch-Fletchely yelped. "You know what, when you get to your new school, I'd like you to give the nurse this letter."
"Oh mum," Justin smiled. "Why do you always insist on getting aquainted with the nurses at my school?"
"I just don't want them to be alarmed when they meet you—I MEAN, uhh, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS."
"Speaking of friends, I can't wait to show my new friends the running through walls trick. This year's going to be a lot of fun!"
"Of course dear," Mrs. Flinch-Fletchely said.
"I know I'm gonna miss you and you're gonna miss me a lot, so I promise I'll write to you all the time. Every. Single. Day. It'll be like I never left home. Did you know that wizards use owls to write letters to each other? I wonder where you stick the letter. I'm going to have to find out when I get there. That'll be interesting. Don't worry mom, Christmas holiday will come sooner than you know it. Then you'll have me home again."
"Terrific…" Mrs. Flinch-Fletchely said with a forced smile, her eye twitching ever-so-slightly.
"Mum, your eye is twitching spastically again," Justin noted. "You should probably get that checked out. It could mean you're a little chemically imbalanced. I'll ask the nurse about it. When I find out, I'll owl you… as soon as I find out where you stick the letter."
"Alright dear," said Mrs. Flinch-Fletchely. "Have fun at your new school."
Justin stepped onto the train, whilst babbling a long-winded farewell. Finally he closed the train door.
Mrs. Flinch-Fletchely giggled, and her eye twitched.
"Freedom at last!!!"
"Have fun at Hogwarts Susan," Amelia Bones said to her niece.
"I will Aunty Amelia," Susan Bones said.
"Oh, I wish your parents could be here," Amelia sighed. "It's such a shame that the ministry declared them too… well, insane, to be parents…"
"It's all right, Aunty," Susan said. "I'm still allowed to visit them in there new 'home.'"
"Yes," Amelia said. "But this must be hard on you, with your mother and father being mentally ill."
"Not at all, Aunty," replied Susan. "To tell you the truth, I prefer the company of people who are eccentric. I just hope everyone at Hogwarts isn't too normal."
"Ernie, we love you SO much," Mrs. Macmillan said.
"That's right son, and we're very proud of you," Mr. Macmillan added. "We know that you will bring honor to the Macmillan name—as long as you get sorted into Gryffindor."
"Thanks Mum and Dad," said Ernie. "But… what if I don't get sorted into Gryffindor?"
"You will, son, you will," Mr. Macmillan assured him confidently. "But if you don't…"
"WE WILL RIP OUT YOUR LARGE INTESTINES AND USE THEM TO STRANGE YOU!!!" Mrs. Macmillan screeched.
"But Mum, the small intestines are actually longer, and would be more effective for –WHAT?!?!"
"You heard your mother," Mr. Macmillan hissed. Suddenly, his voice changed back into a calm and pleasant tone. "But as long as you get into Gryffindor, you have nothing to worry about."
Ernie looked back and force at his parents smiling pleasantly, before he walked through the platform.
'All right,' he thought to himself. 'I can get into Gryffindor.'
Ernie then happened to glance into a conveniently placed mirror. He saw:
A yellow and black striped shirt. 'Hmmm, horizontal stripes really aren't doing much for my husky figure.'
An "I 'Heart' Herbology" button.
His own round FRIENDLY AND LOYAL face.
"Ahhh shit," Ernie groaned.
"Oh Zacharias, I'm going to miss you SOOOOO much!" sobbed Mrs. Smith.
"Mother, I can't honestly say I share your feelings," Zacharias replied.
"Hahaha. We know you're only joking, Zachie," chuckled Mr. Smith. "I'm glad I raised a son with such a sense of humor. Our, son is so funny, isn't he honey?"
"SOOOOO funny," Mrs. Smith continued to bawl.
"I'm not joking," snarled Zacharias. "I hate you both. You're annoying. SOOOOO annoying."
"Oh look, sweetheart. Hahaha. He's imitating your voice," laughed Mr. Smith. "My turn, I'll do that funny American president—We have to go to war to avoid a nukular war."
"I wish you were dead," hissed Zacharias.
Mr. Smith laughed, "Oh stop it Zachie. Hahaha. Isn't it hilarious, he wants us dead. Now, why would anyone want us dead?"
"Well, for starter's, you named me Zacharias," said Zacharias. "What parent does that?!?! AND YOU ARE ALWAYS LAUGHING. Hahaha. It never stops."
"I'm going to miss your jokes SOOOOO much!"
"AND YOU!" Zacharias pointed at his mom. "Do you ever stop crying. And what's with saying 'so' with five O's?"
At this point Mr. Smith was rolling on the ground of the train station, laughing hysterically.
"I'm going on the train," Zacharias grumbled.
"We'll miss you," Mr. and Mrs. Smith laughed/cried in unison.
"I HOPE YOU DIE!"
I hope you enjoyed this first. Please review and tell me what you think. This is the first time I've attempted to write comedy, so any suggestions and feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Next chapter, the five future Hufflepuffs will meet each other.
L.lulu
