Chapter 1

"I think 2014 had to be the worst year ever," Jane said with a sigh, settling down on her couch next to Maura. "I'm glad it's over. This year can only be better, right?"

"Well, I wouldn't say it has to," said Maura, sipping her own beer. She smiled at Jane's eye roll. "But I share your hope that it will."

Jane slumped against the back of the couch. It was early January, and Maura was scheduled to leave in the morning for a conference in Atlanta, Georgia. She would only be gone for a few days, but she still wanted to spend as much time with Jane as possible before leaving. Even one day without Jane was hard to bear, and Maura finally understood why.

"Let's see," said Jane. "In February, Casey proposed to me, but I didn't know what to say. And I found out my dad had cancer."

"In March, Hope came begging for forgiveness, and you accepted Casey's proposal, then broke it off again when he reenlisted, and you found out you were pregnant."

"And we found out Tommy was drinking again."

"Yes. And Frost left on his vacation, and we had no idea we would never see him again."

"Yeah," Jane sighed. "And in April, he came back to Boston, only to die in a car accident as soon as he got into town."

"And in June, I met Jack."

"That wasn't a bad thing."

"No, but it's a bittersweet memory."

Jane nodded. "In July, I got hurt at work and lost the baby."

"In September, you jumped off a bridge and I thought you had drowned."

"And in December, you broke up with Jack."

Maura smiled sadly. "It was a turbulent year."

"So what are you hoping for this year?"

Maura looked at her. She knew exactly what she was hoping for. "Well, when I was in the sweat lodge last month, I was able to envision new possibilities, and I would love it if those possibilities became reality this year. But if not, I can be patient."

"New possibilities? Like with your love life?"

Maura hesitated. "Yes."

Jane took a swig of beer, looking up at the ceiling. "Hoping to find another guy like Jack?"

Maura shook her head. "The problem with Jack is that he looked perfect on paper, but I didn't really feel much for him. I should have. He was the best guy I ever dated. He was a professor, he understood my quirks, he supported my career, and he had the sweetest daughter. I was attracted to him, but I just…never fell for him."

"Don't tell me you can only get into bad boys."

Maura chuckled. "No, it's not that. He just wasn't the right one."

"Ah. So you're hoping to meet the right guy this year."

Maura looked down, her heart pounding. "I think I already have met the right person. I'm just waiting to see if that person will eventually return my feelings, or if it's hopeless for me."

Jane's mouth fell open. "You're already in love with someone? Who is it?"

Maura bit her lip. Did she dare say it?

"Maura, come on, you can tell me!" insisted Jane. She looked closely at Maura. "Honey, I've never seen you like this." She tilted Maura's chin so the blonde was looking at her. "It's okay, just tell me."

Her eyes gazed into Maura's with such a tender expression. Suddenly Maura felt a calmness come over her. Jane knew who she meant, and she just wanted Maura to tell her! It was just like she had envisioned in the sweat lodge. Heart pounding, she leaned forwards to capture Jane's lips. But just before she reached her goal, Jane pulled back with a look of surprise.

"Whoa," she said. "That wasn't what I was expecting."

"I'm sorry," said Maura, standing up quickly. "I should go."

"No, Maura, you don't have to go."

Maura went for her coat, shoes, purse, her face burning. "No, I should. It's getting late, and my cab is picking me up at 6:30 a.m. I'll see you when I get back."

"Okay, if you're sure," Jane said. "We can talk more when you get home."

"Or we can just pretend this didn't happen," Maura said quickly, avoiding eye contact.

"Maura, I'm not…from what you just told me, I think this is a conversation we need to have."

"I'll see you Saturday. Have a good day at work tomorrow." She opened the door.

"Maura, wait."

Maura stopped with one hand on the doorknob, finally looking at Jane's face.

Jane smiled gently. "Have a safe trip." She pulled Maura into a hug, and Maura savored the feeling of Jane in her arms, wondering if it would ever happen again.

"Goodbye Jane," she said quietly before rushing out of the building.

On the drive home, she had to do a lot of blinking to keep tears from completely clouding her vision. How could she have been so stupid? She had read Jane all wrong. She should never have thought Jane would welcome a kiss from her.

Only a few weeks ago, Maura had gone to a sweat lodge for the first time in her life. Actually Jane had taken her on an overnight trip as a surprise, to help combat the gloom Maura was feeling after breaking up with Jack. Maura had been overwhelmed. She was still grieving for both Frost and the baby Jane had lost, and she was confused as to why breaking up with Jack had caused her to feel stronger emotions than being with him ever had. Usually there was a clear correlation between how happy a relationship made her and how sad she felt after it ended, but being with Jack had made her merely comfortable, never overly happy. So why did she feel such a sense of loss when he was gone? She had started dating him in the first place because she had hoped he would be the right person to get her over her crush on Jane. She had been uncertain as to whether it was a good idea to date anyonewhen she already had feelings for someone else, but Jane had really encouraged it, which was all the proof Maura needed to understand that Jane was never going to be interested in her. She thought she would be stupid to pass up the opportunity with Jack, who should have been the perfect man for her, just because she was hung up on someone she couldn't have.

But she hadn't gotten over the crush, and she never felt what she should have felt for Jack. Even when she was with him, her focus was always on Jane. First she hoped that Jane's baby would be the thing that brought them together, and when Jane lost the baby and stayed in Maura's house while she recuperated, Maura found herself hoping Jane would be so happy, she would never leave.

When she was in the sweat lodge, though, Maura finally understood. She couldn't get over her crush, or love anyone else, because this was no mere infatuation. What she felt for Jane was the kind of love you only felt once in a lifetime. It was a complete waste of time to date anyone else.

She'd felt a sort of peace then, upon realizing that. She realized how much her friendship with Jane already resembled a marriage, and it hit her that Jane very likely felt the same way about her. It would certainly explain her bizarre relationship with Casey, in which she only seemed happy when he was thousands of miles away. For whatever reason, Jane must not be comfortable accepting her sexuality just yet, but Maura knew that Jane was strong enough to deal with it, in her own time. She just couldn't be pushed. Maura didn't mind being patient

But tonight, she realized all of that was wishful thinking. It was clear that Jane did not love her like that, and Maura might have done irreparable harm to their friendship just now. When she went to bed, she cried until she was exhausted, and then she finally fell asleep.

~R&I~

The cab picked her up as scheduled in the morning. She checked her phone for messages from Jane, but there was nothing. She flew down to Atlanta feeling more alone than she had in years.

The conference was okay, but it was hard to enjoy it properly when she couldn't share every detail with Jane. Well, there was nothing stopping her from doing so, but after her enormous blunder, she felt it was best to give Jane some space and let her initiate contact when she was ready. And, apparently, she wasn't ready, because she heard nothing from Jane during the three days of the conference. They didn't have their usual Skype conversations, nor did they even text – until the last night.

She was getting ready to take what she hoped would be a relaxing bath before bed when her phone jingled to announce a new text message and she grabbed for it, heart pounding. It was Jane.

Jane: Hey, how's the conference been? it said.

Maura: Good. How is everything back home?

Jane: It's good. What time does your plane get in tomorrow?

Maura: 5:05 p.m.

Jane: Okay, I'll pick you up and then maybe we can have dinner at your place? I'll order in.

This was encouraging. This was normal. That sounds lovely, Jane, she replied.

The next text from Jane was less encouraging. We need to talk about what happened, before you left.

Maura: Yes. I suppose we do.

Jane: I think it's the kind of talk that should happen in person. So, tomorrow night?

Maura: Yes, that's fine. She figured she might as well get it over with.

Jane: Ok. I'll see you tomorrow.

Maura couldn't relax in her bath, or in bed afterwards. All she could think about was the talk she had to have with Jane, which she was dreading. If she were anyone other than herself, she would try to play the attempted kiss off as some impulse that meant nothing, but she couldn't do that. The whole truth would come tumbling out: that she had been in love with Jane for some time, that she didn't believe she would ever not be in love with her, that she had given up on all other romantic prospects. How could their friendship possibly continue as usual once the truth was out?

After her third sleepless night in a row, Maura got dressed and began gathering her things to go back home.

It was in the cab, on the way to the airport, that she got one more text from Jane:

I can't wait to see you.

Maura's heart sped up. Jane couldn't wait to see her? She wouldn't say that if she were feeling awkward about their almost-kiss, would she?

I can't wait to see you either, Maura replied. I've missed you.

Jane: Just a few more hours and we'll be together.

Maura's heart was pounding now. Did she mean it? Would they be together, in every sense of the word?

Suddenly she found she wasn't dreading going home after all. She was very much looking forward to it.

~R&I~

The plane seemed to take forever to start boarding. When Maura finally got onto the plane and headed for her seat, she found a middle-aged man in a Versace suit already settling in.

"Excuse me," she said after double-checking her seat number. "I'm supposed to be in this seat."

"That's nice, but so am I," he said, sounding bored.

"Could you check your ticket again?"

"Lady, this is my seat." He finally looked up and gave her the once over. A smile curled his lips. "But you can sit on my lap if you want."

Maura backed up and looked for a flight attendant. "Excuse me," she said. "I think there's been a mix-up."

The attendant checked her ticket. She checked the man's ticket. Then she said she had to go talk to someone. Maura quickly felt her good mood disappearing. What if the flight had been overbooked and she couldn't make it home to Jane today? Jane was waiting for her, she said she couldn't wait to see her, and that might mean – though Maura barely dared to hope – that that kiss was finally going to happen after all.

Finally, the flight attendant came back. "I'm so sorry," she said. "There's been a mistake. This seat is double-booked. We do have an open seat back in coach if you would be willing to sit back there. We can refund the cost of your ticket."

Maura had never flown coach before, but at this point, she'd practically be willing to sit on the wing if it got her back to Jane faster. "Of course," she said.

"Hey, I'm sorry," said the man in her seat. "I was kidding about the lap thing. I'm actually a gentleman." He stood up. "You can have my seat. I'll go to coach."

"Oh, no, I couldn't. You were here first," said Maura.

"No, no, I insist. I don't want a lady sitting in an uncomfortable seat on my account."

It was tempting. It really was. But from the way he was looking at her, Maura knew this was probably an attempt to get to know her better. He would expect her to be friendly towards him if he gave up his seat for her, and then he would likely offer to take her for a drink when they landed in Boston, and quite frankly, she wasn't interested.

"No thank you," she said firmly. She turned to the flight attendant. "I'll take the seat in coach."

It was a bulkhead seat, which meant it was even less roomy than the other seats in coach, but at least it was by the window. Maura put her bag in the overhead bin and settled herself in, taking out her phone. There were no further messages from Jane, which she supposed was because most of what they had to say to each other needed to wait until tonight. She went ahead and switched airplane mode on.

The other coach passengers began filing in. They were a bit different from the people she usually saw in first class. There were not many men in suits, and the few suits she did see were not designer. There were a few families with chattering children. One couple with a baby sat in the bulk head seats on the other side of the plane, bouncing the baby in the air to keep her giggling while they waited for takeoff. Maura began to feel out of place. She was the only person in sight wearing a Stella McCartney sweater and carrying a Burberry coat. Jane would fit in here, though, and she fit with Jane. She tried to relax.

A girl of about fourteen sat next to Maura, looking both nervous and excited.

"Hello," Maura said with a friendly smile.

"Hi," said the girl. "Where are you headed to?"

"Boston, it's where I live."

"Oh yeah." The girl's face turned red. "Stupid question. This isn't a bus. We're all going to Boston!"

"It's not a stupid question at all," Maura assured her. "We're all going to Boston, but some people are going there to change planes."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," said the girl. "It's my first time on a plane. And my first time going to Boston."

"And you're traveling alone?"

She nodded. "My parents divorced when I was little, but my dad stayed in Georgia until a few months ago, when he got a job offer in Boston. I'm going to see him for the first time since he moved."

"Oh, well you'll love Boston. It has a lot of history!"

The girl smiled. "I was hoping for a window seat. I've always wanted to fly on a plane, to look at the clouds and the tiny buildings, but they didn't give me a window seat."

Maura looked out the window and smiled. "I've flown countless times. You can have my seat."

"Really?"

"Yes, of course. I just want to get home." She stood up, and the girl eagerly moved into the window seat. She took out her phone and snapped a picture of the runway, then another picture of the wing.

"Thank you so much!" she said.

"You're welcome," Maura said. "I'm Maura, by the way."

"I'm Lauren."

"You might want to switch your phone to airplane mode soon, Lauren," Maura told her.

"Oh, right. Will it make the plane crash if I don't?"

Maura chuckled. "No. But the cell signals could interfere with the radios, and we don't want that."

"Oh, okay." Lauren searched her phone for airplane mode.

"What grade are you in?" Maura asked her.

"I'm a freshman in high school."

"Aren't the schools back from break yet?"

"Well the public schools are, but I go to private school, and we still have one more week off." She smiled shyly. "It's a special performing arts school. I got a scholarship after I auditioned. Everyone says I have a great voice."

"So you like to sing?"

"Oh, I love to sing! I'd love to perform on Broadway someday. My mom has spent so much money on voice lessons for me. I guess that's why we never have the money to go on vacation." She looked down, fidgeting. "This feels like my first vacation, even though it's technically not a vacation if you're visiting family."

"It can be both," Maura assured her.

"Right before break, we did auditions for the spring musical at school. It's The Sound of Music, and guess what part I got!"

"Oh, I'm really not much good at guessing."

"Liesl! I'm Liesl! I'd rather be Maria, of course, but naturally a senior got that role. But I'm going to love being Liesl! I'm already practicing my songs."

"Oh, that's wonderful! I do love theatre," Maura admitted. Jane always complained about Maura dragging her to plays, but she always came along when Maura really wanted her to. She always came, Maura realized. That had to be love, didn't it?

Soon they were preparing to take off, and Lauren was excitedly snapping pictures out the window. Once the plane got into the air, she put in her earbuds and began listening to something (Maura could see from the phone's screen that it was the soundtrack to The Sound of Music). Maura, on the other hand, was really feeling the effects of barely sleeping the past few nights. Now that she was feeling confident that everything would be okay with Jane, she thought she just might be able to take a little nap. Not only would it give her some energy for what lay ahead, but it would make the time pass faster.

She asked a passing flight attendant if she could get a pillow and blanket. Seeming eager to please the first-class transplant, the attendant brought her the items she requested and said she was waiving the fee. Maura reclined her seat, got as comfortable as she possibly could considering how narrow the seat was, and dozed off.

Her last thought was that she hoped to be almost home with Jane when she awoke.

~R&I~

Maura woke from her nap when the plane jolted. She looked around to see everyone else looking startled as well. She could feel a vibration all around them.

Lauren pulled her earbuds out. "Is this normal?" she asked in alarm.

"No," Maura admitted. "I've never experienced anything like this."

She looked around for a flight attendant, but saw no one.

"What do we do?" asked Lauren.

"Just buckle your seatbelt and wait for them to tell us what's going on."

Maura looked at her watch. They had been in the air for an hour at most. She could feel the plane listing to one side, but then it righted itself. The vibrations continued, however.

"We're leaking fuel!" shouted a man a few rows back. "I can see it!"

Gaping, Lauren looked out of the window. "Oh no," she said. "We're going to crash."

"Not necessarily," Maura assured her.

Finally a voice came on over the intercom. "Ladies and gentleman, we are sorry for the inconvenience, but we are being diverted to Roanoke. Please secure all luggage in the overhead compartment and fasten your safety belts in preparation for landing."

There was a lot of murmuring all around them, and some people looked scared while others seemed relieved by the announcement.

"Why would we be going to Roanoke?" Lauren asked.

"There must have been a malfunction," Maura told her, struggling to keep her voice steady. "They're having to make an emergency landing."

"I don't know anybody in Roanoke. What will we do when we get there?"

"Hopefully, the plane will land without any further difficulty, and they will find new flights to put us on. If we have to stay overnight, the airline will pay for our hotel rooms."

She nodded uncertainly. "I haven't seen my dad since last summer. I really miss him. It sucks that I only get a week with him. I don't want to miss another day."

"I know. I'm in a hurry to get home as well. But getting there safely is more important than getting there quickly."

"Yes, I suppose so."

Maura looked up when she saw the flight attendant who had brought her pillow and blanket going down the aisle. She noticed that she was walking with her head down, looking at no one.

That was when Maura knew the plane was going to crash.

Looking around, she noticed that Lauren's shoes were off and that she had been using her coat as a pillow.

"Lauren," she said quickly, "put your shoes back on."

"My shoes?"

"Yes, and your coat too."

"Why?"

"Sometimes emergency landings don't go very smoothly. You don't want your shoes bumping around the cabin if the landing is a bit rough, and we may be asked to leave the plane quickly. Your coat will provide you with more protection."

"Oh. Okay."

Maura put her own coat on, then pulled her purse from under her seat. She had to think quickly. If she was unconscious, how would they identify her? She wasn't even in the right seat. She took her driver's license from her wallet and put it in her pocket. Then she took out a pen and wrote Jane's name and phone number on her hand, along with the words "power of attorney."

"It feels like we're landing now," said Lauren. "But I don't see the airport."

She was right. The plane was quickly losing altitude. Maura took out her phone and turned airplane mode off.

"What are you doing?" Lauren asked her in alarm.

"It's only for a second," said Maura. "Lauren, this plane is crashing, and we don't know how bad it will be. If there's anything you need to quickly say to anyone, now is the time."

What could she possibly say to Jane? She had a thousand things to say to her. She couldn't condense years of longing into one simple text.

There was nothing to do but take the simplest, most direct approach. I love you, she typed. As soon as the message sent, she put her phone back on airplane mode and tucked it into her pocket.

"I'm just going to tell my parents that I love them," Lauren said, her voice trembling. Maura watched her typing with shaky fingers.

"Not a good experience for your first flight, is it?" Maura said with a sad smile. "The good news is, we're close to the exits. As soon as the plane lands, we'll get off as quickly as we can. Hopefully the landing won't be too bad."

Lauren swallowed and tried to put on a brave smile. "Will we get to go down that big slide? Like on TV?"

"Most likely, yes."

"And then they'll find us new flights?"

"If we're not hurt."

"What if we are hurt?"

"Then we'll go to the nearest hospital, and our loved ones will have to come to us."

Lauren looked out of the window. "We're getting closer to the ground and I still don't see the airport."

Suddenly a voice came back on the intercom. "Brace for impact!" it shouted. "Brace! Brace!"

There were sound of panic all around them. Maura passed her blanket to Lauren. "Put your head between your knees and put this over your head." Lauren did, and Maura did the same thing, holding her pillow over her head.

All she could do now was wait for impact.