Disclaimer: Don't own The Mighty Ducks, except for in my happy dreams of Charlie and Adam and Disney can't take that from me. So ha!

Author's Note/Warning: This story contains several elements that may be unsettling to readers. It involves the ideas of slash and strong depression. There is also some mild lanuage. It's dark. You have been warned.

What's Meant To Be.

By Bottles

Cause I wish the world that I wasn't me
With no direction at all
I'm losing faith in everything
Blind my mind's eye and I'll see for the first time
Hurtful words won't go away

I'll watch my dreams die off (as value's made clear)
It hurts to believe that words are just words... without truth.

End this...
Suffocate me.
Slit my wrists pure, new again.
Bleed me through these veins,
Wiped clean with hopes of a new day.

-Before, False Hope

Adam's POV—

Everyone has things that they are ashamed of. Everyone has their secrets. Unfortunately not everyone's secret is like mine. Mine causes me to border on insanity everyday. The delicate threads of my existence depend on the reaction of my only love. Rejection would end me. That's why I hide it.

Eventually though I'm not going to be able to conceal it anymore. I love Charlie Conway. I know it's wrong. I know it's against human nature. I know that it is against the Bible. I also know that it makes more sense to me than anything has ever made in my life. One day I will tell him and then perhaps I can be normal again. Until then I content myself with admiring him from afar, sneaking quick glances whenever possible, bringing myself both pleasure and pain. My heart is constantly torn; a love nest of heaven and hell.

For the last six years I have admired Charlie, ever since he had the courage to welcome me to his Ducks. Two years ago however I realized that I didn't just admire my best friend; no, it was much deeper than that, I was in love. I am completely and totally in love with him. And it was slowly killing me.

Everyday I looked for an excuse to touch him. My skin burned to feel his against it; every simple interaction caused my body to go into a lust filled overdrive. I had to let him know of my affection threatening to run over like an ancient volcano suddenly awakened.

Now my heart only burns in anguish. A fire has been lit in my soul and it is slowly eating away at my insides; a fire that was sparked by one Charlie Conway.

I waited for him one day after practice. The adrenaline giving me an extra boost, I managed to walk over to Charlie without about-facing and running as far away as possible. When we were alone I asked, "Charlie, how do you feel about me?"

He sighed and looked at me seriously, "Adam, you know that you are my best friend. I am completely over the conflict of freshman year and I do not hold you in the least bit responsible for anything that happened."

My courage was fleeting so I tried to get to the point, "Not like that Charlie, I mean romantically."

His mouth hung slightly ajar as he processed my previous statement. "What do you mean romantically? I love you like a brother and all Adam, but that's it. I'm not gay, if that's what you are asking," he replied thoroughly confused giving me a worried look.

"Are you sure that's how you feel?" I figured I had already dug my own grave I might as well lie in it.

"Adam, I think you are brilliant and charming, and if I should ever change to liking boys better, you would be my first thought." He gave me another worried glance. I hoped he could not see the severe disappointment wash over my face.

"It's okay Charlie. I'm fine. I just wanted to know," I had found the words to form a complete sentence. I walked away from him to be alone.

I just had my heart broken in the nicest way possible. Damn Charlie Conway and his politeness. Damn him for not ripping out my heart. Damn him for not stomping on it. Damn him for making me still love him.

After brooding quietly on the edge of the pond I decided to go back and make sure he understood that I was okay. I walked up silently listening to him talk to Guy.

"Guy, you will never believe who just professed their love to me."

I stopped, something told me not to interrupt this conversation.

"Who," questioned Guy's anxious voice.

"Banks, isn't that scary." So much for not ripping out my heart.

Guy stood in disbelief. "Banks, is gay?"

"Apparently so, I can't believe he thought I would ever want him though." So much for not stomping on it.

"Wow." Guy was stunned.

"I wish I could help him out," said Charlie, "But there's no way I'm going to be like that for him." Damn him for still making me love him.

I ran from Charlie, knocking over Connie on my way. The knowledge that she had seen my tear-stained face and was probably on her way to Guy and Charlie only caused my legs to go faster. I would not suffer ridicule. I would not be without him. I had only one thing I could do.

The chill from the sharp blade startled me as I placed it up against my wrist. I was surprised at how little it hurt as I jabbed it into my soft unmarred flesh. Perhaps it was the aching in my soul, in my heart, whatever it was it over powered the physical pain I should have been feeling. The rich blood was now flowing freely from one wrist as my shaking hand started to mutilate the other. Metal met flesh in a clash that the latter just could not win.

Ripping into my precious veins I only once questioned my decision. I had nothing to live for. What did I have? Hockey? I could never play it again. Never. Not without thinking of him, not without my heart breaking all over again. He is the only one who could save me. If it's meant to be then he will rescue me before it's too late. But he won't because he doesn't care.

I lay down for the final time on the cold blood-covered floor with only thoughts of him filling my mind. Him getting married, him having children, him growing old. He has a future, I had a past. Him welcoming me to the Ducks, him giving me his spot during the Junior Goodwill Games, him apologizing to me after the varsity conflict. The good days were over and now I can not go on. If it's meant to be then he will rescue me before it's too late. But it's not, and that's why I am sitting here alone on a cold tiled floor, there is no prince coming to rescue me. It's just me, hurt, loneliness, and cold.

Author's Note II: Whoa, that was a bit darker than I originally intended. I decided that after the happy Chadam fiction that I had been writing it was time for some of the dark angst that I am better known for. I do still want to know what everyone thinks of this so please leave me a review. Please remember that I warned beforehand of the darkness of this fic.