A/N.: Hello, this is my first actual FanFic. I tried before, but it didn't work. So please, be kind!
A/N2.: This is a Glee Fic. The pairing is Brittana.
A/N3.: This is an idea that I've had since the day Brittany said her cat was reading her journal. Hope you enjoy it.
Spoilers: There might be a few. Some things I'll take from the show, some things I'll just make up.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, I do not own any of it's characters.
Dear Journal
Chapter 1 - Santana
-Day 1-
Dear Mr. Journal
My mother gave you to me yesterday, but I stayed the night at Santana's, so I'm only starting now.
I don't know what I'm supposed to write in you, so I will just write everything that I think about but can't talk to nobody else.
Hope you enjoy it.
There are not many things a girl my age wants.
Or maybe, not many things they want for too long.
When you are popular and beautiful in High School, you are supposed to act like you have it all. Or so I've been told.
And that is what I have been doing since the Freshmen year. Because Santana told me when we made it to the Cheerios that from that moment on, we owned McKinley High. So I believed her.
Silly me, I didn't tell you who Santana was, and even though you are just a journal, I like to talk about her but I've never had someone who'd listen.
Santana is my best friend of all times. We have known each other for what feels like our entire lives. She is the only one who gets me when I say things people don't understand.
She's been defending me from people ever since elementary school. She would never let Dave Karofsky take my lunch money, or Noah - who we all now call Puck - take me behind the shrubs in the park. I don't know why though, but she said I should thank her for that. So I did.
So now. Well…
Now things are a little more complicated. Because when we were eleven, I went to her house and we watched a movie called "My Girl" where the girl and the boy kissed - I decided I wanted to try that. So I scooted closer to her on the couch, leaned down and kissed her.
She was shocked, frozen. When I pulled back, I was the only one smiling, while she was pale and when she realized I was staring at her confused, she started turning all shades of red.
We didn't talk about it that day, or for the next two years, for that matter.
Here's what I remember from our talk when we were thirteen:
I was, again sitting next to her on the couch in her living room - we were alone at the house.
I kept thinking about that day when we were eleven the whole time after it happened. But she acted like it didn't happen at all. So I had to ask, just to make sure.
-We kissed that day, didn't we?
She looked at me, paper white again.
-You kissed me.
-Yeah… Didn't you like it?
So far, I hadn't realized how much I needed the answer to this question;
-It was okay, Britt. Why are you talking about this now?
-Because you act like it never happened, I just needed to make sure.
-Why did you do that anyways?
-I don't know.
-Well, it happened, but shouldn't have.
I think it hurt me. But I didn't know why. She noticed it.
-Britt-Britt, don't you know that us, girls, are supposed to kiss boys and not other girls?
-I don't want to kiss boys. Why would I want to do that?
-Because that's how things work.
-I'd rather kiss you instead.
She blushed. Butterflies were born in my stomach that exact moment. They still fly around here sometimes when I look at her.
-Look, Britt. I kind of liked that you kissed me back then. But people can't know about that. Ever, okay?
-Okay.
She said she liked it. I felt like I could finally ask what I had wanted to since that day.
-Santana?
-Yep? - She didn't even look away from the tv. But I could see she was paying attention to me, because her eyes didn't follow the movements on the screen and she was still blushing.
-If I don't tell anyone about it either, can I…err…Do you think I could kiss you again?
I was so embarrassed that now I was the one staring blankly at the tv. I would never believe the words coming out of her mouth next if it wasn't for the way she instantly turned around to face me before she answered.
-Yes, I think you can. But no one can know about this, okay?
And with that, I blinked my eyes several times before I had the guts to turn away from the tv and face her. She was licking her lips, trying to look me in the eyes, but when our eyes met, she instantly looked away and closed her eyes. But she remained still, her right leg folded onto the couch so she could face me, and I was mirroring her position.
I noticed she didn't move, just stayed there, eyes closed, hands holding a tight grip on the fabric of the couch. If I didn't move anytime soon, it would feel awkward that she was there, just waiting. So I took in the image of her one more time, burning to my brains the way she licked her lips with anxiety before I closed my own eyes and dipped in.
To this day it will always amuse me how my lips could so easily find their way to hers. I was right on spot.
I felt those butterflies go crazy inside my stomach when I felt the warmth of her lips against mine after so long. And I had to hold strongly to her arms with both my hands to contain the funny feeling it sent to the bottom of my belly when she tugged at my bottom lip with both of hers. It felt like she was trying to suck my lip into her mouth, and even though I had never thought of that, in that moment, it became my one and only wish that she succeeded at that task.
We kissed throughout the whole afternoon and when we could finally hear her parents parking their car in the garage, it was already dark outside. She jumped away from me with the sound and the lights against the window. I probably looked scared at her reaction. Because when she calmed down, she came closer to me, gave me a quick, yet sweet peck on the lips and told me with a smile that reached her eyes – my favorite of hers.
-Tomorrow I'll go to your house help you out with math. We can continue it then?
It was an affirmation, but it felt like an insecure question. So I answered.
-I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure that was my happiest smile ever.
So, I kept my promise, no one ever found out about that. And she kept hers - we continued to make out until High School.
