BjdIII: hello. I am the Mistress of Lunacy, Black Jaws of Death the Third. But you can call me...BjdIII. This is the sequel to: "We Speak!" by Haer'Dalis (and I). yet again, we struck up a conversation on the net, and this story was born. Heh...and but since Haer'Dalis didn't send me his author's notes, I'll have to make them up for him. So...without further ado, here's "Haer'Dalis" and his Rants:
Haer'Dalis: This is rated PG-13 for some comments near the end. And there is some yaoi references...so leave if you aren't allowed to read that stuff. Or DO NOT LET YOUR PARENTS FIND OUT!!! Um....this is long...so beware.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
...yes...
====================
Communication Commenced
====================
It was another ~normal~ conversation....
Haer: i'll be right back, i just need to bring some snax
BjdIII: brb, too
BjdIII: me back!
Duo: i hope he brings some snax for me too....
BjdIII: quiet you
Duo: why?
BjdIII: 'cause
Duo: 'cause, why?
BjdIII: *be*cause....
Haer: duo. there's never enough snax for you
Duo: BUT I WANT SOME SNAX!!!!
Duo: *pouts*
Haer: fine
*hands duo a pretzel*
Haer: there, a snax
Duo *Like a happy school girl*: GOODY!!!
BjdIII: Duo, shut up. The movie's starting
Haer: *To BjdIII* And he's your boyfriend?
BjdIII: yeah... he's so sweet when he wants to be!
BjdIII: ^_^
Duo *with mouth full*: so I *am* you're boyfriend?
BjdIII: would you like to disagree?
Haer: there's only 1 right answer...
Duo: er..... yes? no? maybe? I HAVE NO IDEA!!! HELP ME HAER!!!
Haer: i'd wager that, if you said no, we'd have a reapeat of earlier. with her going apeshit on you
Duo: i don't want that...
BjdIII: no you don't
Haer: no, you don't
Duo: ...i can't fight on an empty stomach
BjdIII: *facefaults*
BjdIII: whatever.... Let's just watch the movie!!
Haer: YAY!!!!!!!!!! Hobbits!!!!!!
BjdIII: Elves!! LEGOLAS!!!
Duo: FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BjdIII: I like to 'frolic' with the elves....
Haer: I bet
BjdIII: especially Legolas...
Haer: ^_^;;
Duo: *wide eyes* you like to 'frolic' with them!?!?
BjdIII: *looks at Duo* you mean...you're *jealous*?!
Haer: Yeah, 'cause he knows he's not good enough to compete with an elf
Haer: :-P
BjdIII: damn straight! elves are cool! 'cause they have pointy ears!!
Duo: *pouts*
BjdIII: aw...but I still love you Duo *glomps*
Haer: Shhhh........ movie starting
Duo: And I'm not?
BjdIII: because Legolas is *real*, and that means the guy that places him (Orlando Bloom) probably already has a girlfriend! you're not real, so everyone in the world can claim you...and i could still have you!!
BjdIII: hey...and did you notice the guy that plays legolas has the same last name as Catherine from Gundam Wing??
Duo: no...I didn't. Noticing little things is Heero's job
Haer: Hey! That's trowa's real last name too! Triton Bloom. ooooooooooo I am smart!
BjdIII: hey, yeah!! how many brothers does that circus woman have!
BjdIII: that you are, Haer...
BjdIII: that you are...
Duo: *snorts*
Haer: quiet, Duo
BjdIII: yes, quiet Duo
Duo: BUT WH~Y!??!
BjdIII: because if you do, you can put your head in my lap while you watch the movie...
Duo: GOODY!!!
Haer: Can we get on with the movie?
*Duo does so*
BjdIII: good. See Haer? I made him be quiet!
BjdIII: NOW PLAY THE DAMN MOVIE!
Duo: Soo... soft....
BjdIII: er....yeah... ^_^;;
Haer: *Plays the movie*
AND SUDDENLY... IN A SWIRL OF WHITE LIGHT....
Duo: I see the *light*!! IT BURNS!!!!! *covers eyes*
Haer: *Does likewise* OWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIE!!!!!!!!!!
BjdIII: yes, yes it does *continues staring at burning white light*
AND SUDDENLY... THEY DROP INTO.... THE SHIRE!!! *screams of horror*
Haer: I think a hobbit went up my ass
BjdIII: ^o^
Haer: *removes said hobbit*
BjdIII: Why! It's Pippin Took!!
Haer: that's gonna hurt if I sit down...
Duo: where are we?
BjdIII: we are here
BjdIII: of course
Haer: In The Shire
Duo: what the Hell is a "The Shire"?
Haer: MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm....... Hobbit food..........
Duo: FOOD!?!?!?!
Haer: lots
BjdIII: yeah
Haer: about 9 meals a day.......
BjdIII: and we get breakfast, and second breakfast, and tea-time, and supper and dinner and snack time
BjdIII: and a bunch of other stuff.
Haer: let's not forget lunch, or brunch!
Duo *starry eyes*: re~ally?!? *_*
BjdIII: yes...really...
BjdIII: and i haven't had breakfast yet...
BjdIII: AND I WANT TO SEE LEGOLAS!!!!!
Duo: *grr* *to Haer* what does that guy have that I don't?
Haer: umm.... pointy ears?
BjdIII: a man's gotta have pointy ears!!
Duo: *eye twitches* pointy...ears...
Duo: AHHHHH!!!!
Haer: *points to his pointy ears* See, like mine!
BjdIII: *looks at Haer* POINTY EARS!!! *hugs Haer like there's no tomorrow*
Haer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haer: *prys her off with a crowbar*
Haer: *crowbar breaks*
Haer: shit...
Duo: well if you're so smart, Haer.... Why don't you get me to take her off?
BjdIII: DUO HAS NO POINTY EARS!!!!! THAT NOT GOOD!!!
BjdIII: I NEED POINTY EEEEEAAAARRRRSSSS!!!!
Haer: because, she'll probably go apeshit on you
Duo: *eyes narrow*
BjdIII: *falls off of Haer for...no apparent reason*
Haer: dude, it's female logic, don't blame me
Duo: how would *you* know about female logic?
Duo: unless...
Haer: say it, and you're dead
Haer: 'cause I'm not
BjdIII: DON'T SAY IT!!!!!! YOU'D BE POISONING MY POOR VIRGIN EARS!!!
BjdIII: **VIRGIN
Duo: I live with you and you say you have virgin ears? *laughs* that's not what you were screaming last night...
Haer: *Laughs so hard, his spleen implodes*
Haer: oh well, not like I needed it
duopanthress: *smiles* that mattress spring symphony was the best one yet!!
duopanthress: ^_^;;
Haer: *shudders at the thought*
duopanthress: you need that to live, Haer
Haer: actually, no
Haer: the spleen's fuctions, if destroyed, are taken up by the liver
Haer: so :-P
BjdIII: oh
BjdIII: okay
Duo: i thought we were on the subject of last night! *pouts*
Haer: I'd rather not hear it
BjdIII: er...we were!!
BjdIII: but the reason I did all that was because I imagined you as Legolas!!
BjdIII: ^____^
Haer: oh shit
Haer: dead woman walking
Duo: Right you are, Haer
Duo: *looks at BjdIII* and you are not happy with me?
duopanthress: did i *say* that Duo?
Haer: actually, you did
BjdIII: oh...really? er....oooooookay....
BjdIII: *looks at Duo* meep! Duo...don't hurt me...
BjdIII: Thing reasonably!!!
BjdIII: er...think NORMALLY!!!
Haer: you said anything without pointy ears isn't good, and that duo has no pointy ears... so...
BjdIII: you're not *helping*, Haer!!
Duo: Are you sure you want me to think normally?
BjdIII: er...no...don't
BjdIII: because you can't think with your head anyways!!
BjdIII: ^_^
BjdIII: you think with your *there is a VERY loud cricket*
Duo: That's true
Random Hobbit: who are you?
Haer: I am the Great Haer'Dalis!
Haer: who might you be, little hobbit?
Duo: I am Duo Maxwell!! I may run and I may hide, but I never tell a lie!!
BjdIII: *snort*
Haer: yes you will
RH (Random Hobbit): my name is Frodo Baggins! *smiles* *looks at BjdIII like it's his lost love found*
RH: who are *you*, Pretty Lady?
Duo: Get. Away. From. Her. Now!
BjdIII: *blinkies* me...? er... I'm the physcotic Black Jaws of the Death the Third!!
Duo: She's MINE!!!!!
Frodo Baggins: and what if I don't?
Frodo: whatcha gonna do about it?! *glares*
Haer: Actually, she likes me, and my pointy ears better
Duo: Ever heard of Shinigami?
BjdIII: i pretended you were Legolas, too, Haer!! ^_^
Frodo: no....
Haer: *twich*
Frodo: is that Elfish?
BjdIII: i'm surprised i didn't do anything else other than hug you...
Haer: actually, it's japanese
Haer: O.O
Frodo: japan-ease?
BjdIII: *whispering* guys, this is MIDDLE EARTH. They don't know about anything!!
Haer: never mind
Frodo: eh....ok
Frodo: we're having a party tonight though... Would you like to join us?
Frodo: and are you *points to Haer* and Elf?
Haer: is there food?
Frodo: yes, there's food
Haer: umm.............. I'm not exactly what you'd call an elf
Duo: *currently trying not to strangle Frodo* Food!?!?
Duo: where!?!?
Haer: party, tonite
Duo: oh. COOL!!!
BjdIII: er...i hope no one's forgotten about me. -_-;;
Haer: of course not
Frodo *in French accent*: never, my cheri
Frodo: *kisses BjdIII's hand*
Haer: just realise this, Legolas might not accept you
Haer: Remember, he's the prince of Mirkwood
BjdIII: of course he will... and why is the Hobbit kissing my hand...?
Haer: think of the princesses
BjdIII: i know..... er... where's Duo? I need him right about now...
Haer: *thinks of the princesses**Drools*
Frodo: *slowly kissing upwards*
Haer: Duo! We need you for a sec
BjdIII: *in terror* DUO!!!!!
Duo: *Mouth stuffed with food* What?
Haer: Gack!
Duo: Gack
Frodo: *at BjdIII's neck*
BjdIII: AHHHHHHH!!! HENTAI!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!
BjdIII: *hits Frodo with mallet*
Duo *Punches Frodo halfway across the Shire*: And stay there!
BjdIII: my heero!! *glomps Duo*
BjdIII: I mean...HERO!!!
Haer: Frodo*Far away*:Help...
BjdIII: dammit, i can never spell that without two e's the first time...
Frodo: i hurt.......
Haer: I bet
Haer: so far, you're the only person duo's hit like that, without crumpling into a bloody pulp
Haer: good job
Haer: So, where's this party?
Haer: *Stomach grumbles*
Duo: Yeah, where is it?
Haer: BjdIII, U know the way, don't you?
Haer: hello?
Haer: Cut!
Haer: Are you there?
Haer: HELLO????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? (At this time, BjdIII had gotten comp. problems...)
Haer: are you there?
Haer: well? are you?
Haer: hello?
Duo: Right, she'll just have to catch up afterwards
Haer: Yeah, she will
Haer: *Later*
Haer: MMMMmmmmmmmmm......... Food...........
Haer: Duo: MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........ doof....... I mean, food..........
BjdIII: sorry!!!
BjdIII: the power on my comp. went out or something...
Haer: oh
BjdIII: good thing it rescued the conversation
BjdIII: ^_^
Haer: ^_^
Haer: where were we...
Haer: oh yeah, duo and I already started eating
BjdIII: lol
BjdIII: ok
Haer: MMMMmmmmmmmmm......... Food...........
BjdIII: eh...yeah....
Duo: MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........ doof....... I mean, food..........
BjdIII: *laughs*
BjdIII: *hugs Duo* *in silky/seductive voice* thank you for saving me from that hentai...Hobbit...thing....
Duo: Food! Talk later!
BjdIII: *facefaults*
Haer: Mmmmm.... Pass the turkey
BjdIII: hmm... *lightbulb lights up over head* *S/S voice again* Duo.....
Duo: Mph?
BjdIII: what if i showed you how *much* i'm grateful for you saving me...?
Duo: More food?
BjdIII: er....no...
BjdIII: something hot and steamy... ^_^
Duo: Chinese food?
BjdIII: nope...
BjdIII: it's not technically *food*....
Duo: Japanese food?
BjdIII: NO YOU BAKA!!!!
Duo: Well, if it's not food, then show me later
BjdIII: *cries* I'm not going to get through to him... I'm not going to get what I want...
BjdIII: *cries some more*
Haer: Wait 'till he's stuffed, then, anything sounds good
Haer: Untill then, don't even bother
BjdIII: yeah...but...but....he doesn't look like he's going to stop eating anytime soon!
BjdIII: *cries*
BjdIII: stupid Shinigami...
Haer: *Scarf**Munch**Gorge**Devour**Eat**Masticate*
BjdIII: *stomach makes weird noises*
BjdIII: hmm...it seems that i am hungry...
BjdIII: *starts stuffing face*
BjdIII: ok
BjdIII: back
BjdIII: where were we?
BjdIII: oh yeah, we ended off where i started stuffing my face... hehe ^_^
Haer: *Eat**devour**masticate*
BjdIII: *stuffs face some where*
BjdIII: **more
Haer: *facefaults*
Haer: And where are you stuffing your face?
BjdIII: er...'
BjdIII: next to Duo
BjdIII: ^_^
Haer: good save
BjdIII: hehehehe
Frodo: *looking quite beat up and hurt* *looks at BjdIII* *gasp* there you are my precious...
Haer: Get in line buddy
BjdIII: *twitch twitch* you better not go physco on me...that's my job
BjdIII: **phsyco
Haer: ***psycho
BjdIII: yeah...
BjdIII: whatev
Duo: Touch her again, and I'll break you so bad, even humpty dumpty will pity you
Frodo: who is this...humpty dumpty?
BjdIII: *facefaults*
Haer: *Likewise*
Duo:*Likewise*
Frodo: *shrugs and starts massaging BjdIII's shoulders*
BjdIII: *twitch twitch*
BjdIII: get *away* from me!!
Haer: *Duo breaks Frodo so bad, even humpty dumpty pities him*
BjdIII: LOL!!!
THEN...BILBO COMES ON STAGE!!! *Bilbo says some stuff. Bilbo disappears. Watch him disappear!!*
Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
AT BILBO'S SMALL LITTLE HOBBIT HOUSE.... *The whole scene in Biblo's house and Bilbo goes sorta crazy and all that crap...*
LOTSA TIME PASSES
Time: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! WAIT UP!!!!!!!!!!
BjdIII: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!! NEVER!!
BjdIII: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!
Duo: o.O;;
Haer: *Steps back from psycho lady*
*the scene where they're having the coucil at Elrond*
Haer: ooohhhh
Elrond: I now pronounce you, the Fellowship of the Ring!
Duo: Can I kiss the bride?
Haer: No, I get to
BjdIII: as long as I'm the bride!!
BjdIII: ^_^
Elrond: -_-;;
Haer: Everyone but us: -_-;;
Legolas: who are these three....people? elves? ... What are they?
BjdIII: *gasp* OMIGOD!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T NOTICE YOU BEFORE!!!!!
Haer: I'm mostly elf...
BjdIII: LEGO~LAS!!!!!!
BjdIII: *glomps Legolas*
BjdIII: ...and we'll have big house and lots and lots of kids and...
Legolas: O.O Help. me!
Gimli: Yer on yer own, elf-boy!
BjdIII: BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
BjdIII: But don't you *love* me, Prince of Mirkwood?
BjdIII: *bats eyelashes*
Legolas: I have a girlfriend...
BjdIII: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
BjdIII: WHO!?!?!?!?!?!
Legolas: An elven girlfirend
Duo: *whispering* YESSSS!!!
BjdIII: but i'm al elf, too!! *wink wink, hint hint*
BjdIII: **an
Legolas: No, you're not
BjdIII: yes i am!! watch!!
BjdIII: *starts doing some...weird stuff...*
Everone but BjdIII: *claps*
Legolas: ... but that doesn't prove you're an elf...
BjdIII: okay...so I'm not an Elf... I'm some creature that resembles a human but can turn into a demon whenever i want to... SO WHAT!?!?!
Legolas: My girlfriend is the princess of Fangorn, who I really need to see soon...
Haer: *Runs away as fast as he possibly can* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
BjdIII: .... Actually...
Haer: Run! Run, Elfboy!
BjdIII: i'm a Ctarl-Ctarl... ^___^
Haer: RUN!
BjdIII: that turns into a wolf instead of a big, cat, beastie thingy...
BjdIII: hehehehe....
Haer: Ctarl-Ctarl? Oh shit.............
BjdIII: *blinks*
Duo: Whassat?
BjdIII: It's a human mixed with a beast, like a tiger, lion, bear (oh my!), or wolf or something...
BjdIII: like were-bears, were-lions, were-wolves, were-stuff...
BjdIII: yeah...
Duo: Can I be a were-Pionty-ears-guy?
Duo: *pointy
BjdIII: uh.....
BjdIII: okay!!
BjdIII: Gandalf!!
Gandalf: yes M'lady?
BjdIII: turn him into a were-elf!
Gandalf: Impossible
BjdIII: WHAT!?!?!?!?!!?!
BjdIII: WHY NOT!?!?
Gandalf: I don't do that sort of thing. I'm not that kind of wizard
BjdIII: you're not even a wizard
BjdIII: you're an Istari...
Duo: *Pouts*
BjdIII: *grumbles*
BjdIII: oh well....
BjdIII: I'll have to seduce Legolas as we go along with the story... In the meantime, Duo will be my main squeeze!!
BjdIII: *glomps Duo*
Duo:*Glomps BjdIII*
everyone: aww.....
Frodo: *grr*
Haer: Quiet, hobbit
Duo: so soft!!
BjdIII: um....so...er......muscular!
Duo: so soft.....
Haer: What's so soft, Duo?
BjdIII: *sigh* just embarass me why doncha?
Duo: so so so so so soooo soft...
Haer: *Feels alone*
Haer: *pouts*
Haer: I feel alone...
BjdIII: uh....there's Arwen!
BjdIII: yeah!! go hug Arwen!
Aragorn: OH NO YOU DON'T!!!
Aragorn: she's MINE!!!
Haer: *Socks Aragorn*
*Whap!*
Haer: I think not...
Elrond: -_-;; *sigh* JUST GET OUT OF HERE YOU WIMPODITES!!!
Aragon: mommy...
BjdIII: *gasp* you hurt Aragorn
Haer: ah, it's not like he's a king, or anything....
BjdIII: he *is* a King!! THE KING OF THE WEST!!!
Haer: D'oh!
BjdIII: did you know if Treize was a wizard, he'd be the wonderful wizard of OZ?
BjdIII: sorry...i just had to say that
Haer: *Haer and Duo facefault*
Frodo: I don't get it
Elrond: GET OUT OF MY KINGDOM!!!!!
BjdIII: yikes...
Haer: make me
BjdIII: king elf is mad...
*Elrond makes them get out*
BjdIII: hey... how'd he do that without me going Apeshit or turning into my beast form...?
BjdIII: *puzzled*
Haer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....
BjdIII: what??
Legolas: Orcs?
All of the Fellowship: *take out swords and look around*
Haer: Orcs! Whee!
BjdIII: when you're a kid and you wanna go we~ee...
BjdIII: but you ain't go drugs yet...
DamientheAnubis: *Takes out a huge axe*
BjdIII: hang on for your life....
BjdIII: and your little gonads...and strife...
BjdIII: gonads in the LIGHTING!!!
BjdIII: THE LIGHTNING!!! In the RAIN!!
Haer: *Takes out the relena-axe*
Gimli: what a great axe!! how much do you want it for?
Haer: it has sentemental value
Haer: I couldn't part with it
Gimli: damn
Haer: unless you'd be willing to carry all my stuff
Haer: for me
Gimli: hmm.....
Gimli: never!! you're an elf!! no one trust an elf!! :)
Haer: Fine
Haer: Legolas, carry all my stuff
Legolas: NO!
BjdIII: too bad... Duo, get away from there!!
everyone but Duo and BjdIII: @_@
Haer: ^_^;;
Duo: but wh~y?
Haer: because, we don't want to see both of you have hot monkeysex here
BjdIII: exactly!!
Haer: because I don't have my camera!
BjdIII: Duo: where cane we have it then? :-\
BjdIII: hentai
Haer: and proud of it
BjdIII: whatever...
Haer: at least I can admit it
Duo: where can we have it then, Haer??
Haer: unlike other people...
BjdIII: i am not hentai...
Haer: hmmm....
Haer: I was referring to Duo
BjdIII: ah...
BjdIII: okay...well, i'm not one anywayz... ^_^
Duo: HAER!?!?!?! YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!!!
Haer: i'm thinking
Haer: I've got it!
BjdIII: hey hey hey hey...Duo...
BjdIII: did I *say* i wanted hot monkeysex with you!?
BjdIII: i think *not*!
Haer: *pulls out a cottage from hammerspace*
There you go!
Gandalf: we musn't stop here! we will stop at...
Gandalf: wherever we stop at....
BjdIII: uh...Haer... Fellowship? ... Duo?? Anyone there...?
BjdIII: *echo answers her*
Haer: Sorry, I was having hot monkeysex with an elven maiden in that bush there
Haer: ^_^
BjdIII: oh
BjdIII: what's her name??
Haer: how should I know?
Haer: I don't ask these things!
BjdIII: hmm...
BjdIII: where's Duo?
Duo: *comes out of the cottage* ah, that was great
BjdIII: ....
BjdIII: and what were you doing in there..?
Haer: Wait, BjdIII, if you're out here, then who's-
Lurtz*Coming out of the cottage*: Attack, Uruk-hai!
BjdIII: who's Lurtz??
Haer: Uruk-hai capitain
BjdIII: ah...
BjdIII: Duo...you idiot...
Duo: I feel sick
BjdIII: of course you do...
BjdIII: *sigh*
Haer: Who wouldn't, after all, you just had sex with an Uruk-hai
Haer: was it everything you hoped it would be?
BjdIII: seriously...
Duo: sadly....
Duo: wait! Shut the fuck up, dude! He tricked me!
Lurtz: Did not
BjdIII: *sigh*
BjdIII: what are we going to do then?
Legolas: we must continue
Haer: Yes, we must
BjdIII: of course
Haer: but who's gonna carry my stuff?
BjdIII: make Duo
Duo: No
Haer: Yes
Duo: NO!
Haer: NO!
Duo: YES!!!
BjdIII: lol
Haer: lol
BjdIII: okay, Duo...
BjdIII: you don't have to hold, Haer's stuff...
BjdIII: you can hold mine
BjdIII: ^_^;;
Haer: no, he agreed to hold my dtuff
Haer: wait
duopanthress: what?
Haer: I can put my stuff in hammerspace! ^_^
BjdIII: yeah!!
BjdIII: and Duo can carry my stuff!!!
Haer: *puts his stuff into hammerspace*
BjdIII: *gives stuff to Duo*
Duo: why do i have to carry your stuff??
Haer: because
BjdIII: to make it up to me
Haer: because, everyone else needs a packmule
*Everyone else piles their stuff on Duo*
Haer: What else?
BjdIII: uh....
Haer: nothing else
Haer: Shouldn't we kill lurtz?
Duo: Let's
BjdIII: yes
Haer: or are you gonna screw around with him again?
Duo: Why you little...
BjdIII: let's kill him now...
*Fighting happens*
Lurtz: owwie!!!
Haer: *Later*
Lurtz: pain...
Lurtz: i see the eternal flames of...hell....*dies*
Lurtz: x_x
Haer: Wow duo, I didin't know your accuracy was that good
Duo: *grins*
Haer: I mean, to actually get an arrow through both of his testicles is quite a shot
BjdIII: uh...that wasn't Duo...
BjdIII: heh.....
BjdIII: that was Legolas... ^_^;;
Legolas: he flinched
BjdIII: eew...
All: *in sing-song voices* Legolas is si~ck, Legolas is si~ck...
Gimli: *wakes up* What'd I miss?
Haer: You missed legolas proving how sick he is
Gimli: he's sick...trust me...
BjdIII: *eyes light up* really...? *looks at Legolas* how sick...?
BjdIII: *under her breath* blackmail time...
Legolas: Not sick enough to do it with a human
BjdIII: I'M NOT A HUMAN THOUGH!!!!!!!!
Legolas: Fine. Not sick enough to do it with you
BjdIII: but...but... Oh wait--I get it...
Legolas: That you have a butt fetish?
Legolas: that you're sicker than me!
BjdIII: durg...NO YOU FOOL!!!
BjdIII: you're "Elven powers" just won't allow you to do anything moderately manly!!!!
BjdIII: or...male-Elvenly or whatever!!
BjdIII: YOU'RE AFRAID!!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!!
Legolas: Have you faced down a hord of orcs, alone?
BjdIII: i've faced down a hord of OZ soldiers alone...
BjdIII: have *you*?!
Legolas: OZ... What is that?
BjdIII: worse than Orcs, I can tell you that
BjdIII: so *ha*
Haer: Something much worse than orcs
Duo: yes...very...
All 3: *shiver*
Haer: Sufficed to say, they could wipe most of us out
Haer: With the exception of the 3 of us
Haer: 'cause we'd kick their ass
BjdIII: that reminds me...
BjdIII: how are the other four going to defeat OZ without Duo, yours, and my help?
Haer: they'll manage
Duo: they better
Haer: if anything, heero'll strap an atom bomb to his chest
BjdIII: heh, and he'll get a few broken ribs...
Duo: then the next day he'll be bouncing around training...
All 3: *sigh*
Haer: and then he'll brobably reset his bones, maually
Duo: that still gives me the creeps...and i was eating when he did it!!!
BjdIII: Get away from me you evil I-pop-bones-back-into-place guy!!! //From my story: You Must Be This Tall//
Legolas: *what* are you talking about?
Haer: But I'm not heero
Haer: quiet Legolas
BjdIII: no, you're not...
Duo: seriously Lego-ass....
Haer: yeah, who asked you, sicko-elf-arrow-boy?
BjdIII: aw...stop picking on the poor, defenselss little elf...
Haer: he's not defenseless, he shot an aroow through Lurtz's 'nads with perfect accuracy!
BjdIII: um...
BjdIII: ok
BjdIII: stop picking on him anywayz!!
BjdIII: *glomps Legolas*
Legolas: GAH!!! GET OFF ME!!!
*Duo Glomps BjdIII*
Frodo (who had been watching BjdIII hug Duo with envy for the past...uh...time): *grr*
Haer: I'd like to remove her, but I value my genetailia
Haer: so, you;'re on your own!
Legolas: YOU TWO NEED TO GO ON A DIET!!!
Duo: *jumps off quickly* shit. oh great, Lego-ass...*now* you've done it....
Haer: *Hides behind Duo*
Duo: Haer, HEAD FOR THE HIGH HILLS!!!! HE PRACTICALLY CALLED HER FAT!!!
Haer: *Heads for the entrence to Moria*
Haer: SHIT!!!! HURRY UP DUO!!!!!
BjdIII: wait...aren't we supposed to camp for a while..
BjdIII: ??
Haer: oh ya
BjdIII: REWIND!!!
Haer: *Trips on a root*
BjdIII: okay...they get to...uh...
Haer: Ow
BjdIII: haha
BjdIII: hehe
BjdIII: just kidding...
Haer: Shit, Duo! There's a big rock! Hide behind it
*Duo and Haer hide behind said rock*
Gandalf: we are to camp here. In Caradhras...
Haer: ook
Duo *from behind rock*: Cards-ass? What kinda names are in this frickin' movie?!
Haer: don't ask me
Haer: anyways, we should camp
Duo: I thought Elves were supposed to be real smart...
Haer: I'm PART elf
Haer: and we're WISE
Haer: anyways, I think we should concentrate on Frodo
Duo: why Frodo?
Haer: you remember theose looks he was giving to BjdIII
Duo: *grins* I just wanna see Bj kick Lego-ass's Lego ass!
Duo: oh yeah!!! *glares at Frodo* stupid little kid...thing...
BjdIII: *kicks Legolas's ass*
Frodo: I'm a hobbit!
Duo: ...kid...thing!!
Haer: No, you're an Ex-hobbit.
Frodo: How?
Haer: Duo, would you like to do the honors?
Duo: Sure
*Duo draws "X"'s all over Frodo*
Haer: That's not what I meant... ^_^;;
BjdIII: *finishes kicking Legolas's ass*
Duo: oooh... I didn't know a bow could fit THAT far up there...
BjdIII: it can...it can...
BjdIII: it just needs a little elbow grease...
BjdIII: BWAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!
BjdIII: ...ha...
Haer: HAHAHAHA
Duo: Ha!
BjdIII: yeah
Haer: let's camp
BjdIII: yes, let's
Duo: quite
Haer: but first...
BjdIII: what?
Haer: *gives BjdIII a ring*
BjdIII: um....
Haer: This'll keep Frodo away during the night
BjdIII: okay!!
BjdIII: for a second there i thought you had lost your mind, Haer!!
BjdIII: phew...
Haer: Never! I never had a mind to begin with!
Haer: so how could I lose it?
Haer: ^_^
BjdIII: umm....
BjdIII: i dunno...
BjdIII: *shrugs* i just thought you were gonna say something else...
BjdIII: hehehe
Haer: what, like" I want you.... To go get chinese food"?
BjdIII: uh...no..
BjdIII: ^_^;;
BjdIII: the "Big Question"
BjdIII: the "Big Question" i want Duo to ask me...which he will *glares at Duo*
Haer: will you get me mexican food?
BjdIII: i am *not* going to say the question...
BjdIII: i will not...
BjdIII: you're trying to trick me!! but i'm not going to fall for it!!
Haer: fall for what?
Haer: fall off a cliff?
BjdIII: ugh...nvm
Haer: a mountain?
duopanthress: NEVER MIND!!!
Haer: a plateau?
Duo: i'd stop while you're ahead, Haer...
Haer: But...
Haer: I wanna know...
Duo: stop...
Haer: fine...
BjdIII: good boy
Haer: Do I get a treat now?
BjdIII: umm....what kind of treat?
Haer: a scooby snak!
Haer: ^_^
BjdIII: er....okay. here. *gives Haer a scooby-snak*
Haer: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (^.^)(^.^)(^.^)
Gandalf: are you three done playing? because if you were listening, you would have heard that we just found Legolas in the bushes....
Gandalf: very hurt...
Haer: o.o
Gandalf: and Frodo with "X's" all over!!
Sam: WHO DID THIS TO YOU MR. FRODO!?!?!
*Duo whistles*
Frodo: X X X X X
Frodo: *in a choking voice* it...was...
*dies*
er---*faints*
Haer: you die, then faint?
BjdIII: i dunno
Duo: Now, who could have done such a thing! Wasn't me!
Sam: It was...HER!! THE DEMON GIRL!!! *points to BjdIII*
BjdIII: no....
BjdIII: I kicked *Legolas's* ass...
Haer: just go apeshit on him
BjdIII: LEH-GO-LUSS....
Haer: teach the hobbit a lesson, BjdIII, teach him respect
BjdIII: um...ok
BjdIII: ^_^
BjdIII: *goes Apeshit*
BjdIII: BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
Haer: *Hands duo an Iced Tea* Now we sit back and watch
BjdIII: DIE NOW YOU FILTHY HOBBIT!!!
Sam: eep...
Duo: Thank you
Gandalf: *grows to match BjdIII's size* YOU WILL NOT HARM THIS HOBBIT!!!!
Haer: *grows to match Gandalf's size* But I will!
Haer: *harms the hobbit*
BjdIII: HAHA!!!
Gandalf: NO!!! SAM!!! MY LOVER!!!!
Haer: o.O
BjdIII: eeew!!!!
Duo: I'm gonna hurl
Duo: heh, two guys...lovers. alright!! like Trowa and Quatre!! *shuts mouth* oops...
Duo: i wasn't supposed to say that...
Haer: We already knew that
Duo: really? how???
BjdIII: well, for one...i have the room next to theirs....
BjdIII: *twitch* i never knew the silent clown could be such a screamer...
Haer: dude, with the way quatre acts, how could he not be gay? No self-respecting guy dresses in PINK!
duopanthress: I heard he's color blind...
Duo: he's not color-blind...
Haer: I heard Trowa's the one who "gets it", if you know what I mean...
BjdIII: um....what?
Haer: ^_~
BjdIII: sorry...my brain's still in Rivendell...
BjdIII: and I'm dizzy...
Haer: the one whole polishes Quatre's rod of wonder, he dines at the all you can suck buffet?
BjdIII: ah...
BjdIII: i get it
BjdIII: hmm...makes sense...
Haer: Why else do you think he stands most of the time? His ass is sore
BjdIII: i'd always thought he'd be the one who makes progress with those things...
BjdIII: and when he bends over...
Haer: why do you think he bends over so much?
BjdIII: no...seriously....
BjdIII: we see more of his ass when he bends over than we do both his eyes!!
Haer: true, but if he didn't have so much hair, we couldn't say that
BjdIII: yeah...
BjdIII: i guess
Duo: someone should really tell those two that they aren't supposed to boink every night for five hours
Haer: Hey, I just realised something
Haer: Wufei must be gay as well!
BjdIII: why do you say that?
Haer: After all, he is scared of women
BjdIII: and so he is!!
BjdIII: wait -- but what about Sally?
Haer: and besides, what women would boink him? I've seen hookers turn him down!
BjdIII: don't they have the hots for each other?
Haer: nope
Duo: *laughs manically* true!!
Haer: just a ruse
Duo: there was this one hooker at the street corner and...
Haer: Sally's in love with Catherine
Duo, shush...
BjdIII: huh?
BjdIII: but i thought Catherine and Dorothy went for each other!
Haer: hmmm.....
Haer: That I must check out
BjdIII: or is that *Treize* and Dorothy?
Haer: ewww....
Haer: isn't trieze her uncle?
BjdIII: 'cause i mean, Dorothy and Catherine both like pointy objects...
BjdIII: yeah...
Haer: Dorothy is a pointy object
BjdIII: no, that's Wufei...
BjdIII: and speaking of Asian people, i think heero's bi...
Haer: why?
BjdIII: because...
BjdIII: i saw him and Mariemaia together the other day...
BjdIII: and then i saw him with Wufei, too...
BjdIII: hmm...
Haer: O.O
Haer: BLACKMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haer: ^_^
Haer: free food for me!!!!!!
BjdIII: he doesn't seem to realize that he is eight years Mariemaia's senior...
BjdIII: ha
Haer: still, if he's a pedophile, at least he's honest
BjdIII: who? Heero?
Haer: well, if he's 15, and mariemaia's 8 years younger than him....
Haer: she's below the age of consent
BjdIII: he's 16
Haer: which is 12
BjdIII: consent?
BjdIII: what do you mean by that?
Haer: the age when you're legally allowed to boink
BjdIII: ah
Haer: so if he's dating an 8 year-old girl, and wufei....
Haer: oh god, I can't wait to get back....
BjdIII: hehehe
BjdIII: *rubs hands together*
Haer: Blackmail?
Duo: apparently we've got some takling to do with all of them...
Duo: and blackmail
Haer: yesyesyes
BjdIII: but i can't help but have the feeling that we've forgotten someone...
BjdIII: oh yeah!! Duo...
BjdIII: what's with you and Heero?
Duo: Nothing!
Haer: Liar
BjdIII: well, i know not *now*...
BjdIII: but *before* you met me..
Haer: I heard you a few nights ago
duopanthress: really?
Haer: My room's the one next to Heero's
BjdIII: no fair....
BjdIII: you get the ones who actually have some sense when to boink..
BjdIII: *sigh*
Haer: who'd ever thought Heero was a bondage freak?
Duo: Shut up...
BjdIII: *raises hand* i did...
BjdIII: it's just that look in his eye...
Haer: I din't, untill that fateful night...
BjdIII: *shivers*
BjdIII: he's given that bondage look to me, as well...it freaks me out...
BjdIII: i mean, the Death Glare (TM) is freaky enough...
BjdIII: why go add that one to the collection, too?!?!
Haer: I don't think I'll ever get over Heero screaming "Say my name, bitch! Say my name!" The worst was hearing Wufei say "Master Heero"
BjdIII: ...and *that's* why I think he's bi...wait...no I *know* he's bi
Haer: *Shudders*
BjdIII: eek. poor you
Haer: did he lick his lips?
BjdIII: uh...no...
BjdIII: *shivers*
BjdIII: he smacked his lips!!
BjdIII: ARGH!!! THE HORROR!!
Haer: *shivers*
BjdIII: hehe...
BjdIII: it's freaky...and all i can do is laugh!
BjdIII: GAH!!!
BjdIII: anywayz...back to Duo...
Haer: yeah
Duo: I DO NOT LIKE HEERO!!!
BjdIII: anymore, yes we know...but you *used* to, didn't you??
Haer: So duo, how've your dates with Hilde been going
Haer: ?
BjdIII: huh??
BjdIII: you've been going out with HILDE!?!?!
Duo: Not bad
BjdIII: WHO'S NEXT!?!? RELENA?!?!?!!?
Duo: I mean, I don't know what you're talking about
Duo: Nah
BjdIII: ...
BjdIII: HOW COULD YOU!?!?!
BjdIII: *cries*
Haer: Relena's been boinking her brother
BjdIII: duh!!
Duo: It's easy, first I ask Hilde out on a date, then.......
BjdIII: that's not what i mean, pea-brain
Duo: oh
Duo: Hey!
BjdIII: *cries*
BjdIII: *sobs*
BjdIII: *tear*
Duo: Don't insult my inteligence, or lack therof!
BjdIII: ....
BjdIII: *sniff*
BjdIII: oh great...now i'm acting like Trowa!!!
BjdIII: ARGH!!! *sobs loudly*
Haer: you might wanna see these
*Hands BjdIII pictures of Duo and Trowa making out*
BjdIII: *gasp*
BjdIII: Oh...my.....GOD...
BjdIII: you're bi, too!!!
BjdIII: EEEWWW!!!
Haer: and these
*Pictures of Duo and Wufei, Duo and Heero, Duo and Quatre, Duo and Trieze*
BjdIII: I BET YOU KNEW IT WAS URUK-HAI!!
BjdIII: *shiver*
BjdIII: just don't give me one of him and Zechs...
Duo: Please don't raise your voice at me....
BjdIII: then I may actually be able to live....
Haer: Nah, I burnt that one, it was too sick for me
BjdIII: OMIGOD!!!!
BjdIII: *faints*
Haer: oh well
Haer: *steals her wallet*
BjdIII: *wakes up*
Haer: yoink
BjdIII: give it back!
Haer: damn
Haer: *does so*
BjdIII: knioy!
(knioy=yoink spelled backwards)
BjdIII: Duo....
BjdIII: you're a bi...
BjdIII: and you never told me!
Haer: How could you duo?
Duo: uh..
Duo: I wanted to leave it all behind for you!
BjdIII: aww...that's so sweet...
Duo: I never mean to hurt you...
BjdIII: still doesn't change the past though
BjdIII: *snorts*
BjdIII: right
Duo: I never meant to make you cry....
BjdIII: *cries*
Haer: *comforts her* There there, it'll be all right
BjdIII: *sobs*
Haer: *comfort**comfort*
BjdIII: *sob**sob*
Haer: *pat**pat*
BjdIII: *cry**cry*
Duo: *watches*
Duo *thinking*: ~dammit~
The Fellowship (almost forgot about them): *watching in confusion*
Legolas: umm...what just happened here...?
Gimili: Beats me, I was sleeping
Merry and Pippin: of course!!
Haer: They just had a fight
BjdIII: *sniffs*
BjdIII: it's not the first...
Haer: probably won't be the last
BjdIII: most likely...
BjdIII: *squints* ...and...what...are those birds doing...?
Duo: YAY!!! SHe forgives me! *Glomps BjdIII*
BjdIII: why are they all in a flock? it's not winter in Rivendell...is it?
BjdIII: *unconsciously glomps Duo while still transfixed on the birds of EVIL*
Haer: Flock? Birds?
Haer: Shit! Everyone! Take cover!
*everyone does so*
*the birds pass*
*everyone comes out from cover*
*except Duo and BjdIII*
Haer: Will you two stop with the monkey sex?
Duo: no!!
Haer: oh. okay
BjdIII: we're not HAVING monkeysex!!
BjdIII: Duo's braid is tangled in this bushes!!
Haer: just cut it off
BjdIII: seriously
Haer: ^_~
Duo: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!
Haer: oh! the braid! I thought you said domething else ^_~
BjdIII: *shiver*
Duo: AHHHHHHH!!! EVEN WORSE!!!!
Haer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BjdIII: *gasp*
BjdIII: omigod...
BjdIII: Haer....his...uh...'family jewels' - if you get what i mean - are stuck....
BjdIII: in the bush...
BjdIII: also..
Haer: O.o
BjdIII: *i'm* not doing it...
Haer: Cut those off as well
Duo: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
BjdIII: NO!!! NO!!! then we won't be able to boink!!
Haer: I'll help
BjdIII: yes, you do it...
Haer: *Draws a battle axe*
BjdIII: i'm going to hit my head on a tree...
BjdIII: hehe
Haer: don't worry, it'll be gone before you know it
Duo: BUT THE PAIN WON'T!!!!
Duo: DON'T YOU DARE!!!
Haer: *cuts the bush in half, leaving duo perfectly intact*
Haer: There you go
Haer: Just have faith Duo, have Faith
Duo: *sigh of relief*
Duo: Faith Hill!!
Haer: *facefaults*
BjdIII: *slaps Duo at the back of the head*
BjdIII: don't think about other women...
Haer: Or men
BjdIII: or else i'll do the job Haer didn't do...
Duo: Shut up
Haer: O.O
Gandalf: we've been waiting for the past hour...
Gandalf: we must go into the Mines of Moria
Haer: Must we?
Duo: the minds of moles?! WHAT?!?!
Gandalf: YES WE MUST!!!
Haer: NO, we must not!
BjdIII: *whispers to Haer* oh shit...i know what happens when we get in there...
Haer: *whispers back* So do I
BjdIII: *shiver*
Haer: well, look on the bright side, at least it's not us!
BjdIII: um...we're going in there, too...
Haer: do'h
BjdIII: eh...yeah
Haer: well, lets meet with destiny
Destiny: Hi! I'm destiny!
BjdIII: ooh...
BjdIII: aah...
Destiny: I'll be your tour guide for the Mines of Moria!
BjdIII: er...oooooookay
Haer: ooohh.... Shiny....
BjdIII: hehehe
Haer: she's pretty....
BjdIII: right
Haer: i'm gonna go see if I can "get with her"
BjdIII: ok
BjdIII: whatever
Duo: i'm hungry
Haer: *smack*
Haer: Owie
Haer: uppity bitch
BjdIII: *bursts out laughing*
BjdIII: Well...until next time..........
BjdIII: Dew the Do...
Haer: ?
BjdIII: Da End!!!
Haer: kool
BjdIII: ...or is it...?
~~~~
God!! That took WAAAAAAAAAY too long!! Poor Haer, he had to do it twice as long!! This took about an hour for me to edit, and about two to three hours for Haer and I to make. So...YOU BETTER ENJOY IT!!!!
BjdIII: and, as it says -- Da End!! Kool ...Or is it...? And I've decided on a little challenge for Haer and I (all you hentai freaks...not that way...) without telling him.... ^_^ Give us four colors, two verbs, two vegetables, three fruits, a writing utensil, a name and two random objects (anything...i mean *anything*) and we'll put it in here!! And if alot of people review....heh...it should be pretty damn funny!! ^_~
Duo: Until next time...
Haer: Dew the do!!!
Please review!!
