/This story is somewhat vulgar (but not gross or anything like that) and may offend/confuse/weird out some people/
Princess Peach was baking a delicious pie for Mario.
"I can't wait for Mario to try out this pie!", she said, "I really hope he likes it! Otherwise he can say goodbye to the sex we were going to have tonight."
Peach added some sugar, vanilla sugar, chocolate, grapefruits, donuts, Kool Aid and a special ingredient to the bowl. She mixed it all into one strange substance and poured it into a baking mold.
"Now let's just pump the heat up!" she said, while she was using a flamethrower to burn the dough into a crispy cake.
In the meantime, Mario was sitting with Luigi in the living room, playing Sonic on Playstation 5.
"Shit, this game sucks ass.", said Mario.
"Mario, you should be aware that the Sonic franchise is not meant to be good.", Luigi responded, "it's supposed to make little children addicted and turn them into mindless husks."
"Then why are we playing this?", Mario asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No fucking clue.", Luigi threw the controller into the TV screen, which exploded into tiny pieces.
"I really hope Peach doesn't bake me anything today.", Mario sighed, scratching his crotch.
"Why is that?
"Because her… pastries, taste like shit."
"How so? I thought you liked her pastries. Every time I'm here, she bakes something, gets you to eat it and you say it's gorgeous!"
"It's because when I compliment her, she's more likely to get all wild and shit in the bedroom later."
"Wat."
"Oh, come to think of it, why is that you always refuse when she offers you to eat her pastries?"
"Because my organism developed a rather dangerous diabetic disorder, which disallows me to eat sweets, and makes me have to keep an adequate sugar level in my organism. I also have to take insulin injections every once in a while, and I can't say it's a cheap medicine, but it gets the job done, and there aren't many things in this world more important than health, and a short moment of joy from eating something sweet is certainly not among them. That being said, you should be aware that I, your brother, was always vulnerable to diseases, as my immune system is rather weakly developed. But what can I say, I'm happy with my life and so everyone should be. People should have in mind, that a weak body doesn't exclude them from performing all the social activities, like sports, board games, solving interesting mathematical equasions, and having a healthy sexual intercourse with their partners."
As Luigi was speaking, Mario was listening carefully, thinking: "What the fuck is this idiot talking about?"
Then Peach came with a "cake".
"Hey guys, I finally finished that cake!", she smiled, "Let's have Mario to taste it first, shall we?"
Mario was sitting there, staring at the cake, which still had some black smoke coming out of it.
"Do I really have to?", Mario asked, "No mean to be rude, but it doesn't look really… edible."
"Come one Mario, what the fuck are you talking about?", Peach asked, smiling, "Well, maybe let me just scrape the charred pieces. Here, it's not burned at all now. Take it!", she cut a small piece of the cake and handed it to Mario.
Luigi looked at Mario, not knowing what to expect. Luigi only now truly noticed, that Peach can't bake for shit.
Mario really wanted some ass that night, so he took a small bite.
"Does it taste good?", Peach asked, "Just swallow it and let the sugary energy flow through your entire body!"
Mario swallowed it, trying not to pull a disgusted face. Then, he felt something. The floor beneath him started to quake. Some paintings fell off the walls.
"Mario, what's going on?", Luigi asked.
"It's the sugar energy!", Peach jumped happily, "He's going to unleash the power!"
Then, as the whole world was quaking like crazy, Mario released the energy, which came in a form of a very long-distance fart. He farted so hard, so fucking hard, that it blew Luigi out of the open balcony, who fell into the pond below.
"Yes! Yes! It's amazing!", Peach laughed like a maniac. The fart formed a ring, which opened a portal between Mushroom Kingdom and Hell.
"Come, Dark Lord! Come and let me serve you!", Peach yelled towards the portal, while countless armies of death, darkness and decay came through the portal, with Satan as their leader. They came into Mushroom Kingdom and started to destroy everything on their path.
