Chapter One
She heard the soft patter of feet but didn't care if it was a stray Orc. If it was, then her end would be quick and she'd follow him into the shadows but when she lifted her eyes she saw her King standing there. She looked back down at Kili before raising her eyes skyward, her chest tightening.
"They wish to bury him?" Her words came out barely a whisper but Thranduil heard them.
"Yes." He answered softly and she shook her head, her eyes returning to Kili's still face.
"If this is love, I do not want it." She bit her bottom lip while closing her eyes. "Take it from me," she raised her eyes to his, begging him. "Please." She whispered but Thranduil remained silent and she choked back the sob that rose in her throat, her eyes straying shut. "Why does it hurt so much?" She demanded while lifting her eyes to his once more. He looked deeply into them, iciness melting to show her an emotion that nearly made her forget her own grief, if only for a moment.
"Because it was real." His words echoed with pain, pain that she was only just beginning to understand and her eyes widened. The cold King she had known in all her years of service was gone, showing her the one beneath the cold mask of indifference and ice. For once she saw him as he truly was.
A broken, vulnerable King…
His blue eyes closed and he drew in a small breath, shaking his head lightly but when his eyes opened once more, emotion was gone from them, turning them hard and cold once more. She lowered her head, realizing that she'd been mesmerized by him in his time of weakness and gazed back down at Kili's face.
She shuddered, the grief flooding her heart, and her hand was still clasped tightly in that of Kili's. He lay before her, his eyes closed and if not for the blood that soaked the ground or the utter stillness of his body she would have thought him asleep.
But she knew better…
She bit back the sob, bending over and pressing her face to his chest, breathing in his musky scent that was tinged with the smell of blood. This time she could not hold back the wretched sound that left her throat and she clutched tighter to Kili's body.
"I'm sorry, so sorry." She whispered, her voice broken.
Just like her heart…
Kili had been buried in a beautiful tomb next to his brother, Fili and his uncle, Thorin. He'd been dressed in glittering armor, his head wearing a crown of silver while beneath his breast plate, just over his heart, curled a soft lock of her hair. The Arkenstone had been buried with Thorin so that the accursed gem could cause no farther harm but as the final slabs of stone were pushed into place Thranduil produced Orcrist, the blade Thorin had carried, and placed it upon his tomb. He'd whispered a final enchantment, bidding the Dwarf find his peace in death.
Peace in death…
She carried the thought in her heart and endured, as Thranduil told her she would do. The Elvenking had ordered her return to the Mirkwood and it had surprised her, but after learning that Legolas had left she no longer questioned Thranduil's commands, knowing the reason she returned with them. The long march home was slow and torturous due to the wounded and Tauriel would have stayed with them, tending to their needs, anything to take her mind from her own loss but Thranduil had forbid it, ordering her to stay by his side.
Aside from the brisk order, he did not acknowledge her in any way and they rode in silence at the front of the Elves, but Tauriel noticed the guards and their expressions. Tauriel kept her nerves tight, knowing that she was under watch but the gaze that was always so scrutinizing, so piercing, never flickered to her.
Not once…
It suddenly pained her, the thought like a slap across the face and she shrank from it, sinking down into her saddle. The movement caused Thranduil to turn his head, ever so lightly, to gaze upon her and her gut twisted as it always did when he looked at her with those eyes of his.
Since his elk had fallen in battle he now rode a white stallion, a touch of gray in the animal's mane. The beast walked a few steps ahead of her own mare, given to her by the King no less, and she ducked her head, refusing to meet his eyes and after his gaze returned forward she bit her lip, the courage fleeing from her chest but as she opened her mouth to speak Thranduil paused, halting his stallion and lifting his hand.
As one the Elves halted, no one daring to make a sound as Thranduil listened. Even the forest had fallen silent and Tauriel felt the wind change. Her muscles tensed, coiling tightly but Thranduil kept his hand raised as his eyes ran over the thick trees. The shadows seemed to tremble and Thranduil's eyes widened a fraction of a moment before they narrowed and his sword was drawn. A metallic rang echoed throughout the clearing and the Elves stationed behind them jumped, going for their swords just as the forest burst. Limbs and leaves rained down on them as black bodies shot from the depths of the shadows and Tauriel's heart stopped when she realized what they were.
Orcs…
They bellowed, lifting their weapons high and Thranduil's stallion reared, knocking her mare to the side. He shouted something in Elvish, his order to form a front line breaking through the sudden and violent chaos. A moment later he was obeyed and the Elves slid in place, standing shoulder to shoulder before swinging their blades in unison. The first wave of Orcs crashed into them and Thranduil pulled in the prancing stallion, commanding the archers. Arrows flew through the air, buzzing with ferocity before embedding themselves between the armor of the Orcs.
During all this Tauriel had retreated to the archers, going for her own bow but finding it gone. She mentally swore, whipping her mare around and standing at the front to command them. Just as she did another wave swept down from the left and she narrowed her eyes. The injured were behind them and if they didn't have aide from the infantry that was protecting the front then they'd be overwhelmed. If they lost this side then there'd be no hope. She drew her daggers, for the first time wishing that she carried a sword, and looked to the archers. A moment of understanding passed between herself and the soldiers there. They drew their bows, drawing the arrows tight and Tauriel drew in a small breath, calming both her heart and mind.
The volley of arrows were released, the first line of Orcs crumbling to the reveal a line of Goblins. Tauriel clenched her jaw, kicking her mare forward just as the line of archers turned, falling back behind the line behind them. These drew their daggers, locking shoulders to form one solid line. The Goblins swept down on them, their lips parting as their high pitched shrieks filled the air. The Elves parted, swarming behind them to drive their daggers into the major organs that had been exposed due to the Goblin's erratic swings. Tauriel whipped her horse around, riding through the line of Goblins and slashing out with her dagger and catching them along their exposed throats. She turned, coming about and caught Thranduil doing the same from the other side. Three Orcs charged him and his stallion reared, lashing out with his deadly hooves to strike one but the other two lunged to the side, hefting their curved blades. A silver blade flashed in the sun and black blood sprayed the air as one of the Orc's heads was separated from its shoulders. It rolled clear and Thranduil twisted, slicing clean the arm from the other Orc's body. The Elvenking's face was icy calm; his eyes shining brightly from the battle as he swiftly dispatched the rest of the Orc. He turned and for a moment their eyes met across the battlefield. For a moment she thought she saw a glimmer of respect enter his blue eyes but it vanished as they widened in panic. Before she could ponder the change, something slammed into her mare. The horse cried out in pain as she rolled and Tauriel was thrown free from the horse's thrashing body. She landed hard on her side, one of her daggers slipping from her hands to skid away across the now gore smeared earth.
She heard someone shouting something, perhaps one of the lieutenants, and rolled onto her back while pushing herself to her feet. A moment later a barbed sword imbedded the spot where she had just fallen. She stumbled back, her eyes widening as she beheld the creature before her. She did not know what it was but it was not Goblin nor Orc, and its eyes…
They were dark and feral, gleaming with intelligence and the sight unnerved her. The beast easily stood at nine feet, perhaps if not ten and rippled with muscles that seemed to pulse with rage but it was not a mindless rage and perhaps if it had been Tauriel would not have felt the shiver race up her spine.
She did not fear for her life, no she was a warrior, but what she did fear for were the lives of the wounded and rest of her comrades. She knew this beast to be the leader of the ambush, for it wore better armor than the rest, the plates heavy and thick, cushioned with pelts while its sword was of better craftsmanship, resting easily in its hand. By its stance she knew that it knew how to use it and by how its eyes fastened upon her single dagger, it knew she was at a disadvantage.
It hefted the sword, grunting and gesturing to her and anger floored inside her chest. She drew her dagger, noting that a circle had formed around them. She widened her stance, her mind emptying of everything except for the new enemy that stood across from her. The creature grunted once more, its lips parting to reveal jagged, plaque covered teeth to sneer at her and even from where she stood she could smell the stench of rotting flesh.
A silent signal was given and as one they both lunged at the other. Tauriel, knowing that her dagger would do her no good far away came in close but the beast seemed to know this and sidestepped, swinging its sword wide. Tauriel narrowed her eyes and brought her dagger up but as their blades met the force of them colliding caused tremors to run up her arm. She gritted her teeth, ignoring the pain and went to pivot so that the force of the creature's blow would cause it to lose its balance but before she could the beast took a step forward, forcing her back. She knew testing her strength against the hulking creature would only result in her death so she switched tactics.
Relying on her swiftness, she flicked her wrist up, forcing the barbed blade above her head. She lunged in, catching it along its ribs but the armor proved too thick and instead of a fatal wound it only left a shallow gash. She came up behind the creature, flipping the dagger in her hand so that she could drive it to the hilt into the beast's neck but it whirled, faster than any Goblin or Orc she'd seen before. She yanked herself back but was too slow and the blade slid along her stomach, the tip of the blade catching her skin. It was just below her ribs and she heard the rip of fabric but it wasn't the pain that nearly caused her to cripple.
It was the pouch…
The small leather pouch she'd tied around her neck fell to the ground and she stared at it. Suddenly images pounded through her head, memories that she didn't want surfaced to torment her for inside that pouch lay a lock of Kili's dark hair.
Kili…
His name echoed inside her head and she lunged forward, her hand reaching for the small bundle but she caught the blade coming for her. Survival took over and she changed direction, rolling to the right and slashing at the creature's arm. It grunted in anger more so than pain and bounded towards her. Luck was on her side when she managed to slide past its defenses, landing another gash along the creatures exposed thigh. This time it bellowed, the anger seemingly to make the air tremble, before lumbering after her. It swung the blade and she twisted her body, the long shallow gash pulsing with pain but it only heightened her senses. She came underneath the blade, stepping in close but as she lifted her dagger to slice at its exposed throat she watched as it smiled at her.
Then its hand was around her throat…
She gasped, drawing in a small breath of air before it was cut off. Her feet were lifted from the ground and she brought her dagger up, barely able to deflect the blade from running her through. Her eyes glimpsed the pouch behind the beast and her heart trembled, her mind slipping and the beast chuckled, the sound raw and wet in its throat as it caught her lowered guard. It lifted its blade, the light catching the jagged ends and Tauriel tensed and twisted, driving her dagger into its arm. It grunted, its grip loosening, and she brought in a breath of clean air before it was cut off again. It shook her, as if she were a child, before lifting her higher and she felt her vision turning dark.
This time when it lifted the blade she knew she could not deflect it and her eyes strayed to the pouch once more. Her heart suddenly calmed, peace filling her as she thought that it would be over soon, that the emptiness inside her would end.
Then she'd be with him…
She lifted her eyes to that of the beast's and quietly gave in, knowing that there was nothing she could do and accepting it. The beast snickered and shifted its body, lifting the arm higher.
Then brought it down…
Something streaked past her and Tauriel watched, unbelieving as the arm that had been holding the barbed blade flew free. The creature shrieked in agony, dropping her to the forest floor and she gasped, drawing in raw breaths of air that seemed to burn her lungs. She forced herself back, her eyes staring up at the creature as it held its arm by the stump. It glared at her before swiveling around and Tauriel's eyes fell on her savior.
Thranduil sat atop his stallion, the horse's side bathed in the creature's gruesome blood and a few streaks marked Thranduil's face. The sight reminded Tauriel of when she'd threatened him back in the City of Dale. He'd looked similar, his face filled with cold fury but the look that graced his face now paled in comparison to that of this one. His eyes were narrowed, blue fire raging behind them and the intensity reminded her of dragon fire and would have melted steel. He turned the stallion, the intent to kill pouring from him like nothing she'd ever seen before. The stallion shrieked, bounding into the air and charging the creature. It whimpered, stumbling back but was too slow and Thranduil's blade flashed, faster than a striking snake, and the creature jolted, the front of its armor now bearing a long, deep gash. It glanced down at it, its face contorting into shock and pain before slumping forward onto the ground.
Tauriel stared at the creature, her mind blank but she caught the sight of the pouch and sat up, crawling to it and as her fingers closed around it Thranduil pulled his stallion up beside her. She could still feel the anger coursing from him and an icy chill raced down her back but she brought the pouch against her chest, clutching it tightly as her throat closed with the threat of tears.
"My King!" A voice shouted behind her and Tauriel realized that the remaining force of Orcs and Goblins either lay around her dead or whimpering from their fatal injuries. The death of their leader had scattered them and she heard footfalls but the firm voice stopped them.
"Tend to the wounded." Thranduil commanded and the footfalls stopped. Tauriel felt more than saw Thranduil dismount from his stallion and his fine leather boots halted just beside her head. She didn't turn and face him, feeling that if she did then he'd see how weak she'd become.
She couldn't stand it…
"Tauriel." Even though he said her name the tone of his voice was a command, a command to look at him and slowly she did, lifting her eyes to his stony face. "Stand up." His eyes were shining with that same fury and she clenched her jaw. Bringing her arm across her midsection she did, but the wound pulsed with pain. She stopped, drawing in a small breath and Thranduil's lips thinned, his face hardening even more and she wanted to shrink from him, to fall into the shadows of the forest and never return but then he did something that shocked her to her core.
He knelt…
He knelt before her, his eyes on her wound and she blinked but he lifted his head, his eyes falling to the wagons that were being loaded with the injured. They came back to her wound, the blue depths seemingly to sear it.
"It is a shallow cut and does not appear to be poisoned." He stood and his face softened for a moment before the coldness replaced it along with a fury she did not understand. "Stand, Tauriel." This time his voice was low, dangerously so and she knew that if she did not obey things would only worsen. Not having the energy to fight him she curled her fingers tighter around the pouch and forced herself to stand, the pain numbing her brain. She kept her head lowered but instead of Thranduil calming at her submission he only seemed to grow in anger. She could feel it radiating from him, sinking into her skin and she frowned, confused.
Why was he so angry?
Had she not obeyed him instead of defying him, instead of arguing with him?
"Retrieve a fresh tunic and have a healer tend to your wound." These words he said to her but he turned, his eyes falling on the other Elves. "Prepare to leave in ten minutes." He ordered while striding back over to his awaiting stallion. The animal had calmed but still bore the blood of the creature and the sight made Tauriel's eyes fall back to the lifeless form behind her.
"Tauriel." The gentle voice could only belong to a healer and Tauriel lifted her eyes to see an Elf with long blonde hair and gentle blue eyes. The left side of her face was covered in dirt, as were parts of the simple dress she wore but she appeared to be unscathed. "Please, come this way." She gestured to the back of a wagon and wordlessly Tauriel followed after her, keeping the pouch tight against her chest.
Her wound was treated with care and Tauriel ducked her head when she saw the more seriously wounded but the healer, her name Elanor, was kind and treated her with a gentle hand. After her wound was wrapped and she was given a fresh tunic she thanked the Elf and went to step from the wagon but Elanor reached out and gently touched her arm.
"I am sorry," she murmured and Tauriel paused, looking back at her with a slight look of shock on her face and Elanor's blue eyes drifted down to the pouch Tauriel still held tightly to her chest. "I am sorry, for your loss." The passionate words made Tauriel's throat close and she nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak, before she all but fled the back of the wagon.
The wounded were loaded, the old making way for the new and Thranduil once again led the march through the woods. This time he did not order Tauriel to stay be at his side and she made no move to join him at the front, choosing to march with the Elves who stayed behind him. The forest was silent, as if regarding them with a sense of foreboding. It was nearly sunset when they reached the halls, the Elves who had remained pouring forth to help tend to the wounded and weary. Tauriel stayed off to the side, helping whenever she was needed but otherwise keeping to herself, for she saw how Thranduil commanded his troops. He was still angry, though his face did not show it but they'd been in enough heated arguments that she knew how his brows would crease ever so slightly or how his hard eyes would glimmer, shooting daggers at anyone who ventured within his fiery cold gaze. She knew that at any moment he would order her to be dragged to the dungeons for she was a traitor, and deserved to be treated as one.
He turned towards her, his face still bearing the blood of the creature and Tauriel swallowed, stiffening and preparing herself.
"Tauriel." He called and she lifted her chin but strode over to him, keeping her eyes lowered in respect. When she halted in front of him he paused, the silence seemingly to stretch on for forever and she knew what he was doing. The silence was meant to make her squirm and perhaps she might have.
Had she anything to lose…
"Yes, my lord?" She questioned, refusing to lift her eyes and if she had she might have seen the flash of anger in his eyes, but it was anger that resulted from pain.
"Meet me in my study one hour after sunset." The order surprised her, for she thought that he would have made her arrest in public, asserting his power but instead he was going to do it in private? Or was he even going to arrest her? She frowned, confused and opened her mouth but his eyes silenced her. She shut her mouth, nodding her head.
"Yes, my lord." She dipped her head low and Thranduil moved past her, the movement like a cold wind whisking past her. His second in command followed after, casting a look she could not quite read but she turned, her eyes following Thranduil's retreating form.
He disappeared into his halls and the cries of the wounded as they were moved drew her back to reality. Shutting her mind of nothing else but her tasks she helped as best she could, usually fetching whatever the healers needed. Finally, they were done, the injured resting easy in the infirmary. Tauriel felt drained, but knew that it had more to deal with than just the events of the day. She slipped out into the halls, noting the looks the guards gave her but she did not acknowledge them for in their eyes she was a traitor.
Finally she stopped outside the doors to the king's study and the guards, their faces hid by their helmets, knocked, announcing her.
"Enter." Thranduil's voice sounded from inside and one of the doors was pushed open, allowing her entrance. She stepped inside, keeping her head lowered in respect. Thranduil stood by a table, his head dipped over pieces of parchment and she noted the glass of wine from beneath her eyelashes. He'd changed into a simple robe of silver, his hair washed and the grime gone from his face. He turned towards her, the robe parting to reveal a hint of his chest beneath and her eyes widened at the mottled bruise that ran from the corner of his collarbone and back around, though she could not tell where it ended. His eyes lifted to hers and she snapped them back down, feeling foolish for staring at him.
"I have gathered a group to return to the ambush in the forest." He crossed to her and she hesitantly lifted her head, "Gather information concerning where they came from and where they had intended to go. The creature I defeated bore similar decent to that of a Black Uruk-hai," the name made her spine stiffen, "confirm my suspicions. I expect you to be back before nightfall." He passed her the piece of parchment, names written across in his scripture, and she stared at the names before her eyes lifted to his face.
"My lord?" She questioned, shocked and one of his smooth brows lifted.
"You are returned to your post as Captain. You'll leave at dawn," he turned back around, reaching for the wine, "I suggest you—" his words stopped as he inhaled a slight breath and Tauriel frowned, seeing the hint of pain cross his face.
"My lord?" She stepped towards him but he stiffened, raising his head and fixing her with that haughty, cool glare that stopped her like it had always done before.
But not now…
"Tis nothing," he reached out again but she watched his brows twitch as he tried to grasp the wine. "You may leave now." He ordered but she took another step forward.
"Have you not been treated yet, my lord?" She asked and his head snapped back around at her, that same dangerous look on his face but she did not stop, despite how her knees trembled.
"It is a wound from the battle, nothing more. Other's have received worse and so needed the attention of the healers." He turned back around, gazing at the far wall of his study. "I received it when entering the City of Dale." At his words Tauriel remembered hearing of when his elk had been shot, crumbling to the ground and throwing him from its back. Thranduil had come up from the fall, but his shoulder must have taken the brunt of the impact.
"Sire, if you'd let me I'd—"
He swiveled back around to face her, his eyes hard, "I do not wish for your aide in my own personal welfare, She-Elf." His harsh words negative form of address were laced with ice and for some reason it made her body tremble, the threat of tears clogging her throat and she dimly wondered why he was affecting her so much. His bewitching crystal blue eyes considered her, his head tilting before he slid closer. "Tell me, do you wish for death?" His question caught her off guard and she jolted. Her mouth opened, ready to spill forth a lie but all that left her lips were stuttered words and Thranduil's face darkened as he slid even closer.
"Will you not speak up?" He hissed, his voice like silk that sent chills coursing through her, "You had no trouble speaking your mind to me in the past." She flushed at his words but she still failed to speak, her tongue tying itself into knots until finally she managed to form a coherent thought.
"No…I…I just simply—"
He angled his head sharply, cutting off her words and icy fire raged behind his eyes while the rest of his face remained composed, cold and unaffected.
"That is a lie; do you dare lie to your King?" He whispered and his eyes sharpened. "Am I not the King? Am I not your King?" Tauriel's eyes widened at his words and she trembled, her heart thumping faster inside her chest. He paused, waiting for her answer and Tauriel finally felt her composure cracking. The tears came then, streaking down her cheeks but she did not wipe them away nor did she break down in sobs in front of him.
For six hundred years she'd dealt with his coldness, his heartlessness, but this…
This was too much…
"You are the King of the Woodland Realm," she whispered but lifted her chin higher, "and you are a fool." She kept herself perfectly still as his eyebrows angled inward and the usual mask of indifference cracked, revealing the anger beneath.
"You insult me, She-Elf?" His voice had dropped dangerously low, the calm notes far more terrifying than if he had been shouting at her. "I do not give second chances so easily, yet," he stepped closer, so close she could see her anguished reflection in his eyes, "you still defy me even after I have lifted your banishment and restored you to Captain. I favored you over the others and you repay me by committing an act of treason and by falling in love with a…dwarf." He spoke the last word with apparent distaste, and anger, anger that she had never experienced before, engulfed her.
"Kili, his name was Kili." She hissed but her fierce anger didn't seem to cause any concern for Thranduil, his face returning to that arrogant, heartless look that he always bore.
"Yes," he breathed, the single word emitting a form of mockery only he could convey, "and he perished at the end of Bolg's blade." The way he spoke of Kili's death, so casual and without feeling had her whole body trembling with anger and grief.
What had happened to the King who had stared at her with compassion and pain as he told her that her love was real? Now he was so carelessly throwing it away, as if she were a mere ant beneath his boot he could squash and not pay another thought to. She turned, pivoting swiftly but it was not enough to hide the flash of her tears. She reached for the door but fumbled with the handle. Her eyes were filling, the tears blurring her vision and she tried again to open the door but Thranduil's voice stopped her.
"I do not recall giving you permission to leave." His voice still held that soft, lilting and deadly tone and Tauriel stiffened. Turning she unleashed her anger out on him.
"You are heartless!" She shrieked, the tears streaking down her cheeks and her trembling hands turned to fists at his unfeeling expression. "And when I only try and help, you push me away. Is it because Legolas left?" At the sound of the Prince's name Thranduil's face twisted into a mask of rage and hurt, the change so quick that she stopped talking, for in one moment he had closed the distance between them. She took a step back, forcing herself against the door to keep herself from touching him.
"Do not speak his name to me, you lowly Silvan Elf." His voice had dropped, pure venom and ice bleeding from the words to seep into her skin. "You, who are the cause of his absent from my side, you who I could so easily dispatch with one blow, you who I could lock in my dungeons for an eternity and no one would dare disobey me." His eyes challenged hers and she found that despite his threats, threats she knew he would carry out if pushed, she was not frightened.
Not anymore…
"Am I, sire? Am I the reason he chose to leave this realm?" She knew her words were daring and she knew his cold exterior was cracking but she did not stop, for once she wanted to see something on the king's face besides belittling indifference. If it was possible for Thranduil to become angrier she would have seriously doubted it and the Elvenking's face darkened as he stepped even closer to her. She could feel the heat radiating from his strong and powerful body and for a moment she saw the right side of his face tremble but before she could see what was beneath it, his composure slid into place.
"Be careful," he murmured, "if you dance too closely to the flames," he leaned in and Tauriel shrank from him, "you will be burnt." He whispered, the last word like a finely sharpened knife that stuck in her side. The silence that engulfed them nearly undid her, for he was still close, his face only inches from hers and she'd never been this close to him.
No one dared to…
The seconds seemed to stretch on for an eternity and just when Tauriel thought she'd shatter underneath his crystal gaze, he whirled, his robes billowing out behind him violently, and put his back to her. "Do not test me again, She-Elf," his voice was barely above a whisper but the anger in it was like a sword slicing through the air, "This realm is no longer your playground. You will do as you're ordered, as you are commanded and if you fail in your duties," he turned his head to look upon her, his eyes like bits of broken glass while the look of apathy that graced his serene face was chilling, "You will not be bestowed my mercy a third time, not even for the sake of my son." Her eyes widened at his words, "Report at dawn." His resolute words, enforced with steel, were a clear sign to leave and Tauriel stood against the door, her feet rooted to the spot.
So that was why…
He only did this for Legolas…
At the pause Thranduil's entire body hardened, going rigid but she quickly dipped her head once, noting how her body was shaking but she refused to acknowledge it or how tears still stained her cheeks.
"Yes, sire." Her voice was hollow but she did nothing to hide it, turning and escaping back into the halls before more could be said.
VVVV
Thranduil watched the door close, heard the retreat of Tauriel's footfalls before the anger snapped inside him. His arm lashed out, clearing the top of the desk beside him. The contents clattered across the floor but there was no sound from the other side of the door.
How dare she…
How dare she make such a remark to him? How dare she insinuate that he was the reason Legolas had left? It was because of her, because of her incapability to love Legolas as his precious son had loved her.
The image of Legolas flashed before him, that grim and certain expression on his face as he told him that he would not be returning. The loss had wrenched something from his chest, twisting his gut and crushing his lungs until he couldn't breathe. He'd told Legolas to seek out Aragorn so in a way he would know where his son was, but the harsh reality was still there.
He was gone…
Leaving him behind…
Like she had done…
His form trembled and he closed his eyes, forcing the memories from his head but the pain still lurked within his heart.
His heart…
Tauriel had called him many things in the last few days, her own grief pushing her over the edge, but when she'd called him heartless, had insinuated that the reason Legolas had left was not solely because of her, but because he could no longer be near him, could no longer tolerate his single surviving parent had nearly tore him to pieces but he had goaded her into it, perhaps being too harsh with her. His fingers curled into fists at his sides as he realized that his emotions were being ruled by a lowly Silvan elf, by a traitor no less and that he allowed her to do so, allowed her to make himself feel sympathy for her. He turned but halted as he caught his reflection in the mirror on the far wall.
His true face showed through past the one he usually wore and he stiffened, the horror of seeing it, of remembering how he acquired the gruesome scar of blistered tissue and a sightless eye flashing before him. He could feel the flames scorch his flesh and he swiftly turned around, putting his back to the mirror but the image was forever burned into his mind.
It was monstrous…
No, it was not just his face…
But his soul as well…
Monstrous…
Tauriel's emerald eyes had shown him her true feelings and he found the Elf that was mirrored in her eyes to be a stranger to him.
Was that who he was?
He clenched his jaw, raising a trembling hand and pressing it to his face but it did not stop the flow of emotion. So instead he reached for the goblet of wine but pain, dull and throbbing, raced up his arm and his face contorted with helpless rage. Dropping his hand he gave a derisive snort, turning and leaving his personal study to enter a small adjoining passageway that only he used that would lead to his private bedchambers.
No one, not even Legolas, dared to venture here so as he stepped through the small door into his chambers. A large four poster bed, seemingly woven from a tree itself, was placed in the middle, large open windows lining the far side. It was simple, with a small desk and dresser that held the objects most precious to him. There was an antechamber where he usually let the servants tend to him and from there it led to the rest of his halls, but this place, this place was his sanctuary. Here he could let down the walls of stone he'd placed around him, here he could simply be. He didn't have to be a king, didn't have to be a father or an elf that mourned the passing of his wife centuries long dead.
Here he was himself…
But he was suddenly afraid of what he might find if he removed the bitter armor he'd placed around his being, around his heart and soul. Would he even find anything, or would he simply be an empty husk as Tauriel had implied?
Tauriel…
He did not wish to think of the Elleth, the annoying She-Elf, and disrobed. As he pulled the silken robes from his back he caught the angry and sore flesh that ran from the corner of his left shoulder back around to the opposite. It was not a serious wound, but still caused discomfort nonetheless. He gently reached up, running his long and skillful fingers along the wound and felt a pang in his heart as he remembered Linor, his trusted and faithful friend falling with two arrows piercing his neck and chest. He would add his name to the memorial tomorrow and think of another to erect for those that had fallen in the battle. Then he would have to prepare feasts and celebrations in their name and consult with Lord Elrond, for he had known something had occurred to cause at least the wizards unease and though he knew for them to be blustery and loud, raving about things that were actually quite simple, he knew that was his duty.
Stripping so that he was completely naked he crossed to the bed, pulling aside the feather soft sheets to slip onto the bed. It caressed his sore muscles and he breathed out a tired sigh only a few would understand.
That is if he would ever let them…
His eyes closed and he sent up a silent prayer for his son before silently slipping into sleep, for though Elves hardly slept he felt that the previous events had drained him, drained him more than he had previously thought. Breathing out another soft breath he let the darkness caress him, seemingly to wrap him in her arms before sleep took him.
VVVV
Tauriel awoke well before dawn, for her sleep had been plagued by two pairs of eyes. One had been tender and soft, the depths a deep brown while the other had been cold and bitter, shining brightly with the color of a winter sky.
She dressed, choosing a light tunic that would allow her free movement without angering her wound but as she went to braid her hair she paused. The tresses were like silk and she remembered that a Dwarf maiden would cut her hair in time of grief. Quickly, before she could ponder it further she reached for her knife and in one swift, merciless strike; her hair fell to the floor. She watched it and as the hair tumbled to the stones she suddenly felt lighter, a warmth returning to her even as her heart tightened as she remembered why she had done it. Her hair now reached just above her shoulders in jagged cuts but she paid it no heed. Taking each side she braided the front so that it would not hinder her vision. Turning, she gathered her gear but paused, her brows furrowing as she realized that she still had no bow.
It was if a part of her had been taken but she lifted her chin, making a note to have another made for her. She twisted, reaching for the light cloak and drew in a sharp breath. Her body was still tender from the fight with the creature but she did not let it hinder her. She was a warrior and had had more serious wounds dealt to both her body and heart. These would not stop her and would certainly not stop her from doing her duty, especially with the threats from the King hanging over her head.
The halls were still quiet, for the Elves had taken to their beds due to the toll the battle had placed upon them. Tauriel, the scroll Thranduil had given to her clutched in her hand, sent for the Elves he had summoned for this mission, finding that she liked his choices. She started at the thought, immediately rolling the scroll closed with a flick of her wrist. She had not just appreciated the King who the night before had all but tore her heart from her chest.
Clutching the cloak tighter around her, she made her way to the front of the palace halls, halting just inside the doors. The horizon was just beginning to lighten, the promise of dawn fast approaching. The guards stationed there eyed her with caution but moments later the Elves Thranduil had selected started pouring in. There were eight total, counting herself, and each gave her weary expressions.
All except one…
Faerveren…
The young elf spotted her, his warm eyes the color of the soil brightening with joy and surprise. He grinned, flashing a soft smile and crossed to her in one stride.
"Tauriel." He said warmly and the genuine happiness she saw there nearly made her throat close.
"Faerveren." Tauriel dipped her head in acknowledgement, feeling suddenly relieved that at least one of her kin did not despise her. "How fair you?" She asked and the Elf waved his hand in a dismissal.
"I am fine, but what of you Tauriel?" His smooth brows drew together as he witnessed her short, jagged hairstyle and the bruises along her neck. "Are you alright?" He whispered quietly and she knew that he meant more than her injuries. She closed off her aching heart and lifted her chin.
"Yes, I will live." Her green eyes flicked to the Elves assembled behind him and she noted their narrowed eyes, the way they held themselves.
They did not trust her…
How could they?
Had she not pointed the tip of an arrow between the King's striking eyes? Their King's eyes? She shifted and Faerveren noted her unease.
"Are you to lead us on our hunt, Tauriel?" He questioned and Tauriel lifted her eyes to his intelligent ones.
"Yes, though I am afraid that will not go over well with the others." Her eyes flicked past him and Faerveren gave a slight grunt.
"They know your skill, Tauriel. They will follow you." His words were filled with confidence, as was his slender face, but he was young and naïve, not realizing that once trust was broken it was not so easily mended. She shook her head slightly, her face growing somber.
"I am afraid that is easier said than done, mellonamin." She straightened, preparing to stride forward and issue orders when something stopped her. Turning around her body went rigid as her eyes met the pair at the end of the hall.
The Elvenking stood there, dressed in ivory robes trimmed in both silver and gold, a thin circlet of silver atop his head. His face was serene as he seemed to flow towards her, his hair gently swaying about his masculine and powerful shoulders. She knew the Elves behind her would be staring as well, for how could one not stare at the bewitchingly beautiful, but intoxicatingly powerful Elf? He moved with such grace, but also with such purpose that he commanded the attention of everyone who surveyed him. His eyes, his most notable feature Tauriel admitted silently, fastened upon her and did not leave and the gaze reminded her of a wolf's.
So intense…
So scrutinizing and so cold all at once…
Yet they seeped to imprison her, wrapping her in a tight embrace till she couldn't move, couldn't even breathe and she ducked her head, quickly remembering to bow in respect like the others had already done moments before. He stopped in front of her and she glimpsed the hem of his robes.
"'Quel amrun, Captain." He spoke in Elvish, his voice surprisingly neutral but Tauriel did not take note of it for he'd spoken loud enough for the other Elves to have heard him and that he'd called her Captain. In doing so he'd confirmed her position, telling the other Elves that in no uncertain terms Tauriel was now in charge in dealing with matters and had the backing of the King and for Thranduil…
The action was surprisingly…
Kind…
"'Quel amrun, sire." She replied and hesitantly lifted her eyes to his. The quietness that filled them was unsettling, considering they were fixed upon her short locks. Her spine straightened, her mind mentally preparing itself in case she needed to defend herself but Thranduil said nothing of her hairstyle.
The tranquility of the morning surrounded them and though Thranduil was looking at her his mind seemed elsewhere, as if seeing her short hair cut in grief reminded him of another time, of another memory, but movement behind them caused his eyes to clear, focusing on her once more. He turned, facing the Elves who had lined up, their heads still bowed out of respect and awe of their King. Thranduil remained impassive, standing before them like a statue before finally tilting his head, contemplating them with a calculative expression behind his cool blue eyes.
"I have gathered you here to accompany the Captain in retrieving information concerning the ambush of Orcs we faced on the way back to our realm." She stiffened, for he'd used her title once more and by the tone of his voice and look on his face he was telling them in no uncertain terms that she was to be obeyed and that if she was not they would have the wrath of the King and though it irked her that he was using their fear of him to help aide her, she could still not understand why he was doing this, considering their heated argument the night before. They bowed their heads in unison once more, placing their open palms over their hearts.
"Yes, Hir Vun." They answered and Thranduil gave his head a slight nod in encouragement.
"Quel Fara." He called before turning to Tauriel who watched him with unease and caution. He stopped before her and she dipped her head, placing her palm over her chest and feeling the small pouch beneath.
"Farewell," she paused before her eyes slowly lifted to his, "Hir Vun." Thranduil, if surprised at her words, did not show it but dipped his head once more, smoothly striding past her and Tauriel straightened herself, heading out of the doors and into the dawn, the rest of the Elves trailing after her.
Perhaps…just perhaps she'd been wrong about the King of Mirkwood…
Maybe he did have a heart…
When it suited him at least…
Tauriel set out, taking the lead as they mounted their awaiting horses but as they entered the woods she felt a sense of belonging, of being home filling her and though it was only a short time ago since she had lost Kili, she felt the first hint of a true smile play about her lips. Her spirit lifted and it seemed as if little by little she were shedding her grief and feeling lighter than she had in days she kicked her mount into a gallop, the rest of the Elves following after.
As she left a pair of cool eyes watched her and witnessed the slow change that was occurring inside her and though there was a spark of jealousy and resentment that she could shed her sorrow so easily there was also a spark of hope.
For if she could…
Why couldn't he?
VVVV
TRANSLATIONS:
Mellonamin: My Friend
'Quel amrun: Good Morning
Quel Fara: Good Hunting
Hir Vun: Beloved Lord
AUTHOR NOTE: Okay this is my first FanFiction concerning Thranduil x Tauriel so please review and tell me if you like it!
