Helloooo! It's me again with a brand new continuous series - a first for us here at Overkill Industries XD
As we all know, there've been plenty of the old "Sonic and pals come to live with me" stories. Some are very entertaining, others are downright lame and some are more random than finding a hippopotamus in your toothpaste. But one of the things I've noticed it's that it's always the good guys that hang with the author. And as an amateur supervillain, I got to thinking - why be like everyone else when I can have the bad guys come and live with me, and instead of telling adventures about Sonic and I saving the world, tell adventures of Robotnik and I trying to conquer it? Let's face it, it'd be a laugh.
It's also worth noting that this is merely a fun wee side-project, so the length between chapter updates could be pretty long at times. I'm really just writing it from the seat of my pants, but hey, that's where the best mad comedy comes from, right? XD
So, with all characters belonging to their respective owners (Sega, DiC, me etc), prepare for villainous deeds, criminal crossovers aplenty, robots by the barrelful and more madness than the Upper-Class Twit of the Year Show! Have a blast!
"AT HOME WITH THE VILLAINS"
by Professor Reginald Fortesque Vengeance (Esquire)
EPISODE 1
"MOVING DAY"
It was a dark and stormy night.
No, really, it was. Thunder and everything.
Anyway, we take you now to central Scotland on our dear old Planet Earth; more specifically, to Cleese Crescent, just outside Glasgow.
As you head down the street in the battering rain, you take notice of the plaque next to the gates of No.42: "Hazardous Heights Castle." Staring up the path protected by its tall iron doors, you see that in place of yet another bungalow, there stands a rather grand stone fortress, a tower pointing to the heavens at each of the four corners.
And in the top-most room of the highest tower, just audible over the crash of the lightning outside, is the sound of maniacal laughter.
Inside, we can see a very pimpled adolescent sitting at a writing desk. For a teenager, he is wearing very unusual attire - a full tuxedo, Clarkes school shoes (after school hours!), a high-collared cape and a tall top hat which rested on his short brown hair; all in black. We notice a wide maniacal grin on his pale face as he scribbles a few more calculations.
"Hehehehehe! As soon as I finally work out the specifications for the ultimate fighting robot, I will at last receive the recognition I truly deserve! At last, I will achieve the means necessary for world domination! At last, I will have total control of the whole woooorld! AAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
Ladies and gentlemen - meet me. Professor Reginald Fortesque Vengeance. Esquire.
At first, that evening was much like any other. Just me in my study, attempting to concoct another brilliant scheme to dominate mankind. Yes, another. Much of my teen years have been devoted to villainy, but I'm yet to have any true success in global conquest. Still, it's not like I've never come close to achieving my goal before. Who do you think really formed the Spice Girls?
At any rate; darkness, thunder, evil laugher, yadda yadda yadda, and suddenly, I hear the doorbell ringing downstairs. I know, how can I hear the bell ring with all the rain battering down and the noise of the storm? Easy. My doorbell triggers an air raid siren in every room in the castle to make sure I hear it. It's hell come Halloween, I tell you.
"WAAH!" I quite literally jumped off my seat as the siren kicked in, landing in a messy heap with a now-broken pencil. "Blast!", I snarled, "Just when I was on a roll!" Straightening my top hat, I hopped back to my feet, grabbed the cane leaning against the desk and fumed out of the study.
Ah, my cane. Definitely my most prized possession. It looks innocent enough with its beautiful emerald green orb atop, but one twist of that orb and one of that cane's dozens of functions is activated. Sword, laser machine gun, flamethrower, helicopter blades, pogo stick, water gun, butterfly net; you name it, it's got it. It can even make tea. Or at least, fire it at anything it's aimed at.
But I digress. Having stomped down the spiral stairs in the tower with those blasted sirens still blaring into my ears, I finally made it to the main hall and wrenched open the large oak door.
Silhouetted in its frame against a flash of lightning was a man I'd known only too well. There was no mistaking that red jacket with its white lining; those black jodhpurs and boots; those blue tinted glasses; those goggles; that ginger moustache...
"Ivo?" I exclaimed.
Indeed it was. Spherically bodied, egg-headed and looking downright panicked, Dr Ivo Robotnik was standing in my doorway.
"Reggie!" he flustered in his booming English voice, "Thank God you're here! Pouring! Attack! Hedgehog! Plane! Explosion! Ruined!"
"Calm down, man!" I insisted, "Have you gone mad?" Then, I remembered that he was actually meant to be a mad scientist and couldn't help feeling a tad sheepish. "Never mind. Just get in, get in!"
"Thanks, Reggie", he groaned wearily and waddled inside, soaked through to his fat.
Slamming the huge door behind him with some difficulty, I ushered the dripping doctor through to the main parlour, a standard feature of any upper-class villain's lair. Complete with expensive furniture, royal red carpeting and a large portrait of myself hanging above the blazing fireplace.
"Soon have you warmed up", I told him as we took an armchair each, "Oh, Criswell?"
At that command, a humanoid robot trundled into the room, a single large wheel replacing its legs. A tuxedo was painted onto its torso, as was black hair on its boxy head (complete with kiss curl).
"Yes, sir?" it inquired.
"Pot of tea on the double, Criswell", I informed it, "We have a special guest with us today and we don't want him waiting, now, do we?" The robot looked over at the Doctor and let loose a small yelp.
"Of course not, sir", it quivered in its tinny voice, "Two teas, straight away" and rolled away back out the room. Criswell knew all too well about their guest's track record with robots.
I turned back to Ivo. "Now then, what brings you all the way here? I haven't seen you since we attempted that coup at the N64 launch party."
"What do you think brings me here?" he grumbled bitterly, wringing the water from his moustache, "The hedgehog, of course, that's what! He and his disgusting little friends managed to find my island base and damn near sunk the whole thing using those bloody Emeralds! Every robot, every blueprint, every computer ruined in a one-hit kill! It's always one-hit kills now and I'm sick of it! Sick, sick, sick!"
I let Ivo take a moment to breathe before he continued. His face needed time to return from its beetroot state.
"Anyway, the old Egg-o-Matic only just got me away in time", he continued, "With no fortress and every military unit in the country after me, I jumped continent and came here."
I held up my hand. "Before you say anymore, Ivo; one - I know where this is going and two - no."
"Oh, come on, Reggie!" begged the Doctor and attempted to do the puppy dog look. With his bizarre features, it wasn't a pretty sight. "I know you've got the room and I'll only be here until the heat's off." He leaned forwards in his chair and smiled. "Come on. It'll be just like the pre-Dreamcast days. Remember all the good times we had when we allied? The thrill of the Emerald hunts? The invasions of Angel Island? Clearing 'Sonic Underground' for broadcast?"
I grinned fondly as I recalled the events. Those were fun times and teaming up with his supreme intellect again could significantly improve my chances of finally taking over.
"Well...as long as it's for a short while..."
"Oh, Reggie, thank you!" Ivo boomed and leapt to his feet. Before another word was said, the dumpy Doctor had dashed out of the room and back into the main hall. I followed him, utterly bewildered, and watched him fling the door open. "He says it's alright! Get inside, you dolts!"
All I could do was stand by in shock as Robotnik's associates filed into the castle. First off was his vertically-challenged balding nephew, Snively. He was wearing his green chauffeur's uniform as ever (now utterly damp from the rain) and was almost being crushed under the weight of a box labelled "Metal Sonic: handle with care". Right behind him came lanky robotic chicken Scratch and the tank-treaded pepperpot Grounder, both getting stuck in the doorway before metal monkey Coconuts barged them through, carrying a veritable mountain of suitcases.
"What the...you didn't mention you were bringing the Goons with you too!" I exclaimed.
"Yes, well...um..." Ivo began fidgeting with his moustache. "I...ah...may have been a bit inaccurate about the number of survivors..." I gave the Doctor a menacing stare. "Oh, come on! I've told you you've got the room for us all", he reasoned, "And besides, they're a lot more sophisticated than they used to be."
A mighty clatter suddenly filled the hall and everyone jumped around for the source. Our eyes set upon Grounder, the remains of a nearby suit of armour around him and the knight's helmet stuck backwards on his head.
"Hey!" he exclaimed dimly, "Who turned out the lights?" He trundled around blindly, arms outstretched before crashing right into Scratch. The clanking chicken then fell backwards into Snively, who dropped Metal Sonic's crate with a crash before knocking into Coconuts. The monkey landed flat on his rear and the suitcases he was carrying burst open in an enormous shower of salvaged lab equipment and undergarments. And now, Metal Sonic had been awoken by his fall to earth and burst out of the crate, rushing around the hall and tearing up the place like a cobalt blue dervish. In the middle of all this, Ivo gave a weak grin.
"Trust me. That's an improvement."
I just kept staring bewilderingly at the carnage before me when Criswell trundled onto the scene carrying a silver tray with various kitchen utensils.
"Your tea is ready, sir", he said presently. I turned round to my robotic servant, a horrified look on my pimpled face, and simply croaked:
"I think we're going to need a few more cups..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
...well, how that for an intro? XD Reviews and comments would be much appreciated as ever and stay tuned for more misadventures with the mad villains soon!
