Author's Foreword

This is a completion of the challenge made 5 years ago to have a Motor Ed/Drakken fic. It took 5 years, but it has been done! Doesn't matter that Neo, one of the coauthors, helped write this, right? It's more of a fight between Motor Ed/Drakken and Drakken/Shego, though. I guess we'll see how that turns out.

Anyway, here's the fic, the kernel of which just started writing itself a couple weeks ago. Hopefully it's not as bad as we're worrying it is!

As a side note, this fic is rated Teen, but there's a couple sections that skirt at mature, not due to graphic depictions so much as subject matter (drinking, implied sexual content, etc.). Please keep this in mind as you read!

Disclaimer is on our profile.


ELELELELEL

"Okay, Cuz, it's time to get our party on!"

Eddie pulled a reluctant Drew along into the strip joint that he liked to frequent whenever he was in the Tri-City area visiting family. It was the blue mad scientist's bachelor party, after all! Just because he couldn't get hookers or anything for his younger cousin, or get him to touch any ladies, didn't mean that they couldn't still admire the scenery.

Pushing the blue man across the room, past the currently empty stage, and around the crowded tables, Eddie eventually managed to get his younger cousin to the bar at the side of the large open room. Ignoring the other patrons, the mulleted man proclaimed, "Seriously, grab some booze and let loose! After this we can totally go and, like, make prank calls or rob some places or something."

"Nnngh… Can't we go and do that stuff now?" Drew looked around with a totally huge amount of discomfort before looking back at his cousin. "This is… Well, I don't really want to be here. And how can we have a party when we're the only people that showed up?!"

"Dude! Seriously! You can't have a bachelor party without at least a couple of naked chicks and some liquor. It's, like, against the law or something." Eddie waved a hand at the air. "Just 'cause everyone that we invited was lame and didn't show doesn't mean that we can't have a seriously rocking party."

"What law? The law of public decency?" the smaller man sneered. "Besides, Shego said that you weren't supposed to get me drunk."

"Blind drunk, Drew. You can have some brewskies, but you gotta know the details later," his older cousin corrected. "Man, you're really bad with law stuff. What we're gonna do after the booze and babes will be what breaks those laws," Eddie said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Anyway, it's against the bro code, dude. We seriously can't have an official bachelor party without this stuff." At Drew's flat glare, the blond man shrugged as he sat down. "You can totally glare at me all you want, Cuz, but I'm not gonna go out and do anything else until we get nice and buzzed."

The blue man held his glare for a few more seconds before flopping down in a huff on the stool next to Eddie. Growling, Drew grabbed a particularly well worn drink menu and began to look it over. Eddie grabbed one as well, if just to make sure his preferred drinks were still offered. Some bozo could've gotten them banned or something.

Once he was assured they still carried his preferences, the moustachioed man waved down the pot-bellied bartender. "Yo, dude, Mikey! I'm, like, totally ready to put in my order. Seriously!" He gave his order, a straight scotch, and elbowed the smaller man. "You got your drink picked out, Drew?"

A snort and glare was his only reply, though Drew couldn't quite hide his confusion. The bartender, seeing that Drew was going to take some time to decide, walked away and poured Eddie's drink.

Once the bartender dropped off his drink, Eddie asked, "What's up, Cuz? You havin' a problem with picking something?"

The other man stiffened, then snarled, "Of course I'm having trouble! You know I don't drink this sort of stuff. If you can find something that I would drink, then feel free to order it. I doubt that you know anything beyond your hard drinks, though."

Eddie rolled his eyes. Of course Drew wouldn't know anything about alcohol. The guy probably hadn't had a sip of any since his 21st birthday. The mechanic stifled a chuckle as he remembered the festivities of that night. None of them had ever looked at potatoes the same way again, especially Drew.

The menu of drinks had a lot of Eddie's preferred stuff. Whiskey and scotch. Winning combinations! Not really something that little Drewbie would want, though. He needed something more wussy, more girly than anything Eddie touched.

The real problem came when Eddie flipped the list to the girly part... And didn't recognize anything on it. All of them had totally weird names. There was no way Drew would touch something with such seriously sexy or mundane names. Sex on the Beach? Red Headed Slut? Harvey Wallbanger? And down at the bottom, Long Island... Something? Seriously?

"Well?" Drew was grimacing at him, but Eddie could recognize the hint of victory in his expression. His cousin seriously expected him to tap out and totally give up on finding something he would drink. Seriously bogus!

Then one of the names he'd had his mental freak out about struck him, and he chuckled. Figuring it'd be girly enough — or at least plain enough — for Drew to drink, Eddie pointed at the Long Island drink thing before he simply resumed drinking his scotch. A minute later, the drink was placed in front of Drew. The younger cousin eyed Eddie suspiciously before he picked the drink up and took a small sip.

The expression on Drew's face nearly made Eddie choke on his own drink. The blue man looked like he was going to puke, what with the flinching and gagging, before his eyes flew wide. He took a larger, more considering sip, then grimaced, before shrugging. "It tastes like lemonade. Weird and sweeter than the stuff your mom used to make, but lemonade."

The mechanical genius began to laugh at the over-the-top reaction to what was probably a pathetically light drink, ending the short laughing session with a smug smirk. He should've known his lame cousin still couldn't handle any kind of alcohol, but at least Mikey could mix a drink Drew could handle.

Drew recovered from his epic failure and gave Eddie the evil eye. The motorhead was completely unperturbed, his smirk even growing at his cousin's attempt to look tough. Drew must've realized that he just looked pathetic as he snorted and turned back to his drink. He took another experimental sip, clearly fighting another gagging session. Then he forced himself to take another, this time glaring at Eddie.

At least, with that drink, it looked like Drew was gonna tough it out. Whatever. Even if Drew did eventually chicken out of it, at least the motorman was getting some liquor.

ELELELELEL

An hour later, Eddie was seriously wishing that he hadn't shown up for the bachelor party as well.

"An' she doesn't like my kisses. I dun, I dun unnerstand." Drew sloshed his drink around, apparently trying to mix it up when it was likely mostly just tea with a dash of beer or something. "Sh'go likes I' when we do the cuddly stuffs. In bed an' naked an' stuff. Bu' she jus' laughs when I try ta give her the Frenchy mouth things."

"Cuz, seriously, I don't think that Green Babe would like it if she knew you were totally blabbering this stuff to other people," Eddie said as he finished off his seventh drink, a full glass of whiskey. After the first, he'd upped it to doubles, straight. Not enough to really mess him up like he liked, but enough to give him a distinct buzz. At least, in his opinion. "'sides, she probably just isn't much of a kissing kinda gal. Seems to seriously dig the hugs and crap more."

"You dun… You dun knew that!" Drew slurred at his cousin. "Mebbe… Mebbe i's jus' Shego. Mebbe she dun like my lips." The blue man tilted his head, then tilted the opposite way as he apparently miscalculated how far the movement would take his head. "Whadduya think, Ed?"

The gape-mouthed stare and unfocused eyes rang alarm bells in Eddie's head. He very quickly realized that they had totally managed to go over the tipping point for black-out drunk with Drew a few drinks ago, an impressive feat as Drew had only had four of those Long Island things. His blue cousin had the stamina of a chick sometimes!

"Sorry Cuz, but I seriously hafta cut you off now. Green Babe is totally gonna kill me if you, like, end up in the blank zone memory-wise," the muscled mechanic said, reaching for the girly drink that Drew was still nursing.

"Nuh-uh!" Drakken awkwardly warded off Eddie's hands with a swaying vine and one of his feet. "Dis is may drink. Get yur own!"

"Seriously Drew! Give me that thing." Eddie leaned over the younger man, trying to grab the drink from the obviously intoxicated blue man.

"I's mine! I's makin' me feel good 'bout my lips. Tingly." Drew swatted Eddie's reaching arm away with his free hand while scooting backwards in his seat.

"Dude! C'mon bro, don't make me hafta pin ya down or somethin'. Seriously!" He leaned farther over his younger cousin, trying to use his greater reach to his advantage.

"Nuuuuuh, is mi— AGHK!"

Drew fell over backwards as the stool finally went off-balance from the two men's flailings. Eddie windmilled his arms, trying to regain his balance. He managed to halt his fall for a few seconds, but only just as he quickly found himself collapsing on top of his cousin thanks to the mad scientist's flailing legs.

His younger cousin gave him a cockeyed glance as he dropped the now-empty cup on the wet floor and tried to push himself up with his other hand. "Lips."

"Drew, Cuz, seriously!" Eddie pushed himself off of his younger cousin and pushed himself up on his arms. "That was totally not called for, dude! Why would you-.."

His words were silenced by a set of blue lips pressing against his own. A moment of absolute shock rushed through Eddie, his mind grinding to a halt as it tried to comprehend just what was happening. His body, on the other hand, was seriously digging what it was feeling. So much so that he almost instantly began reciprocating, tilting his head and leaning forward before he had even processed everything.

Just as the blond man's mind finally caught up, Drew brought the hand that wasn't keeping him upright up to cradle Eddie's face as he straightened out his rather sloppy kiss. While there was some drool still, it was an improvement on an already great experience. Trusting his instincts, the mulleted man let himself simply enjoy the kiss.

When was the last time a kiss got him completely caught up like this? Had he ever gotten such an amazing kiss? With all of the hot chicks that he'd ever managed to get with, none of them had this sort of effect on him. Well... That one, Red, but her kisses weren't as soft, they were more demanding, almost more like a fight than a kiss! Drew's kiss felt more... Comfortable, more… Right!

Then his mind thought back to some things he'd read to try and figure chicks out. People getting all artsy with words when it came to kisses just seemed like weird exaggeration from where Eddie had been standing before. But this, this had to be the sparky, flippy feeling that people waxed poetic about all the time. It was seriously awesome!

To Eddie's regret, Drew pulled away and flopped backwards. He fought down a disappointed whine and, instead, leaned over to see how his little cousin was doing. Drew's eyes were still open, but the way they were spinning indicated that the flop backwards had seriously messed with his equilibrium.

"See Ed? I kin kiss jus' fine." Drew's cheeks bulged and his hands shot to cover his mouth. After apparently fighting off a trip to Vomit City, the blue man mumbled, "I think 'm done drinkin'. Dun feel so good."

"Ed…" Eddie looked up at the bartender, who was now leaning over to look at the two. Relief flushed through the moustachioed man when he realized that not even Mikey had noticed what had just happened. Shaking his head, the large man said, "Sorry, but for the sake of my floor and tips I've got to ask your friend to leave. He looks like he's going to lose it any second." Thinking for a moment, the bartender said distractedly, "Can't really tell by the skin. Don't know if that's some kind of racism. Can you be racist against a blue guy?"

"I dunno, man!" Eddie quickly moved to get up and pull Drew up with him. The sudden change in position made his younger cousin choke again, and again he managed to keep it down. Grimacing, the mechanically-minded man said, "I'm sorry too, bro. Gotta put it on my tab and get my bud here somewhere to sober up a bit."

Mikey shrugged. "Whatever you need. I'll just collect from you next time you come in."

Eddie looked at the stage, the newfound realization that he didn't actually enjoy watching the ladies strip and dance as much as most guys apparently did hitting him hard. There was some enjoyment, a bit of perverse pleasure, but compared to what just happened…

"Yeah. Next time I'm in," Eddie agreed vacantly as he led his intoxicated cousin to the exit. His mind was already distracting him with all of the seriously major implications that the whole kissing thing implied. It all led to one very important fact.

He seriously needed to get hammered to think more clearly.

Seriously…

ELELELELEL

The door to the hotel room's suite opened with quite a bit of noise, almost as if it had been pushed with no small amount of force. It was enough to almost make Shego jump. Almost.

She knew what that probably meant, though. Drew must have had a terrible time and lost his temper. He did really like to take his anger and frustration out on innocent and immobile objects. It would be easy — and fun — to redirect that energy into more… Recreational activities.

Shego got up from the suite's couch and walked over to the door, intending to enact some damage control so Drew would at least remember that tomorrow was supposed to be their surprising yet long-awaited happily ever after.

As soon as she saw him, she realized that they would be lucky if he remembered anything at all about tonight. It also meant bye-bye to a hard and exciting quickie before bed.

Her teeth ground together for a few moments. With annoyance, she asked, "So, Drew, did you have fun getting completely trashed on some pricey booze the night before our wedding?"

He looked at her, his eyelids hanging at different levels, and gave a small chuckle. "I' wasn't ash bad ash I though' i' wood be. No' fun, bu' okay. An' washn' prishey schtuff, was tea. Tea." His lips smacked together experimentally. "...tea."

"Tea? That's all you had?" Her eyebrow shot up in disbelief at his overly energetic nod. "Yeah, okay, sure. Eddie got you tea to drink." With some showmanship, she theatrically looked over Drew's shoulder down the empty hallway. "So, where is Eddie?"

"'e said tha' 'e had ta 're'valuate 'is life chooses' or somethin'." Drew nodded again with less energy. "'e wash actin' funny an' schtuff after drinkin'."

"I'll bet," she said flatly. "Probably thinking about what to put in his will before the wedding."

Her fiance looked at her, surprised. "Nuh, 'e didn' get me trashed! I jes' had two drunks, Sh'go." Drew held up both hands, each holding up two fingers. "I jus' 'ad some Lang Ishlan' dr'nks. Is tea, so is lil' alco… Alco… Thing."

Shego sighed and silently vowed to strangle Eddie with his own hair once she got his hands on him. After the wedding, of course. It was one thing for the motorhead to get trashed before it, but to drag Drew in on it? There was a reason she gave him a list of things not to do for the bachelor party.

"Okay Dr D…" She gave him a slightly condescending pat on his shoulder and aimed him with a small push toward the suite's bedroom. "Go and get some sleep. I think you're gonna want as much as you can considering…"

He stumbled a few steps to the bedroom, but stopped at the doorway. Leaning against the door frame, Drew asked with no small amount of worry, "An... An... Are mah kishes tha' bad? I knew tha' you dun like mine." Shego blinked at that. It was true that she wasn't a fan of kissing in general. For Drew to think that it was just his kisses, though…? She opened her mouth to correct his assumption, yet was annoyingly cut off. "'Cause Ed didn' mind..."

Her mouth opened again, this time to voice her anger at him cutting her off, when what Drew said finally registered in her head. Thinking she had heard it wrong, she asked, "You mean he had you kiss some other lady and he judged?"

Drew's exaggerated headshake just left her more confused. He elaborated, "Nuh! I di'n kiss other girls! Jus' Ed." There was a pause for thought before he added, "I thou'gh i' was nice. S'was wha' we did la'er, in the grassy stuff. Felt good."

Now THAT surprised her on several levels. The image of Drew and his cousin making out also made her wonder on what kinds of sexual needs and wants the doc kept a tight lid on. Clearly there was more than just vanilla sex and slightly kinky roleplaying in there, to Shego's honest relief. That brought on a swirl of thoughts and fantasies into her head that would likely make her brother spontaneously burst into flame.

Those thoughts were cut off before Shego could get too far with them, or even ask Drew for more information. The blue man touched his head and swayed against the doorway. Her eyes softened a little as she realized that he really needed to lay down and get some sleep. As did she, now that she thought about it. She had only stayed up to wait for her doc, after all.

Shego walked to the bedroom doorway and slung an arm around her fiance's middle. "C'mon, Drew. Let's catch some sleep and hope that your hangover isn't too terrible. Because if it is…" One of her hands lit up to accentuate her point.

"'kay, le's schleep." He leaned against her and walked with her into the bedroom. "I 'ope Ed's okay too."

A snort of annoyance nearly worked its way out of her, but she fought it down. With a mild amount of sarcasm as she kicked the door shut, she said, "Yeah, I hope his hangover isn't so bad, too."

ELELELELEL

"And STAY out!"

The door to the Rinky Dink Bar shut with a note of finality. The bar was huge, with an equally huge sign advertising it as, "The biggest biker bar this side of Sturgis!" A few feet away, illuminated by the almost sickly yellow neon of the sign, was the slightly crumpled and very drunk form of Motor Ed. He'd been unceremoniously tossed out by the seriously gnarly bouncer who decided that Eddie's attempts to figure out if his weird feelings were seriously strange and deserving of him eating concrete.

It wasn't all that strange. All Eddie had wanted to do was get a few other kisses to see if it was just Drewbie that did it or if he had a thing for dudes! And, if there was that kinda spark, see if the same thing applied to the craziness that he and Drew got up to after the strip bar. It's not like he went and tried any of the other stuff him and his cousin had done up on top of Mount Middleton or anything! He wasn't even sure he could do any of that kinda stuff with another dude... With or without vines!

He'd managed to lock lips with a few dudes before he was chucked out. Most of them seemed to totally dig it, especially the dude dressed up like that one British metal singer from the seventies. The last one, though, tried to take a swing at him. Eddie was just defending himself when he'd laid the guy out, then he was unfairly targeted and tossed.

"Yur jus' jealous tha' the Ed-man totally rocks!" he yelled at the door as he stumbled to his feet, hoping that the loser of a bouncer heard him. It was totally not fair that the mullet-man was forced to leave like that! It was discrimination against awesome people.

With a hiccup, Eddie turned and looked over the big parking lot, tryin' to find his ride. Not that he'd drive, but he could call Jeff Bob, who had a truck he could haul the motorman's bike in. He wasn't able to walk in a straight line by this point, but he was well-practiced with drunk walking, and weaved between the one hundred plus bikes in the lot to his own hog. Worst case, if he couldn't get anyone on his crew on the phone, and even with all of the alcohol he'd ingested, he knew the general direction of his motel.

A few minutes of fruitless searching later, Eddie determined that he was way, way too wasted to figure out which bike was his. As he tripped and haltingly walked back to his wonderfully cruddy room, Eddie went over what he had learned in his fully intoxicated and free state.

He actually did seem prefer guys to girls, much to his confusion. He was the manliest man that he knew, yet kissing dudes gave him tons more excitement and feels than even the hottest, sexiest chick he'd ever known had.

Of course, now that Eddie had thought about it and phil-drunk-iphized about it, it seemed kinda obvious. He never really liked being around ladies, even the hottest ones. They very quickly wore out their welcome unless they went along on his ride. Green Babe only kept from boring him by being a seriously wicked chick with a penchant for destruction. More than him, really.

Comparing that general disinterest with his interest in guys… Yeah, he had his posse that he hung around with. They were his friends, his buddies. No romance with them. But the times that he was around Drew, and that awesome kiss an' everything else earlier…? Eddie wasn't sure if it was because Drew was a chick without being a chick or what that seemed to spark attraction in him. The guys he'd kissed in the bar did feel all kinds of better than ladies too, yet still didn't feel as seriously wicked as the one he and Drew had.

Drew was probably the most romance-y feeling person that Eddie had ever felt for.

And he was getting married tomorrow to Green Babe.

Eddie wasn't entirely sure how he felt, but his stomach didn't feel so hot when he thought about that. That was probably just the booze…

There was a tickle in his head like he was forgetting something or someone. In his state, he wasn't able to quite grasp whatever it was.

He just needed to rest. Yeah. The drunkenness made things clearer so he at least knew what was up. But just because Eddie apparently had a thing for his cousin didn't mean that he had to pursue it or anything. Maybe once he slept a bit he would snap out of it and totally be okay during the wedding.

...maybe...


Authors' Notes

Poor Drew. All of people Eddie invited ditched out. Then again, the list consisted of the likes of Dementor, Monkey Fist (the statue), Duff Killigan, and a few of Eddie's drinking buddies who had better things to do than hang around his dorky cousin.

Of course, it's probably for the best that no one else attended. Would either of them be able to live it down if they'd've been seen? Especially considering, well... Yeah.

Wait, will they live it down, figuratively or literally, when Shego finds out?

Stay tuned, and let us know what ya think!