AN: Hey this is my first Blackwater story but it's not going to be very long but i hope you like it anyway, orginally it was going to be Leah's thoughts as she left La push but it was wayyy too boring so how could i make it better? With some Blackwater and a lemon in later chapters ^^ Enjoy!

Summary: "I have no reason to stay." i cried, close to tears. "I'll give you a reason." he growled lifting my head and pressing his lips to mine. Blackwater with a Lemon. R&R Please x

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Twilight, nor do I own these really nice songs below.


Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.
--George Eliot


I'm going away for a while
But I'll be back
Don't try to follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See, I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe

We all learn to make mistakes
And run from them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

- 'Misguided Ghosts' by Paramore


I slowly looked around my room, once messy with random junk thrown everywhere it was now clean, spotless and empty. It wasn't completely empty, it still had all its furniture in place but every surface was empty, no longer holding the contents it once did. All the personal touches in the room had been removed, making the light blue walls bare and giving the room a cold look.

Everything I owned now lay packed by my feet, twenty years of my pathetic life fitting into seven large boxes ready to go. Whatever was packed were the remains of my wardrobe, a few trinkets and a big fat photo album, the rest either thrown out or destroyed in my rage. Over the past week I had carefully begun to wrap up all the loose ends and now I had one last task to perform. Leaving.

It was still early, early enough that my mom and Seth were still sleeping unknowingly next door. I looked at my watch, 5.07am it read out, yes it was very early but I needed to get away at this time. Very few people knew of my plan, mom knew. I had told her yesterday afternoon after I made the decision to leave today instead of waiting another week or so. Telling my mother was proberly the hardest goodbye I had had to deal with and it hurt when I thought of how mom would find my bed empty this morning.

~ 13 hours earlier ~

I padded softly towards the kitchen where I could hear the familiar tinkling of mugs and spoons; I rounded the corner to see my mother hunched over the counter, stirring a cup of coffee. She didn't notice I was there so when she turned around she jumped but somehow managed not to spill the hot liquid.

"Leah! I didn't see you there." She breathed, laying a hand over her heart as she calmed her breathing. I stood there and shuffled my feet unsure of my next move, I knew I needed to do this and I couldn't back out of it.

"What's wrong?" she asked me, seeing my all too obvious nerves. Hearing her voice change in tone as she worried about me made my heart break as I thought of what I was about to do to her.

"I need to talk to you, it's important." I whispered not meeting her eye. She nodded and hurriedly rushed over to the counter and made another cup of coffee. She gestured for me to sit down and a minute later she placed a hot mug in my hands before settling down herself. Mom was one of those people who use cooking or doing small tasks as a way to calm themselves down, hence the cup of coffee I was now sipping, welcoming the burn in my throat as if it could stop the words I needed to voice.

"Mom, I'm leaving La push." I suddenly spoke into my mug, breaking the awkward silence. I glanced at mom who was gazing at her own drink.

"When?" she whispered, her voice broke slightly as she said it; I knew that those five little words would upset her.

"I don't know… soon." I replied, watching her reaction carefully. She turned to me then, her wrinkled eyes filled with glistening tears.

"Why?" she cried as a tear fell. She knew I was serious, that I once I make a decision about something I don't change my mind, I was like my father in that aspect. From the look in her eye I could tell she had never expected I would do something like this even though I had enough reasons to do so. So I told her the truth, the horrible naked truth.

"It hurts here, everywhere I go I can't escape the memories and each one kills me over and over again, I need a fresh start. Far away from La push." I announced to her, spilling my feelings and gripping on my mug a little too tight as I recalled how walking past the local park would make me think of sam, the walks we had there and I would be reminded of the pain he caused me.

"You can't run away Leah; you have responsibilities, your needed here." She argued, her tone raising a little as she would argue in vain to get me to change my mind.

"No I'm not, the packs hate me, either Embry or Seth will take over as beta to Jacob, I have no job here, you have Charlie and Seth is old enough to take care of himself." I said trying to eliminate all of mom's reasons for arguing.

"They don't hate you leah." She replied softly, not doubt trying to reassure me.

"Yes they do, I'm known as the pack bitch, no one ever wanted me there, Jacob didn't, Seth didn't and Sam didn't. I had to listen everyday to Sam wish I wasn't there, that I'd just go away." I choked out as the heartache set in.

Looking at mom I could tell she wasn't going to argue anymore, she had already given in, she was lousy at persuading me to do things, although I had expected her to put up a better and longer fight.

"Does Seth know?" she whispered, glancing at the door as if Seth was going to burst in any minute, which he proberly was. I shook my head instead of answering her.

"Are you going to tell him?" she added, I paused before shaking my head again. I heard a gasp as my mom realised that I wouldn't for the same reason I wouldn't say goodbye. My mom was smart; she knew that if I told Seth, he wouldn't let me go.

"You're not going to say goodbye are you, to me or Seth." She cried, it wasn't a question, it was a statement. A true statement. I shook my head to it.

"So your going to disappear, just take off without a word of warning?" She asked angrily, this time I nodded not trusting my voice.

"You won't even say goodbye to me?" she whispered, her voice fully breaking now as tears glided down her cheeks. I could feel the tears welling up in my own eyes; I pulled her into a fierce hug.

"This has to be our goodbye mom; I don't think I could take saying it before I'm right about to leave." I paused before continuing, trying to find the will to not crumble right there.

"You might see me again before I leave but you can't let Seth know that I'm going. I love you mom and I need you to do this for me." I mumbled into her shoulder. I felt her head bob up and down in a nod before she leant down a little bit.

"I love you too Leah, I understand why your doing this and I can't stop you, I know you'll take care of yourself." She whispered into my ear. I didn't answer, I couldn't master a reply, what more could I say to her? She was strong and I knew that she could handle my leaving. So my only response was a nod, confirming what she had just said.

"And Jacob?" she asked finally. And there it was. That dreaded question.

I hadn't decided weather to tell Jacob or not, he was the one of the main reasons I was leaving. When I thought of him a lump seemed to form in my throat. I couldn't stay around him anymore, it was driving me crazy. There was so much between us, recently I couldn't help but stare at his perfectly chiselled chest and once or twice I had caught his eyes grazing over my own body.

It was several weeks ago that I realised my feelings, I liked Jacob Black. Really liked him. A childhood playmate that had suddenly grown into a handsome, passionate man. We had been hanging out having a few beers when we ended up talking about our feelings which continued to talking about heartbreak.

I realised how heartbroken we still were, Jacob was watching Bella play happy families with leeches while he tried to remain her best friend, it was taking a heavy toll on him. When Jacob told me I was the strongest person he knew I was so moved and somehow we ended up kissing.

"He'll be ok without me." I whispered quietly, remembering his lips on mine, his sorrowful expression when I bolted out the door when we pulled apart.

Even though I had given her so little information I had a feeling she knew it would be permanent, that it was unlikely I would return. It surprised me that she didn't have anything else to say, but perhaps she knew that I needed it, I needed a fresh start, a release from my pain.

We hugged and cried for ages until I pulled myself away and ran to my room, she didn't follow and in the privacy of my own room I knew I wouldn't see her again for a long time weather she knew it or not. I spent the next few hours fiercely wiping away tears thinking of my mother and Jacob.


Like it? We see some of the Cullens in the next chapter so stay tuned and remember... reviews are love ^^