Summary: "So, what yer just gonna give up? You were gonna let the words of some idiots get to you?"
Characters: Raphael & OC (Rachel)
Genre: Angst/Comfort/Friendship
Written On: July 6th, 2012
A/N: Welcome to the first chapter of Touched and my first story here on Fan Fiction! I am so touched that you decided to read my story (hahaha get the pun?) and hope you do enjoy it. The entire idea for this came from when I was re-watching some episodes from the TMNT 2003 series.
I noticed the turtles run into a lot of people and it's bound to have some effect right? Well, I decided to write about the different encounters they might have with these people and how they've 'touched' their lives in some way or another. Every chapter will have a different character and some of the characters will be canon and some will be OCs. It will pretty much be a series of related one-shots all set in the 2003 series universe. So without further delay, go ahead and I hope you enjoy it.
TMNT © Nickelodeon
01: Red Flag
"Build a ladder if there's a wall
Don't be afraid to slip and fall
Speak for yourself or they'll speak for you"
-Red Flag, Billy Talent
The city was full of life, cars sped down the roads and were congested with traffic, people walked down the sidewalks with a purpose and the lights continually flickered in the streets below. New York was known as the city that never slept and its citizens seemed to reflect the city's status. Even in the late hours of the night, people were still awake.
Her eyes reflected the brightness of the city's artificial lights as she gazed downward. Her own brown eyes were dull, almost lifeless. The night lights cast a glow on her visage, showing off her African heritage and revealing a tired-looking expression on her face. The girl was lacking a proper amount of sleep but she was not about to correct that. Her body felt too numb; if she tried to close her eyes she would be unable to fall asleep. Her only solution was to stay awake and aware.
She pressed her cheek against her bare knees, pulling them closer to her body in an attempt to bring some comfort to herself. The action bared little result and she still felt the same dullness. Her body was just without any sensation. She ran her hand through her short, dark brown hair, messing it up but removing it from blocking her vision.
She closed her eyes, her mood suddenly dampening. She could see faint images, lingering in the back of her mind. They were dreary, depressing memories that brought nothing but a sense of sorrow to her. She forced them back, refusing to acknowledge their presence.
"You...you are no daughter of mine."
The words stung, like a fresh wound that had been inflicted upon her and she could not forget it. It hadn't been her fault, she hadn't chosen to become what she was yet she had to pay for it. It was like she was some kind of monster. The young adolescent felt her knuckles tighten with rage. Every furious word, every shocked and revolted look came back and her body started to shake with fury.
She abruptly rose to her feet, staring straight ahead with narrowed eyes, fighting back the tears. She couldn't bring herself to look down, her body was frozen on the spot; she was like a statue, stationary and unmoving.
The city suddenly sounded much more distant and her body felt much tighter and constricted. She could feel the blood rushing through her ears, the wind blew past her face and the building she stood on felt so much higher than it truly was.
Fear had overtaken her body. Standing there on the building's edge she felt panicked and alarmed, one wrong movement and she would be falling straight to her death. Yet it was just that simple to escape her nightmare.
All she had to do was take one single step forward, she would feel the air rush past her for just a moment and it would all be over. No more pain, no more tears just eternal serenity.
She stood motionless for the longest time, unable to bring herself to look down. Her eyes were closed and felt utterly terrified. Do it, a faint voice spoke from the back of her mind. Do it and this will all be over.
"I can't," she whispered back to the inner voice, her eyes still firmly closed. Yes, you can, it countered, sounding confident and certain that she could perform the act. "I-I can't...I just can't," her own tone was louder but her words wavered, almost as if she was doubtful. Yes, you can! You can't deal with this anymore, I can't deal with it anymore! Every inch of her was refusing, telling her not to listen but she ignored her body, finding the words to be true. She could not take any more anguish. She took a hesitant step forward, the distance between the border and the open air shortening significantly.
She dared herself to peek down and saw everything; the car-filled street, the smoggy air and the unsuspecting people walking, not caring for what was happening above them. She swallowed, feeling a lump form in her throat. Her hands began to feel cold and clammy, sweat was pouring down her next. She couldn't doubt herself now; she could not have any reservations and she forced herself to be brave.
She closed her eyes, taking in a long, difficult breath. It was hard for her to breathe, her body was riddled with fright but she had to be strong. She took another step forward, suddenly becoming apprehensive when her foot found no solid holding. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this...
"HEY!"
The girl was unexpectedly brought back to reality, her thoughts pushed far back as she became aware of another person's presence. She quickly scanned the rooftop, finding nothing back darkness surrounding her. Whoever was there was hidden behind the shadows and could not be seen.
"I...Who's there?" the teen called out, squinting at the lack of proper lighting. That was the unfortunate side effect to living in New York, while the streets were paved with light; the rooftops were covered by darkness. It was a fair trade off for some and not for others.
"Nobody important. Now what were you doing?" the unseen voice answered back, echoing out and making it hard for the girl to pinpoint its location. The voice was male and matured, possibly belonging to a teenager, one close to her own age. There was a heavy Brooklyn accent in the voice and it sounded rugged. Whoever this man was, he sounded tough and serious.
"It's none of your business," she yelled back, her voice cracking weakly. She was trying to sound intimidating but the male was doing a better job of it. "Like shell! Do ya take me for an idiot girl?" the male retorted back, sounding angry. She knew better than to enrage a total stranger but she was not about to let her inner morals take over now.
...'Like shell'? Is this guy serious? She could only display confusion at his choice of words. It made no sense to her, unless she had heard him wrong. "No, but you shouldn't concern yourself with the private actions of somebody!"
"'Private actions?' Sheesh, ya sound like Donny," the male said annoyed. "I can concern myself with whatever ya doing, 'specially since it looked like you were about ta—"
"I said it's none of your business!" the girl screamed at the unseen male, becoming irritated by his words. She didn't know who he was and most certainly did not want him to see what she had been about to do. His personality made her livid. "You don't know me! Go and bother someone else with your 'concern'," she made air quotations with her hands, trying to provoke the male. "I don't need it."
A sudden silence swept over the root. The male said nothing, making everything still. The teen was uncertain if her words had affected him. The lack of words made her feel both calmer and fearful. She waited for a few minutes, waiting for his response but nothing came. It was possible that he had just left. The girl paused for another moment before decided that he had left.
She turned, readying herself to take that fate-defying step when the thick, husky voice spoke up again. "I may not know ya but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let ya take the fall," his words sounded soft and sincere. The girl did not move, sceptical of his words. "W-What does it matter to you?" she asked, trembling again. Her words were only met with more silence. It was as if the male didn't know how to answer her. She waited and he finally spoke up again, "Why are you throwing away your life?"
The question was strong and hit her hard. She couldn't just form it into a single answer, there were so many reasons. She couldn't just word it into a single sentence as it would take her too long to explain. Besides she didn't own him any explanation. "Because I can? I don't need to tell you!"
She heard a growl come from behind her. The girl was surprised, not knowing if the male was the source of it or not. "Yes, you do! Are ya stupid? What's the point in doing this!" he sounded furious; she could feel like he was restraining himself and trying not to lash out at her.
"Moron," she muttered under her breath, further provoking his anger.
"What did you just say?"
"I called you a moron, moron!" she turned around, glowering at the male. She felt her anger bubbling up, feeling intense hatred for the invisible teen. She couldn't explain why but the male's unexpected concern for her made her feel enraged.
"Why? Why do you care?" she shouted out, no longer caring if anybody heard her. "You don't know me, what the hell I've been through, what do you care!"
"Why don't you!" he yelled back, hollering at her. It seemed they were both caught in a yelling match and one was trying to outdo the other, so far the male was winning. "Are you honestly that daft that ya don't give a shell about how yer family will react? How others who care for ya will feel!"
"No! They are the reason I'm doing this!" she screamed out, shutting her eyes and finding herself panting with sudden relief. It was like a sudden weight was being lifted off of her shoulders. "They made me do this! They didn't care...they made me..."
The rooftop became silent once more; the girl had dropped to her knees at that point, a few tears dripping down her face. The male said nothing and the air became filled with an awkward tension. She wordlessly sniffled and he did not move, still veiled behind the darkness.
It must have been nearly ten minutes before either made any movement. The male spoke first, his words were slow and cautious, "Name's Raphael, you got one I'm presuming?"
"Rachel," she replied back, her voice barely above a whisper. She didn't know why she had just told him her name, it was just an automatic reply.
"Rachel," he said her name, testing out how to say it without sounding rude. "Rachel, I...look..."
"What? What can you say?" Rachel asked him, peering into the darkness with watery eyes. "What can be said to make this better?"
"I...uh, I don't know," Raphael answered honestly, he could only respond with what was true. "Look, just..."
"I'm a lesbian," Rachel said quietly. The words had escaped her lips before she could even filter what she was saying.
"You just need to—what?"
"The reason why I'm doing this, it's because I'm a lesbian," she spoke with a solemn tone. The situation couldn't have been any more serious and yet she was speaking as if it was something causal. "My parents and friends found out and now I'm doing this, attempting suicide."
"I, uh...alright?" Raphael was utterly baffled, not even sure where to begin. What Rachel had said had sent him into a spiral of emotions; confusion, disbelief, sadness, rage but mostly confusion.
Rachel knew he was appalled, her friends had been and most of society was intolerant from what she knew and saw. Raphael was no different, he couldn't even properly respond. "So you see, I'm weird, strange, bizarre and to some, a monster."
"I can't change society's views of my appeal of the same gender but I can at least stop myself from suffering from it," Rachel had stopped crying, speaking out had made her feel calm and tranquil. She was no longer angry or upset.
"Now you wait a second!" Raphael finally spoke out with a coherent sentence. "You are not some kind of freak! Trust me, I know what that feels like and you ain't a freak!"
"How the hell would you know! Are you in love with men?" Rachel glared at the shadows, feeling sickened by his words. Raphael knew nothing about what she felt or how much she was ridiculed and insulted. She felt insulted just by listening to him.
"No! But I do know what it feels like to be seen as a monster. Trust me, I know," Raphael spoke seriously, no anger in his words. Rachel could only continue to glare at the dark, hoping he could see how much she hated him right now.
"You feel angry, upset, like the whole frickin' world's against you, right?" Raphael said like he was insightful. "You must think everyone's against you and there ain't no one who gives a heck about you. They always insult ya. They'd rather hurt you than acknowledge yer a living being! With feelings and all! So what if you like women? Plenty of people are like that!"
Rachel fell silent, only able to stare on with a befuddled expression. His words had almost perfectly described her feelings, if not a bit more downplayed. She could feel like he felt similar to her and it was genuine. "Y-Yes but...I-I...I just wanted it to end," Rachel replied inaudibly, lowering her head in shame. "Why couldn't it just end? I just wanted them to stop!"
It became quiet once more and Raphael felt angry, speaking out loudly at Rachel, "So, what yer were just gonna give up? You were gonna let the words of some idiots get to you?"
Rachel lifted her head up in a blind fury, casting an intense glare into the shadows in front of her. She couldn't see the speaker but she knew he must have seen the fury in her eyes. "No, it's not just a few idiotic people! Its best friends who I've known for years! Friends I've called my sisters! People who I've always been able to trust!" Rachel shrieked out in a shrill voice, tightening her fists and digging her nails into her skin.
"And—and..." She suddenly faltered, realization hitting her. Her expression changed from seething anger to disheartening sorrow. "M-My...my own mother...she can't even look me in the eye...without being disgusted. She hates me."
"Shell." Nothing else could be said. Raphael remained silent and Rachel looked down again, closing her eyes. She could hear her mother's words loud and clear. She could see how disappointed she was and how much it pained her to see her daughter that way.
"What can I do? It's not like I chose to be a lesbian, I just am!"
"You're no daughter of mine."
Rachel bit the corner of her lip, fighting back against the tears and want to scream out loudly. She pounded her fists against the ground, scowling and cursing. "What...What about yer dad? Or siblings, do they think that way?"
Rachel blinked, lifting her head up to face the shadows again. It was like the shadows were Raphael and she was staring at him, not the darkness. "No," she shook her head, "my dad's indifferent and my brother, he...he doesn't care. He still treats me like before."
"Alright, so your mom's a bit conservative. Ignore her than, I'm guessing she does it with you already," Raphael replied calmly.
"It's not that easy!" Rachel yelled at him in disbelief. Her problems with her mother couldn't be so easily solved.
"And why not?" Raphael asked with a scowl (or at least Rachel assumed he was scowling).
"Because! She can't just run away from her problems! She needs to come face to face and deal with them, with me!" Rachel yelled at him, feeling worn out from all of the yelling and screaming. "She needs to stop being a coward and start being my mother!"
"And what about you?" Raphael suddenly asked seriously, stepping forward and allowing Rachel to see a part of him, though she could only see his glowing amber eyes. Rachel blinked, gazing at his eyes and saying nothing. She processed what he had asked and what she had said.
"I...I need to stop running and face this. The fact that I am a lesbian and that it's part of me," Rachel answered slowly and confidently.
"Well, there ya go. I thought I was gonna have ta smack you like Mikey," Raphael spoke with a lighter tone. Maybe it was the lack of sleep getting to her but Rachel could have sworn he was smiling. Rachel closed her eyes, taking a moment to compose herself. It was hard to process everything that had just happened. She had gone through more mood swings than a pregnant woman did and most of them were caused by him.
She sat on the ground, clearing her mind and thinking everything over. She didn't know who Raphael really was but she was suddenly grateful she had come across him. As she ran through her thoughts, her mind returned back to her father and brother. The sudden awareness of what may have happened to them after she took her own life dawned on Rachel.
"I...I was such an idiot for trying to do this," Rachel spoke with sudden dread as she rose to her feet. "If I...If I had gone through with this, my brother he would have had to...and my father! What was I thinking?"
Rachel buried her face into the palm of her hands, horror running through her. Her brother had been nothing but supportive of her and if she had jumped, he would have suffered like she had. She couldn't place that weight on him, not on her ten year old brother.
"H-Hey, it'll be alright," Raphael spoke out and Rachel sudden felt a hand drop down on her shoulders. She didn't look up, knowing the darkness was where he wanted to be seen. She just reached her hand up, touching his three fingered hand.
"You, uh, probably should talk to somebody or sumthin'," Raphael mumbled, his hand retreating back. "I'm no psychiatrist but I know this ain't something one talk can fix."
"I know," Rachel spoke softly, her back turned to the male. "I need to talk my family...and my mother but you let me see that. I almost made the biggest mistake of my life. Thank you Raphael."
A long silence filled the air; it wasn't an awkward one, just a quiet, peaceful silence. Rachel kept her eyes closed, waiting patiently as the cool night air blew past her arms, bringing warmth to her chilled body.
"It's nothing...Rachel," Raphael finally answered, "...look I've gotta go, I can't stay no more but you...you'll be alright. You...you look like a scrapper, a survivor. It'll be...you'll be okay."
The rooftop became silent once more. Rachel could no longer hear any heavy breathing behind her or his footsteps, just like the warming breeze, Raphael was gone. She had endured that long, through all the pain and she knew that she it would be difficult but she would able to survive through it. "Thank you Raphael," Rachel called out behind her in a soft voice despite knowing he was already gone. "I'll survive, I can."
A/N: And that is the end of the first story. I wanted to try writing something serious and I felt Raphael fit this type of situation well. I don't know why, I just ended up using him. I tried to make this seem as realistic as possible but I don't actually know what can happen in these types of situations so I do apologize.
Hopefully I did good and made Raph seem like Raph. If not please let me know. I'll try and get the next story up in a few days, maybe a week depending on how much time I have. Until next time.
-Lyra
