Oops

Chapter 1: Larasaurus Wrecks
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Lara Croft had killed many thing before, and many things had killed her—or, no, perhaps those were but mere dreams...? She couldn't recall anything she'd done to attain immortality, at the very least.

But none of that currently mattered as, on the outskirts of the lost city of Vilcabamba, Peru, Lara battled a ferocious reptile thought to be long-dead: The Tyrannosaurus Rex. The so-called King of the Dinosaurs.

The dinosaur was pissing Lara off as much as she was doing the same thing to it. It roared, it shook its head leeringly in her face, it charged, she dodged and shot, she barely outran it as it stormed after her, round and round the circular arena from which there was—conveniently enough—no escape. It was quite tiring, and the look in its eyes suggested possible rape.

As she paused, briefly, to ponder the sensation of being eaten out by an enormous, carnivorous dinosaur, something heavy struck her in the small of her back, sending her tumbling to the ground with an oddly orgasmic shriek.

Dinosaur: 1
Lara Croft: 0

Lara groaned as she leapt to her feet and shot at the dinosaur, her dual pistols blasting a mysteriously unlimited supply of clips each, until a burst of orange energy flared above the T-Rex's head. It paused, and then charged mightily at her with a bloodcurdling scream.

Her vision blurring and temples throbbing with the rush of adrenaline, everything seemed to slow down for Lara, and she dove to the side—

—And so did the dinosaur! With a snap of ferocious teeth and a sickening crunch, the beast claimed Lara's nubile, glowing, anatomically wondrous body as its own within its mighty jaw. A burst of blood splattered in all directions, staining the surrounding ferns a deep red, which they didn't particularly mind.

Lara screamed weakly within the bastard's hold as he shook her like a dog with an aggressive toy, her ribs crunched into splinters, her liver, sternum, and uterus impaled by the deadly bone spikes. The T-Rex tossed her into the air with a flourish, like a piece of popcorn, nimbly catching her flying ponytail now and smashing her repeatedly against the ground oh god it was horrible blood everywhere, man, blood everywhere.

Disregarding the horror of the scene, the T-Rex tossed her screaming ass up into the air once more, this time crunching her body in half as everything below her waist was promptly scissored off by another brutal snap of its jaws. She tasted like chicken, the dinosaur decided, chewing thoughtfully and belching loudly after a generous gulp. Making sure nobody had been present to admonish it for the social faux pas, it continued working on Lara's upper half, munching cheerfully upon the fat deposits in her enormous titties.

It sniffed thoughtfully at the sloppy, mangled, dripping mess of Lara's lower half on the ground, flesh and muscle half-ripped from bone by the repeated impacts and several tendons snapped. A further sniff revealed a lingering fart, something a proper young lady should not be able to even do. Deciding to leave the remains for a snack, the dinosaur sauntered off, roaring its triumph to the shaking heavens.

Dinosaur: 2
Lara Croft: 0

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That'll teach her to lose against the fucking T-Rex.

Lara dies repeatedly in upcoming chapters! Read all about it! Read it in The Many Deaths of Ms. Croft, which did it better!