I was going to wait much longer to post this story, until I had finished writing it, but I need your constant reminders to keep writing, so here goes. This is a story written in several parts, in first person POV. Each part is in from the point of view of a different character. There may be time overlaps between each part, but it's pretty easy to figure out since I'm writing it in a somewhat diary style. Warning: this is rated M, people… so obviously you should be prepared to be offended. There will be something M rated in every chapter, and every chapter will be 10000 to 20000 words in length, except this one (it's a prologue). Oh, and if you read Elope to Iwa… this is NOT a happy story, and there will be very little humor like there apparently was in Elope to Iwa (and of course thank you for coming back to read this story after Elope's crap ending).
Hopefully I will not be writing as many author's notes unless I need research assistance, so I will not be addressing questions unless you PM me, then I might (no promises) I'm trying to make it more like a real story.
Also, really quick: everything I'm finding about Kurenai and Asuma's child is that is MIGHT be a girl. No name or anything. If anyone knows any information about the kid, would you let me know?
September 14th, Year 3
Part One ~ Sakura
I was working when they were brought in, and really this is the kind of thing I would rather hear about the next day… but I suppose it was better I was working than someone like Ino. Ninja I can handle. Blood and guts, maybe a missing limb or two, and even the random sword or kunai protruding from un-recognizable bodies… I can handle. But this… this was just too much.
I swallow heavily, closing my eyes to run over all of them in my head. Twenty three were brought in, of them five were DOA. One little girl had been crushed by a support beam. Two women in their thirties jumped out the window to escape the flames. Two men, one in his late twenties and one nearly forty, both inhaled too much smoke after running back into the building to get everyone out. Stupid men. They could've lived. They all had names, of course, but that wasn't the important thing to remember. All their names were good for was to put on the death certificates.
Of the eighteen that arrived alive we lost four more within the first ten minutes, before anyone even had time to call Shizune or Tsunade. One was just a baby, who barely made it to the hospital before he died. There was the woman who was responsible for the fire, covered in third degree burns, and the only thing I could tell about her was that she was old, in her eighties, no doubt. The little girl who was crushed by the support beam had an older brother, who died just as he arrived at the hospital. The forth was more my fault. After quickly checking the man over, I determined he would be fine in the care of some nurses… but his wife was one of the women who died, and he killed himself, breaking a glass and repeatedly stabbing himself with the shards in the chest and neck.
After Tsunade and Shizune arrived six more died. One man from an allergic reaction to the medication we gave him. A women and her little boy died of smoke inhalation. An old man, a young woman, and her boyfriend died from their burns.
Twenty three innocent people were brought in… and only eight of them even have a chance of walking out of here.
I laugh dryly. It's not even noon yet.
I don't look up as Ino's painted toes and sandals step between my eyes and my view of the floor. Only a few minutes ago she had found me trying to murder the vending machine… I've since realized that was a little stupid of me and I don't really want to look up and see that she thinks the same thing. To my relief she simply holds out the cup of hospital coffee to me and sits down quietly next to me, waiting.
"I called your boy," she whispers after a moment. "I overheard Tsunade send you home… I hope you don't mind… but my shift starts soon, and I don't think you should go home alone." She's talking too much. We've all seen things like this happen… but it's never been this bad for me. If I had been better rested I would've been able to do more… but we've been so short handed recently… and I was also helping to train new recruits. I sigh, shaking my head. There just weren't enough hours in the day. "Would you rather I call Naruto?" she asks softly.
I shake my head, but can't bring myself to answer her with words. Naruto wasn't in town, he left last night. I would have rather she called Kakashi, actually. He was better at helping people deal with death. Maybe I'd go see him later, after ditching Jiro.
My heart skips a beat as the cafeteria doors open and the boy in question appears, cane in hand and coughing slightly. My heart sinks at the sight of him, and I realize I really wish she hadn't called him. The boy is wonderful, handsome, rich, and treats me like his queen. He doesn't hesitate to show his affections for me, preferring to shower me with gifts at every opportunity. But he's weak, and sickly, and not at all the knight in shining armor I wanted to see on a day like this.
His illness was actually how we'd met. Tsunade set me to the task of healing the second son of one of the richest families in Konoha, if I didn't know any better; I would've claimed she had set us up. Not that I minded… he was wonderful at helping me switch between being a ninja and being a human… in that way only civilians can. Despite how much I enjoy his company though, I can feel myself tearing us apart. He cares far too much about me, and he's just a distraction to me. He's dull, and weak, and not really worth my time.
"Sakura," I hear him say as he hurries across the room. "Are you ok? Ino called… she said something had happened. Sakura? Honey?" He crouches before me and takes my hands in his own, trying to get me to look him in the eyes. He keeps talking, asking me questions, but I tone him out. So many questions… He's talking too much.
I'm about to tell him to shut up, but thankfully Ino beats me to the punch, pulling him to his feet and saying that I just need some peace and quiet. If she understands that, why is it she never gives me any peace and quiet herself? I don't know if someone helps me up, or if I get up on my own, but I find myself leaving the hospital next to Jiro as if he was just coming to meet me at work. "Thank you for coming to get me," I whisper as he moves a bit closer, as if he wants to hold my hand. I discreetly cross my arms. I really wish he'd just let me go home, but we're already on the path to his family estate, and he probably wouldn't let me go home on my own at this point.
I realize that Jiro is talking to me as we approach the estate and he says my name sharply. "I'm sorry?" I ask, turning to look at him.
"Ichiro is home," he says slowly, as if I might not catch it if he talks too quickly. "My older brother, have you met him?" Have I met him? If only he knew…
"Yes," I say evenly. "Last month, when you were in the hospital, he came to see you."
"Oh that's right," Jiro laughs, shrugging. "Well you'll get to meet him again, I suppose."
I'm about to say I wouldn't want to bother him, anything to get out of seeing the oldest son who had seen me for who I was only a few weeks ago, and then chosen not to say anything to Jiro, but his two younger brothers cut me off, calling out their greetings to Jiro and myself. I nod back to them politely, and even smile softly at Saburo. He's the only ninja of the family (though I had my suspicions about Ichiro), and although I'd only spoken with him a few times I know he practically idolizes Kakashi. Oh if he only knew. Saburo pauses when he sees my fake smile and quickly quiets the younger Shiro, knowing I have no interest in talking to anyone right now. He looks like he wants to tell Jiro the same thing, but he would never correct his older brother… that's not how these kinds of families work.
Once we get inside I'm not surprised to find tea waiting for us. The maids here were always a step ahead, it seems. Jiro thanks the maid politely and after she leaves he pauses, watching me carefully. "I had something I wanted to give you… well… my mother wanted to give to you," he says slowly. "She wanted to give it to her daughter but… apparently there's been some complications." It's actually a fairly good joke, since she had four boys and not one girl, but I've heard variants of it from nearly every member of the family. It grew old very quickly.
"Jiro, that's very sweet," I say evenly. "But I can't accept a family heirloom… I mean…"
"She insisted," he says simply. "I'll be right back, just wait here, ok?" He kisses me on the cheek and then leaves the room quickly, a tad too quickly for a boy who has to use a cane to walk any further than a few feet.
I turn my eyes to the door opposite the one he had just left through and wait patiently. Even if I hadn't heard him lean up against the wall when Jiro first brought me into the room I would've felt his presence anyways. He's so familiar to me, after what happened at the hospital last month. After a few moments I drop my eyes and clear my throat. "Ichiro," I say softly. The door slides open to reveal the oldest of the brothers, leaning against the doorway as if there wasn't a thing in the world that could convince him to move. He doesn't speak to me, he hardly speaks to anyone, I've been told, but his eyes say all I need to know. He's curious more than he is angry, as if he's trying to figure me out.
After a few moments his curiosity overpowers his love of silence and he speaks my name in his low, raspy voice. It's obvious the boy never speaks, and I can hear the strain it puts on his vocal chords to do so. "You're going to him again?" he asks softly. I don't really have an answer to that… because I don't know yet.
But Ichiro isn't a man to accept silence as an answer. "I might," I mutter, not daring to look him in the eyes. "He understands me."
"My brother misses you," he says slowly, as if choosing his words carefully. "He feels he's losing you."
I look up to Ichiro's handsome face, half hidden behind his long, black hair. He's watching me evenly, nothing in his gaze says he's judging me… he's just curious. "He is," I say simply. I run my teeth over my lip nervously, knowing this won't make him happy, but Ichiro just remains against the doorway, watching me. I can't tell what he thinks of that, but I don't really have time. Just then the door Jiro left through slides open, and before I can say anything Ichiro is gone, as if he'd never been there. There's no way he never had any ninja training… he's far too quick.
"Who were you talking to?" Jiro asks as he comes into the room, closing the door behind him.
"Your brother," I say evenly, hoping he won't ask which one. He doesn't. Jiro places the small jewelry box on the table in front of us, gesturing for me to open it. "I can't accept this, Jiro," I say evenly, feeling my stomach flip.
"You don't even know what it is," he laughs. "Mother will be disappointed if you don't take her gifts."
"You've given me so much already," I complain, trying to fill my voice with love and gratitude. I fail. "I really can't accept anymore gifts from you."
"I hope you never stop accepting gifts from us," he mutters, looking down to his tea cup. "I'll still shower you with them when we're old and gray."
Such different lives we live. He thinks only of the future. I think mostly of the path getting there. He hopes for life, with children and money, most likely. I hope for adventure and a swift death when it comes. He loves me. I love only those I have lost. "You think I'll still be here?" I ask softly, not really wanting to dampen his good mood, but needing him to know the truth.
He is silenced by this, and after glancing evasively around the room and at the rays of sunlight coming through the window, or into my tea cup when that is not evasive enough, I take a quick moment to glance at his face, seeing the frown in place. He is so troubled by the slightest mention of mortality. I face it every day, and gladly. If my witnessing one death may save one or two others, well. "Perhaps you could pull out of missions. I'm sure Lady Hokage would love to have you working full time in the hospital. It would get you away from all that death."
Wrong. So incredibly wrong. The boy was practically raised in a hospital, and he still just doesn't understand. Being in the fields, hunting, killing, stalking. Death happens, more often than not death happens. But in the field I can prevent it. In the hospital, held behind bars of white until it is too late for my healing touch to do any good, I am useless. Fifteen innocent people died today… and there was nothing I could do. "No," I whisper, "I couldn't do that." I'd take working in the field over life in the hospital any day.
"Why not?" He demands, obviously angered by my lack of explanation. "Am I not enough for you? Don't I make you happy? I can provide for you! Sakura! I love you!" He never raises his voice; just intensifies his tone. I've never heard him raise his voice in the eight months we've been together. "Don't you love me?"
I don't respond, just stare evenly at the little velvet box before me on the table. I bite the inside of my lips discreetly to stop myself from speaking out. The box before me makes my heart sink. It's a ring box… he was going to give me his mother's ring. I get to my feet quickly, turning to leave before he can do so. "I'm sorry, Jiro," I mutter, "I think I'd rather be alone right now." It's a lie; I just don't want to be with him. The worst part is… I think he knows it.
Jiro doesn't move to get up, or offer to walk me home like he always does. He just sits there, staring at the box on the table. "It's your life," he says, sounding like he's apologizing. "But I'd love to be a part of it." I bite my lip, and then open the door, leaving quickly and quietly.
When I leave the maid in the hallway bows respectfully, but I just ignore her. I have to get out of here before one of his brothers, or worse, his mother, finds me. The house is actually quite nice, and Jiro is great, and his family is wonderful… but it's just too much for me. He just assumes I'd rather get married and have kids than follow my dreams of being a ninja, and who can blame him? His mother told him that's what all women want. The way he talks to me though, like I don't have my own feelings, but just share his… as if it isn't my choice…
I'm far from hating him… but I believe I've found the path that leads there.
The man at the gates wishes me a safe journey home… but I'm not going home. I know I won't make it there tonight… not when his house sits so nicely on the path between Jiro's and my own. Ichiro knows I won't be going home… Jiro probably knows it too. I hope he doesn't know where it is I end up whenever I leave his place, but the boy isn't stupid. I find it a little difficult to care whether he does or not though… it seems so insignificant in comparison to that little girl who was crushed in the fire this morning.
As I approach the door I glance around discreetly, but there's no one on the street besides myself. I raise two fingers to the door and tap it with the back of my knuckles a few times without hesitation. There hasn't been any hesitation between us for years. He opens the door with a smile, and I see from his state of undress that he knew it was me before opening the door. His smile fades when it doesn't spread to my face and his expression softens, waiting for me to say something.
"Are you busy?" I ask after a moment, swallowing heavily.
He steps away from the door without a thought, making room for me to join him in the small apartment. Once I'm inside I stare blankly at the pictures on the wall, wishing for a moment I hadn't come here when my eyes settle on the one of us years ago. Those thoughts are chased from my mind as he closes the door and slides the lock into place with a satisfying 'click'. In a moment he steps behind me, hands on my hips and lips at my ear. "What's wrong, Sakura?" he asks quietly, tenderly pulling me against his body. "What's happened?"
I shrug, turning in his arms to loop my arms around his neck. Understanding I'm not here to talk he lowers his lips to mine in a lazy sort of passion. He wastes no more time with words, or flirtatious banter, but simply pulls me towards his bedroom. He's lazy even now, slow and steady, as he pushes me into the mattress beneath him. Jiro prefers me on top, it's easier for him since his movement is limited, which was fine, but compared to how this feels… well… nothing comes close. When I dig my nails into his arms or back he just groans and kisses me deeply. Jiro flinches, and then complains about it later.
I push Jiro from my mind as the man above me nips at my bottom lip, sensing my distraction and trying to keep my mind on him. I don't know if this means anything more to him than it does to me… but for me it's all about the contact. It's about the absolute truth that this one man, just this once, isn't going anywhere, and won't be taken from me so easily. His silence is comforting as well, but then… he's never really been one for conversation.
It isn't always like this. In the beginning we were wild. We were loud and dangerously obvious. We would spend days in bed, shirking missions and hospital duty. We would sneak around, meeting at the dead of night in the middle of the forest or on a roof top somewhere, just for the thrill.
That first time we were together was no game; it was a mistake, plain and simple. I wasn't quite back to normal after the incident nearly two years ago now, and he stumbled upon me, drunk and lonely. He claims I came onto him, and he simply didn't see a reason not take a woman throwing herself at him home for the night. I don't remember much of our first night together, just the slight panic that hit me in the morning. Even then neither of us put too much thought into it, though. I had meant to leave before he woke up, and though he was awake he allowed me to think I had done so. I vowed to never speak to him again, and that lasted nearly six months, until we were drunk again and left alone in my new apartment. Somewhere a routine fell into play, and I've found no reason to break it. I became less and less drunk, he became more and more comfortable. We shared everything without speaking a word. Under any other circumstances we would just be together, dating, married even. We know each other well enough, we get along, and there is a spark there that can't be ignored. But we're past all that. What we have now is better. No promises, no rules, and no broken hearts. The two of us don't need any more broken hearts.
We cuddle when we've both gotten what we wanted. What I came here for, what he waits here for. It isn't because we're in love, or because we're happy and content. It's because we aren't ready to let go of this warmth yet. This connection. This security I feel in his arms, it's something that I've always felt… since I was just a kid. He waits until our heartbeats return to normal before he speaks, and his voice sounds unsure, as if he's willing to give up the topic. "Feel better?" he asks softly.
"Always," I assure him gently, only whispering as I trace patters absently on his naked chest.
He sighs, pulling me closer and brushing his thumb across my cheek tenderly. "Then why are you crying?" he whispers, showing the tear on his thumb to me.
"There was a fire today in one of the old apartment buildings," I whisper. "Fifteen people died." He doesn't respond, just listens. "I couldn't do anything for most of them… they died before they got to the hospital…" I shiver and he obediently pulls the blankets over us and pulls his arms tighter around me. "Some of them were just kids," I whisper, shaking my head and listening to his heart beat, slow and steady. "I hate when civilians come in… I didn't consider… when I started training I thought I'd be working on ninja… in the field preferably."
"You could join a team," he says softly. "I could always use a medic."
"That would be a bad idea," I murmur. Someone can only be healing and wonderful if they're a rarity, when someone is always there the effects wear off. "I'd better go," I whisper as I take a glance at the window. It's getting close to sun down, and I can't stay here tonight… Jiro will probably come to see me in the morning and I won't be home in time if I stayed here tonight.
"You can stay, if you like," he whispers, not daring to let slip what he would prefer. "As long as you like, be it hours or weeks."
I feel my lips attempt a smile, and my worries of Jiro fade away. "Alright, just tonight though."
"Of course," he mutters, a smile playing across his lips as he pulls me back into his arms.
"I need to leave before first light," I murmur against his chest.
"I'll wake you up at noon," I pinch his shoulder and he laughs, kissing my shoulder. "I have to go speak with Tsunade tomorrow morning, I'll make sure you get there.
I always thought this man worked a bit like a dream catcher. No matter how horrible of a day I've had, and there have been some bad ones, nightmares never follow me into his arms. When I open my eyes again I can see out the window above his bed a dark, grey sky. I run through my calendar quickly, hoping I don't have to work or anything and realize suddenly what day it is.
The fifteenth.
I smile and wiggle against the man holding me. He gives a sleepy mutter about black cats and starts to roll away. I sigh and dip my hand below the sheet, quickly awakening a certain part of him. I catch him looking at me through one, hardly open eye before he closes it again, pretending to be indifferent. I smile and follow the path my hand took with my lips, placing sweet kisses on his chest… stomach… hip… he gasps slightly as my lips reach their destination and his previously relaxed state shifts, to something entirely different. I glance at his hand, now gripping the sheets slightly, practically twitching with the need to press against the back of my head. I flick my tongue out quickly, making him tense up again, and proceed to tease him mercilessly with light touches and kisses.
"Kami, Sakura," he mutters, still sounding half asleep… but I know better. In a split second this man could turn the tables and take me pretty much anyway he wanted, and if I had any interest in doing so, it would be very difficult to stop him. Fortunately he has more patience than he admits.
I give in and, with a slight smile, take him into my mouth. I feel his hand ghost against the back of my head three times before it finally settles there, not daring to push, but wanting to feel like he could get away with doing so. I smile as his hips seem to thrust up slightly of their own accord. He mutters the beginning of an apology, but I cut him off as I take him in deeper. His fingers run through my hair, and I can feel his eyes on me. He moves his hand to touch the sensitive spot and the back of my neck, bringing a moan to my lips. He practically shivers at that and can't help his hand from pushing against my head slightly.
Normally I'd stop at this broken rule, but he removes his hand immediately and sets it within my line of sight, using it to hold him up. I glance up at him with a disapproving scowl and he seems to let out a breath he had been holding, now gasping slightly with each bob of my head. "Sa… Sakura," he gasps slightly. "Soon."
I roll my eyes at him. Of course I appreciate the warning… there's plenty of men, mostly targets on seduction missions, who don't feel the need to give it, but after almost two years with him I'm not caught by surprise when he finishes, I'm just as ready as he is. My hand joins my mouth, allowing myself enough room that I can swallow when he finishes.
He's still breathing heavily as I slide my way back up his body to use his chest as a pillow. I smile at his heavy heartbeat as I trace a few of his scars. "Happy birthday," I whisper. He laughs softly and leans down to place a kiss against my forehead.
"Thank you," he mutters, "that was… better than last year's gift."
I smile, remembering the cookies I had made him. Delicious, of course, but apparently not as good as a blow job. "You're not remembering them properly," I say with a grin. "Nothing was better than those cookies."
He laughs and glances at the window, smiling. "Suns not up yet…"
"It will be soon though," I say, knowing where he's going. "I'm going to take a shower… if you don't mind?"
I don't wait for a response, just slip out of bed and let him watch as I walk, naked, to the bath room. Sure enough once the water gets warm the bath room door opens and he joins me in the shower. He doesn't waste any time, but kisses my shoulders hotly before he presses me against the shower wall, pulling my lower half back towards his. We steam up the shower glass and the mirror in the small bath room at record speed and when we finally step out of the shower we have to open the bathroom door to let in some air. Before I dress I look myself over in the steamy mirror, unable to keep my eyes off the naked man behind me drying his hair with a towel. He's left no marks on my skin, as is the deal, and my clothes only have a few wrinkles. We have to keep up appearances, even if neither of us has promised to do so in real words.
He follows me to the door as I go to leave, pushing a strand of wet hair behind my ear, almost lovingly. "You're beautiful," he whispers, leaning down to kiss me sweetly.
"Mm," I sigh, pushing him away. "Ichiro's back in town… I thought I might warn you."
"Ichiro…" he trails off, unsure.
"Jiro's older brother," I say. He nods, as if pretending to remember him. "He walked in on us at the hospital," I remind him simply.
His face lights up in recognition. "Ichiro! Right, ok. So I should probably… avoid him…"
"Yes," I confirm. "He doesn't know I'm…back, or still… with you… so I'd like to… keep that unconfirmed."
"Did he ever tell Jiro?" he asks, his lip curling in distaste for my boyfriend as he says his name.
"No," I say evenly. "Though I don't think it's going to matter here pretty soon." He raises an eyebrow in question. "Jiro was… he was going to give me his mother's ring today…"
He laughs softly. "Can I come to the wedding?"
"I'm not marrying him!" I scold sharply, scowling as he laughs, probably picturing the two of us being discovered in a closet with me in my wedding dress. "I'm sick of him," I sigh.
He bites his lip and after a moment sighs heavily. "Sakura, it's ok with me… the things you do… I can deal with them. But… you're hurting other people. Jiro really loves you… you shouldn't hurt people so easily. It makes you cold."
I roll my eyes at him, "Gee, thanks."
"I'll see you around," he mutters, reaching past me to unlock the door. "Think about it though… I'd like you on my team again… and the space is open."
"I'll let you know," I say evenly as I step out into the early morning dark.
"Bye Sakura," he says, smiling and waving slightly as I leave.
"Bye…" I smile as an old lady passes by, watching us carefully, as if trying to figure out why someone so young would be visiting someone so old… with wet hair so early in the morning. "Sensei."
