Chapter 1

It was late. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting on the tree swing in the back yard but he knew it was late. He looked up at the full moon and the brightness of its light and wondered if she was looking at it too. He looked back down, flipped open his cell phone and dialed his voicemail for the hundredth time. He clicked the speakerphone button.

"…So, Henry, call me back. I really need to talk to you."

He closed the phone and sighed. She must have left the message when they were at the airport or on the plane that day. He had called her back, twice that night once they arrived in Tucson and twice more after he had dropped Charlie off at her parent's house. He had called again the next day and once more time the day after that. And, then he had stopped calling. She must have changed her mind about wanting to talk to him and he had told her as much in the last message he had left for her.

These last two weeks back in Tucson had been the most miserable of his life. He felt numb and lifeless. His heart was broken and all he wanted to do was stay in his room and listen to this message over and over again. He was pathetic.

He hadn't seen his mother standing on the corner of the patio until she walked out into the yard, into the moonlight. He tried to smile for her but it was pointless.

"Henry, you need to come in and get some sleep, sweetheart."

He hung his head and looked down at the phone in his hands.

"This isn't how it was supposed to be, mom."

He looked up at her, pleading with her to make it better. She could not. She walked closer, brushed his hair to the side, caressed his cheek and sat down on a bench near the swing where she used to watch him play as a boy.

"Talk to me, honey. You know it's not good to keep it in. Even if I can't fix it, just saying it out loud might help."

He nodded. She really was his best friend. He had grown up without a father but he never felt slighted, not really. She had been his champion and she had always been the one pushing him to be all that he could and all that he wanted. Some people might have considered him a mama's boy being raised by only her but she would never have allowed that. She recognized his interests as he grew up and she encouraged him at every step.

She had insisted he move away for college and graduate school even though he had worried about leaving her alone. He loved her independence and he loved her. He knew when he told her that he was moving to New York she would be happy for him and would never discourage him and that was one of the things that always made him so brave.

In truth, he knew she had wanted him to move on with his life and meet new people, she had never been fond of Charlie when he had lived here and he wasn't sure how she would react when he told her this news. Charlie had agreed to keep things quiet until he had time to tell his mom and he guessed now was finally as good a time as any. She already knew a lot about his life in New York since they talked on the phone often but there were some gaps he now needed to fill in.

"I don't even know where to start."

"Well, I hate to say it, Henry, but I would imagine if things have gone all wrong, you need to start with Charlie."

He nodded.

"You're right. Well, you know of course about Betty."

It was painful just saying her name, but he continued.

"We've had bad timing from the beginning. I asked her out back in February but she was seeing someone. We agreed to go to see 'Wicked' together as friends."

"Right, I knew that. You had thought maybe it was going to be more."

"Yes. Well, the night I asked her, Charlie showed up in town. So, the next day I gave the tickets to Betty so she could go with her boyfriend instead. I told her my ex-girlfriend had showed up and wanted to get back together. Bad timing. What I didn't know at the time that I gave Betty the tickets was that she had broken up with her boyfriend and was planning to tell me that we could actually go as a date."

"Oh, Henry…."

"I wish that was the worst of it, mom. I tried, I really tried to make things work with Charlie. I know you never really liked her and thought she would only use me to get out of Tucson someday but at the time, I didn't think there was any chance with Betty so I put my efforts into seeing if there was a chance with Charlie. The crazy thing was that Charlie actually met Betty before I had a chance to introduce them and they hit it off."

He stopped and took a deep breath looking up at his mother.

"Betty is an amazing person, she put her own feelings aside and tried to be Charlie's friend. But then she did something very un-Betty-like and lost Charlie on the subway on purpose."

He actually smiled slightly at the thought, something that didn't go unnoticed by his mother.

"Henry ?"

"I almost kissed her that night, mom. I almost kissed Betty. She told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend for me and I almost kissed her. It's like every moment in our lives was out of sync by one step. I should have made a different decision that night. But, I let her walk away and kept my commitment to Charlie."

"Darling, it was an impossible situation."

"But, that's just it mom, it shouldn't have been. I loved Betty even then, even when we had never been out on a date. I loved her. I was just, I don't know, wrapped up in being a good guy, doing the right thing for Charlie. Weeks went by and Charlie and I settled into a routine, not unlike we were in here. But it was the night of her birthday party that really changed everything. She insisted we invite Betty, which we did. Betty brought a date with her, her orthodontist. He was a nice guy, but I was overcome with jealousy. Charlie could see it. Everyone could see it. Betty left early because of a work issue and soon after everyone else started leaving so Charlie and I went home. I don't know, I just wanted move on, move forward and if that meant without Betty, so be it."

He paused, looking uncomfortable.

"So, there was one aspect of mine and Charlie's getting back together that hadn't happened yet but…….it did that night."

He looked at his mother for some sign that she understood.

"I understand, honey."

"I regretted it the minute that it was over and it never happened again. The next day everything started to go wrong with us. When I woke up, Charlie was all over me about how I had acted at the party. She accused me of having feelings for Betty and we got into a huge argument. I didn't confirm or deny her accusations; I just kept telling her that I would try to make it work. I took Betty a piece of cake that morning to work, she told me then that she couldn't see me as a friend or spend time with Charlie and I anymore because it wasn't good for her. She said we would just be two people working in the same building."

Henry stood from the swing.

"Are you sure you want to hear any more of this ? You need to go to bed too."

"Henry, you are hurting so badly and you need to get this out. I want to help you in any way I can. If you are up to it, please continue."

"Alright. More than a month went by, I saw Betty once or twice around the office, it was always strained. Charlie and I barely tolerated each other. I stayed at the office late, she spent her days doing I don't know what and her evenings grilling me about the office and how many times I saw Betty and how late I was working. Our relationship was going nowhere and fast. One morning, Charlie walked me to the office and we saw Betty outside getting a bagel, Charlie began an argument in front of her and tried to get Betty to take sides. It was ridiculous. Betty, of course, took no sides and graciously excused herself from the situation."

He sat back down on the swing and smiled weakly at her.

"I promise this is the Reader's Digest version."

"It's okay sweetheart, you tell me everything you need to tell me so we can talk this through and come up with some solutions."

"I love you, mom."

She smiled at him and he continued.

"I tried to talk to Betty later, but there was some drama at the office that day and she had gone home sick. I found out later what was going on and when I saw her back at MODE late that afternoon I thought she had found out too since it involved her boss. Somehow, I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon with her, helping her with the crisis. We reconnected on some level as friends. I couldn't believe how much I had missed her."

He paused to remember some moments from that day. His mother watched him thoughtfully while she waited for him to continue.

"A few days later, I decided to test the waters. You know, see if maybe the friendship was back in place. She was planning the Administrative Professional's Day party for the office and I invited myself to the event. She seemed pleased and surprised when I told her Charlie was not coming due to some other planned activity she had. I found out that night that Betty's father was in some trouble with immigration and Betty was trying to get the money for them to go to Mexico. It's a crazy turn of events but basically she rode a mechanical bull to win some money, one of her co-workers knocked her off on purpose and he and I ended up getting into it."

"Oh Henry, you always were a sucker for chivalry, castles and princesses."

"Well, needless to say, I didn't win. She ran over to me and when I looked in her eyes, I thought to myself, I love her. I may have even said it out loud before I passed out. I don't remember. The next thing I know, Charlie is kneeling next to me and we are leaving to go home. I didn't even see Betty on the way out. The buzz around the office the next day was that Betty had waylaid the guy I had fought but by the time I had a chance to get by her office, she had gone to Mexico with her family."

"Sounds like Betty is fond of chivalry, castles and princes."

Henry smiled.

"I think she is. While she was gone, I thought about her every day, hoping that they were able to help her father out of his immigration issues. I also made some decisions of my own. Things between Charlie and I were not getting any better, only worse. She was out of the apartment more than I was. I sat her down one night and I told her I didn't think things were working out and that I wanted to end it. I offered to help her find a place if she wanted to stay in New York. She guessed it had something to do with Betty and I didn't deny it. I told her nothing had happened between Betty and I, which was true, but that I didn't love her anymore and that yes, I did have feelings for Betty that I wanted to pursue. She was angry to say the least. She tried to blame Betty and nothing I did to bring her anger back to me worked. I've never seen her like that. She left the apartment with a small bag and said she would get a flight to Tucson as soon as possible and send for her things later in the week. I came home from work one night, and everything of hers was gone. She left a note telling me she had left the key with the landlord and to have a nice life. It was cold and angry. I felt terrible but I thought I had finally done the right thing. I couldn't wait for Betty to get back from Mexico."

"It sounds like everything was working out for you and Betty, sweetheart."

"It does, doesn't it."

"How did everything get so messed up ?"

"Charlie. Betty came back and apparently she had done some thinking in Mexico too, she told me she was going to fight for me. My heart soared and when I told her I had broken up with Charlie we both thought things were finally going our way. We made plans for our first date. When I arrived at Betty's house that night, Charlie was already there. She asked me to talk outside and told me, having already told Betty, that she was pregnant. In one moment, my whole world just collapsed."

Henry's mother saw a single tear slip down his cheek as he gathered his thoughts before he continued. She knew Charlie was bad news and her heart was breaking for him.

"Charlie was leaving the next night for Tucson. What could I do ? I met with Betty and told her that I had to come back here with them. I told her that I had grown up without a father and I couldn't do that to my own child. Mom, she is this amazing creature, she looked at me and smiled. She said she understood and that of course that is what I would be doing. She just supported me as if her own heart was not breaking and I know it was. I told her I was leaving that night. And, for the first time ever, I kissed her. I had to, I had to know what it was like before I left and even though she hesitated, knowing it was going to be our only kiss and a goodbye one at that, she needed it too. Mom, it was the most important moment of my life. I will never forget it and I will love her forever."

"Henry, I am so sorry. I know how much you care for her. I could tell in every phone call when you mentioned her name. Are you sure there is no other way to work this out ?"

"How can there be, mom ? I can't abandon this child."

"Sweetheart, no one is suggesting that you do. You will make a wonderful father. But, what about your own life ? Are you going to marry Charlie ?"

He shook his head.

"No. No. I don't love her. And, I don't think that would be fair to her or the child. But, she wants to live here and I will not be separated from my son or daughter."

"Henry, you grew up without a father in your life and you turned out perfectly and I think we did okay on our own. It is understandable that you would want to be a part of your child's life and you will be. But, that doesn't mean you have to give up your own life. Your son or daughter would feel horrible later in life if they thought you had missed out on the love of your life to be with them. There has got to be a compromise. What does Charlie expect ?"

"I think when we came back, she expected everything to be like it was, us together, having a baby and now she realizes that is not going to be the case. She is staying at her parent's house and I check on her and the baby every day. I am going with her to the doctor tomorrow and I will be there through the pregnancy every day. And, then once the baby is born I told her I wanted us to share joint custody and as long as I live here, I think that will work out fine."

"What about Betty moving here ?"

"I can't ask her to do that. It's going to be strained with Charlie and I for some time and Charlie is so bitter toward Betty, I can't imagine it would be happy for her. She deserves so much more."

"Don't you think that is her decision to make ?"

"I've tried calling her but she hasn't returned my calls. I'm sure she is just trying to get on with her life and I don't blame her. It can't be easy for her. I stopped calling last week, I don't want to hurt her anymore."

"Henry, you've got to get some rest. You look horrible, you're not eating and I know you are not sleeping. I can hear you up at all hours."

"I'm sorry, mom."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm glad you finally told me what happened, and tomorrow we are going to look at this with a fresh perspective and put our heads together. Did talking about it, help at all ?"

He smiled at her, a little brighter than she had seen since he arrived. She loved his smile and she wanted it back on his face and soon.

"Of course it did. Thank you. I'll be right in, I promise."

She got up and went over to him. She laid her hand on his cheek and bent down kissing the top of his head.

"I love you."

"I love you too, mom."

She walked away and toward the house, as she reached for the sliding door handle, she heard it again.

"…So, Henry, call me back. I really need to talk to you."

She walked inside and closed the door.

to be continued