Connection
The sound of her name as she's called on stage – an echo, reverberating around the din of the happy people's cheers – rushes right through you like a gust of wind, and you feel like stumbling, but you hold your ground. You feel your heart drop, even as you fill up to the brim with love that overflows and spills all over the floor beneath your feet.
She takes her diploma and she looks so happy that you just want to run up the stairs, wrap her up in your arms and spin her round and round until –
No – you catch yourself, you can't do that. Because she's holding a diploma and those are so important, important enough for you not to be trusted with one yet…and if she dropped hers, it would make it less special, less pure. You could only taint it…
You hope she does not slip in the pride that your lungs spilled all over with that last whoosh of air – they filled up with oxygen instead of pain when you lost sight of her for a minute, that red cap matching everyone else's, over her flowing brown locks…gone, and you figure– oh, she didn't even come by for a hug….
Your heart breaks but then she's upon you in a bone crushing embrace and you're grinning so hard and so suddenly that you're almost crying.
Through your teary eyes you see hers close as she leans her head into your neck, and she tilts her mouth up to your ear and kisses out, "I love you more than this whole goddamn world."
It knocks the shine right out of the room – her brokenhearted voice, like she knows something that you don't.
And then the floor ruined by all your emotions opens up beneath her with a flash of foggy recognition, and she's gone. She's gone for good.
"Brittany, Brittany wake up!" You hear through the ringing in your ears, your eyes still closed against the dark. You're laid out on your stomach, and you instinctively bury yourself deeper into the pillows, chasing the sleep that you so badly crave - an escape.
"Baby," you hear again, softer this time – but you think it's some sort of cruel joke – a nightmare you only think you've woken up from, until your arm reaches out and touches something metal, and so cold…
Your head jolts up and from the computer screen, she's staring straight at you from a bed of her own, smiling adoringly.
"Santana…." You sigh, as if you'd forgotten her. But really, the sigh is because you are so relieved she hasn't forgotten you. You are always so relieved….
"You fell asleep on me again, B." She teases, gently.
"Yea, I know…." You yawn, moving to sit up as you stretch your arms over your disheveled head.
"No," she sooths, "it's okay." You stop and lay back down, but you can't resist reaching your hand out to touch the screen – pretending that you can feel the smooth edge of her cheek gliding against your fingertips.
She chokes back a sob, and you try to convince yourself that it is just because she's tired too…that you're not losing hope, falling away from all of your once resilient willpower that held you both together like glue.
But the screen is just so cold.
"It'll be winter break soon, Britt," she whispers. You can barely hear her at all but you watch her lips move, and you know.
"I love you," you whisper back, and you let yourself fall asleep with your hand still touching her distant face…
You close your eyes quickly, so that you don't let yourself see her name flash away as she disconnects the call.
