Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims to the series' characters by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, Kowalski, Victoria et.al. belong to Alliance, Paul Haggis, Kathy Slevin, Jeff King, Paul Gross and all the creative genius who made this show so special. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV, TNT, Pro7, BBC or any other copyright holders of due SOUTH is intended. No money being made here. None expected ever. This disclaimer itself is almost a carbon copy of the one that a wonderful author of DS fanfic, Janice Sager, uses for her fic. I hope she doesn't mind.
Spoilers: Post COTW. Minor spoilers present.
From the top of my had: YMRT, VS, LG, The Pilot, BITH, The Edge,
DMDTR, HS, COTW.
Category: Drama, Romance
Rating:
PG-13
Warnings: gen, death story
Pairing:
Fraser/Female
Any feedback, including but not limited to praise, comments, constructive criticism, quesitons, suggestions and otters is welcome. Please send it to simonwds (at) gmail (dot) com. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you kindly for reading. Originally posted on RSY. It's my first story, so please be gentle.
Remark: I'm not qualified in the medical jargon at all. I know nothing about it. So whatever I write using it, more likely than not, won't make much sense. Sorry. Some ideas in the last chapter are somewhat inspired by work of Terry Pratchett. But I'm not using anything that is 'his'. However if you find similarities, I admit I'm under influence of his great writing.
WARNING: Death fiction. A minor character dies (who is a major character for this story though).
Chapter 1: Facing Deamons
Fraser sat patiently on the bench in the park, the leafless oak being the only barrier between him and the afternoon sun. Well, the oak and the Stetson. He was dressed in jeans. His brown leather jacket was lying on his laps. He took it off because he couldn't stand the heat any more. It's beginning of March for crying out loud. he thought, undoing the top button of his dark blue flannel shirt.
A whine from beneath the bench signalled that Dief wasn't exactly happy about sitting on a stake out in such conditions either. After all, there was a reason he changed his fur for a thicker one for the winter. Ben was considering all the way from Chicago what to do once he finds her. That was a really long drive. But he knew that his only chance of leaving the city, so that no one could track him, or track where he had been afterwards, was if he drove down here. He paid everywhere with cash only. He actually never had such a large amount of money on him all his life as at the time he was leaving the windy city.
After a two days drive he still wasn't sure what he would say. Or what would be her reaction. She sure did her best to never be found. He considered for a moment a tempting plan of following her for a couple days before actually speaking to her. But he knew he was running out of time. It took him five days to actually find her, once he arrived in San Francisco. He was supposed to be back on duty tomorrow. He had to call and ask Inspector Thatcher to extend his vacation. He really appreciated that she knew better than to ask what was going on. After so many years working together she was really surprised when he asked for some time off. Last time she remembered him doing so he went to search... what was it? The Jewelled City of the North? No... Hand of Franklin, yes. A crazy adventure on which Kowalski almost lost two toes to a frostbite. And that was three years ago. Other than that she did not remember him taking a day off, or being sick, ever. Well, not unless he was shot, stabbed or something along those lines anyway. So when he asked for vacation she knew something was wrong. She offered her help, of course, and told him that if he needed to talk to someone she was there for him, but he only smiled and said he appreciated it. She knew better that to ask anything more, so she just granted his request.
Telling Francesca was a different story. She was really worried, especially that he didn't say where he was going and why. But telling her would only make things worse. She sure had a well developed imagination, but even in her darkest dreams she wouldn't come up with something as scary as what he was actually doing. He turned of the satellite phone that he took from consulate resources on his trip. No one could track back where exactly was he calling from. Plus taking it gave the very wrong impression that he was actually heading north, the only logical explanation for taking it. He thought that it was almost lying. But not quite. What do you know. Living in American city for seven years can change your perception a bit. he smiled bitterly. But he knew it was for the best this way. For everyone.
He thought that by the time he reached here, he would know what to say, how to act. Now he was in this city for five days and he still had no idea. He was almost hoping that he wouldn't notice her leaving work. "That's ridiculous. I didn't have to come here in the first place." he thought, only to realize that he actually said it out loud. A loud bark from underneath the bench was a very confirmation of that. And also indicated that the wolf considered not-coming the right choice. "I thought you were supposed to be deaf." said Fraser. A whine sarcastically announced that in this situation the wolf knew Alfa's thoughts without even looking up. Fraser sighed. That was hard to argue. Diefenbaker had much better judgement when it came to Victoria.
It was quarter past five. A lot of people left the building already. He started to wonder whether he didn't miss her leaving, when he noticed her walking out the revolving doors of the office building with a female friend. They chatted for a moment, but they stood with their sides facing him and he was quite far away, so he couldn't make out what they were saying by lip reading. They said their goodbyes and headed opposite ways. Fraser walked a respectable distance behind her. She changed the way she was wearing her hair. It was straight, bit longer than shoulder length. Just the way she had on the picture that she gave him all those years ago, the way she wore it when he met her. He realized he didn't even know which was the natural hairdo.
The street was pretty crowded and he carried his Stetson in his hand, hence fitting in pretty well. Minus the wolf, but Dief seemed to understand and tried not to be seen, hiding behind post boxes, hydrants or simply people. Ben knew where she was heading, the Embarcadero Station. That's where he finally saw her earlier in the morning. He knew she would be most probably taking the Judah line. That's of course assuming she would be going home. Just to be safe he decided to get a bit closer to her. He watched her standing at the platform and after she got into the front car, he went into the rear. He decided to go one stop further then her and then come back and let Dief find the way to her home. He watched people get on and off as the train travelled through the tunnels and streets of San Francisco.
"Excuse me, Sir. Could you please show me your ticket?" Fraser was so concentrated on observing what was going on outside, that he didn't even notice that there was a fare inspection, before a man approached him.
"Certainly" he quickly produced two cards "this one is for me, and this one is for my dog." an angry sound came from beneath his seat where Diefenbaker was lying.
"Uh, Sir, I am afraid I will have to ask you to leave this train, we only allow transportation of dogs that are muzzled."
"Oh that's okay, he is police canine." Ben said giving the man a necessary document. The man nodded and headed further. A growl of disappointment came from beneath the seat. Diefenbaker found it offensive that he was documented as a dog, even if that allowed him to avoid quarantine when travelling. Fraser was a bit reluctant to get Dief a license, but when Lt. Welsh gave it to him as a birthday gift, he didn't protest and simply thanked him. Diefenbaker was officially a police canine in the city of Chicago, as a husky, which was why the wolf was so annoyed by the whole situation.
They were reaching the end of the route, and Fraser realized that next stop will be last but one. He decided to get off, should Victoria remain inside, and then walk to the end of the line. After making sure she indeed stayed inside, he got off, hid and walked further, reaching the end of the line, which was practically at the ocean beach. "Well, the rest is up to you." an angry growl was only response "Watch your language. We've discussed it, and we've compromised. Now stop complaining and behave yourself." Dief looked rather resigned, but picked up the scent of the women that shot him and started going south. After about three minutes walk he stopped in front of four level apartment building, with windows facing the Pacific. "Good boy." Fraser looked around, checked whether there were any CCTV cameras around, found none. There was no doorman or guard inside. He sighed, stepped to the door and picked the lock to the building. Diefenbaker shot him a look of disgust. "I know. I know. But extreme situations call for extreme measures. Besides would you rather have this meeting in the streets?" He silently thanked Ray for teaching him how to pick the lock. He was quite reluctant at first, but his argumentation that it may become handy in emergencies worked.
They went inside and Diefenbaker led him to the top level and sat in front of a door. Fraser looked at him, silently mouthed "Come back." and hid behind a corner. Dief came and sat in front on kneeling Fraser. He whispered "I know we discussed it already but just to be sure. Let me handle it. Be calm, professional. I don't jump to the throat of every person that shot me, stabbed me or did something of that nature, do I?" Dief rolled his eyes, but gave some sort of a nod. Fraser reached to the pocket of his jacket and produced his fathers gun. He checked that barrel was full, checked the safety and put the gun behind his belt, so that it could be seen. He frowned, realizing that it wasn't used for six years and thought that the situation was a bit ironical.
He looked at the watch, it was just after six. He went to the door and took a few deep breaths. He realized his heart rate must be above a hundred. That will do no good. he thought and tried to calm himself. Diefenbaker stood in a defensive pose a very quiet growl coming from his throat, hair starting to rise at his back. Ben nuzzled his ear which seemed to calm the wolf a bit. Holding his right hand very close to the gun he knocked wit his left. He heard steps inside and someone slowly approaching the door. The closer the person got to the door the louder the growl coming from Dief's throat became. Finally the door became slightly ajar, being hold back by a metal chain, and a face slowly appeared in the space between the frame and the door. The moment Victoria glanced at the silhouette of the man standing in front of her, she found herself being hit with a brutal force, the chain holding the door broke and she hit the ground with a great impact. Soon after she registered a heavy weight on her body and the she looked into glacier blue eyes of a very angry, growling wolf. She heard the man call "Dief, that's enough. Get off! NOW!" and realized whose wolf was that. That was enough for her. Victoria Metcalf passed out.
Victoria slowly started to come back to reality. Her backed ached, as if she fell down or something. She started to open her eyes and saw a wolf sitting in front of her on her coffee table staring at her and not moving a muscle. His jaw was slightly open to reveal just enough of his teeth to wake a very prime instinct of fear in any human being, but at the same time giving an impression he was smiling at her mischievously. She stared at him with shock and was afraid to move a muscle.
"Welcome back Victoria. Here, take this. Drink some." Fraser said giving her a glass of water.
She stared at him blankly not believing this nightmare was actually coming true. "Ben?" she asked with disbelief and fear in her voice.
"Yes indeed. It's me." She took a glass from him and took a sip slowly. She closed her eyes, said a quick prayer and opened them again, but to her dismay Fraser was still half a meter from her, sitting on the couch in her living room, and right in front of her sat his wolf. She looked at him closely. Civilian clothes. A gun stuck behind his belt.
A fear went through her spine. She opened her mouth to find herself unable to form a sentence. After producing a couple unrecognizable sounds she managed "How did... What... uh... how... why... what are you doing here?"
Ben started to open his mouth, when he heard a key being inserted in the lock of the door. She watched with fear as he placed his hand on the gun. The door opened and a man, about forty years old, carrying a small girl came in. His hair was bushy, dark blond. He wore old-styled glasses, green sweater and a pair of dark blue jeans. The girl, about five or six years old, was wearing a colorful dress. He didn't look into the living room, which was directly in front of him.
"Hi darling! We are home!" he screamed happily to the wall in front of him as he knelt down to take off his shoes, putting the girl down. Fraser slowly stood up from the couch, Victoria staring at the whole situation horrified, unable to say a single word. Fraser slowly moved his hand away from the gun and covered it with his jacket. The men finally looked up at him and jumped up in surprise. "Oh, I am so sorry. I was unaware we were expecting guests." He took a step forward and extended his hand "Matthew Hazen, pleased to meet you."
"Co, uh, Benton Fraser, likewise." stammered Fraser looking for a second into the other men's eyes, but otherwise fixedly staring at the girl who was standing quietly next to the closed door, waiting patiently for adults to acknowledge her. She has a daughter... How old can she be? Five, six? She can't be six, she would... A realization finally drowned on him as he looked at the girl. The eyes. The glacier blue, deep eyes. He knew only one person with those eyes, and it was Maggie Mackenzie. He shook himself and noticed more details. The shape of her brows and mouth. The way her hair was arranging itself above her forehead. She looks just like my mother. "Dear Lord..."
Victoria noticed what was going on and decided it might be a good time to get up, but as soon as she moved a deep growl came from her guard. That stopped her immediately, but also drowned attention to Diefenbaker. The girl noticed a dog and a bright smile appeared on her face. She jumped up and started running towards Dief. The sound she made finally brought wolf's attention to the little girl and he jumped off the table. The three adults watched transfixed as the wolf jumped from the coffee table to the ground as the girl run up to him. Victoria had pure horror in her eyes, but Dief only smelled her and licked her face. She giggled and started to pet him.
"That's an interesting dog. Is it a husky?" asked Matthew, breaking the silence finally.
"It's a wolf actually. Well, half-wolf really." said Fraser automatically and finally looked over at the men with a conscious eye. He started thinking, but decided to leave the issue of the little girl alone for the moment. He judged the men in front of him. Casually dressed, nothing dangerous about him at first glance. Although his hands were covered in thin layer of white powder. Correction, just the right hand. He also noticed small remnants of the powder on mens right leg, and a bit on his sweater. Finally he smelled it. "Is that a blackboard chock?" he pointed at men's attire.
"Oh, yes." The men smiled embarrassed. "I was teaching a class in the morning, forgot to clean myself up afterwards. Sorry about that."
The little girl looked up at Fraser and noticed something familiar. "That's a nice hat Mr. Fraser. It looks like a Mountie hat."
"Well it is a Mountie hat. I am a Mountie. " Ben answered automatically without thinking and chastised himself the second the words left his mouth. A lot was going around and he needed to speak to Victoria. Alone. Immediately.
"Me daddy is a Mountie too." Said the girl matter-of-factly. She raised her hand and asked "Could I see your hat, please? I've never seen one before." In the meantime Matthew felt it was necessary to hold onto a wall to keep balance. He finally added two and two inside his head. He understood what so familiar in the men's look. He felt that the Earth started to swallow him and he gulped hard. He feared this moment for the last three years of his life, ever since he got married. Monica said that Caroline's father would never show up, but he never ruled that possibility out. It seemed that now his nightmares were coming true. The moment Fraser raised his thumb and passed it along his eyebrow, he knew. No DNA tests would be necessary here.
"Well, yes of course." He knelt in front of her and gave her the hat. "But would you mind telling me your name first?" he said with a smile.
"I am Caroline." she replied taking the hat from him and grinned. That was enough. Fraser lost his balance and landed on the floor with a loud thud. He stared blankly around and watched as Caroline rotated Stetson around with her little fingers.
Victoria was looking at it all with disbelief in her eyes. How can her life fall apart within five minutes so perfectly? Her husband was the first one to speak "Caroline, why don't we go and change for dinner. I think Monica and Ben have some things they would like to talk about." he said hesitantly looking into his wives eyes. She stared blankly at him with horror. Then she realized that they have to talk, and that Matthew can be nowhere around during that conversation.
Fraser got up slowly, anger visibly shining through his eyes. "Yes. Yes. I think Monica and myself have some things to talk about. How about we take a walk?" He looked at Victoria warningly.
She swallowed. It was a dangerous game. Might be better to play it outside. "Yes. Of course. Good idea." she managed finally "Let me just take my purse."
"Oh, I sincerely doubt it will be necessary." Fraser stated firmly. "Dief, we are going for a walk." he said holding gaze with Victoria. "Shall we?"
Matthew looked at his wife with worry and pulled her close "Are you sure about this?" he asked with concern.
She faked a perfect smile "Yes of course." She quickly put her shoes and coat on and they left together with Diefenbaker.
Matthew looked with shock at the closed door. He suddenly felt like he was falling down from a very big cliff...
They stood in front of the building. Finally Victoria asked "So where do we go?"
He shrugged his arms "How about to the beach?" She nodded her agreement.
They didn't speak a word until they got through all the roads that separated them from the ocean and walked down the beach. Victoria didn't know what to do. She was in between Fraser, Fraser with a gun she reminded herself, and Diefenbaker, who showed her already what he thought of her and that he remembered everything. She felt like the ball was in his court.
Fraser's mind was spinning. Had he known she had a family, a daughter and what at first glance seemed to be a normal, crime-free life (although he learnt not to trust his instincts around her), he would have never even approached her. Of course the fact that the girl seemed to be his child complicated the situation significantly. Yet, she seemed to have a life, a new life. She got her second chance and she was using it. But it was his child... Oh why did he have to come here and find out about that. And what is it with the curse of having a children that one doesn't know about in his family... How do I handle this? His attitude towards her softened a lot since the moment he knocked on her door.
"Perhaps for the beginning I should say that you don't have to worry that I came here to arrest you or something. I told you once that I regretted what I did in the past and I still do. I don't regret letting you go that second time, and I still think that I made mistake all this years ago." He paused for a long moment realizing he was babbling a little bit, but a quick look at her confirmed she knew what he meant.Victoria let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Perhaps we could start over a little bit. My name is Corporal Benton Fraser of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I was born in the far North, where I was raised. My mother died when I was six and then I lived with my grandparents. I joined the RCMP and became a Mountie, like my father. After my father was killed I went to Chicago on the trail of his killers, where I remained and where I live now. How about you?"
She understood what he meant and told him the truth and the lie, depending on how to look at it. "My name is Monica Hazen, nee Porcupine. I was born in Ontario, where I was raised. My parents died when I was in college. My father was American, so I have double nationality. I graduated from University of Toronto with degree in sociology. I moved to US to be with my boyfriend..." she looked up at him afraid how he would take that "I got pregnant, but it didn't work out. He was a Mountie and that's pretty much something only Caroline and Matthew know. By the way, Matthew is my husband. I moved to San Francisco, had a child and got married three years ago. I work as a Personal Assistant in a marketing company. Matthew is chair of the archeology department at UCSF."
"It's a pleasant surprise to meet you, Monica." he said shuffling aside the anger that built inside him around the time when she mentioned pregnancy, but still putting substantial amount of sarcasm in it. He tried to compose himself. Not thinking clearly is what got him into this mess in a first place. Where 'this mess' can be defined in a lot of ways when it comes to my relations with this woman. He had to ask her "Why haven't you told me?" he asked shaking his head "Why?"
A breeze from the ocean blew stronger and she lost her balance for a second. "First I didn't know if you even were alive. Then I read in the papers that you were. Then I read about this plane kidnapping in Canada and I thought you died, again. Then it seemed you were alright after all. And by that time I had no idea what to feel about you and what you felt. Or what would you do if I told you. I was afraid you would... well, that you would put me in jail, and take our child to raise on your own. I wouldn't be able to stand it..." She stopped short realizing it's something he could still easily do.
Fraser looked at her shocked "I was going to dump all my life to go run away with you, my friends, honor, duty, job after what you did to me, and you were afraid I would put you in jail after you told me you were having our child?"
"Ben. After what happened... I didn't know what would you became. I was afraid you would hate me same way I hated you all the time I spent in prison and afterwards. I know you Ben. Maybe not better then everybody, but better then most. I know that you can hate. And I know that it can be a very strong feeling in your case. As it was in mine."
They were silent for some time. She noticed that Diefenbaker seemed more relaxed. He didn't growl and stopped going right beside her. Right now he ran up and down the beach carrying a plastic bottle proudly.
"Besides what could you do?" she asked him.
"I..." he realized that he didn't know. And that it wouldn't have been an easy decision. Which also brought up the subject of their present situation, which was way more complicated. "I have no idea." he answered honestly.
"Even if you didn't arrest me and throw me in jail, and even if Ray or someone else didn't find me, or us, you wouldn't be with me for me. You would be with me only because of our child. And at the same time you would have to quit your job, and probably the only place we would be safe would be in some frozen tundra. Which was not exactly my dream come true at the moment." she answered honestly.
After thinking this through he had to admit that he really had no way of being with her. And that he would have done it only because of their child. "That would have been one sick relationship." he admitted quietly.
She just nodded along. They walked forward not thinking where they were going. It was already dark for some time but the moon was shining brightly and they could see their traces in the sand behind them. Neither of them spoke for couple seconds. Finally he asked "So... how is she?"
"She is extremely bright and notices a lot of world around her. She is really beautiful. As you've already seen. She is open to people and warm." Monica smiled with pride at their daughter. They walked further in silence. "So why are you here, Ben?"
Oh dear. he thought. I guess I owe her the truth. She was just being honest with me, or at least that's what it seems like. He hesitated a bit more and bluntly said "I am engaged."
She looked at him shocked. All she could say was "Congratulations." But before she could say something more he interrupted.
"Well, not exactly. I intended to ask her to marry me. And before I could have done that I had to find you and talk to you. You see I just wasn't sure that I could live in peace, not worrying about the future. That one day you will come back. And... and I don't know what. Kill me? Entrap me in something? Kidnap my child, my wife? Make my marriage brake apart? I had to make sure that we are... I don't know. Even? Not holding a grudge against each other?"
Victoria stared at the ocean waves flowing into the beach with splashing sound each couple seconds. She sighed deeply. "Ben, I... I forgave you. When I was standing on that train and watching you fade away, I forgave you a bit. When I was watching our child grow inside me..." she paused and noticed pain in his eyes "I am sorry..." he shook his head, but stopped walking. "When I watched Caroline grow inside me, I forgave you a bit more. When she was born and I held her in my arms for the first time, something lifted from my heart and I just couldn't hate you anymore. And somewhere between her first breath and her first words I forgave you Ben. For what you did to me. I still can't believe you did that. That you hid yourself behind duty because you were afraid of love. You killed some part of me then. But as I watched our child grow I somehow forgave you that." They stood next to each other watching waves crash the beach, neither of them speaking. Finally she said "There won't be any more revenge from me Ben. I am done. I am at peace with you. The moment I stopped to hate you I also stopped to love you. I think you will understand that." He nodded silently.
"Perhaps we... perhaps we should start going back..." he said somewhat sensing that they discussion reached the peak. And that it was somewhat going to be downhill now, even if it was to be a rough downhill. She nodded and they started to walk back.
"So who is the lucky lady?" Monica asked.
"Francesca Vecchio." he answered simply.
He looked at him not even trying to hide the shock. Then realizations started to hit her. Fraser was dating Francesca. Francesca is Ray's sister. "Does she know you're looking for me?" she started to feel he knees weaken.
He looked at her with 'are you stupid?' look "Of course not."
"Does she know where you are?"
He shook his head "No." he looked at her and he saw her fear. He might not want her imprisoned, but a lot of people, including the Vecchio family would love to see her behind bars. "Look, above all, I don't want to put you in prison. I made that mistake once and I learnt my lesson. I came to put the past behind me. For good. Now that is highly unlikely right now to happen. But that's another story..." realizing he drifted of topic he continued "I left town in a rented car in direction of Toledo. In Toledo I got myself caught on speeding." she frowned at him with disbelief clear in her eyes "I am capable. I am fully capable. I have to say it was tricky. The patrol officers were completely ignoring anything below ten miles per hour faster than the posted limit. But I managed" she looked down and smiled. "In any case, from there I drove down here, using only cash to pay for everything. I have a fake California driver's license with a name of Michael Smith." at that comment she stopped short and stared at him considering which is more probable - the fact that he got a fake license or the fact that he was lying. He took out of his jacket's pocket the phone "I use satellite phone, which cannot be traced. I did everything I could. I don't want Ray to find you either. I have no interest seeing you in jail. It will only mean that I will never be able to sleep peacefully." She nodded her head in understanding. She didn't even want to start to imagine what she would become, should this man throw her in prison again.
"Well... that will have to do." she was actually a little calmer now. It seemed he really didn't want anyone to find out about the fact that he found her. Found her. "How did you find me anyway?" she knew that he was best at tracking anything anywhere, but that still had to have her worry.
"Well I knew you were in San Francisco for a long time." Monica looked at him shocked. "I knew you wouldn't get out on the first stop, but second or third. Then you would catch a train heading somewhere else, but not buying a ticket. I also knew it had to be going somewhere warm."
"How did you know?"
"Well, you told me so."
"You believed anything I had said, after what I did to you?" she almost screamed at him.
"Not everything, mind you. But some of the things." he answered calmly. She shook her head. "Train to San Francisco was leaving from the second stop on your way ten minutes after your arrival. I knew once you got on it you would just hide somewhere and simply sleep."
"You do know me as well, I see." she admitted. He nodded confirming.
"Once I was here, I simply watched the busy train stations downtown each morning and afternoon. Around lunch time I walked around diners that I thought you might like. I spotted you today."
"That's ridiculous. You came here, not even knowing I would be here. Basing it on some conversation in which I was lying most of the time. And then you simply wandered through downtown San Francisco until you saw me. It's... bizarre to say the least."
"I would have found you sooner or later. Besides both San Francisco and looking for you downtown were ideas Dief confirmed as reasonable. He seems to have good intuition when it comes to you."
That she had to admit. And that also brought another subject "Ben, I know it's probably wrong of me to ask you this, but... were you ever able to... to forgive me?"
They walked in heavy silence for a good minute before he replied. "No. Not yet anyway." he finally admitted. "But I am trying." she hung her head thinking about it. "One day."
"There is no point in us apologizing to each other is there?" she asked but not waiting for his reply she said "I guess not. But I wanted to say it anyway. I am sorry... I am sorry for everything I did to you."
Fraser walked silently for some time. "Thank you." he said finally. "I am sorry I didn't let you go."
She smiled. It actually felt good. "Thank you."
They walked on in comfortable silence until they reached the place they entered the beach in. They went back to the apartment complex and stood in front of the entrance.
"So do you want to come up?" he shook his head "Caroline still has your Stetson..."
Ben smiled at that thought. "That's okay. Tell her... tell her she can keep it." he said and she saw a tear in his eye.
"Ben, she knows that Mat is not her real father. She knew that from the start. I mean I met him when she was eighteen months old. She knows that her real father is not with her. And that he is a Mountie, a policeman. And that he is a good man. She might actually figure out on her own that it's you. I am surprised she didn't do it yet."
"Victoria..." he looked at her. No. That didn't feel right. "Monica... I can't. I can't go up there, and tell her, or watch you tell her that I am her father and then just disappear." He looked at his shoes. "And you're married. It seems to me happily married." she nodded "And I would never want to destroy this for her, or for you. I love Francesca and Ray is to me like a brother. I can't throw it out just like that. And I can't just... I have to think. I have to think this through." he said finally gathering courage to look her in the eye.
"I understand." she said simply and then hesitated. "I am... I am willing to risk a bit to have you around her." she said quietly studying her feet carefully. "To have you come here sometimes, when I would be out of town. Or for you to take her to see Canada and maybe Alaska. I couldn't risk that, but it's my home and it's also where she... where she... well, if it wasn't for the snow blizzard there, she wouldn't be here. I... I would like to know she could count on you. If something ever happens to me." she looked at him "I think I could... trust you to play it right. Not to endanger me. I mean, if neither of your friends see me, I should be fine. And if they see you with her you could just say she is a daughter of your friend. I would somehow explain to Matthew."
"I have to think about what I want to do. With Francesca, with Caroline, with myself. I... I can't face her now."
"What should I tell her if she asks?"
"What can you tell her?" he shrugged his arms.
They sat in silence for a long time.
"Will you tell anyone?" she asked finally dreading an answer to this question.
"I don't know. Maybe my sister."
"You have a sister?" Monica asked surprised.
"Yes, I do. Well, half sister, really. My father used to warm himself in her mother's cabin so to say. I met her three years ago. She came to Chicago on the trail of her husband's killers."
Monica gave a small chuckle "I suppose that alone is a proof for the fact that you're related. Is she a Mountie too?" Ben nodded. She paused and added quietly "Can she be trusted?"
"Absolutely. I would trust her with my life without hesitation."
"That's not what I am asking Ben." she reminded him.
"She will understand. I know it's not easy on you, but we are each others only family. She would want to know her niece, you know."
"If you're sure about this... Just don't tell her where we live, please."
Ben nodded his agreement. "I will go now. Will you be moving in a near future?" she shook her head "I will let you know... I will let you know what happens." They got up and stood in awkward silence for a moment. Then Victoria (or was it Monica?) came up to him and gave him a kiss on a chick. Fraser didn't blush, didn't feel uncomfortable and didn't feel longing for her either. That's new he thought as he walked away with Diefenbaker at his leg.
Caroline was lying in her bed, covered, holding the Stetson in her hands. Monica came to give her a goodnight kiss. "Was this my dad?" she asked simply.
Always so direct. Monica thought. "Yes." she said simply. What else could she say?
"Will he come back to get his hat?" Caroline asked with hope in her voice.
"He said you can keep the hat."
Her daughter looked extremely disappointed. "So he won't come back?"
"Maybe. I hope so..." She kissed her forehead and turned off the bedside lamp.
