She could not allow her thoughts to drift. She maintained her vigilance. Even one slip and he would win. He would gain access to the secrets she had held onto for so many years.

So many, many years.

How long had it been now?

'No, don't dwell on it. It'll only distract you from the task at hand... or mind.' At least after all this time Revan had kept a sense of humor.

She didn't always go by Revan. The name held so many memories, good and bad. At one point she lost them all. After regaining some semblance of her former identity She struggled whether to again don the mantle, Revan. Eventually, it became more useful to be associated with power the name held. She once again introduced herself as Revan.

But there was a time, when that was not her name. And he never stuck with Revan.

He thought of her as someone else. She hoped she had not lost that part of herself after all this time. But she had felt that former shadow shrivel with time and un-use. Would he even recognize her anymore?

No, don't think about him, that will only bring up old emotions. 'There is no emotion, there is peace.'

She had clung to the old code, as a man drowning clung to pieces of debris. It really did not offer much buoyancy, but it was always just enough to keep treading. If nothing else, it required little mental power to recite the words over and over again. Enough to keep the Emperor at bay.

The Emperor did not like having those words pounded into his brain with fervor. It made him angry... and confused. She mentally flinched from the anger, knowing all too well what those feelings could bring out in her. But each flicker of doubt the Emperor felt, just like with everything, she did too. And she rejoiced.

He felt that too. Which often snapped him out of his confusion.

'Damn it, Revan. There is no ignorance there is knowledge. Stop getting distracted.'

There was a point where she argued against that Code. Specifically certain shades of gray associated with it. Such as love. Yes, love was an emotion. She herself had felt it. Strong enough to tear the galaxy apart for him. But that same love had saved her. From herself, from Revan. That love had saved the galaxy, not destroyed it. If she was being honest with herself. That love was what fueled her all these years. She had to protect him.

'Again, knock it off.' Don't give the Emperor any ammunition. One time, not so long ago, she had allowed her thoughts to reflect for far too long on an old friend. The Emperor plucked that out of her like a ripe fruit. He used it to his advantage. Projecting images of the friend in pain, suffering, dying even, to cause her to lose focus. She never did. But in her heart, she knew if that man, if you could call him that anymore; caught a glimpse of him, and used similar tactics... she would not survive.

She had to hold on.

For Carth's sake.