Pink, Flowery Angst II
A Collection of Emo One-shots
The Grim Reaper
Jack was welcomed with open arms into the small, rural community. He may have been from the city, but he soon fit in with everyone else. He tolerated the constant pestering from the small children. He chatted with the townspeople at the bar. He beat up the townspeople at the bar. He said he "like, totally loved" everyone at the bar.
Jack was quite fond of the bar. But no one knew why at first. Perhaps it was because the hot waitress was often too drunk to notice he hadn't bathed in weeks (in his defense, his farm had no bathroom), giving him a slight chance of getting a girlfriend.
Unfortunately, things weren't that simple.
Everyone had attributed his grandfather's death to old age, illness, or a leprechaun attack. But then Ellen, the elderly baker, had dropped dead just from talking to Jack. And then Rick was crushed under his latest invention, a blue feather counterfeiting machine. And Stu fell out of a hot air balloon.
He had the luck of the Grim Reaper.
But before he could angst, he suffered extreme denial. He tried searching his memories for one single lucky moment in his life. Nothing. Even in a parallel universe he was unfortunate, harassed constantly by some demon in a hat.
The farmer dashed out of his small hut. He repeatedly told himself, "It can't be true."
"Hi, Jack," greeted Harris, the local mailman. "Nice weath-uck!"
The older man grabbed his neck as if he was choking on something before falling into the dirt. Jack gasped. Good God, it's not even making sense anymore. His life had become a mere toy of an angst-obsessed maniac, it seemed.
He decided to be rational and shout, "EVERYTHING I TOUCH DIES!"
The sound waves struck the Harvest Sprites, blasting their weak bodies into the air.
Comments:
Rule of Angst Number One: Anyone who can die will.
And no, there is no real continuity between any of these one-shots. I'm just very amused at the thought of someone falling out of a hot air balloon.
