I haven't attempted to write Molly's thoughts in Cockney as it was taking so long to figure out how she would say it!
All rights belong to Tony Grounds and the BBC.
I'm not sure where the time has gone, it's already New Year and we've been in the FOB since the end of October. To say I was terrified and homesick back then is an understatement. I hated that time. I realise now that I must have made a fool of myself what with my big mouth and my stupid jokes. I think I over compensated due to my lack of confidence and shock at finally being deployed to a war zone. My mouth just kept engaging before my brain. Although the lads would laugh, I do wonder whether they thought I was just some silly little tart who was completely clueless. It didn't help that Smurf told everyone about our shag behind the Indian takeaway on basic training.
I think Captain James disliked me then too. He seemed to really resent the fact that he'd been training with the Under 5's for months and then I was dumped on him out of the blue. I know he's only doing his job and he has to get us all home safely, but Jesus, he can be so nasty at times and boy can he shout!
I don't know if it is a girl thing or not but he did seem to take great delight in humiliating me back then. I still cringe at the memories of those first few days at Bastion when I mistakenly went into the male quarters (or Stags as he called it), and that first PT session when I turned up in shorts and trainers and the rest of the lads were in full combat gear. He stared at me for what seemed like ages with a look of complete contempt before he came out with, "I suppose we ought to be grateful that you're not wearing your stilettoes." A smirk then appeared on his face as if to say, "Point to James! I wonder how many I can get before we even arrive at the FOB." When he turned away, I'm sure he was biting his lip to stop himself from laughing.
Well, he didn't need to wait long for his next point. That first PT session was absolutely gruelling. I really thought I was going to have a "Julius Seizure" and they'd have to get me a medic. Wearing full gear on a 10k run and to top it all, he shouted, "Sprint the last 50." They all sprinted off leaving me trailing behind gasping for air then he made Smurf hit the deck before yelling at me to tell him what I'd do if his leg had been blown off. I just froze, I couldn't even speak I was so out of breath. The others kept looking at me then back to the Boss, as if to say, "Is this a joke or what?" He sounded so vicious when he shouted, "I hope we don't have the only medic who can't stand the sight of blood."
I can't tell you how much will power it took for me to stop the tears from falling. It felt like I had pins sticking in my eyes at that precise moment. The last thing I wanted was to cry in from of him. If I had, I'm sure he would have put me on the first plane back to Brize Norton. To think when I first saw him at Brize when he walked out for our platoon photograph, all cock sure, oozing confidence and sporting that commanding pose with his hips thrust forward, I couldn't believe how good looking he was! Christ, looks can be deceiving!
I'm glad to say that things seem to have turned around in the last couple of months since we deployed to the FOB. In spite of the scorching heat, the endless dust (that always seems to blow in just as I've washed my hair) and the constant patrols around the village and the mountain CP, I can honestly say I am now enjoying my time here. Once I had proved myself by saving Smurfs life not long after we arrived, I feel a lot more at home. The lads respect for me as a medic really kicked in that day, considering they had sent me to Coventry for apparently, "Grassing" on Smurf.
I have a sense of purpose that I've never known before and I'm getting on great with the rest of the Section. I'm not sure how Smurf will react when he comes back. He probably still thinks no one likes me! I feel like the lads are an extension of my own very noisy and dysfunctional family. They have hearts of gold and I know I can rely on each and every one of them to take care of me. Thank god I am used to noise though, they never shut up and sometimes even I have to sneak off to the med tent just to have a bit of peace from their testosterone charged banter.
Recently, I've been sitting on top of the shitter at night to look at the stars. I've never seen stars like them at home. The sky is so black here, not like London where it never seems to get really dark. I just sit there quietly and read my letters from Mum and Bella and reflect on how much my life has changed since joining the army.
If I hadn't puked that night outside the army careers office, I wonder what I'd be doing now. I'd probably still have that awful bleached hair, wearing clothes that left little to the imagination and having the odd one night stand or a boyfriend who had no respect for me who'd sleep around behind my back. Don't get me wrong, I will still enjoy dressing up and wearing makeup when I get the chance but I realise now that I need to be a little more subtle. What's that expression, "Less is more?" I've even got a little stash of makeup hidden in the med tent. I put a lick of mascara on for our Christmas dinner as 2 Section weren't scheduled to do any patrols that day but no one noticed. Well if they did they didn't say. Anyway, it made me feel better!
Even Captain James seems to have accepted that I am worth keeping. When I got back from Bastion after going up in the MERT with Smurf the day he got shot, he actually praised me and said I was proving myself and turning into an excellent medic. I had to lie and say I didn't hear his order not to go up on the winch. I don't know if he believed me or not but I got away with it. I even got a smile from him. I felt like I could fly at that moment. I can't tell you how much it meant to me to finally have the reward I'd been so desperate for. I even surprised myself that day. When the shit hit the fan and I really had to step up to the plate, I did it without hesitation. All my training kicked in and I saved Smurf, not before I almost got blown up in a bloody mine field though. That little Welsh Wanker owes me big time!
The Boss hasn't shouted at me for ages, I seem to have turned a corner with him. He jokes with me and we have both relaxed enough to have a bit of banter. He seems to enjoy my rhyming slang and I delight in the look of utter confusion on his face when he is trying to work out what I have just said. He does say that I can talk the hind end off a donkey and sometimes, when I have been banging on and on about Bashira and the girls not going to school, he tells me to, "Shut the fuck up Dawes." He does say it with a smile though. I thinkā¦..
As a CO, he is so imposing. He has this permanent frown of concentration etched on his face when he is giving orders or leading an operational exercise and is always so professional. He doesn't take any shit but do you know what, we've all come to realise that he is a brilliant leader and would do anything for him. Don't get me wrong, he isn't all "Captain Stern Face," he's quite happy to arse around when the time is right and muck in when he has to. Not like some CO's who just sit on their arses and bark orders from the side lines. We trust him with our lives and we know he would do the same for us. That's how good a Captain he is. Do you think we've all got a serious case of hero worship!
Who'd have guessed that the Boss is my most regular patient at the moment with his blisters. I don't know what it is about his feet? No one else seems to suffer the way he does with his boots. He's in here more often than Mansfield Mike with his sun burnt ginger nut!
We've had some really lovely conversations when he comes in to have his blisters dressed. He asks me about my life at home, how I did at school (or not as the case may be), what my parents and brothers and sisters are like. He doesn't look down on me or judge me because I am not posh and well educated like him. He reckons that life is all luck; you can't choose who you are born to. He's always talking about Lady Luck looking down on us. I sure hope she is there when I need her.
I've started to see a different side to the Boss recently when we are on our own. When he relaxes, everything about him softens. He loses the frown and the lines on his forehead that go with it. His eyes lose that hard authoritative stare and they turn into pools of velvety liquid chocolate, just like the kind you see in chocolate fountains. His jaw seems less chiselled allowing his mouth to break into a dazzling smile showing off his (almost perfect) white teeth. His posture is less stiff and his voice takes on a soft and silky tone. He looks much younger like this and I feel quite amazed that he's allowed himself to become so comfortable with me. Not what I expected at all. I really like it though.
I haven't quite plucked up the courage yet to ask him questions about his life outside the army. I'm not sure if it's the done thing to ask your Captain personal questions. I can't work out whether he is married or if he has a partner. There's no wedding ring, he's never mentioned anyone and he doesn't seem to get a lot of post like the rest of us. I felt a bit sorry for him on Christmas day. He seemed a little lost. We'd finished our Dinner (we even had turkey and all the trimmings flown in from Bastion) and were all sitting around getting bored when Dangles said he'd get his keyboard out if anyone wanted to have a sing song. Dangles and I went to the Boss's tent to ask if he wanted to join us.
When he beckoned us to come in he was sitting on his bed reading a book. I had a sneaky look around and couldn't see much personal stuff like photos of a partner or kids. There was a ball of wrapping paper screwed up on his desk and a Christmas card. I said, "Present from home Sir?" and nodded towards his desk. He replied, "Oh, just a book from my mother (and waved the book he was reading in the air), and a few essentials. She seems to think we don't have showers here and is always sending me deodorant!" I replied, "Maybe you should start putting it on your feet and they wouldn't stink so much when you come in to have your blisters dressed, Sir." I'm sure his cheeks went a tiny bit pink. Could I have possibly made the great Captain James blush?! Maybe he isn't in a relationship after all if he's only getting cards and presents from his parents.
